Lost

Lost

Chapter Four

Hermione sat down for breakfast feeling pleasantly exhausted.  She had spent the last three nights working with Severus on the invisibility potion, and they were going to meet again in about an hour to work some more.  She poured some pumpkin juice smiling to herself.  She loved spending time in the dungeons, working on the potion.  Severus made surprisingly good company, and she felt that she was learning more from their experimentations than she was in all of her other classes combined.

It had been a rather good week, she reflected as she ate.  Besides her work with Severus she had been spending a lot of time with Sirius just hanging out and kicking back.  She really enjoyed his company as well, feeling closer to him than she did to Harry and Ron.  He defiantly brought out the fun side of her, and she needed that, especially to combat the stresses of working so hard on the potion.

It was funny, she thought, that the two people that she was closest to here were sworn enemies. 

She raised her eyes to look at Severus who was sitting at the Slytherin table immersed in a book.  She had become very close to him in the time they had spent together.  When they were alone, she found herself pouring her heart out, telling him things that she had never told anyone before.  He listened to everything she had to say with an objective ear.  He never coddled her, never smothered her with pity or sympathy.  He merely listened to her, taking in all she had to say.

It worked the other way too.  Severus had a harder time opening up, but little by little he was becoming comfortable telling her everything.  He wasn’t likely to start a conversation, but he would answer any question she asked with complete honesty.  Sometimes when she was talking he would get this look of awe on his face, as she described perfectly some emotion that he had never been able to get into words. 

It had gotten to the point between them where he let go of all his defenses around her.  Not that he turned into a fluffy bunny, not by any means.  He was still intense and sullen, and extremely sarcastic about other people.  Hermione didn’t mind this; in fact, she had become rather taken with his personality.  It was immensely refreshing to be in the presence of someone so brutally honest.  She never doubted what he said, never wondered what his motives were.  If she wanted to know anything, all she needed to do was ask, and he would tell her.  It was very different from her Gryffindor friends, all of whom kept her guessing.

“What are you thinking about?”  Sirius’ voice drew her out of her reverie.  She looked up at him and smiled.  He always seemed to know when she was slipping to deep into her thoughts.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”  She answered slyly, moving over a bit so that he could sit beside her. 

“Yeah, that’s why I asked.”  He laughed, sitting down and filling his plate with food.

She shook her head and took another piece of toast.  “Well, I’m not telling you.”  She said, smiling as he stuck out his bottom lip in a mock pout.  “Are you going to tell me what you guys were up to last night?  I know you didn’t get back to the common room till way past midnight:time>.”

He winked at her, reaching into his robes.  “We were just out raising hell.”  He grinned and placed a small Honeydukes bag in front of her.  “I got you something.”

She looked at the bag suspiciously, opening it with caution.  A smile crossed her face as she pulled out a new sugar quill.  “Thanks Sirius.  I wanted a new one of these.”  She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek, causing him to go red.

“Glad you like it.”  He shifted in his seat a bit, and cleared his throat.  “Actually Mya, there was something I wanted to ask you.”

She cocked her head to one side, wondering what he could want to ask her that would get him this flustered.  “Of course, what is it?”

He grinned, blushing deeper, and said quickly, “Well, I was wondering, you know the Halloween Ball is next week, and I know you aren’t going with anyone, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go with me.”

Hermione threw her arms around his neck, grinning.  “I’d love to, Sirius!  Thank you for asking me.”

He beamed at her as she dropped her arms.  “It’ll be perfect.”

She gave him a last grin before standing up.  “Well, I have some work to do, but I’ll see you later today, alright?”

He nodded and turned to James, who had just sat down.  Hermione made her way out of the Great Hall, pausing once to catch Severus’ eye.  He gave her the faintest hint of a smile and held up one finger, meaning that they should meet in an hour.  Hermione nodded and smiled back at him.  They were getting closer to completing the potion, and she couldn’t wait to finish.

She headed up to Gryffindor tower to get a quick shower in before she met Severus. 

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Severus lit a fire and sank back into the small couch.  He wasn’t supposed to meet Hermione for another half hour, but he found that he couldn’t bear to sit in the Great Hall any longer.

Severus had never been a social person, there was no doubt about that, but lately he was slipping farther and farther into solitude.  He detested most of the other students in the school.  He found that he had no tolerance for their lack of intelligence and ambition.  He could tolerate his fellow Slytherins more than he could the rest of the school, but in truth he did not care for them either.  He found their desire for power to be laughable.  Few of them had the ability to achieve any sort of magical superiority short of using the deepest Dark Magic available.  Not that they weren’t up to that challenge.

The Dark Arts were rampant in Slytherin house,it seemed that every student had some connection to it.  That included Severus.  He was interested in the Dark Arts not for the power it promised the weak, but simply on an intellectual and scholastic level.  To him it was just more information to be taken in, more knowledge to possess.  He had never practiced any of the Dark Arts, for the simple fact that he knew he would be expelled if it was discovered.  He didn’t mind this, though, as he found there was more than enough to learn using light magics.

He rolled his head over his shoulders.  His seeming indifference to the Dark Arts allowed him to remain inconspicuous in Slytherin.  As long as he didn’t speak out against it, no one minded if he didn’t practice it.  That worked well for Severus.  He was enough like them to so as not to be seen as a threat, different enough to be left alone.  That was the way he liked it.

He had become much more solitary in the past few years.  He found that he preferred the company of books rather than people.  Of course, that didn’t include her.

Hermione Granger.  She was something completely unexpected.  She had come into his life in literally an instant, suddenly appearing out of nowhere as he walked through the dungeons.  Since then, she had never completely left his thoughts.  Ever since she had spoken to him in the infirmary, calling him Professor, she had invaded his mind.  There was something different about her, something he couldn’t quite place. 

He smiled at the thought of her.  Mya… he rolled her nickname around in his mind.  She was amazing.  Never had he met another person with the same passion for magic, the same thirst for knowledge.  He relished every moment they spent together, working on the potion, or just sitting and talking.  He watched her during classes, studied the way she moved, the way she thought.  Everything about her pulled at his senses, leaving him open and bare.  He smiled a bit wider, and absent mindedly raised his fingers to the place where she had kissed him on the cheek.

“What are you thinking about?”  He looked up to see her standing a few feet away from him.  He had been so lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t even heard her enter.

“You,” He answered simply, not wishing to lie to her.

She took a seat next to him, “Oh, good things, I hope.” 

He nodded, “Of course.”  She smiled at him, and he felt his heart start to race.  Trying to gain control, he stood up and wandered to the table where their potion lay simmering over a small fire.  “It will be ready by next week, if we get this last part right.”

She walked over to him and inspected the potion closely.  “It’s going to take all day… we have to make sure the potion doesn’t stop boiling for at least five hours, once we add the powered unicorn horn.”  She looked up at him, “If you don’t want to be cooped up in here all day, I don’t mind watching it.”

“No, I’d rather be in here.”  He said, looking through a few bottles that lay on the table, trying to avoid looking her in the eye.

“Me too,” she said softly.  He looked up at her in mild surprise.

“Really?”  She nodded.  “Is there trouble in paradise?  I would think that you’d rather be with your loyal lap dog.”

She grinned to herself, he didn’t know how true that comment was.  “It’s not that,” she answered him after a minute, “I just like spending time with you, and since this is the only time to do it…”  She shrugged.

He looked up at her with wide eyes.  “You like spending time with me?”

She rolled her eyes, and punched him on the shoulder.  “Are you just figuring that out?  Why else do you think I spend so much time down in this dungeon?”  He just shrugged, eliciting a laugh from her.  “Sev, you are amazing.”

They went to work carefully adding the powered unicorn horn.  It was a difficult step, as they had to make sure that the potion kept boiling the whole time, and the powered horn made the temperature drop.  They worked in silence adding the horn, stirring the mixture, and keeping tabs of the temperature.  Finally after an hour of diligent work they flopped onto the couch.

“Now all we have to do is make sure that it keeps boiling.”  Hermione pulled her hair out of the bun she had placed it in while working.  She noticed that Severus was staring at her, and she looked at him questioningly, “What?”

He shook his head, though not lowering his eyes from her.  “Nothing.”

She smiled, “You’re a strange guy, you know that Sev?”  She transfigured a footstool and propped her feet up.  “Are you going to the Halloween Ball?”  She asked, not noticing as he flinched.

“I wasn’t planning on it.”  His lips curled into a sneer.  “I have no time for such… frivolity.”

She opened her eyes and looked at him.  “It’s just to have fun,you might want to try that sometime.”

He scoffed.  “It isn’t my idea of fun.  I have no desire to play dress up.”

She shrugged.  “I think it’s fun.  It’s getting to pretend for one night that you are someone else.”

He looked at her seriously.  “That is what I don’t understand.  Why you would want to be another person, even just pretending?  Is it that on some levelyou wish you weren’t who you are?”

She shook her head.  “You’re reading too much into this, Sev.  It’s just a holiday.”

“What are you going as?”  He asked, watching her reactions closely.

“I’m going as Athena… the Greek Goddess.”  She blushed a little at this.

He sighed a bit dramatically.  “How Gryffindor of you.”  She gave him a little glare and he laughed.  “Sorry.”

She afforded him a small smile.  “You look way to far into things, Sev.  It’s just Halloween.  I’m perfectly happy with the way I am.”

He nodded.  “Well, I’m still not going.”

She pursed her lips together.  “That’s too bad… ‘CauseI was going to ask you to save me a dance.”

A bit of red painted his cheek, but he answered with his usual sarcasm.  “I’m sure Black would be thrilled to hand you over to me.”

She shrugged.  “It isn’t his decision to make.”

“He acts like it is.”  He said unable to keep the spite out of his voice.  “Bloody idiot… I don’t see why you’re friends with him, Mya.”  She glanced at him, and he threw his hands up in the air.  “I know… I know… he’s your best friend and I shouldn’t talk about him like that. I’m sorry.”

There was silence in the room for a few minutes.  Severus looked away from Hermione, an unreadable look on his face.  She looked at him for a minute, before laying down on the couch, resting her head in his lap.  He looked down at her, startled, but couldn’t find a thing to say.

“Don’t laugh at me Sev… but you’re my best friend.”  She shut her eyes, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, telling him that.

He reached out and stroked her hair softly.  “And you’re mine.”

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“Where are they?”  Sirius looked impatiently at his pocket watch.  He and James had been waiting in the common room for almost an hour, waiting for the girls to be ready.  The Ball started in about ten minutes, and the boys’ hopes for being on time were swiftly going out the window. 

“All their wearing is a toga… how long can it possibly take them?”  James placed his sandal clad feet up on the end of the couch, shutting his eyes.  The boys were dressed as Gods to go with the girls, and it had taken them all of two minutes to get ready. 

Sirius rolled his head on his shoulders.  “I don’t know, but I am tempted to just go up there and…”

He was cut off by Hermione’s voice, “And what, Sirius?”

The two boys jumped and stood to face the girls who were walking down the stairs.  They were dressed identically in long white togas with golden tassels.  The reason for their delay became obvious as they looked at Hermione.  Her hair had gone from long and frizzy to short ringlets.  Lily looked at the boys and beamed.  “She wasn’t going to let me cut it… but I persuaded her.  Don’t you love it?”

Hermione blushed a deep red.  “You didn’t persuade me, Lil… you ambushed me with a pair of scissors.”

Sirius walked over to her and took her hand.  “You look great, Mya.”  She smiled at him and they walked towards the portrait hole.

The quartet made their way to the Great Hall with the girls in the lead, giggling madly.  They walked in, jaws dropping to the floor at the sight of the room.  There were Jack-o-Lanterns floating all over the place.  Mist hung around the room, mixing with the candlelight, creating the impression that the room went on forever.  There were couples all over the floor, dancing to music that seemed to come from invisible speakers surrounding the room.  There were many small round tables around the perimeter covered in delicious foods and floating candles.

Hermione pulled on Sirius’ hand.  “Come on, let’s go dance.”

They made their way onto the dance floor, putting their arms around each other and swaying to the music.  Sirius was slowly rubbing her back, holding her as close as he could.  Hermione liked the feeling… but part of her was distracted.  She couldn’t get Severus out of her head. 

After the song ended they made their way to one of the tables where Peter and Remus sat laughing over a butterbeer.  “Hey guys.”  Hermione said, sitting down next to Remus.  He smiled at her and conjured her a butterbeer. 

“I like your hair, Mya.”  He said, giving her curls a friendly muss.

She grinned.  “Lily attacked me with scissors.  There was nothing I could do.”

As she said this, Lily and James returned to the table.  “Complain all you want…”  Lily said, sitting down across from Hermione.  “You know you love it.”

James sat down next to Lily and turned to the other guys.  “Hey… Kevin Blair, from Ravenclaw, came as a Quidditch player, and you won’t believe what he brought with him… a new Shooting Star!”

The guys’ jaws all dropped and they all jumped up, eager to see this new broom.

“Do you mind, Mya?”  Sirius asked Hermione, obviously itching to get across the room.  She laughed.

“Go ahead, it’ll give Lily and I time for some girl talk.”  Sirius gave her a kiss on the cheek then bolted towards the Ravenclaw prefect, who now had a small army of boys gathered around him.  Hermione glanced at Lily and they both burst into laughter.

Lily got up and moved next to Hermione, who was scanning the crowd.  “Who are you looking for?”  She asked, a mischievous glint in her eye. 

Hermione tried to be nonchalant, “Oh, I just wanted to see if Severus decided to show up or not.”

Lily knew about the potions sessions the two were conducting, and had faithfully kept the secret from the Gryffindor boys.  She thought it was good for Severus to be spending time with Hermione, and she didn’t want to see him beaten up because of it.  “He told me he wasn’t going to show.”  She said, taking a sip of butterbeer.  “You know how he hates this kind of stuff.”

Hermione nodded.  “I know, I was just hoping…”  She trailed off and shrugged.  Turning to Lily, she bit her lip.  “I just worry about him, Lils.  He is alone all the time.  It isn’t good for him.”

“I know.  I worry about him too.”  She paused, trying her best to frame the next statement in a casual way.  “You ought to go visit him, after the dance.  I  bet he’d like that.”

Hermione looked up at her friend.  “He said he wanted to be left alone.”  She paused.  “I’ll see him after the dance.”

Lily grinned.  “Good.  Now, since this is a dance, and our men have left us hanging,” she stood up and graciously offered her hand to Hermione, “I would love to have this dance!”

Hermione smiled and the two girls made their way out to the dance floor.  After a while, Sirius and James came back tearing their dates away from each other.  Hermione and Sirius spent the next couple of hours dancing and laughing, definitely feeling as if the rest of the room wasn’t there at all.

Towards the end of the dance, Sirius grabbed Hermione’s hand and pulled her out of the Great Hall.  They walked along the corridors of the castle in silence, butterflies dancing in both of their stomachs.  Finally Sirius stopped and looked into Hermione’s eyes.  She could feel her heart begin to beat quickly, and she took in a deep breath.

Sirius licked his lips, and ran his fingers through her hair.  They leaned forward towards each other, slowly, like a scene from a movie.  It seemed to take hours, but finally their lips met.  They kissed each other deeply, pulled in as close to the other as they could be.  After a minute they broke apart.

They looked at each other and blushed.  ‘Oh God.’  Hermione thought, trying to keep a smile on her face.  ‘That was awful.’  She distinctly felt as if she had been kissing her brother, not the kind of feelings that you want.  She looked up at him, and registered the awkwardness on his face.  Clearly, he felt the same way.

“So…” she started lamely, searching for a way to explain the situation.

“Yeah…”  He trailed off nodding to himself.  After a minute he chanced a smile.  “It was bad for me, was it bad for you?”

She broke out into a furious round of giggles.  “Yes!  Oh, Sirius, I’m sorry.”

He laughed too.  “Me too.  Friends?” 

She leaned over and gave him a hug.  “Yeah.”

They looked at each other for a minute before completely giving in to laughter.  Sirius put his arm around her and they made their way back to the Great Hall.  “Oh well, want another dance anyway?”

Hermione shook her head.  “No, I think I am just going to turn in.  I’m tired.”

He nodded and gave her a hug goodnight.  She watched him until he disappeared into the crowd before she turned and walked away.  She had known, before, that there really wasn’t anything between her and Sirius.  Sure, she loved being around him, and they had great fun together… but he wasn’t who she thought about before she went to sleep.  No, another boy held that title, and she was on her way to see him.

She made her way to the dungeons wondering if he would be there.  She felt as if a huge rock had settled in her stomach but she continued on.  When she reached the door she paused, running her hands over her toga.  ‘This is stupid.’  She thought, as she adjusted her hair.  ‘It’s only Severus.’  She pushed open the door with a smile on her face.

“Hey Sev, I…”  She trailed off as she saw that the room was empty.  “Oh.  I should have known he wouldn’t be here.”  She said softly.  She walked over to the cauldron looking at the softly simmering liquid.  It was ready to test, but she wanted to wait for him.  With a sigh she walked back out of the door and to Gryffindor tower.

“Ichabod Crane.”  She said to the Fat Lady, who was getting tipsy with her friend Violet.  The portrait swung open and she climbed inside.  The common room was empty, as the rest of the students were still at the dance, and she decided to just go straight to her room.  She opened the door and entered the room, looking over her shoulder with a frown.  ‘I could have sworn I heard someone behind me.’  She thought, shutting the door with a little shiver.  She went to sit by the window, looking out at the stars.  She felt strangely unfulfilled.  Her mind kept wandering to him… she wondered where he was.

She sighed and looked at her favorite constellation, Orion.  It was Severus’ favorite too… just another thing they had in common.  “Severus.”  She whispered, placing a hand over the glass.

“Yes?”  A voice whispered into her ear.  She jumped up, and looked around the room, but there was no one there.

                                                                                                                                                                                          

“I’m going crazy.”  She whispered, sitting back down at the window nervously.  She turned back to the night sky when she felt someone run their fingers through her hair.  Giving a little scream she jumped up again, backing away from the window.  “Who’s there?”  She asked, fear rising in her voice.

“Sirius?  Is that you?  Take off the cloak, it really isn’t funny.”  She swirled around, trying to see where he could be.  A pair of unseen arms wrapped around her waist, and she could feel someone’s breath against her neck.

“Guess again.”  The voice whispered again into her ear, so low and smooth it made her melt.  She recognized the voice… but in her astonishment at the situation, she couldn’t place it.

“I… I don’t know.”  She said, turning her face so that it faced the direction she guessed the voice was coming from.

“Yes you do.”  The voice was closer now, grazing against her skin.

“Severus.”  She said, hoping against hope that it was him who stood behind her.  She felt him pull away, moving to stand in front of her.  She felt a hand trace the lines of her cheek and she swallowed hard.  “Severus…”  She said again, whispering, pleading with him to answer.

She could feel his breath against her lips and she closed her eyes.  His fingers traced over her closed eyelids, and she reached up to touch his hand.  “Open your eyes.”  His voice washed against her and she slowly lifted her eyes to see him standing in front of her, inches away and breathing deeply.

“How… how did you…”  She trailed off, unable to speak with him standing that close to her.

“The potion… it works, obviously.  I followed you up here.”  He snaked his arm around her waist, never taking his eyes off of hers.

Her lips parted, but no words came out.  She was at a total loss, she felt as if she were sinking into his eyes, getting lost and tangled in them.  He reached his other hand out, his fingers lightly running through her hair.  “I didn’t plan this.”  He said, pulling her closer.  “I was just going to scare you… but when I saw you by the window… I had to touch you.”

She shivered as he leaned his head over and whispered, “I want you.” She sighed, even though his lips trembled against her ear he seemed far, far away.

“Severus.”  Was all she could manage before he pressed his lips against hers with a passion like she had never felt before.

His lips fit perfectly over her own, as if they were made for each other.  He licked her bottom lip slowly and she sighed, letting his tongue into her mouth.  They explored each other, barely breathing, each feeling as if they were drowning in the sensations.  He ran his hands along her body, letting his fingers learn her every curve.  She had her fingers entwined in his hair, running up and down the length of his neck.

He pulled away from her for one breathless moment.  They looked into each others eyes, seeing their desired mirrored back at them.  With a graceful movement he picked her up and carried her to the bed, placing her gently down on the white comforter.  He pulled his eyes away from her for one tortured moment to cast a locking spell on the door. 

He turned back to her marveling at her figure laying before him.  She reached up to stroke his face gently.  He took her hand and slowly kissed every finger.  “Severus.”  She whispered again… it was the only thing she seemed to be able to say.  He looked at her for a moment before closing the space between them and kissing her again.

She could feel the weight of him pressing against her body, and she pulled him closer, wanting more.  She needed to feel him against every inch of her.  She reached out and unclasped his robes, wanting to feel his flesh… needing that closeness.

Soon he was almost naked against her, and she thrilled at the feel of his skin under her fingertips.  He seemed to be wantingthe same thing, as her toga was soon slipped off of her body.  They explored each other with their hands and eyes, not wanting to break the contact.  Their breathing became labored, and they both knew where things were heading.

“Severus… I can’t.”  She could barely manage the sentence, her body was rebelling against her mind, trying to overthrow her decision. 

He nodded.  “I know.  Not tonight.”  He said, forcing his hands away from her body.  He started to rise, but she pulled him back.

“Stay.”  She licked her lips, wondering how he thought she would be able to get through the night without him.  “Stay with me tonight, please.”

He looked as if she had handed him the world on a platter.  “Are you sure?”  He asked, barely daring to believe what she had said.

“Yes, please stay.”  She said, and he nodded in delight.  They moved to get under the covers of the bed, flicking off the light and lying in the starlight.  They lay entwined in each others arms, neither daring to let go. 

He rubbed her stomach lightly feeling sparks as his fingertips touched her skin.  She placed her hand over his.  Her mind was astonishingly clear.  There was no doubt, no fear… it felt so right to be near him, she praised the gods that he had reached out to touch her.  Another thought crossed her mind, almost brining tears to her eyes.  Never in her life, not even when she had been in her own time, had she felt so at home, so right.  She belonged in his arms, she knew that with every fiber of her soul.

She felt his lips against her neck, and she sighed, shutting her eyes.  “You’re divine.” 

He pulled her close and whispered softly, “You’re mine.”

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