Life Is For Living

Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love - and to put its trust in life."
-Joseph Conrad

Prologue - Halloween, 1980

Something was wrong.

The breeze that drifted in through the sheer curtains carried with it a silence that seemed to alarm Lily rather than calm her. She sat up straight in her chair, her eyes darting over to her sleeping baby boy-- had he made that noise? No, he slept quietly in his crib, eyes shut tight beneath a mop of wild black hair, and Lily persuaded herself to ease back into her chair and carry on in her reading. Besides, James was downstairs-- he would have called her name if he'd needed anything. . . if he'd needed . . . help.

But it was the absence of any noise altogether that prevented her nerves from easing down. That, and a powerful, sickening feeling befalling her, the like of which she'd only felt once before in her life-- the night that she'd looked directly into a pair of bright red, snake-like eyes and thought with absolute certainty shed taken her last breath.

That same fear gripped her now as she sprang out of her chair, letting her novel fall to the ground, and scooped her sleeping child into her arms, close against her racing heart. There was no reason for her panic other than an innate sixth sense of sorts, which was screaming at her to get out of the house.

"James?" She threw open the door and sprinted down the hallway and down the staircase to the ground floor. She ran into his study and found it empty, the hearth still blazing and his cup of tea still steaming, but untouched.

"James," she cried again, "where are--"

A hand reached about her mouth and muzzled her. She tried to scream, but it was useless; she turned around and--

"James," she said as her husband released his grip. Her breath came back to her, "oh darling, you frightened me so--"

But James was not smiling and he shushed her immediately. Beneath his wild hair, his eyes were looking past Lily, wide and frantic and full of something she was not accustomed to seeing in her husband: fear. She could hear it in his uneven, raspy breathing, and could feel it as his heart pounded against her body.

"He's here... I can feel it..."

For the second time in less than a minute, Lily's heart stopped beating. She held her son closer to her, and fought back the tears filling her eyes.

"James... it's impossible, remember? We switched-- no one knows, not even Dumbledore..."

James crept towards the darkened hallway, and ever so softly put his hands to the curtains on the bay windows and slowly pulled them back.

Lily waited breathlessly, her face pressed against to her son's, frightened of every passing second. James said nothing, but kept his gaze focused outside.

"You... don't see anything?"

James shook his head. "No I can't, it's too dark too..." his voice trailed and he pressed his nose against the glass. "Oh God... no...shit!" He whipped around to face Lily with sallow eyes. "Lily, he's here! Run!"

Lily couldn't understand what he was saying and instinctively shook her head, "No, James, it can't be--"

"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"

Lily barely had time to think before there was a horrific crashing noise that burst from the front door: it had been thrown open and something horrifically tall and black was now consuming it.

James' eyes were pleading. "LILY! GO!"

Lily turned on her heels and ran out of the study and down the hallway to the staircase, the sound of high-pitched laughter filling her ears. She could hear loud shouting from downstairs and as she ran up the steps, and saw a shadow of something green suddenly reflect off the walls.

Oh god, that light... I've seen that light before...

What was happening wasn't making any sense, but she knew James was right. She had to get out of there. There was a balcony outside of Harry's nursery and she could easily fly away--

But that light... it was James... please no...

She grabbed hold of the doorknob, only to be stopped by that sound... that laughter... it ripped across her body. Lily turned around and could see, even in the dark, the red eyes at the bottom of the staircase:

They were smiling at her.

A choked scream escaped from her that woke her son and, frightened at the noise, he began to cry.

Lily threw open the door, and, losing her mind with fear, began to call for James-- he'd always been there before. But as she locked the door behind her she knew... she knew perfectly well James wouldn't come... that green light... she knew what the green light meant.

Lily's heart was racing, and Harry was screaming in her ear. She smothered his wet face with her kisses, whispering over and over again with shaking fervor, "Don't worry Harry, it's all right, we'll be all right."

She pulled out her wand, grabbed her broom, and ordered the nursery windows to open. But no sooner had the windows opened, that the room shook and the door literally burst into nothingness, the room closing in on her.

The high pitched laughter filled the room and surrounded her-- it was ferociously triumphant.

He was behind her... Voldemort... waiting for her to turn around and face him.

Slowly, shaking, she turned her body around. Towering above her was the same figure she'd seen three times before... only this time, he was smiling. His thin face was barely visible from beneath his black robes and in his hand he held a wand, pointed threateningly at her.

"Expelliarmus," said Voldemort, almost casually, and her wand flew out of her hand with a burst of pain that made Lily shriek.

Harry's screaming grew.

Lily held her son close, so that his cries were muffled against her chest, but her eyes never left Voldemort for a moment. "Y-you've killed James."

He laughed. "Fools, all of you. But you needn't die tonight if you cooperate. Stand aside that I may take your son."

Lily couldn't breathe. She began to shake her head, tears now pouring down her cheeks. "No...not Harry! Not Harry! Please--I'll do anything--"

"Stand aside. Stand aside, girl!" Voldemort's red eyes were burning on her, his wand ready and waiting.

And then... she knew. Instantly, it rushed to her, that seemingly unimportant moment years before, in that forlorn cemetery, when she'd first learned about it...

She looked down at her baby, his face still flushed, but he was smiling up at her now, green eyes shining and happy... so full of life... life that had to be allowed.

Harry is all that matters now.

Lily managed to calm her voice. She looked up at Voldemort, meeting his stare steadily.

"You may take my life, Voldemort. But you will not touch my son."

Voldemort had apparently anticipated this, because his reply was fast and sharp. "Then you leave me no alternative than to take both of yours."

Lily placed her lips against her sons' tear-stained cheeks and then whispered into his ear something that Voldemort could not hear-- the last words she was ever to say:

"I'll always love you, Harry."

***