The Complications of Falling in Love with your Best Friend

Chapter Six - Avoiding Sirius

I'm more than just a little curious how you're planning to go about making your amends.

~ ~ ~

Remus woke up the following morning, feeling thoroughly miserable. He momentarily debated casting a sticking charm on his bed curtains and refusing to come out all day. He realised, however, this was not a sensible nor plausible option. Trying to ignore the sinking weight in his stomach, he dragged himself out of bed. He intended on getting changed rapidly and making his way to the Great Hall for breakfast before any of his dorm-mates, notably Sirius, were awake. Treading as silently as he could, Remus made his way out of the dormitory and down the stairs, not realising that Sirius had woken up a long time before he had.

***

"There he is!"

The exclamation startled Remus out of a reverie, as he looked up to see James, Peter and inevitably Sirius coming towards him as he sat in the Great Hall. Ignoring the momentary panic that fluttered inside him at the memory of last night's humiliation, Remus fixed on a falsely cheerful smile.

"How come you sneaked off this morning, eh?" James asked, dropping himself into the seat next to Remus and pulling a plate towards him.

"Yeah, we didn't know where you'd gone," mumbled Peter through a mouthful of poached eggs.

Remus' eyes flickered over to Sirius, who was silent. He shrugged. "Thought I'd let you guys sleep, that's all." He hooked the false smile back on. "It's getting late, there's loads I have to do. See you later." Remus got up and walked hastily out of the hall, ignoring Peter's questioning look, and James' bewildered stare. He didn't, however, notice that as he walked out of the Great Hall, Sirius' eyes never left him, and continued to stare a long time after he'd left.

Back in the Common Room, Remus sat down heavily on a chair. How long could he go on pretending nothing had happened and avoiding Sirius? The fact was something had happened and it wasn't suddenly going to become untrue, no matter how much Remus wished it. He couldn't undo it, but he could pretend. He'd spent most of his life hiding, pretending, lying... he could do it again.

Three days passed, and still Remus avoided Sirius, much to the confusion of his other friends. They didn't, however, ask too many questions. James and Peter seemed to realise it was a personal problem they would deal with in their own time. And so for three entire days, Remus kept well away from Sirius, only talking to him when absolutely necessary. During those times he was nervously cheerful and Sirius was stubbornly silent.

One morning when Remus was sitting quietly in the Common Room reading, Lily came to sit next to him.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi," he replied, not looking up.

"What are you doing this afternoon?" she asked.

"Nothing much."

"Well, I heard James has got something planned for you boys later. Nothing too outrageous though. He has to be careful now he's Head Boy." Lily smiled almost fondly as she fingered her own Head Girl badge.

Remus looked up. "You're really happy with James aren't you Lily?"

Lily blushed slightly and nodded. "I am... it took him so long to finally mature and tell me how he felt. Then he really seemed like a wonderful person instead of a silly little boy with a crush. I'm glad we finally worked it out. I can't stand the thought of never knowing what could have been if we hadn't got together."

Remus suddenly found he couldn't meet Lily's eye.

"Oh, Remus, I'm sorry!"

He looked up abruptly. "Why?" he asked.

"Because..." Lily looked uncomfortable. "Because of you and Sirius... I didn't want to make you feel bad."

"It's nothing," said Remus dismissively.

"Have you talked to him?"

"Er..." Remus' throat suddenly constricted.

"You really should, you know."

"I think I'll pass," Remus muttered.

"What about nearer to the holidays? We break up for Christmas on Friday next week."

"I'll pass on that too."

"Remus what are you talking about?" Lily asked, frowning. "I thought you really liked Sirius."

Remus said nothing.

"Look," said Lily, sighing, "at first I may have doubted this whole situation, but I know it's not just a passing thing now. I've seen you - the way you look at Sirius when you think he's busy, the way you smile and the way your whole face lights up when he talks to you. You two are always together. Even when you're with me or James or Peter you always sit that significant bit closer together. You laugh and talk and seem to understand each other on a level we can't see. You look at Sirius in that same longing way James used to look at me before we got together. And I know Sirius looks the same way at you."

"You've noticed all of that?" said Remus, impressed.

"Well, yeah," Lily said, shrugging. "It's just one of those things girls notice. We have a sort of sixth sense when it comes to feelings."

"And... you think Sirius looks at me in the same way... that I look at him?" Remus asked.

"Absolutely," Lily confirmed.

"Well, I think your sixth sense might be a little off, " said Remus glumly, "because I've talked to Sirius and he feels nothing." Remus then launched into an explanation of what had happened three nights ago.

"...Then I just ran upstairs. You should have seen his face. He probably hates me."

Lily was silent for a moment. "Did he talk to you after that?"

"Well he came into the dormitory and asked me to talk to him. I didn't answer because I was pretending to be asleep."

"And now you've been avoiding each other for three days."

"Yeah, pretty mu - ow!" Remus shrank back from Lily who had slapped him round the head.

"You idiot Remus!" she said exasperatedly. "Sirius wants to talk to you! He doesn't hate you!"

Remus blinked. "But I made a fool of myself and kissed my best friend who then pushed me away. It's sort of life-changing for him, not to mention humiliating for me."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You boys! Honestly. Talk it over instead of ignoring each other." She paused. "And you said Sirius pushed you away as soon as you kissed him?"

"Well," Remus faltered, "not exactly. I kissed him for a moment before he pulled away."

"And did he look disgusted? Did he call you a sick freak and yell at you?"

"N-no..." Remus said, surprised.

"Then he obviously doesn't hate you! If he honestly felt nothing whatsoever for you he would have asked you what the hell you were on about the moment you told him how you felt. And he wouldn't have let you go near him, let alone kiss him."

"Really?"

"Trust me, Remus! I've heard James talking to Sirius about why you two are avoiding each other, and Sirius doesn't look the slightest bit angry or disgusted. He just keeps sighing and changing the subject before looking over to wherever it is you're sitting. I'm pretty sure that's a clear indication he still wants you two to be friends."

Remus smiled. "Thanks Lily... really... I..."

"Just promise me you'll talk to him."

"I will," Remus said affirmatively, suddenly feeling far lighter.

The Portrait Hole suddenly swung open and both Lily and Remus turned automatically.

"Ah, Sirius!" said Lily cheerily, "why don't you come and join us?"

Sirius looked questioningly at Remus who just rolled his eyes.

"Oh, look at that!" Lily said, looking at her watch with a flourishing gesture. "It's already eleven o'clock."

"What happens at eleven o'clock?" Sirius asked.

"Well, you know..." Lily coughed. "Eleven o'clock is when I... leave the Common Room."

Remus raised an eyebrow at Lily then smiled at Sirius, who of course knew what Lily was doing. It made Remus feel better that Sirius grinned back.

"So I'll be off then," said Lily. She winked at Remus and climbed out of the Portrait Hole humming merrily.

Sirius shook his head. "Strange girl," he murmured. "Still, she keeps James happy." He was silent a moment, then approached Remus nervously. He was tugging compulsively at his robes and his eyes strayed towards the floor. Remus opened his mouth to speak at the same time as Sirius did.

"We need to talk," they said in unison. And they smiled.