Survivor

Ravus's first day ended with a sigh. She lay in bed, too exhausted to even take off her shoes. The day had gone well, for her standards at least. There had only been one incident that happened near her but it had not been her fault. More importantly, it had brought minimal attention to her. Her teachers had been satisfied with her experience in their different fields and none had held her past against her. Professor Snape, on the other hand...She shook her head quickly. He intrigued her but she could not dwell on him. He had associations with her father and she did not want to become involved in that. The other students did not seem to notice her and, after the display last night, she was relieved. She knew the value of being overlooked. This was the first time in her life where it had truly happened. The only attention she got was from Draco and Harry, both of them forcing her to acknowledge them. Any whispering that day had been done by the girls that worshipped the two teenage gods, wondering what exactly was going on, remembering past fights. Nothing that concerned Ravus.

Draco was an aggressive child who was used to getting what he wanted and, unfortunately, he wanted something from her. She knew that avoidance was not the best solution to that problem but right then, it was the only way to keep herself sane when he was around. Harry, on the other hand, acted like he wanted nothing except her friendship. He was more dangerous for that simple reason. She could not associate with him. She knew what corruption felt like and she wanted to avoid making someone else as dark as she was. Harry had been through hell at Voldemort's hands and she knew that she would taint him. He had saved the wizarding world from disaster and for that, she respected him enough to stay away from him. She wished that he would do the same.

Her three weeks passed without further incident. Harry and Draco had been easily avoided as homework increased. She hid in the library, working from after dinner until curfew and went straight up into her room, not stopping once in the Slytherin common room. Every time Draco even looked at her, she glared at him and walked past without saying a word. Only a blind, or very stubborn, man could ignore the anger in her eyes. She felt him staring at her during class and though she tried to avoid them, she turned and looked, just once. He sat there, leaning back, arms crossed, and that permanent smirk etched upon his face. She could not read his eyes. A first time for her: she had always been able to read people's faces, even her father's. He knew what it took to keep an empty stare. Draco...his eyes had nothing in them. He just stared at her and she felt cold to the very edge of her soul. She fought it and placed something darker in her eyes for Draco to see. He needed to know what she was capable of and that she would not be taken advantage of. She was a challenge for him: she had something he wanted, though she was unsure of what, and he wanted it very badly. She doubted he desired her friendship; that would be too innocent.

Her third weekend there came and she spent Friday night in the library, working on a potions paper. By the time the clock in the library struck ten-thirty, Ravus was finished. She packed up her things and exited the library quietly. She was barely out of the door when Harry fell into step beside her.

"I thought I could walk you back to your dorm," he said, hesitantly, glancing at her through his spectacles, his eyes holding warmth and friendship. They screamed weakness. She turned her face so she could avoid his eyes, his innocence.

"Why would I need you to walk me anywhere?"

He shrugged. "I thought you might like the company."

She stopped walking and faced him. "Harry, I appreciate this nobility you have but I do not need a protector nor do I want one." She paused. "You would be wise to leave me alone." She walked away, hoping he had enough sense not to follow. She let her feet guide her down into the dungeons until she reached the door. She spoke the password and had her hand on the door when Draco's voice penetrated her thoughts.

"Where were you all night?" he demanded.

"You act like it's your right to know." She turned and faced him. "Shouldn't you be with Pansy? I'm sure she's getting worried about you." Her anger was peeking out due to his arrogance. In her mind, she chanted for control but it was a battle that she was losing with every word he spoke.

A smile spread lazily on his face as he moved closer to her. "I can assure you that Pansy is not a problem. She lives to make me happy. She may be a silly little girl but she has her uses." He stepped closer to her; she refused to give an inch until she could feel his robes brushing against hers. She took a step back, acting like she was reaching towards the door. He moved quickly, holding the door shut. He did not touch her, a point for him, but he was too close. Ravus turned her eyes cold, showing only anger. But on the inside, her heart raced and she could feel the sweat start down her back. "All women have uses, don't they, Ravus? Do you know what yours is?" he whispered.

"You seem very fascinated with me, Malfoy. I would be flattered but I find only my opinion truly matters. Go back and use Pansy some more. I'm sure the orgasm will be worth it." She grasped the door handle firmly and started to pull when Draco pushed harder, closing it.

"You dismiss me so quickly, Ravus. You think that all I want is sex? I could get that from anyone I wanted to waste the time on. No, Ravus, there's something else I want from you." He moved closer, his hand slowly reaching out, tracing one finger down her face.

The rage broke full-force from behind carefully built walls. She grabbed her wand from inside her robe and shoved it into his stomach. Her eyes were blazing fire, her teeth clenched, making her words quiet and strained. "You were warned yet you wouldn't stop. This is self-defense. All I do is say a delightful little curse and I can make you wish you were dead. Do you want that, Malfoy? Do you want to see how far I can go?" She saw hesitation in his eyes just before his smirk slide back into place. He would not learn with violence; he was used to threats, it seemed. She pulled back though she kept her wand in her hand. "Whatever you want from me, Malfoy, it is not worth the price." She put her hand on the knob one last time and pulled, this time not feeling any resistance. She went straight to her room and then to bed. She pulled the curtains shut, not caring that Pansy was calling her name. Ravus shut the world out. She had let walls crumble and those needed repair. They were rebuilt with slow breaths and a chant. "You are strong, you will survive, and no one can touch you." She felt it in her head, going in circles, building the walls with stone, something stronger than the last ones.

She dreamt that night. After so many months of nothing but peaceful black, it was a surprise when she woke screaming. In her dream, she saw his face, so close to hers, it made her cringe. He was touching her where no one else had before, making it feel so good. She trusted him, so purely, and he knew what power he held over her. He pushed down harder on her body, making her feel the stone behind her back, imprinting their shape on that sensitive skin. It became painful quickly. She started to struggle, to make him stop. His face morphed from savior to devil and he began to drown her into a pool of blood. It was her own blood, she knew, that had welled from the cuts on her back. She couldn't breathe and, panicking, opened her mouth and screamed.

She woke up underneath several layers of blankets, suffocating her with their weight and warmth. She was sweating and crying. She calmed herself immediately, realizing that if the other girls had heard her, it would be known throughout school that the Splendoss girl had nightmares. She opened the heavy curtains and found no staring face, asking if she was fine. For that small miracle, she was grateful and swore to put silencing spells on her bed from now on. Once she started having the nightmares, she knew it would be weeks before they stopped.

Not being able to stay in bed, she went to the girl's washroom to pacify herself. She stared into the mirror, not recognizing the woman in front of her. She had black hair, straight and tangled to past her shoulders with a few stray locks that lay on her forehead. Her eyes were like a clod of dirt in a sea of snowy white skin. She had always been pale but that color was an after image of the nightmare. She was close to being in shock. She ran hot water onto her hands, hoping it would make her feel something, even if it were pain. She washed her hands and her face, slowly, thoroughly, wanting it to soothe her mind. She may be calm but she was not alright. The man in her dream...she had trusted him blindly. She sat down on the tiles, knowing she had to remember him just to push him down again.

All her thoughts of her past began with her mother and that was where all the fault lay. Her mother had left the family after Ravus was born. She ran without looking back, without thinking of the child she had to protect. She had been selfish and cowardly. For the first few years, Ravus held to the belief that her mother would come back and save her from the cold house and colder father that kept her prisoner. Years of wishing broke that hope and many others. As soon as she was old enough, she was sent to an all girls' boarding school in Moscow. Unfortunately for her, it had been run by Muggles and, when her magical ability had started to develop, she was punished, sometimes severely: those times left scars on her back. Punishment was done by rulers most of the time but in Ravus's case, a leather belt sufficed. Just ten strokes. She received her Durmstrang letter soon after and was sent there immediately. Her father was never a constant in her life; she learned quickly that he would not be there to defend, console, or do anything for her. If he did, it would have a price; it was never simple with him. She grew up to be an independent teenager and, though Durmstrang encouraged that, it had broken her in other ways.

Ravus reached up and touched the scar on her forehead. It mirrored Harry's exactly: his on the right, hers on the left. His was caused by his mother's love; hers was caused by stupidity and innocence (she often got the two confused). Dark wizards roamed the world everywhere and she had trusted one blindly. His name had been Ignatius Vandeling and he had been the Charms professor at Durmstrang. From the beginning of her stay at that school, he had watched her. Where some wizards are gifted in herbology or potions, Ravus was gifted in charms, curses especially. Ignatius recognized her talent and tutored her in normal charms and, after a while, in darker magic. He trained her, developed her talents, and manipulated her into worshipping him. To quote a cliché, he was the parental figure she had wanted so desperately. Over five years she followed him blindly, thinking he wanted the best for her. During her sixth year, he taught her the darkest curses imaginable and, finally, she became frightened enough to run from him. He had turned into a monster, catching up with her one night. The pain she felt at his betrayal became pure remorse. He stood above her, pointed his wand, mumbled a word, and, in a brilliant white light, vanished. When she awoke, her forehead was bleeding, eventually healing into a scar.

After that, she knew she couldn't stay at Durmstrang. There had been an inquiry into Ignatius's disappearance but nothing was found. She did not know how to leave until it forced itself on her. The incident with the engorging charm had been to dispel a would-be rapist but it turned into her way out. She had been an acquaintance of Viktor Krum's: she was a loner but she was raised to be polite. To Viktor, that was all the encouragement he needed. His attentions became more forceful until she had to defend herself. An engorgement charm was not a pleasant experience, contrary to many young wizards' belief. The school had no choice between her and Krum. He was a Quidditch superstar: who would be believed, her or him? No, in this case, she was at fault in the improper use of magic and was forced to leave. She had a summer to heal; she thought that was enough. She built walls around every emotion she couldn't control. She avoided people touching her. If they did, they quickly knew that it wasn't welcome. Touch for her was intimate; she could not take it lightly. She cringed every time she realized how passive she had been. She regretted how easily she took his manipulations; how easily she could have stopped it and did nothing until it was too late. That was what she lived with every night and every day. He haunted her: as a demon, as a mistake, as her conscience. She saw Draco as a smaller version of Ignatius and Harry as a man she could never appreciate after what had happened to her. Ignatius corrupted an already tainted soul but he ruined her for anything other than pure survival. She would never live the fairy tale life; she had known that her entire life. But he had taken the pleasure out of what her life might have held. There was no hope left in her. Now she was at Hogwarts. She had the chance to rebuild her live if she survived. And she would survive. It was all she knew to do.

She crawled back into bed, emotionally exhausted. Sleep claimed her immediately and this time, there was nothing but black to welcome her.