Second Door to the Right

Chapter Nine: Second Door to the Right

Blasted house elves, Cho thought bitterly as she shivered through another cold night. I even left them a note asking them if they could put more coals in the bedpans. Oh, it's too cold. I'll never fall asleep like this.

She roughly pushed back the covers, the chill immediately surrounding her. Standing up and pulling on her loosely hanging robe (I really have to get new robes, she thought, disgruntled. After all, I'm under 100 pounds.), Cho reached for her music box. She inched slowly toward the door, hoping Celeste, who was a rather light sleeper, wouldn't be awakened. She opened the door...little by little - praying it wouldn't creak -

"S'up, Cho?" Celeste muttered, sitting up in her bed and rubbing her eyes. "Middle of the night, where the hell are you going to?"

"Bathroom," Cho whispered, hiding the music box from view.

"Try not to wake me up next time please?" she yawned, falling back asleep.

That's exactly what I was trying to do, Cho thought, rolling her eyes, creeping out of the dormitory, only breathing freely once she had exited the Ravenclaw Tower. While the corridors didn't have a crackling fire in the corner like the dormitory, the peace and silence brought calm to Cho, pacifying her racing heart. They were draughty and occasional winds blew through the cracks in the walls of stone, but the ancientness of it all welcomed Cho, beckoned her to walk within its halls. She walked into the bathroom and sat down in the alcove by the window. From there she had a splendid view of the many towers of Hogwarts, almost as dark as the sky above them.

Cho opened the music box and waited for the music to begin. After having used it many times, she had learned the little pianist had quite a repertoire, ranging from Bach to Debussy, Mozart to Rachmaninoff. Light chords reached her ear, ascending and then descending, and Cho immediately recognized the song as Liszt's "Evening Harmony". She had a recording of it back at home and it was one of her favorites.

The song progressed into grandiose arpeggios and, to her utter surprise, tears started flowing down her face. Cho was puzzled; what sort of memory could this song trigger? You're so pathetic, she told herself, crying in the middle of the night, hiding in a bathroom while trying to stay warm.

A few tears trickled onto the black velvet, the fine velvet that lined the interior of the box. She remembered the joy, that indescribable happiness, which had held her when she first saw this, this present Harry had bought her...

Crying over Harry again, she thought. It's always Harry. It always goes back to Harry, no matter how hard you try and forget, it will always goes back to him, doesn't it? Cedric and now the diet - it's all indirectly because of him.

After crying out all of her tears, she closed the music box (halfway through "Duex Arabesques") and, huddling in her robe, carefully walked back up to the Ravenclaw common room, where she fell onto the sofa, not having the strength to walk up more flights of stairs.

To Harry then, she thought as she at last drifted away...

She fell into darkness...into nothingness...that pit of black...or white...or nothing, because that's what it was...right...

"Cho, wake up!"

...Someone was slapping her...huh?

"What?" she muttered, rolling onto her side.

"WAKE UP!"

She tried to open her eyes, but it seemed that some unknown weight was pushing against her eyelids, ordering them to stay closed. Another slap stung her cheek and her eyes were forcefully wrenched open, sunlight streaming into them.

"What - Celeste? What am I doing in the common room?" Cho murmured as she sat up and stretched. "Am I late for class? Are you late for class?"

"You went to the bathroom last night, am I correct?" Celeste asked sternly.

"Suppose so. My memory's not too good at the moment. I'm tired. Can I sleep?"

"And you never went back up to the dormitory?"

"Did I? I can't remember. And where am I?"

"Common room. So, what can you remember then?"

Cho couldn't ever remember seeing such an intense look on Celeste's face. She felt like a criminal being interrogated thoroughly.

"I...went to the bathroom, I guess, then I came back and just...I don't know what happened then."

"D'you think you fell asleep?"

"Yeah, why not?" she mumbled, falling backwards, but Celeste roughly pushed her back into an upright position.

"You didn't fall asleep. You couldn't have because I know - from much experience, trust me - that it doesn't take about twenty slaps on the face to wake you up! You must have passed out or something, and then your body probably stayed in that state because it needs rest anyway!"

"Couldn't have, I fell asleep right away."

Celeste raised an eyebrow.

"For all we know, since you can't seem to remember much about last night, you very well could have passed out. Or you could have fallen asleep, as you keep on insisting."

"Right, see? I fell asleep, now I'm going to get dressed - "

"You already are," Celeste remarked impatiently.

"Oh! So I am...huh, weird. Well, I, um..."

Cho glanced down at the object that had somehow found its way into her hands. Her heart went to her throat. My music box, she thought frantically, how did it get here?

Suddenly, all of what had happened last night rushed back to her at such a pace Cho's head spun. She had gone to the bathroom, told Celeste that, cried in there, then came back...but after that, it was all fuzzy. She had collapsed on the sofa, but had she slept or simply fainted?

She recalled a feeling of freefalling, falling to, well, she wasn't sure where, but almost into (Cho nearly blushed at the silliness of her thoughts) nothing. And having fallen asleep every day of her life, she couldn't ever remembering feeling such a sensation right before sleeping. So...that meant...could she have really passed out?

Cho stumbled into the now empty dormitory, her legs giving away, and she fell onto the floor, the music box spiraling into the air and crashing down a couple feet away, miraculously unharmed.

"Cho, what's the matter?" Celeste said, biting her lower lip as she rushed into the room, helping her friend back on her feet.

"I - I don't know, something, oh, I don't know what I'm doing anymore - " Cho moaned, her voice breaking up. "I've lost - lost..."

She fell again, pounding on the floor furiously with her fists, trying to escape the pain, the sobs that racked her thin body.

"Stop it, Cho, just stop, okay?" Celeste said, tears forming in her eyes as well.

"I can't - can't stop anymore - it's just - possessing - I don't - I haven't any idea," she cried out, painfully aware of the fact Celeste was standing right above her, witnessing this.

"Look, just...just calm down, okay? Tell me what's wrong."

She reached down to stop Cho from doing anymore harm to both herself and the floor, but she resisted, shouting, "I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!"

Sighing, Celeste reached into her pocket, pulled out her wand, and muttered, "Silencio." Cho opened her mouth to probably yell some more, but not a whisper escaped her. "There, that ought to keep you quiet long enough," Celeste said. "Now listen to me, okay? What's wrong and what's all this 'I don't know what I'm doing anymore' stuff?"

Cho pointed at her own throat as if to say, "How am I supposed to tell you that when you've just performed a Silencing Charm on me?"

"I swear I'll take it off if you promise not to go all spastic again, okay?"

She nodded vigorously, and Celeste pointed her wand at her throat, muttered the countercurse, and a gasping noise emerged from Cho.

"Thanks," she said hoarsely, looking ashamed.

"Okay, now tell me because I'm really worried about you. Even though I wasn't too keen on letting to carry on with your diet, I thought you knew what you were putting yourself up against. But now..." Celeste shook her head sadly. "I don't know either. I don't know what you're doing to yourself. If you don't die of malnutrition and hunger, it'll be because you're inflicting pain on yourself, both emotionally and physically. Then you might be crazy enough to jump off the Astronomy Tower or something, and I don't want to lose you, because you really are my best friend, and I won't have anyone left after you're gone."

When Cho looked up, she saw that Celeste had her face buried in her hands. It had never occurred to her that Celeste could cry because she was always so bright and vivacious, so full of life and energy, and the sight of her best friend falling prey to sorrow and helplessness was enough to knock some sense into her. After a minute of complete silence broken only by occasional sniffing from Celeste, Cho began speaking, facing the window, thinking that she could not bear looking at her friend in such a state.

"Well, I can't really - the truth is - I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. I suppose I'm dieting but sometimes, I think, I'm not even sure I'm really dieting but doing something else. I want to stop, sometimes, but I can't - because I haven't gotten - " I haven't attained perfection yet, that's why, she thought. I thought that maybe after I was under 100, I would be...but I'm not. So I'm not there yet, but I think I'm close. But Cho chose not to tell Celeste this. "Sometimes it feels like I haven't got any control over what I'm doing."

"You're not possessed by You-Know-Who, are you?" Celeste suddenly said, a horrified look upon her face.

Cho burst out in laughter, never having heard anything quite as hilarious as that, and Celeste's expression turned into one of confusion.

"You-Know-Who's got better things to do than possess 16-year old Hogwarts students," Cho managed to say between laughs.

Celeste and Cho's sounds of mirth drifted through the common room, and they spent the remainder of what would have been breakfast telling anyone who came in their dormitory they were officially insane.

* * *

As she (uncomfortably) sat in class that day, Cho was very grateful for Celeste's comment for it had saved her from revealing the entire truth. On the other hand, had she been forced to do so, she wasn't sure if she could have explained the entire truth in a day. Many of the reasons contributing to her mania were all but lost to her, and only one of them remained with her: When she would be perfect, Harry would truly and genuinely love her and she would finally feel accepted.

Cho had noticed Harry had been avoiding her lately, and this had strengthened her resolve to become perfect. It was more urgent than ever now that Harry's affections seemed to be waning. She had abolished lunch all together and reduced breakfast to no more than two ounces of cottage cheese. She had been magically shrinking all of her clothes as they no longer fit but more or less hung about her like a sheet of draped cloth and had ordered a Hair Thickening Solution from a Hogsmeade catalogue. She applied liberal amounts of makeup everyday, trying to hide the fact she walked around Hogwarts looking like one of the ghosts, and she was now getting about four hours of sleep, at the most, every night. While she put on more of the Hair Thickening Solution with each new day, it was soon apparent it was having no effect on her thinning hair.

One day in early March, Professor McGonagall stopped Cho just as she was about leave Transfiguration.

"Miss Chang, you look sick. What class do you have next?"

"I have...oh, I have Arithmancy next."

"Then I shall tell Professor Vector you will not be in her class today."

"But Professor, I really like that class. Honestly!" Cho insisted, wondered what Professor McGonagall was playing at.

"It isn't a matter of whether or not you love it or hate it. You will be missing her class because you need to visit the hospital wing. You look like you haven't slept in days."

Which is partly true, she thought grudgingly. It was harder than ever to fall asleep, and the day before, she hadn't been able to rest a minute.

"Honestly, Professor, I feel just fine," she claimed, trying to ignore the feeling she was about vomit...that is, if she had anything in her stomach to throw up.

"But I insist you go to Madame Pomfrey. If you aren't going to lie down, then I suggest you request a nice warm meal. I always find that makes me feel a lot better. Well, off you go then."

"A nice warm meal," eh, Cho thought as she trudged up the stairs to Arithmancy. With what? Loads of meat, I presume? Chicken and beef? Absolutely disgusting.

A month ago, had anyone offered her "a nice warm meal," the only thing that would have kept her away from gobbling it up in a second was her own self-restraint. Now, however, she recoiled at the mere thought of eating any more than cottage cheese.

* * *

"You've got a package," Celeste said, pointing at a barn owl hovering near the window as they lounged during one of those infrequent workless days during middle of March in the common room.

Cho walked over the window and unlocked it. The owl swooped in, depositing the package on her chair, and then flew back out towards the Owlery.

"What is it?" asked Celeste eagerly as they headed back up to the dormitory.

"My dress," Cho replied nonchalantly.

"For the Easter Ball?"

"No, it's so I can seduce Filch into having sex with me," she remarked sarcastically.

"Ooh, tell me how it goes," Celeste said, giggling. "But all jokes aside, why didn't you just go to Hogsmeade? There was a trip just a week ago. I went with Ron and we were spying on Hermione and Malfoy. That Draco is one good kisser, but I wouldn't want my lips tainted, thank you very much."

"I - um, I was busy, those N.E.W.T. practice papers," she lied.

The truth was she had gone to Gladrags that weekend, in search of a dress that would actually fit. However, all the dresses she had found either fit perfectly around her now virtually microscopic waist but were entirely too short, or they suited her height but were at least twice the circumference of her waist. She had been forced to order a custom-made dress just so she could have one that actually fit.

"Could I see it?"

"No, you can't," Cho said a little too quickly. "I mean, I don't let anyone see my dress until the day of the ball, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember now. I was bugging you about your dress last year too, I think. Right before the Yule Ball, right?"

"I believe so."

"I can't wait until the Easter Ball because I know Hermione's going to be there, and I think just a little more of her watching me kiss Ron should do the job."

Cho, however, could have very well done without the Easter Ball. The teachers had assigned so much work she was sure she'd be finished with Hogwarts before she could get through Professor Snape's numerous essays. She also had inhibitions about appearing in public wearing a dress with such a narrow waist. Cho thought she would be feeling proud, showing the world what she had accomplished, but every time she thought of the ball, her face grew red. So it was with great reluctance she dressed for the occasion.

As she stood in the dressing room, located next to the bathroom, Cho felt incredibly small, dwarfed by everyone else. Not only was she shorter than everyone, she was thinner. Aren't I supposed to be satisfied with what I have, especially after all of my work, she thought bitterly. Then why do I feel so ashamed? Aren't I on the road to perfection and aren't I closer to my destination than ever?

Then why do I feel this way?

* * *

Harry stood by the foot of the staircase, anxiously waiting for Cho. She wasn't late, yet something felt very heavy in his stomach, and this was mingled with a sense of foreboding and dread, causing his stomach to churn uncomfortably. Though he didn't want to admit it, Cho was causing all of this internal conflict, albeit unintentionally.

They hadn't been on a date since the Christmas Ball (if that even counted as a date), and her absence was beginning to worry him. Had he done something wrong to cause her affections to wane? It was true, however, that he had once taken to looking away from her. Though she was once quite a sight to behold, Cho was now skinny beyond prettiness, and she wore the look of a starved child. But after receiving a lecture from Celeste on not paying enough attention, he started approaching her after classes again, but even then it was not the same. She hardly looked up into his eyes anymore and instead stared at her feet. Cho was constantly running her fingers through her hair, and this Harry found very irksome. Her face had taken on a wilted quality, and on those rare occasions he caught her eye, he could almost see someone else behind them, as if Cho no longer inhabited her own body. What she was up to, though, Harry hadn't any idea. He sometimes assumed it was some sort of problem girls had and that he had absolutely no business in it.

But as clueless as he was about members of the opposite sex, he had a feeling this wasn't just a girl thing. Around the end of February, he had received a letter from Celeste and it had instilled fear in Harry.

Dear Harry,

Cho might not like me writing to her boyfriend, but this is urgent and very important and I don't know who to tell this to other than you.

I don't have a clue what she's doing, to be honest, but it's nothing good. You see, last night, I woke up in the middle of the night to find that Cho was going to bathroom. Okay, there's nothing wrong about that, right? The next morning, after I wake up and adjust to my surroundings, I suddenly realize Cho isn't in her bed. Fearing she never returned from the bathroom, I put on my bathrobe and was going to go straight to Professor Flitwick's office to tell him that she had disappeared. But on my way out, I found that she was lying on the sofa. I shook her gently, telling her to wake up, but after five minutes of doing this, she still wasn't awake. I began to lightly slap her cheeks, and it was only after about twenty or thirty times after doing this did she wake up. I asked her why she never went back to her own bed, and Cho seemed really confused as to what had happened the night before. And it took her a while to figure out where she was. I was convinced she hadn't merely fallen asleep on the sofa but passed out. She continued to deny this.

Then she just walked back up the dormitory and left me, sitting there, trying to figure things out. But then I heard a crash upstairs and I dashed up to the dormitory and found Cho crumpled on the floor, that music box you gave to her a while back lying a little further off. I asked her what was wrong and she went into this whole thing, telling me she didn't know what she was doing.

Like I said, I don't know what she's up to, but I suspect it's got something to do with that mad diet of hers. Harry, when you're talking to her, just try and be extra gentle and patient. She's going through a rough time right now but what might be causing all of this, I am none the wiser.

Thanks,

Celeste

He was going to do exactly as she told him to do, "be extra gentle and patient", but he could only do that when she was actually talking to him.

* * *

It's absolutely hopeless, Cho thought as she sat on her bed, the Ravenclaw Tower now deserted. The younger students were at dinner, and those in their fifth year and up were at the ball. Though she was five minutes late, she didn't care. Even with her makeup on and a sufficient amount of rest (having finally taken a Sleeping Potion the night before), she looked horrible. I could never face Harry like this, she thought. He could never love me.

Unwillingly, she walked down the corridor and into the Great Hall, where Harry, looking as gorgeous as ever, was waiting.

* * *

"What's she done to herself?" Ron whispered as a trembling Cho walked down the staircase, her hand on the railing to support herself.

Harry wasn't too sure what the answer was. The diet, though it had once sculpted her body for the better, had taken all of Cho's beauty and distinctive personality and tossed it out. He thought that if he ever saw anyone that had been kissed by a dementor, that person would look very much like Cho did now.

As she drew closer, however, he immediately felt embarrassed for his thoughts. Despite all the life that had been sucked out of her, she was still trying to maintain an air of dignity and one who was still trying to live.

"Hi," she said quietly, panting ever so slightly. "Sorry I'm late."

"It's - it's okay," he stuttered, amazed how different she looked from the Cho he had once known. "Er - shall we leave then?"

"Um, yeah, fine."

* * *

In the presence of Harry, Cho felt obliged to act at least a little more lively, but her mind wasn't on the ball. Her mind seemed fogged and in limbo; she wasn't quite sure where she was anymore. Was she there with everyone else, those chattering folk heading to the ball, or was she living within her own head, completely void of others, its only inhabitant Cho?

"So, they're serving dinner at this one?" she asked, knowing very well how stupid that question sounded from the mouth of one who hadn't eaten a proper dinner in what seemed like ages.

"I think they're using the same system of serving food used during the Yule Ball. What, are you finally going to eat?" he asked, immediately regretting having done so. Hadn't Celeste told him to be kinder with Cho?

"No, I need to - " she started, but catching her tongue just in time. "I need to continue to diet."

"Well, not to offend you," Harry said as gently as he could when dealing with an issue as sensitive as this, "but I think you need to stop dieting. You look, erm, you look great already, and you don't need to diet anymore."

"Oh, but I think I do," Cho replied in an oddly distant voice.

Well, if it's one thing she still has of her old life, it's her stubbornness, Harry thought. Well, no use to keep on trying if that's all she's going to say.

They passed the hospital wing, and Cho remembered guiltily about the time Professor McGonagall had asked her to pay a visit to Madam Pomfrey. Everyone filed into the same room used for the Christmas Ball, but it was filled with small, circular tables that could seat four to a table. Harry, Cho, Celeste, and Ron sat down at the one nearest to the garden door ("For convenience purposes," Celeste muttered, causing Ron to turn red). Celeste looked very pleased Hermione and Malfoy were only a few tables down.

Dumbledore launched into his speech, which was very similar to the one he gave during the Christmas Ball, and the only major difference being he mentioned dinner would be served. As he said this, Celeste gave Cho an almost sympathetic look.

The music started, but Harry made no motion to ask Cho to dance, disappointing her slightly. Well, maybe, she thought, I'll give him some time.

* * *

"D'you want to dance?" Draco asked.

"Fine," Hermione snapped, exasperated. She had already seen Ron and that Ravenclaw girl (she couldn't bring herself to even utter her name) dancing together, and she wasn't looking forward to being so close to them. Especially since another girl was in Ron's arms...

"Looking at dear little Weasley again, are you?" he said, his voice taking on an unctuous tone.

"Why do you care? You said if I could go out with him if I wanted to - "

"Yes, but that there'd be a rather heavy price to pay," he said, calm as ever. "Also, I don't believe he'd take you, anyway."

"What makes you say that?" she yelled, but her bewildered expression betrayed her.

"Well, if you've been observant enough, you'll notice that our dear Weasley dancing with someone else. She seems to be pretty nice, even good-looking - to and extent, of course, she doesn't look like a pureblood to me - and what exactly in your mind convinces you that Weasley'll forsake someone like her - " He jabbed a finger in Celeste's direction " - for someone like you, who's betrayed and hurt him all in one year?"

"Of course he'd dump that bitch for me! He..."

But Hermione couldn't find it in her heart to say, "He loves me." While she tried to convince herself many times that he really did care for her, his behavior during the Christmas Ball had more or less forced herself to admit that Ron probably lost all feelings he ever had for her. Oh, Ron, please come back, she thought. Ron, please...I'd do anything, I don't care what I'd have to do...just come back to me...I've been so stupid and so mistaken...please come back...

"Well, no use waiting, dear," Draco said, smirking. "Let's dance, then. Try and present a nice image, shall we?"

"No."

"What's this?" he sneered in a mocking tone. "You refuse?"

"Yes!" Hermione stood up, taking her wand out of her pocket and pointing it at him. "That's it! I've had enough! Enough of my stupidity...and enough of you! This is what I think of you, oh mighty pureblood." She spat on the ground. "Go then! Go and date those bloody Slytherin girls! Go ahead! I don't care anymore! I don't care if you tell! Go bloody publish it in the bloody Daily Prophet for all I bloody care!"

Crabbe and Goyle made threatening moves at Hermione, but Draco stopped them, looking highly amused.

"Boys, let's here what she's got to say first, then you can beat the Mudblood to a pulp."

"I was so stupid to actually let you convince me to do this! And you - you bastard! I hope you die, oh yes, I hope you suffer in your life, and I hope that one day you'll learn what it feels like to be on the bottom. And I hope you get all T's on your O.W.L.s!"

At this, Draco's face was twisted with fury, and if Hermione hadn't been releasing all the bottled-up anger that had been inside her for so long, she would have been terrified of his countenance.

"Alright then," he said rather smoothly. "If that's the case, go ahead, Crabbe and Goyle."

They launched themselves at Hermione but she Stunned them easily and then turned around to face Malfoy.

"Keep talking!" she screamed. "Keep talking, then, if you want to end up like them!"

Draco said nothing, but in a flash, he had his wand out and yelled, "Expelliarmus!" Hermione was too quick for him, though. She quickly blocked it, and her Shield Charm was so strong, the force of the rebounding spell sent Draco flying across the room. He landed with an umph, his brilliant blond hair sticking up at odd angles and his usually pale face flushed.

"You'll pay for that, Granger!" he yelled, but she paid no attention.

Oh, I hope Ron saw that, she thought with relish.

"RON! RON!" she screamed amidst the dancing couples, completely ignoring Malfoy. "RON! WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Oh, look who it is. Mrs. Malfoy, how are you?" Celeste said, raising an eyebrow, while Ron seemed shocked that Hermione was alone.

"Oh, Ron, could you please go outside with me? I need to talk to you," Hermione pleaded.

"Come to tell me I'm worthless and not in the right mind?" he mocked.

"But...but Ron, I - I Disarmed Dra - I mean, Malfoy...didn't you see?" she said, not daring to believe what was staring her right in the face.

"Come here to show off then? Well, can't you do it in front of some other guys? I'm sure there are plenty of them who'll put with it. But I won't 'cause I'm a little busy at the moment, if you couldn't tell," he said coldly.

"Ron...I - oh! You're impossible!" She marched right up to him and pulled Celeste away. "Ron, I've been wanting to do this for a while."

She put her arms around his neck and kissed him. For a long time, neither of them moved. Celeste had to resist not smiling with triumph, knowing her plan had succeeded.

But then something happened that she and Hermione never expected. When Celeste would think of her plan in the years to come, she would think to herself how she couldn't see this obvious and outstanding flaw.

In a second, Ron tore Hermione's hands away and slapped her with such force she staggered right into Celeste, both of them toppling over. Hermione looked horror-struck, as did Celeste.

"Ron?" she said softly, hoping all her pent-up pain and anguish wouldn't escape her at that moment.

"So that's what you expected, wasn't it?" he yelled bitterly. "You thought that a bloody kiss would change it all, right? That everything you've said to me, the way you acted, would all be washed way just because you kissed me? That you'd be welcomed back even after all you've done? I didn't think you were so naïve, Hermione. I thought you had more brains than that, but then again, you dated a Slytherin. What to expect?"

He stormed away.

"Hermione, are you okay?" Celeste asked softly.

"Why do you care anyway?" she sobbed. "You're his girlfriend, after all."

"Actually, I'm not."

"What's that supposed to mean? I saw you snogging, so don't even try to lie, even if you are trying to make me feel better! Not that I deserve any sympathy..."

"I'm not lying," Celeste said flatly. "What happened between Ron and me, it was a ruse, okay? It was a ploy, one to get you to realize your true feelings. I knew you didn't like Malfoy. Anyone as smart as you would have better sense, so I knew there was something wrong."

"Why did you do that for me, even after I treated you all like house elves?" she muttered, wiping away her tears.

"Hermione, would you like to come outside for a bit? We need to do a little bit of talking." After they had both sit down, Celeste faced a still-weeping Hermione. "I want to be a Healer when I leave Hogwarts, and it's what I've always wanted to do. I want to help people using my knowledge and there's no better place to start training than at school. I've done a little, well, research, and I know there's something going on, something that drove you to Malfoy. Like I've said Cho before, the only way you can truly help someone is to understand that person. So, go ahead and tell me. I swear I won't repeat what you say to anyone else, even Cho."

"Wait, how d'you know there's something was something going on between me and Malfoy?" she asked suspiciously.

"Oh, I did some eavesdropping, that's all," Celeste said impatiently, rolling her eyes. "Wait, does that bother you?"

"No, it doesn't, I guess, knowing it was for my own good."

"Now tell me: what's been going on this entire year?"

* * *

"Harry," Cho repeated meekly.

But he was paying no attention to her. Instead, he was immersed in conversation with a Hufflepuff nearby.

"Darling?" she said a little louder.

"What is it now, Cho?" he said uncaringly.

Why is he talking to me like that, she thought. Does this have to do with my diet? Why is he acting like this?

"Harry." But words failed her. She hadn't the strength, emotionally and physically, to explain all that had happened. How was she supposed to tell him how this all started, feeling out of place in Harry's life? How was she supposed to articulate this gigantic idea when she could hardly say a word? "Harry," she said again, much louder.

"WHAT?" he yelled, standing up. "I don't want to talk to you right now, okay?"

"But I need to - to tell you about - " Her heart was beating painfully and her head was spinning slightly, but Cho was determined to get the words out if it was the last thing she did. "You need to know - about - the diet - I'll explain."

In an instant, the atmosphere changed. Harry was kneeling on the floor, cupping Cho's thin hands in his, and looking gravely concerned.

"You - you're going to explain why you went on the diet then?" he said slowly.

"Yes, I will. Can we go outside - the garden?" she asked, finding she could only draw short breaths.

He led her outside, and Cho struggled to stay on her feet. What's wrong with me? The roses seem a little blurry - were they always like that? Little pink spots on green?

"So, what about the diet?"

"Please, can we sit down?" she asked desperately and swaying on the spot. After settling down, Harry asked her the question again. "Well, where to start? It - goes so far back..."

Well, it all started after that Hogsmeade trip at the end of September. I saw Hermione with so many people around her and I realized that as superficial as she is, she's still smart, and it was then that I wanted to be perfect so that you, my dear Harry, would love me and think of me as your equal. After all, you've done so many great and courageous things, things I would never dream of doing, and your standard for friends must be very high.

But that's not right, is it? I've always wanted to do well...so I suppose it starts with my childhood, but I told you that already, right?

Okay, so we'll start with Hogsmeade.

Cho opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. And suddenly her head was bursting and spinning with pain she had never experienced before...Harry fell in and out of focus...she could feel herself slipping off the bench...she knew she was going to fall...her head would crack open, due to either the excruciating pain or in impact of bone on pavement or maybe both...she felt two strong hands pulling her back.

"Cho? CHO? What's wrong?"

It was Harry, who was some distance away, but he couldn't help her now...she was beyond the point of salvation.

"Must - hospital," she panted, running as fast as she could back inside the ballroom, hoping with all her might her this dizziness wouldn't leave her disoriented to the point she couldn't find her way to the nurse's office.

She could hardly see anything ahead of her, only blurs where people might be. She heard the occasional, "Cho, are you okay?" but they mattered not. Nothing mattered. Professor McGonagall was right. She should have gone to the hospital wing.

Cho staggered into the dim corridor, her world plunged into the dark, and heard a sneering voice behind her.

"What's this? Are you blinded?" Othello mocked.

"Please - help," she managed to say, the headache growing worse with every passing second. "Tell me - please - tell."

"Tell you what?"

"Harry?"

"It's the Great Caesar, thank you very much. I don't have a foul scar on my forehead. But wait, you're blinded."

"Harry..."

"Cho, what's wrong?"

Yes, even in her indistinct world, her head exploding with pressure and pain, not knowing if she could last another minute before dying, she knew his voice. Cho collapsed and tried to get back up.

"Harry?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me - hospital wing."

She heard nothing in response. That was it then. She would die in this very corridor, surrounded by her worst enemy, surrounded by the one she loved, so close to the place that might still save her...

"Tell me - please - can't..."

"What, do you know what she wants?"

"Me? I don't give a damn."

"Please..."

She heard footsteps ringing against the floor...please, take me out of this misery, just end it all, end it all now before I have to endure anymore...I can't...

"Cho? It's Celeste. Oh, damn, I should have kept a better watch on you. I knew something like this would happen. Harry, what's she been saying?"

"Something about the hospital wing, but I don't know what she wants about the hospital wing."

Wouldn't her best friend come and help...but no...she had no best friend...she was dying...no one wants to be best friends with an emaciated corpse...but was there still a chance...that maybe...could she still make it?

"Hospital - WHERE?" she yelled with all the air she could muster from her lungs.

She fell to the floor again, wheezing and panting...someone...just kill me...end this...I don't want anymore of this...I hate my life...just end this...I don't want to endure anymore of this pain...

"It's the second door to the right, Cho. Would you like me to take you there?"

Celeste...her once best friend...was she still her best friend...if she was...Celeste...end it for me...use the wand...kill me please...I can't take this anymore...

"Yes, please."

The pain in her head grew stronger, it throbbed against her skull, she couldn't see anything, and she hadn't the strength to open her eyes...

She felt a door in front of her...she might yet be saved...

She pulled herself up and banged on the door, yelling, trying to make herself heard, "LET ME IN! LET ME IN! I'M SICK - DYING - " and feeling the tears come...yes, she had enough strength to cry, was that it? She always did, she could always cry, right?

The door opened suddenly and she heard a cross, "What's all the fuss about?"

Cho stumbled in and before she could walk one step further, tumbled to the floor in a dead faint, whatever light remaining of her word extinguished.