Lost

Lost

Chapter Three

Sirius and Hermione walked out of their Herbology class covered in dirt and laughing hysterically. "I can't believe that you did that, Sirius!" Hermione said, tears forming at her eyes. "That was absolutely horrible."

Sirius grinned. "It's not my fault that someone replaced my mandrake seeds with fireworks." Hermione gave him a look and he rolled his eyes. "Okay, maybe it was my fault... but you have to admit it was funny."

She flicked a clump of dirt off of his shoulder. "It was really funny. I thought Professor Blossom was going to cry." She sobered for a moment. "Seriously though, you might want to think of toning down your pranks for a while... you are going to get into trouble."

He snorted. "Tone down my pranks, sure Mya. Trouble is what I live for! Life here would be completely boring without it."

She shook her head and walked into the castle. "Right, Sirius. Whatever you say."

They made their way to Gryffindor tower, leaving a trail of dirt behind them. Hermione looked over her robes in mild disgust. "I've going to have to take a bath now," she said, trying to brush some of the dust off. "It's all your fault."

Sirius shrugged. "I stand by my actions. Besides..." He looked slyly at her, "you needed a shower anyway! Pee-u!"

"You little..." she shouted, chasing him down the corridor. "Come back here!"

"You'll never catch me alive!" he yelled, throwing himself past a group of first years and into the portrait hole. She followed him in, and proceeded to chase him around the common room. They managed to nock over two chairs and a trio of third year girls before they fell to the floor in a heap.

"Get off of me you great git," she said, shoving him off of her. He grinned, and rolled over, allowing her to stand up. "I'm going to go take a long bath." She pinched her nose, "I think you ought to do the same."

He stood up, smelled himself, then made a face. "I think you're right. Hey... meet me down here for dinner, huh?" he asked, as she made her way up to the dorms.

"Sure. I'd like that," she said. "Just give me an hour or so." He nodded, and she walked into her dorm, the smile staying on her lips. She had so much fun with Sirius.

She poked her head into Lily's room, "Hey Lils, do you mind if I use your bathroom?" she asked. Being Head Girl Lily got her own bathroom that was much nicer than the ones Hermione had to use. Lily looked up from the Muggle magazine she was reading and nodded her head. "Sure Mya. Password's Scooby Doo."

Hermione laughed. It was nice to have another Muggle-born around. "Thanks Lil," she said before closing the door and making her way to the portrait of a mermaid that guarded the bath.

She gave the password and stepped inside, feeling relaxed already. The room was painted in soft pink hues and the air was always warm and inviting. She slipped out of her dirty robes and filled the giant tub up with pearly white bubbles that smelled of vanilla and honey. She stepped into the shower first, to get all of the dirt off, and then she sank into the tub.

For a while, she just lay there floating and feeling like she was lying on a cloud, her mind blissfully clear of all thoughts. After a while, though, her mind slid back into focus, and she was plagued with the thoughts she had been trying to avoid for days.

There was Sirius, for one. She wasn't sure what was going on there. She had been spending practically all of her free time with him, and it had been great. There was something about his personality that brought out an entirely new side of her. Normally she wasn't one to chase people round the common room, play pranks in class, or be too touchy feely, but around Sirius all of her old habits seemed to change. Around him, she was able to forget all of the things that were going on around her. She forgot that she was lost in time, alone and frightened. He made her feel like a normal seventh year girl. He brought out the fun side of her, the side she rarely let out, but loved. They had such a great time together... it should be perfect... but it wasn't.

There was someone on the very opposite of the spectrum. There was Severus.

While being around Sirius made her feel like there was nothing else in the world, being with Severus made her aware of everything. Every thought, every sound, every sensation felt like she experiencing it for the first time, when she was with him. Things became brighter, the world became bigger... everything expanded. When she talked with him, she opened up parts of her mind that she didn't know existed. A simple question from him had her thinking in abstract ways, trying to match his intelligence and hunger for knowledge. The way he looked at her... it was like she was actually being seen, not just as a face, but as a whole person. When he looked at her he saw her thoughts and her feelings as well as what was outside. It was like being naked to the world, and surprisingly she found that she liked the feeling.

Whatever her confusion, it didn't help that the two hated each other.

She dunked her head under the warm water, and blew a few bubbled to break on the surface. These were, of course, her superficial thoughts, the easy questions to be answered. No, there were much more insidious things troubling her.

She was coming to terms with the fact that she was stuck here. She had talked to Dumbledore and McGonagall several times, and neither had any idea as how to send her back. She fought the feelings of loss at the thought of not seeing her parents for years to come, for surely they would not believe now that she was their daughter that had not been born, and she mourned for the loss of her friends. Still, she was finding her way here, fitting in with the Gryffindors and finding that she loved McGonagall like a second mother. She wasn't worried about her present, at least this aspect of it, she was more worried about the future.

She knew the fates of all of the people around her. She knew what was coming. As much as she wanted to run to Lily and James, make them swear not to trust Peter, to tell Dumbledore all about Voldemort, she knew the rules of time travel. Due to paradox, it didn't matter what she did or who she told, things would unfold the way she remembered them. There was no changing time. She had decided with Dumbledore that it was better for her to remain silent with her knowledge.

It occurred to her now that while she was sure of her friends' futures, she was very unsure of her own. It seemed strange to her that she had talked with Dumbledore, Severus, Remus, Sirius, and McGonagall many times, but none of them had ever mentioned her journey into the past. She knew it was the same principal that she was following. No matter what they told her, it would happen anyway, so it was best not to worry her with knowing. Still, it made her wonder how her life turned out.

In her past... their future... all except for one seemed to like her. It had been obvious that McGonagall favored her among all of the others in her year, and Remus and Sirius had never been anything but wonderful to her. She rested a little easier at that. Surely that meant that they were still friends in the future, or at least that they never had a falling out of any kind.

Again, Severus stood on the opposite end of the spectrum. He hated her in the future. She could not remember one even remotely kind thing that he had said to her in her entire time at Hogwarts. She thought to what he had said earlier, about not understanding how someone could hate her, what could have possibly happened in the coming years that would change his mind? She knew that he was to become a Death Eater, and not that far into the future. She wondered with dread if she could possibly have something to do with that.

Hermione sighed, and dunked her head under the water again, trying to cleanse the thoughts from her mind. It was more than a burden, knowing the future like she did, and it gave her a definite headache to think about it for too long.

With another small sigh, she pulled herself out of the bubbly water. Judging from the wrinkles on her fingers and toes, she had been in the water far too long for her own good. She walked lightly across the cool tiles and picked up a fluffy pink robe. Lily was lucky, having all this just for her. 'Of course, she will be dead within three years.' The thought came in uninvited, and Hermione quickly shook it out. She would never get through this if she thought like that.

She went to retrieve her dirty robes, and she found that they were now crisp and clean, work of house elves, no doubt. She gathered them up and headed back to her dorm to change for dinner, feeling cleansed of her thoughts, at least for a while.

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Sirius was grinning from ear to ear as he walked into the Great Hall with Hermione on his arm. She was going on about something... potions or charms... but he wasn't really paying attention. He just liked the feeling of having her next to him, being able to smell the soap lingering on her hair. He noticed that there were many eyes on them as they sat down. Ever since her mysterious arrival she had been quite the topic of conversation, all and all the perfect person to have beside him.

He glanced at the Slytherin table and saw that Severus was staring at them with a decidedly nasty look in his eye. 'It doesn't hurt that this infuriates Snape.' He thought, leaning in closer to Hermione just to watch Snape's lip curl in anger. He turned back to Hermione, who was looking at him expectantly.

"Well?" she asked, "What do you think? Should I do it?"

He smiled at her. "Sounds great," he said, wondering vaguely what she had been talking about.

"I'm glad you think so." She took a sip of her pumpkin juice, a pause long enough for him to take over the conversation.

"I'm so pumped about the Quidditch match next week," he said, waiving to a Hufflepuff sixth year who was crossing the Great Hall. "It's against Ravenclaw... we're just going to slaughter them."

"Sounds fun, Lily and I will definitely be there to cheer you guys on," Hermione said, her smile wavering slightly. Did boys ever tire of talking about Quidditch?

'Guess not,' she thought, as he went on into details about the other players' team. Hermione smiled and nodded in all the right places, but she was more than relieved when Lily and James came into the hall, sitting across from her and Sirius.

"Hey Mya," Lily said, sitting down and filling her plate with food. "How did you enjoy your bath?"

Hermione smiled, "It was wonderful, thank you. I wish I were Head Girl again."

Lily tilted her head, "Oh yeah, I forgot that you were Head Girl at... Sunnydale, right?"

"Yeah..." she trailed off, moving her peas around her plate in little circles.

Lily noticed her friend's mood slip, and she decided not to let her wallow in it. "So Mya, have you thought about the Halloween Ball at all? It's only two weeks away, and we haven't figured out costumes yet."

Hermione brightened at this, "No, I don't know what I want to be yet. I was thinking maybe some famous heroine from literature... maybe Shakespeare or something."

Lily nodded, clapping her hands a little bit. "Ooh, we can go as Hermia and Helena from a Midsummer Night's Dream!"

"Yeah... or Greek Goddesses! We could wear long white togas with gold wreaths..." Hermione leaned in to her friend, enjoying the empty conversation.

"Oh, that's perfect Mya! Can I be Aphrodite?" Lily looked absolutely thrilled with the idea of being the Goddess of Love.

Hermione laughed, "Of course, and I'll be Athena!" 'Who better than the Goddess of Wisdom', she thought.

Lily leaned back a bit and took a sip of her pumpkin juice. "It's perfect, we can get our costumes tomorrow at Hogsmeade."

Hermione bit her lip. She was supposed to meet Severus tomorrow, and there was no way that she was going to miss it. "Actually, I wasn't going to go to Hogsmeade tomorrow," she said, trying to be nonchalant.

At this, Sirius broke out of his conversation with James, looking as if he had been scandalized. "What do you mean you aren't going to go? You have to come, it's Hogsmeade!"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know... I just got all those ingredients, and there are tons of potions I want to work on. Besides," she said, trying desperately hard not to look any of them in the eye, "I kinda wanted the day to myself."

Lily looked at her with a bit of a realization dawning over her. She gave Hermione a little wink, then said, "That's fine, Mya. I think you need a day off anyway. I'll be happy to pick up your costume for you. You just have to tell me all about your... potions... when I get back."

Hermione threw her a look, and bit extra hard into a carrot. "Thanks Lils."

"Well," said Sirius, throwing down his napkin, "since you aren't coming tomorrow, that means you have to spend some more time with me tonight." He took her hand and drew her up from the table. "Come, fair maiden... our castle awaits!"

"Help!" Hermione whispered with a laugh as Sirius pulled her up from the table.

James gave her a wicked grin, "You're on your own, kiddo. Good luck... you'll need it."

"Thanks," she said dryly as she followed Sirius away from the table. Suddenly she felt eyes on her back... Severus. She knew it was him before she even turned around. She tried not to look, but she had to. As she left the hall she turned towards Slytherin table to look straight into his eyes. She gave him a weak smile, which he returned, happy that while she was leaving with Sirius, she was watching him.

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Hermione walked slowly towards the library on Saturday morning. She knew she was early, but for some reason to her, it was important that she be there before Severus arrived. He unsettled her... if she walked in to face him... it would like be walking into a game. She wanted this to be on her terms... as much as she could manage.

"You're early," his voice broke through her thoughts. He was sitting at the front table, book open in front of him as if he had been there forever.

'Damn,' she thought to herself before answering, "You're early, too," then cursing herself for stating the obvious.

He simply smiled at her and stood up, shrinking the book he was reading and placing it in his pocket. "Shall we?" he asked, walking up to pass her on the way to the door.

They walked in comfortable silence down into the dungeons. Luckily they didn't pass any stray Slytherins in the hallway. Finally when they had just passed the potions classroom, Severus stopped at what seemed to be an empty wall. She looked at him, confused. He smiled.

"See, here at Hogwarts, things aren't exactly what they seem. Sometimes walls pretend to be doors and..." he tapped his wand to the wall, which shuddered and swung open, "sometimes doors pretend to be walls."

She followed him inside, staring in wonder at the little room as he shut the door tightly behind them. The room had no windows, but it was lit with many bright candles that hung all over the walls. There was a large armchair by a fireplace, and large lab table to the side. There were also cabinets and shelves, but they were empty. She wondered how the room could be abandoned; it looked so well kept up.

He seemed to read her mind. "The house elves are surprisingly discreet and eager to please. I mentioned this room to one of them in my first year, and it has been kept up ever since." He walked around the room lovingly. "Why don't we get started?"

"Sure," she said, moving towards the chair. She looked at it for a second before pointing her wand and saying a few words. Instantly the chair turned into a small couch. She looked up at him and smiled. "I figured we'd both want to sit down."

He nodded and took a seat. She sat down beside him and pulled out her shrunken copy of the book. Once she enlarged it she placed it over her lap. "What kind of potion should we look for? There are hundreds in here, I think we ought to narrow it down first."

He nodded. "Well, let's make one that we can test. Something useful, I mean. It would be pointless to brew something we had no use for."

"That makes sense," she said, flipping through a few pages.

They looked through several chapters of the book, pointing out various potions, and finding various reasons why they shouldn't use them as their first attempt. Severus seemed keen on making a Polyjuice potion, but Hermione refused. "I don't think I'll ever be able to do that one again," she said, with a little shake, "The pain of being a cat is still too fresh in my mind."

An hour and a half later the book lay forgotten on the floor, and the two were sitting deep in argument over various potion theories.

"You shouldn't add a wand into it at all," Severus said, with disdain. "It's the purity of the ingredients... the sheer raw natural magic that gives a potion its power. Adding wand magic is adding magic that's impure."

Hermione shook her head, and pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ears. "I understand what you're saying about the natural magic of the ingredients... but you can't underestimate the power of human magic. Power from wands can lend a powerful magic to potions because human magic is so remarkable. It is natural magic mixed with consciousness. It's the act of infusing the potion with your power... it's giving the potion life!"

He looked at her and shook his head. "That's very Gryffindor of you, the nobility of the spirit adding to the power, but your theory is flawed because people are flawed. When you add consciousness to a potion you also add intention. The potion isn't pure anymore. A powerful potion just exists as it's self, it can be used for things, but the main thing is that it just exists... when you add intention it exists for a reason and that adds impurity."

She thought about this for a second. He had a point. "Alright... I can agree that when most people make a potion and they use their wands, it can add impure elements into the mix. Still... there are people who understand the potion. They want to make it not for some higher purpose, but because they love it, because they want it to exist. True potions masters become one with the potions... their magic and the natural magic combined. It may be rare, but when you find someone who is passionate about magic... the magic from the wand is as beautiful and pure as you can imagine."

He didn't respond but simply sat staring at her in disbelief. It made her nervous, she self-consciously smoothed her hair back, and shifted in her seat. "I know I'm not eloquent, but was my argument really that bad?"

He furrowed his brows and shook his head quickly. "No... I mean, you were very eloquent... It's just..." He looked right into her eyes, watching her closely. "You speak about it with such a passion. Your eyes flicker with it. Most people embrace magic as something they have... with you though, magic is something that you are." He kept staring straight at her, like he had uncovered something rare and important.

She blushed but she couldn't pull away from his eyes. "I... um..." she struggled to find something to say, to some how save herself from getting lost in his eyes, in his intensity. With effort, she turned her face towards the floor, her eyes falling onto the forgotten Potions book. "Hey... we still need to find a potion."

He nodded, not taking his eyes off of her. She shifted in her seat a bit and summoned the book from the ground. She started flipping through the pages again, painfully aware of his eyes. Finally, something in the book caught her eye. "Look at this," she said, pointing to the title of the page. "An invisibility potion, that could come in rather handy."

She felt his eyes move off of her, and she sighed inaudibly. He ran his fingers over the page. "It sounds incredibly difficult." He paused, "It's perfect."

They spent the rest of the afternoon going over the details of the potion. They became so engrossed in their work that neither noticed that hours had passed. They were comfortable with each other, bouncing ideas off as if they were both part of the same internal monologue. By the end they were practically finishing each other's sentences.

Finally, Hermione noticed Severus' pocket watch, which had fallen out of his robes. She picked it up and studied it, letting her fingers run over the shiny white gold. She opened the clasp and gasped when she saw the time. "Severus..." she said halfway between amusement and horror, "it's six o'clock."

He looked up at her with a start. "Are you serious?" he asked gently taking his watch out of her hands. "Damn."

She smiled to herself, "If I hadn't noticed your watch, I wouldn't even have thought of it." She looked up at him with apologetic eyes. "I really should get back, it's almost time for dinner."

He nodded reluctantly. "I know."

She stood up and shrunk the book. He stood up as well and walked her to the door. "I'm going to stay here a little longer," he said, motioning to the room.

"Okay. Well..." she trailed off, not quite knowing how to draw things to a close.

Severus smiled at her, and lifted her hand to his lips. "Go find your friends," he said simply.

Her hand fell slowly back to her side and she smiled. "Severus..." she started to say something, but stopped short. Instead she leaned forward and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek before turning and walking out of the door.

Severus sat in the room for a while longer, brow furrowed in thought, and a hand pressed to his cheek.