The Complications of Falling in Love with your Best Friend

Chapter Eleven - Interlude

In this enchanted land of a thousand chances, you only get just one, and it's gone.

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For the past few days, the afternoons in the Gryffindor tower had been uncommonly quiet. Many had left to spend Christmas with their families and so the usual mass of rowdy Gryffindors laughing, talking or arguing was missing, creating a strange void. The calm was comforting to an extent, but the absence of noise and commotion was oddly unsettling. Remus realised this was the last Christmas he'd be spending at Hogwarts and it didn't seem right without the jovial agitation and frequent chaotic disturbances. Remus had always complained about the noise. It was expected of him. He'd smile indulgently if Gryffindor had achieved a spectacular victory in Quidditch or something similar, but it was almost routine for him to protest in some form about the disorder that each Gryffindor seemed to follow with an almost religious dedication. This was rather ironic, as Remus' two best friends were the loudest and most dedicated followers of this Order of Disorder and they had thus created a blooming generation of aspiring Marauders. The little ones could often be seen listening to the pair in ill-concealed awe as Sirius gave colourful and consciously inaccurate accounts of daring escapades while James revealed the essential steps to becoming a good Marauder. They both loved every minute of it. Remus had once half-heartedly scolded them, telling them that they were corrupting the young, but deep down he was glad they did this. Though the Marauders would soon be leaving Hogwarts, their legacy would remain.

Recently however, it was becoming apparent that the Marauding foursome would be destroyed from within if the leaders of the group didn't conciliate soon. They were presently sitting at opposite sides of the room, ignoring each other in stubborn silence. To an outsider it would seem that they were simply occupied in different activities, but to an insider - to Remus - it was clear things were wrong.

James hadn't spoken to Sirius in four days. To anyone else, four days would seem like a rather short period of time. To Sirius it was four days too long. Four days dragged on endlessly when the person refusing to speak to you was an inescapable presence. James and Sirius happened to see each other every day, all day. It was inevitable. Of course there were moments when one could take refuge in the Dormitory while the other was in the Common Room, but apart from that, meeting was unavoidable. And Remus could see that both were coping rather badly with the separation. Of course, he knew Sirius was hurt by James ignoring him - it was obvious, he felt it instinctively, and Sirius confirmed it, confessing in an unexpected moment of sentimentality how he wished he could have James back. And Remus could see James missed Sirius, but he was too damn stubborn to fix it himself. Ever since he had learnt of Sirius and Remus' relationship he had been avoiding the both of them, speaking to them only when absolutely necessary and throwing them dirty looks when doing so. Of course, Remus too was hurt by James' refusal to accept them and his childish way of resorting to giving them the silent treatment instead of voicing his opinions. It wasn't going to get anything resolved anytime soon. Yet annoyed as he was, Remus also understood how James felt. He didn't like it, but he understood it. The jealousy James felt was not dissimilar to the jealousy Remus had felt whenever Sirius would spend long periods of time with James. He had felt pangs of annoyance whenever Sirius would confide in James instead of him or whenever the two shared private jokes and giggled insanely about things Remus could never understand. Now Remus and Sirius had a whole new relationship, and James wasn't included in that. Remus had long ago come to terms with his rather unfounded feelings of jealousy. He knew it had been unfair of him to feel that way. James and Sirius were best friends. They had things only they could really understand, and Remus now accepted that fact. He wished James could reach the same point of acceptance.

For Remus, there was another problem. Of course, James resented both of them for their new relationship, but much of his anger was directed at Remus, not Sirius. In James' eyes, Sirius was the one being taken away from him, but Remus was the one actually doing the taking away. And so Remus couldn't help the feelings of guilt worming their way into his mind. The irrational side of his mind scolded him and blamed him for being the cause of Sirius and James' sudden split. The rational side of his mind assured him that it wasn't his fault and that James' behaviour was inexcusable. Remus found he had a hard time distinguishing these two states of mind, and when he did it was unfortunate that the rational side of his mind just wasn't as dominant as the irrational side, causing Remus to feel incredibly guilty whenever he caught a glimpse of Sirius or James' closed, resentful faces. He just didn't know what to do. Sirius had tried to speak to James, but had been unsuccessful in his attempts. This was partly due to the fact that James avoided Sirius all day, but also because Sirius himself was unwilling to try harder. Both boys were so alike in their arrogance and proud defiance that neither wanted to step down and reconcile. Remus was growing extremely frustrated with the entire situation. It had been such an important step for both himself and Sirius to actually tell James and Peter about their relationship and he now felt thoroughly wretched inside. His own friend couldn't even come to terms with it. The lack of support and understanding hit him hard. His miserable thoughts were punctuated only by the even less supportive comments of his House-mates, comments that were accompanied by reactions ranging anywhere from surprise to disgust when Remus confirmed over and over again that yes, he and Sirius were a couple, yes, that meant that effectively he was gay, no, he didn't care what people thought, and could they please not go on about it? It wasn't all bad though. Nathalie and Jocelyn had come to them the next day and smiling broadly had told them how great they thought it was - something Remus had appreciated immensely. They had received some congratulations, but these were far and few between. Remus had tried to persuade Sirius to make a renewed effort to talk to James, but this proposition had merely earned him a dark look and a curt response.

Two days until Christmas, and it looked like it would be a very miserable Christmas indeed.