The Complications of Falling in Love with your Best Friend

Chapter 4 - A Dream. A Decision.

I was a prisoner but he saved me. Broke into my dreams and said, "Who cares?"

~ ~ ~

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I whisper, voice thick with emotion.

"Because," says Sirius softly, "I was scared you wouldn't feel the same way, and would turn me down, and... I'd lose you."

"I was scared of the same thing," I confess. I gently run my thumb and forefinger over the corner of my bedcovers, trying to calm my nerves.

"Well," says Sirius edging closer, "now we know where we stand..."

"Yeah," I whisper, voice cracking slightly.

Sirius leans towards me, his eyes closed. A strange feeling of peace comes over me as I close my eyes and rest my hands lightly on his shoulders. This is how we are meant to be. I finally have what I want. I am pleasantly surprised as our lips finally meet. His lips are soft and sweet... but then, dream lips are always that way.

Hang on...

This is a dream?

Even in his dream state Remus felt a familiar surge of disappointment. Did any situation where Sirius was concerned have to end in frustrated failure? This was his dream for crying out loud! Why couldn't he have the ending he wanted? There was some sort of great force at work out there; a sadistic power that was greatly amused by Remus' distress and even messed up his dreams. Pouting, Remus pushed Sirius away. He fell backwards on the bed in surprise.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked, frowning.

"You know perfectly well," answered Remus huffily. "You shouldn't even be here."

"But it's your dream, Moony," said Sirius, propping himself up onto his knees. "We can do whatever you like."

Remus had to admit he found the idea extremely tempting, but... "No!" he said forcefully. "If I let this situation go any further, I'll only end up being more disappointed and more hurt." He sighed and turned his eyes away from Sirius' entrancing gaze.

There was a moment's pause before Remus felt a slight pressure on his cheek. He turned in surprise to see Sirius, his face inches away from his own, his long pale fingers resting on his cheek. Remus closed his eyes and sighed in bliss at the cool, calming feel of Sirius' hand. Sirius was now gently stroking Remus' cheek with his thumb, while his other hand was snaking its way through Remus' golden-brown hair. Gathering every strand of self-control he possessed, Remus pulled away from Sirius. Sighing disappointedly, Sirius dropped his hands and stared sullenly at the crimson covering of Remus' bed.

"I guess not," he said quietly. "Though, I had hoped..." Sirius trailed off and shook his head. "You know Remus, dreams are useful things. Not only are they a way for our subconscious to relax and sort out our thoughts, but they're also useful for seeing how situations might turn out. Here you have me, completely under your control. You could make me disappear just like that," Sirius snapped his fingers, "... or you can find out exactly what it would be like if I kissed you right now."

Remus raised an eyebrow at Sirius. "Since when have you been so perceptive?"

Sirius shrugged. "Well this happens to be your subconscious," he said, jabbing a finger on Remus' forehead, causing him to fall backwards in surprise, "and I guess that in your subconscious the dream version of me is incredibly intelligent." Sirius grinned and placed his hands either side of Remus' head. "But then again, the real version of me is just as intelligent, don't you think?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Did you know that Dream-Sirius is just as arrogant as Real-Sirius?"

Sirius moved his face closer to Remus' and pouted. "I resent that."

"You know perfectly well it's true."

Sirius grinned and shifted his position so his legs were now also on either side of Remus. Remus looked up into Sirius' beautiful dark eyes that were sparkling with laughter and desire. He was sure Sirius could read the same emotion in his own.

"You know I'll probably regret this when I wake up, don't you?" said Remus seriously.

Sirius paused thoughtfully. "Maybe. But then again, maybe it will also give you some incentive to get a bloody move on and tell me how you feel. You realise you've been debating your feelings towards me for about a year now?"

Remus made a face at Sirius. "The reason it's taking me so bloody long is because I'm so bloody confused. You think it's easy to realise that while you always thought you fancied girls, turns out you actually fancy guys, and to top it all you fall in love with your best friend?"

"Well enough debating. You have to tell me how you feel at the next possible opportunity."

"But what if you reject me?"

"What if I don't?"

"But what if you do?"

"But what if I don't?"

"... But what if you do?"

Sirius let out a groan of exasperation. All he wanted to do was get a move on and kiss his fair-haired friend, but right now this friend was making that very difficult.

"Listen Moony, sometimes I could afford to be more like you. I could be more patient, more thoughtful... but sometimes you should try taking up some aspects of my personality. For once in the whole six years I've known you just be headstrong! Jump into something without wasting time thinking of the consequences. Just bloody do it already and stop all this 'what if' shit." Sirius looked intently into Remus' wide eyes, a look of complete honesty on his face. "You're only going to end up more miserable if you don't."

"But..." Remus began. He never got a chance to finish his sentence though, because at that moment his words were interrupted when Sirius brought his lips down to Remus' in a crushing kiss. Letting out a muffled cry of surprise Remus soon gave up trying to resist and instead let his emotions rush over him as he lost himself in Sirius' kiss.

***

Many hours later, when Remus woke up, he momentarily couldn't explain the strange feeling of happiness lingering over him before the events in his dream came rushing back. Absently, Remus wondered if Sirius was as good a kisser in real life as in his dream. Smiling, he pulled open the crimson hangings surrounding his bed, fully intent on confessing everything to Sirius there and then, but the common sense that had been briefly dimmed due to his early morning sleepiness suddenly came swirling back into his clouded mind. He would talk to Sirius later when he'd had time to prepare what he would say. Remus clambered resolutely out of bed, pausing to whisper a good morning to Peter who had just pulled open his bed hangings, yawning widely.

"Morning," Peter said, gazing blearily in Remus' general direction. "S'kinda early isn'it?"

"Well it's a lovely day," said Remus brightly.

"S'too bloody early," moaned James who had just opened his own hangings and was squinting against the bright ray of sunlight streaming through a crack in the partially opened curtains.

"Well since we're all awake might as well go get breakfast," said Peter, stumbling clumsily out of bed.

"C'mon Padfoot," yawned James, pulling open the boy's bed curtains. "Time to get up."

Sirius groaned and buried his head further under his covers. James rolled his eyes and grabbed a pillow from his own bed before making his way towards Sirius and thumping him with it. Grumbling angrily, Sirius sat up to glare at James. His hair was rumpled, the usually sleek dark strands sticking up haphazardly on his head. His comical appearance and sleep-induced daze somehow ruined the effect of the death-glare he was currently directing at a point slightly too far left of James.

Remus burst out laughing. He couldn't help it. Sirius' comical appearance and the fact he was currently feeling ridiculously happy meant he suddenly began to laugh quite unexpectedly.

"You all right there, Moony?" enquired Sirius, still slightly blearily, as James stood above him, pillow swaying in his hand.

Remus smiled widely. "I'm fine. Absolutely fine."

And with that he practically bounced out of the dormitory, leaving behind three rather confused boys.