Sanguis Novus

Chapter Eight: Nighttime Encounter

"Lily, please get up. It's dinnertime."

A few raps on the dormitory door followed Alice's soft plea.

"I told you already. I'm not coming!" Lily yelled into her pillow.

"Do you want me to bring you some dinner then?"

"I don't care!"

Receding footsteps told Lily that Alice had given up her half hour-long struggle to make Lily rise from her quiescent and moping state. She knew that she would have to get up sooner or later, but for the time being, her face itched with dried tears and she felt lightheaded, pressure building up in the back of her head. Her breathing had at last returned to normal, and while sniffling occasionally broke the silence of the dormitory, a calm had descended on her after an afternoon's worth of sobbing and regret.

Lily turned over onto her back, the bed creaking gently beneath her weight, and stared up at the canopy. Closing her eyes, she relived the Potions class. The deadly clang of the cauldron as it crashed onto the floor, the trickling of the incomplete potion, Avery's burning impatience with Lily that had been provoked into fury...All of that, Lily thought, I can deal with. Well, now I can, after crying up here for who knows how long.

The soft grip of Remus and kind but urgent whisperings of "Get up, Lily!" ran through her mind, the everlasting moment as she stood up, her knees almost buckling...she remembered the dazed stares of her classmates as they looked on her as they might a specimen at a zoo.

The humiliation and Avery's stinging words - those would melt away with the passing of time, becoming mere blips in her memory. It would hurt, but the hurt would be ephemeral. She knew it couldn't last. Time was merciful; it would continue its march towards eternity; it would help her heal. But there was something she knew that even a thousand years could never cure: the indelible sight of Professor Trewellyn, so haunting, so beautiful, almost aloof, just standing, the clear blue of her eyes wide, but just standing.

Then, of course, there was the fact that she had lost all composure in front of everyone to contend with. Her weakness had been exposed for all - including the Slytherins - to gape and point at. Something in her had cracked and splintered, and there were no other words for it: she had lost it.

A fresh wave of shame swept over Lily as her sniffling became less and less sporadic, culminating in renewed cries of helplessness that shook her bed frame. She pounded the mattress until her fists were an angry red, until she wanted to tear at her hair until it fell in shreds to the floor, until the whole world collapsed around her. No one had been there to help, and she hadn't even been able to help herself. Maybe no one had ever been there by her side...but her parents.

But now her parents were far, far away, unable to help their daughter.

"I never should have come to Hogwarts!" she cried. "Never! It was all a big mistake, and I'll kill the person who let me in!"

Her thoughts jumped to the sage headmaster of Hogwarts. Dumbledore. How she hated that name, and how she wanted to claw her fingers across his wizened face. How could someone as wise as he subject her to such tortures? If the prejudices of the Wizarding world ran as deep as Remus had told her, wouldn't anyone with as much acumen as he possessed, wouldn't he know that she would be mistreated so, or worse, watch as everyone stood by, not moving, as she was being mistreated?

"Lily?"

"WHAT?" she blazed, suddenly reaching for her wand and pointing it at whoever it was that stood over her bedside. "Alice? How did you get in here? I locked the door."

"Looked up a nifty little charm in the spell book," she said. "Alohomora: simple charm, but it works very well. Look, I know you're upset, but a bit of food wouldn't hurt, right?"

"And you think 'a bit of food' would make it better, do you?" Lily fired back, too exhausted to soften her words. "Well, I'll tell you what would make me feel better. Get me a ticket for the Hogwarts Express so I can go back home!"

"But I can't do that! If I could, I would, but I can't. Lily, please," Alice pleaded, biting her lip. "None of us meant for that to happen. We can't control what that Avery kid does or what anyone else does, and the truth is that there are people like that, and you'll just have to learn how to live with them. Please don't be mad at me...or anyone else."

"Why shouldn't I be mad at you? You didn't do anything to stop him, did you?"

"Lily, I know, I know! I know I should have done something about it, but the Professor...she...I just heard the Heads of Slytherin House are never really nice - "

"AND THAT'S REASON ENOUGH FOR YOU TO NOT DO ANYTHING?"

"I'm sorry!"

Alice's apology struck a chord in Lily.

"Okay, okay," Lily said, her voice hoarse from yelling. "I'm sorry, too, for being so angry and...yeah. I shouldn't have said those things."

"No, no, no, I - I understand why you did. I deserve it," Alice sighed, hanging her head.

There was a moment's hesitation, then Lily threw her arms around her friend, hugging her tightly.

"Thanks a ton, Alice," Lily said, smiling for the first time since lunch. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"So, um, are you up for some dinner? Because I'm starving."

As Lily walked into the Great Hall, she noticed a few heads turning to look at her, dark curiosity showing on their faces. They must know about what happened, she thought, her heart sinking. Ignoring them, she glanced up at the high table. Professor Trewellyn was cutting a piece of steak while speaking to Professor McGonagall. The scene was so neutral Lily didn't know what to feel.

A few Gryffindor second years shifted over a little to give Lily and Alice a bit of room. She opened her mouth to say something, but Remus, James, and Sirius all looked withdrawn and haggard, occupying themselves with their meal. Thinking it was of her best interest not to disturb them as it might lead to awkward questions, she loaded her plate with a grand helping of pasta and ate quietly.

"What did Professor Trewellyn say after, you know, I left?" Lily asked, covertly glancing up at the Potions instructor once more.

"Well, she told us to get back to work," Alice recalled. "She cleaned up your potion and put away both you and Avery's supplies. That's basically it."

"No detention or anything? Did I fail that lesson?"

"That I have no idea about. You'd have to see her about it."

"I think I'd rather have a chat with Lucius Malfoy than have to talk to her," Lily mumbled, wondering if Professor Trewellyn would turn out to be the archetypal Head of Slytherin House: not very "nice."

Alice snorted delightfully into her chocolate pudding. Across the table, Lily thought she saw James flash her a grin. Seeing that Alice had already finished her dessert, Lily bolted down the rest of her dinner in a few minutes' time, and they headed back up to the common room.

"Hah, yes!" Alice proclaimed as they neared the fuzzy glow of the fireplace. "We're early?"

"Early for what?"

"The common room is absolutely packed after dinner. There aren't enough chairs and sofas, so people are sitting on the floor doing their homework. Getting your legs stepped on is definitely not fun."

"Alice, could you wait for me? I'm going to go and get something to read."

A few minutes later, Lily reappeared by Alice's side, clutching a ragged paperback.

"What's that you've got there?" Alice asked. "It doesn't look like you got it from Flourish and Blott's...wait. Is that a Muggle book?"

"Um, yeah. It's Thomas Carlyle's French Revolution. My mum recommended it to me because I like European history. I don't even know why I'm bothering with it - it was written a long time ago, and a lot of it makes no sense to me. Still, I might as well try, right?"

Curling up on the sofa, the flames tickling her skin, Lily opened up her book and flipped to a dog-eared page. Within seconds, she found herself reading the same line again and again. Screwing her eyes up in concentration, she moved onto the next line, only to be completely befuddled.

Luckily, a distraction was nearby.

"Is it up? Is it up?" someone yelled from behind the portrait.

"Is what up?" Lily shouted at the back of the Fat Lady.

"The flying lessons, of course!"

Lily looked over at Alice, and they both let out an exasperated sigh.

"James, why don't you just come in here and look for yourself?" Alice called, smirking.

"Because I forgot the password!" he whined.

"Then ask Sirius or Remus. I'm sure they know," Lily cajoled, beginning to giggle.

"They're still eating dinner! Oh, c'mon, Lily, let me in! Alice? I really want to know if it's posted! Please?"

"Fine," Lily gave in. "The password's humbug. You were the one that told it to me, remember?"

The portrait swung open as James, ecstatic, sprinted to the bulletin board on the other side of the room and screeched to a stop.

"Where is it, where is it, where is it?" he said, his index finger traveling down the thick sheets of parchment accrued on the bulletin board. "Ah-ha! Here it is!" Clearing his throat he read, " 'Flying lessons for Gryffindor and Slytherin first years will begin next Monday after dinner out in the courtyard. Lessons will be held every other Monday afterwards. Mandatory.' Yeah, like someone wouldn't show up. Yes, finally! It's Quidditch time!"

"Oh, joy," Lily muttered sarcastically. "I've always wanted to make a fool of myself while floating in midair. Just great - it's exactly what I need."

"Don't be so pessimistic," Alice soothed. "Flying's not too hard. Well, Quidditch is...but we won't be playing that!" she added after seeing Lily's mortified face. "So, James, when's tryouts? I think I'm going to come down to the Quidditch pitch to watch you."

"They're the day after lessons. Good, 'cause I can polish up a bit on my flying skills."

"Like you need them, eh?" Alice ventured. "I mean, the way you talk, you ought to be playing for England."

James rubbed his chin. "That's not a bad idea," he said, grinning stupidly.

"So when you're playing in the Quidditch World Cup, I hope I'm there to see you fall." Smiling inwardly at their banter, Lily stared into the fire, wondering how she had managed to live without a blazing hearth at home. She heard the un-oiled hinges of the portrait swinging. Looking up, she saw Remus and Sirius hurrying into the common room.

"Mate, why'd you leave dinner so early?" Sirius asked. "I heard you say something about flying, and then you left!"

"Well, some Hufflepuff, he was walking past the table and talking about how he saw an announcement about flying lessons in his common room. Then I just had to run up here - "

" - and see if he was telling the truth," Sirius finished for him, "because you just can't wait until you can fly and show off, right?"

"That's not true!" James defended, his face scarlet, and Remus burst out laughing.

"It is, James," Remus said amidst his mirth. "Anyone who tries out for the House team in their first year can't be too humble."

Sirius and James howled with amusement and collapsed onto the floor, clutching their sides.

"Hear that, James?" Sirius wheezed. "Not - too - humble! Hah!"

He relapsed into laughter.

Remus chuckled slightly, and Lily had never seen him so lighthearted before. It brought a smile to her face, and she hoped that the lonely, reserved boy she had first stumbled upon in Diagon Alley had found his niche in Gryffindor. She, on the other hand, was a different matter...

"Lily," Remus whispered, motioning to lead her away from the raucous scene, "can I talk to you for a second?" Tossing Carlyle aside, she followed him to a more secluded corner of the common room. The light of the fire, she noticed, did not extended to here. "So, um, are you okay?"

"What are you talking about?" Lily said, though knowing exactly what Remus was referring to.

"With...with Avery and all."

"Oh, that! Oh, yeah, I'm fine," she lied.

"Okay, because Professor Trewellyn told me to tell you to see her after class on Thursday."

"She - she did?" Lily muttered, imagining those luminous azure eyes contorted in anger. "D'you know why?"

"Sorry, I don't. You could always see her right now, if you'd like. It's not curfew yet."

"Come to think of it, you're right. The Slytherins would start a riot if they saw me talking to their Head of House and accuse me of ruining the pureblood-ness of her. Let's go."

"You want me to come with you?"

"Would you want me to walk down to the dungeons alone?"

Drafts of chilly air blew through the hallways as Lily and Remus made their way down to the Potions classrooms. Suspicious portraits fixed their gazes on this pair of first years wandering in the near-dark. Suits of armor rattled as they passed. Could this be the same Hogwarts Lily knew? Could these aged walls of stone be the same inviting friend? Her chest rising and falling rapidly, Lily's hand snaked down to Remus's wrist and held it tight.

"Professor Trewellyn won't kill you," he comforted.

"How do you know? She'll say I purposely harmed a Slytherin, who was a pureblood to boot."

"She can't prove that."

"You think she needs proof? I think if it was up to her, she'd expel me."

"You're overreacting a bit. It was just the first lesson, all right? It was just an accident, and she can't do anything to punish you. Look, we're here."

With horror, she gaped at the plain black door looming over her.

"I don't want to do this, Remus."

"Lily, it's nothing. She wants to talk to you. That's it. Don't be nervous."

Exhaling slowly, she knocked on the door with her knuckles as Remus backed away.

"Yes?" came a delicate voice from within.

"P-Professor? It's - it's Lily Evans. You said I had t-to see you?"

"Please come in." Shaking violently, Lily pushed the door open and stepped into the speculation of Professor Trewellyn. She was sitting a desk cluttered with quills, candle stubs, and half-graded essays. A lone candle floated above its surface, its light feeble. She smiled invitingly at Lily and gestured for her to sit down in a chair opposite her. Up close, Lily was shocked to see dark ringlets surrounding the professor's eyes. And she looks so young.

"Miss Evans," Professor Trewellyn began, "you, I assume, know what this is about?" Lily nodded fretfully. "Good. I shan't have to elaborate then. I am aware of your circumstances, to put it lightly, and someone in your position should try to avoid people such as Mr. Avery as much as possible. Otherwise, the consequences could be severe."

"You mean like detention?" Lily managed to say.

"No," she stated softly, her fact set. "Much worse than that. That is all. You may leave now."

As Lily rose from her chair, she felt more confusion than relief that she had escaped punishment and chastising words. The meeting had been more of a warning than anything else...but warning of what?

Lily didn't sleep very well that night, tossing restlessly in her covers until the early hours of morning. Her dorm mates' breathing permeated her thinking, the humdrum inhaling and exhaling driving her to the brink of insanity. Fitfully, she climbed out of bed, and snatching a candle off her nightstand, she headed down to the common room.

The clock read midnight, but surprisingly, there was still a fair amount of students sprawled in front of the fire, writing essays or reciting incantations.

"Uh, um, could I borrow a quill and some parchment?" Lily slurred to no one in particular, her tongue paralyzed with insomniac exhaustion.

A nameless sixth year tossed her a handsome eagle feather quill and half a sheet of parchment, badly ripped at the top.

"I'll need the quill back, though," he warned her. "Oh, and here's an inkwell. I wouldn't fancy trying to use a quill without any ink."

"I won't take v-very long," she said, failing to stifle a yawn.

Setting the candle, which had already ignited itself, on the floor, she sank to the ground, laying the parchment before her. Lily knew what was causing her inability to sleep, so she dipped the quill in ink and wrote:

Dear Mum and Dad,

I'm sorry for not having written sooner. I've been so busy with classes! Anyway, I'm sending this letter by owl post, which you've probably guessed by now, anyway. Just tie your letter to my owl's leg and she'll deliver it to me. I hope I Regina (that's my owl) didn't scare you!

Everything at Hogwarts is going fine. I've made a few friends already, the classes are fun and interesting, and the professors are very nice. Here at Hogwarts, they put people into Houses, which are Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin. I was Sorted into the first one. I have my classes with my House, but for some, I take them with other ones. Next week, I'm going to start flying lessons. It sounds a little scary, but hopefully, I'll get used to it.

Keep me posted on what's happening back at home. Tell Petunia I said hi.

Love,

Lily

Scanning through her letter, Lily was disgusted at herself for lying and appearing so sanguine when, in reality, she felt matters couldn't be any worse. Still, perhaps reassuring her parents that everything was running smoothly would convince her the same. Turning around, she handed what she had borrowed back to the sixth year and asked him where the Owlery was.

"Technically, you shouldn't be out in the halls at this time, and you'll get in some major trouble if you're caught," he said. "Why do you need to go to the Owlery?"

"To send a letter," she replied, holding up the parchment.

"Are you the Evans girl?" he asked bluntly.

"Yes," she answered, preparing herself for a dirty look or haughty movement, but the other Gryffindor only nodded.

"Couldn't it wait until morning?"

"It's very important."

He raised a singular eyebrow but gave her the directions without hesitation.

"Just don't get caught!" he whispered down the hallway as she was leaving.

"I won't!" she whispered back, sounding much braver than she felt. "And thank you," she finished, thanking him for more than just parchment and quill.

Prowling through the corridors, the coldness of an unlit and empty Hogwarts enveloped her for the second time that night. Soft snores emanated from behind the portrait frames. I reckon everyone's asleep but me, she thought, taking a right turn and feeling her muscles burn as they propelled her up a steep flight of stairs. She shoved a dilapidated wooden door off to the side and found herself surrounded by a storm of feathers.

How could I have forgotten? Lily thought. It's nighttime, of course.

Parting her way through a group of owls soaring out of the window together, she found Regina in the corner, calmly gnawing on a dead mouse.

"Well, you seem to be having fun," Lily commented, shying away from the rodent. "Sorry to bother you, but could you deliver a letter for me?" Reacting without delay, Regina released the mouse from her beak, letting it fall to the dropping-strewn floor. Balancing regally, she held out her leg as Lily attached the parchment with a piece of twine. "Right, take this to Mum and Dad, all right? Try not to scare them. They've never had to deal with owl post before."

Regina hooted gleefully as Lily patted her feathers, and then, spreading her wings, took off into the velvet night. Resting her elbows on the windowsill, she imagined the air rushing beneath her as she took flight, the world spinning as it fell out of sight, the glorious freedom of the air...

"In here, come on!"

Drawing a sharp breath, Lily stared at the door. Someone was coming. Frantically, she searched the Owlery for a place to hide, but the Owlery had clearly not been built to accommodate children playing hide-and-seek. Feeling incredibly stupid, she crept into a corner and pulled her robe - black as anything, thankfully - over her head. This is the best I can do, she thought, suddenly flushed with heat.

"Ah, where is my owl?" Lily recognized the voice as belonging to none other than Lucius Malfoy. "Come, Cliodna. You have a very crucial bit of mail to deliver." A ruffling of feathers, the clipping of twine. "To the Dark Lord himself." A gentle swoosh of air.

The owl was gone, but Lucius remained.

"Is it done, then, Lucius?" another voice rang out in the darkness. It sounded frighteningly like...

"Yes, Avery, it is, so I expect to see you at the meeting in two weeks?"

"I'll be there. Definitely."

"And if you can garner some new recruits, I wouldn't have any objections to that. Back to the common room, then."

Lily couldn't agree more. She doubted she would have any problems sleeping now. Pure fatigue from holding herself so still and vigilant overpowered curiosity as she crept back into bed, losing consciousness before her head hit her pillow.