Up to No Good

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Chapter Three: A Conspiracy Begun

James still had to grin whenever he thought of their revenge on Snape. The plan had been fairly simple: Peter and Remus had acted as the bait and had tried to attract Snape's attention during Potions without making Blotch suspicious. They had been working in pairs, and the two Gryffindors, standing next to Snape, had apparently messed up their potion. Snape had tried to get them into trouble, but the moment he had left his cauldron to peer into theirs, his own potion - somehow - turned a nasty shade of greenish yellow instead of the electric blue it was supposed to be. Blotch had taken five points from Slytherin for leaving a cauldron unattended.

The next few weeks had been rather uneventful; the impossible amount of classwork left them no time for open warfare. Snape was fuming, but he didn't get a chance to get back at the "fantastic four", as Sirius had promptly dubbed the group of friends.

Now September had almost drawn to an end, and the first years had the funny feeling as though they had known Hogwarts forever although they'd hardly been there at all. James and Sirius in particular felt almost as if the castle was their home, rather than the places they had grown up in. Remus seemed to fit in as well, although he didn't comment about it, and Peter still felt rather lost.

One morning, at breakfast, James and Sirius were just having a mock fight over a mushroom while Peter was trying to memorise a passage from his Transfiguration handbook. He gave up quite quickly, though, and watched his friends in amusement. When James had hit Sirius on the head with a folded-up napkin and pretended to be angry when Sirius wasn't knocked out, he turned to say something to Remus, but was surprised to see that his friend wasn't paying attention. He was just sitting there, staring at his food and massaging his temple with his knuckles.

"Remus, are you ok?" he asked, uncertainly. Sirius and James stopped fighting and turned around to look at their friend as well. "Yeah, Remus, you look awful," said Sirius. "What did you do, dream about Snape?"

Remus forced a laugh, but James shook his head, still looking at him full of concern. "I think you should go to the hospital wing," he suggested. "You really look ill."

Remus nodded slowly and stood up. "I think I will... see you later, then!" he said, before slinking out of the hall and trudging up the steps towards the infirmary.

"What do you reckon is up with him?" asked Sirius, but the others looked as puzzled as he was.

"I guess he's just caught a cold," said James, "although he looked more like he hasn't had any sleep for a week, and someone put a greenskin-jinx on him."

"Maybe Snape tried to poison him?" Sirius suggested, reaching over and inspecting Remus' mug of cocoa with mock seriousness.

James grinned, but Peter's eyes grew wide. "Do you really think - " he started, but Sirius laughed. "Don't be a prat, Peter, of course he hasn't," he said. "He hasn't got enough brains for that." Peter looked relieved, and James added, "Anyway, we can always go up to the hospital wing to see what's wrong if he doesn't show up for classes."

~***~

Remus did not show for classes, and when he wasn't in the common room when they got back, the three boys started to get rather worried. They attempted to do some of their homework, but James soon found he couldn't concentrate on the history of magical communities in Eastern Europe when he was really worried about one of his friends. He snapped his book shut and stood up.

"Right, I'm going to see what's up with Remus, are you two coming?"

Sirius flung away his book and the quill which he'd been chewing for the last half hour and scrambled up from where he'd been lying on the floor, but Peter shook his head and looked up, a quiet sort of desperation in his eyes.

"I've got to do all this stuff for tomorrow, and I don't understand any of it," he sighed. "Tell him I said hi, but I'm not coming."

James gave him a pitying smile, and he and Sirius climbed out of the portrait hole.

They found their way to the hospital wing without getting lost, although they did meet a suit of armour which had lost its helmet and was trying to retrieve it, stumbling about and crashing into the walls ever so often, making a noise like a kitchen cupboard during an earthquake. Trying to avoid being crushed by a raving pile of metal, the boys sneaked past and continued their way undisturbed.

When they had arrived at the doors to the hospital wing, James knocked once and they went in. The matron immediately spotted them and came towards them, eyebrows raised.

"Yes?" she said curtly. "Have you been jinxed, infected or injured?" Sirius and James exchanged an amused look before James answered.

"Actually, we just wanted to visit our friend who came up here this morning," he said. "Remus Lupin, you know, we just wanted to see how he was."

Madam Pomfrey shot the boys a keen look and then shook her head. "You can't see him," she said. The boys looked stunned. Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but the matron interrupted, guessing his question. "There's nothing life-threatening wrong with him, he'll be right as rain tomorrow. I just can't allow you to see him now. He's... asleep. I'm sure you don't want to deprive him of his rest, do you? Good," she said, as she shooed them out of the room and shut the door behind them.

James shook his head in disbelief and then turned to Sirius, who shrugged. "If he was just asleep, why couldn't she have told us so without being as unfriendly?" he said.

"Probably because she's a raving lunatic who likes to eat first-year Gryffindors, and it's only this one spell of Dumbledore's that's restraining her, and he was sort of distracted by Madam Hooch dancing around his room in her underwear while we were talking to her, so her real personality showed for a moment," Sirius replied matter-of-factly.

James fought hard not to laugh but turned to Sirius, his dark eyes wide, a horrified expression on his face. "Oh my god... really?!" he said. "How do you know?"

Sirius answered with a perfectly straight face. "Well, it has to be true. If she hadn't worn any underwear, we'd be in a lot more trouble."

James eyes widened even more for a split second, then he collapsed in a fit of laughter. Sirius grinned widely and chuckled, watching his friend.

It took him a few minutes until he managed to control himself again, but finally James straightened up, wiped a tear from his eye and gasped, "Honestly, Sirius, Remus is right, you've got the wrong name. Hooch and Dumbledore, indeed," he added, now polishing his glasses. Sirius smiled even more widely at this praise.

When they had almost reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, Sirius hit his foot on something hard. While he hopped around holding his toes, James bent down to pick it up. It was the missing helmet belonging to the suit of armour they had met earlier. James wanted to take it back to its owner at once, but Sirius, with a grin and a mischievous glint in his eyes, held him back.

"Wait, let's keep it for the moment, see if we can't use it for something," he chuckled, pulling James towards the portrait. They gave the password ("hobbit hole") and scrambled through, into the common room.

Peter was still sitting in front of the fire, looking rather frustrated as he turned the pages of his "Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration". He looked up and put the book aside when his friends returned. "How's Remus?" he asked.

Sirius and James launched into a report of what had happened, slightly exaggerating a few bits - for instance their battle with a ferocious metal monster, or the Gryffindor-eating matron. Peter listened with a look of quiet amusement on his face and only winced slightly when Sirius pulled out the helmet and clanged the visor shut noisily, causing several other people in the common room to jump and stare at them.

He sighed again, pulling his Potions notes towards him again. "I do hope he's better tomorrow," he said.

~***~

Remus wasn't at breakfast the next morning and he didn't turn up for Charms, which was the first lesson. Professor Fairbanks seemed a bit more confused than usual, so it was quite a leisurely lesson, as they practised sending up different sorts of sparks into the air. They were only supposed to do different colours, but James and Sirius got a little carried away as they tried to surpass each other sending up miniature fireworks.

When Sirius had almost set fire to the teacher's desk because he hadn't been paying attention to where he was sending the fountain of green and gold sparks pouring out of his wand and James had sent a cloud of red and yellow stars billowing towards the ceiling, melting a couple of candles on its way up, Professor Fairbanks declared they'd be finishing early that day.

Anne grinned and gave them the thumbs-up on the way out of the classroom, as they all made their way towards the greenhouses for Herbology. Sirius shot a heart-shaped spark at her in response, slightly scorching her bag and sending the girls into a fit of giggles.

The boys hung back as they crossed the lawn, talking and joking halfheartedly among themselves. Sirius had just mused about ways to bewitch the helmet he'd found to scream different insults at Snape, and the three boys were listing up all the swearwords and insults they could think of when a cold voice just behind them drawled, "oh, really? Should I go tell the headmaster of your pretty plan?"

The three Gryffindors whirled around, expecting to see Snape or Rosier, but instead they found themselves facing - "Remus!" James exclaimed. "Are you ok? And how did you pop out of the ground like that?"

Remus grinned at them mysteriously. He held his eagle-feather quill up to the back of his head and said in a hoarse voice, "Old chief of redskins, Hunting Wolf, knows many things, sees many things. Sneaking up is easy. White prey need to be more careful when chief of redskins is around."

The others laughed, and together they walked to the greenhouse they'd be working in. James and Sirius told Remus about their visit of the infirmary the previous day, about the suit of armour and how Madam Pomfrey hadn't let them in. Remus laughed and rolled his eyes.

"She can be worse than a jailer," he sighed. "Worse than my mum, even. No chief of redskins is safe from these white squaws," he added. Sirius laughed.

"I like your name," he mused. "Hunting Wolf... it has a nice ring to it. I need a name like that as well... how about Fighting Bear?" he asked, looking at his friends. Peter grinned, and James snorted. "Mad Dog, I'd suggest," he said. "Sirius is the dog star after all, and you can't do anything about the 'mad'."

Sirius lunged at him, but Remus held him back, and James jumped out of reach, grinning. "See? Now you even behave like one," he teased. Sirius stopped struggling with Remus and straightened up, looking at his friend with raised eyebrows.

"I'd be more careful, then, if I were you. Mad dogs are extremely hard to get rid of," he said. James rolled his eyes and led the way into the greenhouse after the girls, as Professor Sprout had just arrived to start their lesson.

~***~ ~***~ ~***~

After classes the four boys were all lying comfortably on the carpet in front of the big fireplace. Sirius and James were working on the helmet, and Peter and Remus were going through Peter's notes of the lessons Remus had missed. Unfortunately, the only class Peter was moderately good at was Potions, so the two boys often had to turn to James for help. They couldn't turn to Sirius, as the only explanation he ever gave was, "Well, that's not hard. You just... well... it's all there, anyway, why do you need me to explain?"

When they had finally finished studying, Peter and Remus joined their friends, who were just whispering excitedly and stifling their laughter. Remus grinned when he saw what they were doing to the helmet. They had jinxed the visor to move constantly so that it would make a lot of noise, so now it was creaking silently, shuddering where it was secured by a piece of string. Now James was trying to bewitch a Muggle water balloon Sirius had brought.

"What are you doing with that?" Remus asked curiously. Sirius laughed. "James found this charm which makes any material fire-resistant and then we're filling this with sparks and then we'll fix it inside the helmet so that it clangs its visor and spits sparks whenever someone walks past."

"How does it realise someone just walked by?" Peter asked. "Oh, that part is easy," said Remus. "You're going to use a String Charm, aren't you?" James looked thoughtful. "We haven't really got to that part yet, but I suppose a String Charm could do it," he said.

"How does that work?" Sirius asked. "Well, it works just like a normal piece of string, only you can't see it or feel it," Remus explained. "You attach one end to something - a lever, for instance, and the other end to a wall, and when someone walks through that, the string pulls the lever, but the person who walked through doesn't even notice."

Sirius looked awed. "That is way cool," he said. "Isn't it a bit obvious, though?" James shook his head. "It's usually not used like that," he said. "Mostly it's used if you want things appear to fly or hover but you don't have the time or energy to stand underneath pointing your wand the whole time, levitating them. It's easier than Levitating, too."

"Well, that's lucky," said Peter. "We haven't even learned that yet!"

They filled the water balloon with sparks and smoke and placed it inside the helmet, attaching it to a piece of string that was also tied to the visor. Then they tried to leave the common room as quietly as possible, looking as innocent as they could manage. Then James and Sirius led the way towards the corridor which the suit of armour was "haunting". They found it leaning against a wall exhaustedly, creaking softly and looking quite pitiful without its helmet. James took the helmet out of Sirius' hands and screwed it back on, then he quickly took a step backwards.

The suit of armour reached up, patted its head and creaked contentedly. It didn't seem to notice something was different. Sirius grinned. "Hey, you!" he called. "Now we got you your helmet back, shouldn't you go back to where you ought to stand and stay there? None of the others move." The metal man nodded briefly and started to move off. The four boys followed.

Finally it seemed to have reached its destination. It stood against the wall and stopped moving. Sirius rubbed his hands gleefully. "This is perfect!" he said. "Do you guys realise where we are?"

James nodded, grinning just as mischievously as his friend. "The corridor to the Slytherin and Ravenclaw common rooms, judging from the direction they come in for breakfast," he said. Remus chuckled and then drew his wand. "I'll do the String Charm, then, shall I?" he suggested. James bowed. "Do what you must, good sir knight," he said in a singsong voice. "The honour of Gryffindor lies in your hands alone."

Remus bowed back, then turned towards the suit of armour and, with a flourish of his wand, cried, "Affligo Corda!" A thin blue line shot out of his wand and attached itself to the visor. Then Remus took the other end of the line, which was already fading, and pressed it against the opposite wall, where it stuck. A few seconds later, there was nothing to be seen.

Remus and James carefully stepped over the string and walked away slowly in the direction of the Great Hall. Peter had a hand clapped over his mouth in order to stop himself from laughing, and Sirius kept looking back over his shoulder to see if anyone was approaching their creation.

Lost in thought as they all were, they didn't notice the footsteps coming towards them. They rounded a corner - and walked right into someone.

Peter stumbled at the impact and fell over onto Sirius, who pulled him up by the elbow. The other boy stopped, massaging his ribs and looking down at them in contempt. James had seen him before, at the Slytherin table. He was older than they were, a fourth-year probably, with cold grey eyes and long white-blond hair tied back in a ponytail. His nostrils flared as he looked them over, looking extremely angry.

"What are you doing here?" he said coldly. "You're in Gryffindor, aren't you?"

"We got lost," James replied, trying to look embarrassed. Remus nodded. The older boy sneered. "You've been here for a month and you can't even find your way to your common room?" he drawled. "That's typically Gryffindor. Now get out of my way," he added. The four boys moved aside to let him pass when there was a metallic clang and a shriek behind them. The Gryffindors exchanged excited looks and followed the tall boy, who was hurrying down the corridor to investigate.

They carefully peered around the corner, and what they saw almost made them burst out laughing. The fourth-year was roughly pulling a white-faced first-year to his feet - "Snape," whispered Sirius gleefully. "First try, too!"

They heard Severus talking excitedly to the older boy, who shook his head impatiently and took Snape's arm, almost dragging him away in the direction of the dungeons. They passed the suit of armour a second time, when - CRASH - its visor banged shut again and a jet of smoke and sparks issued from the slits with a hissing noise. The tall boy jumped in surprise and turned around, looking suspiciously up and down the corridor. James stifled his laughter and gently pulled Sirius back down the passageway. The four boys tiptoed as quickly and quietly as they could back towards the Great Hall, hurried through it and up the staircase to Gryffindor Tower.

When they had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, they couldn't contain themselves any longer. They broke out laughing loudly and heartily, wiping tears of mirth from their eyes. Through a fit of giggles, Peter managed to give the password and they scrambled through the portrait hole, collapsing in a giggling heap on the other side.

Quite a few of the other Gryffindors who were sitting in the common room looked up at their noisy entrance. Aglaia and Lucy looked at them curiously and got up, sweeping over to where they were wheezing on the floor. Lucy giggled at the sight of them, but Aglaia just stood watching them, her eyebrows raised.

"Will you tell us what's funny enough to make you roll around in the dust like that, making complete fools of yourself?" she asked in a disapproving voice, though her eyes twinkled. Remus tried to stop laughing and held out his hand, which the girl took, helping him up.

"Thanks," he said, panting slightly because of the laughing fit. He kicked Sirius, who was still giggling uncontrollably, and helped James up, who was massaging his ribs and polishing his glasses. Then he turned back to face the girls and told them what had happened. Peter and James kept nodding and adding details, while Sirius was fighting to stop laughing. When the boys had finished their tale, Lucy started giggling as well, and Aglaia grinned broadly. "As Anne would say: Slytherin: zero, Gryffindor: Thirty! Nice move, guys."

Grinning, the boys went to dump their bags in their dormitory and then went down into the Great Hall for dinner. Looking at the Slytherin table, they saw several extremely angry faces scowling randomly at people. James, feeling elated at how well their plan had worked, did a sort of drumroll on the edge of the table, while Sirius hummed a fanfare. Right on cue, Remus chimed in, "The Fantastic Four strike again!" and Peter finished the ceremony with a "Hip hip, hooray!" Then they all laughed again and started helping themselves to mashed potatoes.

Halfway through dinner, James shot a glance at the Slytherin table and saw Snape and Rosier eyeing them with suspicion from their table. When they saw James looking at them, they scowled at him and then turned back to their food.

James frowned. The war against the Slytherins was still on, and now it was their turn to get their revenge. They'd have to watch out.