The Complications of Falling in Love with your Best Friend

Chapter 3 - Of Kissing and Confrontation

Strange infatuation seems to grace the evening tide.

~ ~ ~

At least a month passed since that day when Remus had sworn to get over his feelings for Sirius. So far he was doing an acceptable job of it. Acceptable, because while he forced his thoughts not to stray into daydreams involving Sirius, he found he could not just make his feelings disappear. He had thought that if he got over Sirius, he wouldn't keep getting hurt. But it was easier said than done. However hard he tried he just couldn't force his longing for Sirius away.

"You hear about Simon Lyndon?" James enquired that evening at dinner, with the air of someone who was about to reveal either a horrifyingly shocking piece of news or a scandalously exciting secret.

"That sixth-year Ravenclaw?" asked Peter, frowning as he tried to remember. "Tall, blond... really good-looking?"

James snorted, accidentally inhaling his mashed potato.

"What's so funny?" asked Sirius bluntly, as Remus tried not to look at James choking up his dinner.

"Peter... finds him... good-looking!" James spluttered between coughs.

Peter rolled his eyes, but a vivid flush was creeping up his cheeks. "Shut up," he whispered, shooting furtive glances around him.

"Watch out, Wormtail," said James when he had regained his composure, "or you'll end up just like Simon."

"What do you mean?" Remus asked warily, though he thought he had quite a good idea of what was going on. He risked a quick glance at Sirius, but there was no outward sign of emotion on his face. He was simply watching James, his expression impassive.

"Well, word has it," James was saying, lowering his voice so the other three had to lean towards him, "that yesterday our dear Simon... well... 'came out of the closet' as it were."

"Who did?"

The four boys looked up startled at Lily who had quietly slipped up behind them and was now looking enquiringly at James.

"Oh, apparently that Simon Lyndon from Ravenclaw is gay," said Sirius airily, as if the news was the most mundane, unremarkable piece of information he'd ever heard.

"I see," said Lily, sitting down beside James and directing an almost questioning glance at Remus. Remus wished she'd look away. He was beginning to feel terribly uncomfortable and wondered whether there was any conceivable way for him to slip away unnoticed.

"Aw, come on Lils," said James twirling a fiery strand of his girlfriend's hair, "we're not making fun of him or anything." He kissed her cheek. "What that Ravenclaw does in his spare time is fine by me."

Lily pushed him away playfully and placed a hand on his shoulder, gazing at him thoughtfully. "So are you saying that you'd be perfectly all right if, say, one of your friends..." her eyes flickered over to Remus for the briefest of seconds, "...was homosexual?"

Remus had to stop himself from bashing his head on the table in frustrated embarrassment. He appreciated Lily's efforts, but he didn't think she was being particularly subtle about it. He knew James was a bit dense when it came to emotions, but he'd figure something out eventually if Remus wasn't careful.

"Of course," James was saying in response to Lily's question.

"Oh really?" Sirius said, an amused smile playing across his lips.

"Yes," James said stubbornly, but he was beginning to look uncomfortable as all of his friends' eyes focused on him.

"So, you're saying," said Sirius, clearly enjoying James' discomfort, "that if I turned around right now and kissed some guy you'd be fine with it?"

"Let it be me!" Remus found himself thinking involuntarily.

"Well," said James, looking flustered, "it doesn't even matter because you're not gay and I bet you'd never kiss a guy anyway."

That was a mistake. Sirius was so determined to prove people wrong, that whenever anyone told him that he wouldn't do something, he invariably did it anyway.

Remus found he didn't really mind though.

At James' words, Sirius laughed and exclaimed, "watch me!" He turned to Remus and said, with a wicked grin playing on his lips, "excuse me, Moony, but I'm afraid this must be done to deflate the arrogance of our dear Prongs." And with that, he leaned swiftly towards Remus and planted a quick kiss on his lips.

A strange explosion took place in the pit of his stomach, at the same time as a strange explosion took place at the Gryffindor table. Dazed, Remus looked around at Sirius who was laughing, James who was moaning that Sirius was disgusting, Peter who was laughing nervously, and Lily who was staring wide-eyed at Remus, unable to say anything, which was really how Remus felt at that moment.

Sirius had kissed him. Sirius had kissed him. Remus didn't know whether to love or hate James for accidentally pushing Sirius to do what he did. On the one hand, he had promised himself never to think of Sirius again in the way he was currently thinking of him, but on the other hand, he had never been in such a state of euphoria as he replayed the moment in his mind, focusing on exactly what Sirius' lips had felt like for the very brief moment they had been on his.

Remus was feeling dizzyingly happy until he was thrown out of his reverie quite suddenly.

The moment when Sirius had kissed him, the Gryffindor table had erupted with shouts and excited chatter. Calls varying from, "that's so gross!" to "get in there, mate!" could be heard, but these were now replaced by a louder and altogether more unpleasant voice.

"You're sick, Black!"

Robert Barrows, Slytherin seventh-year and notorious Gryffindor enemy was currently standing behind Sirius, sneering down at him. In an instant, Sirius was on his feet, glaring angrily at the boy. The Slytherin backed off a few steps, as Sirius was a substantial few inches taller than he was, and when angry, Sirius radiated a hard fury concentrated in the shadowy depths of his eyes. He was an altogether imposing sight. "Say that again," Sirius whispered dangerously.

Robert Barrows blinked, a slight fear slipping into his dull grey eyes, but he drew himself up to Sirius, and repeated forcefully, "you're a sick faggot. You and that Lupin freak."

"Take it back," Sirius said furiously, jabbing the Slytherin in the chest.

Remus was suddenly forcibly reminded of their moment in fifth-year when Snape had called Lily a Mudblood, and James had suddenly erupted in anger on her behalf. He wondered vaguely whether there was a connection to this situation and the fact that the reason James had reacted so aggressively towards Snape was because he had feelings for Lily.

"Don't touch me, freak," Barrows hissed menacingly. "I don't take it back. You're a gay pervert and you're sick, kissing another guy." With that he spat disdainfully at Remus, who was sitting absolutely still, shocked yet fascinated to see Sirius' reaction.

It was a violent one.

At the Slytherin's words, Sirius drew out his wand in a flash and a sonorous explosion took place as Robert Barrows was flung to the ground. Curious yet wary, the pupils close enough to the scene of the confrontation craned their necks to see what state the boy would end up in. As the smoke cleared, an eerie hush fell. There was a shocked silence, then laughter began to bubble up, growing louder as more pupils in the Great Hall caught sight of the Slytherin sprawled on the ground.

Robert Barrows stood up looking dazed, before glancing down and letting out a most un-manly scream. He had been hit with a Nosustreccan curse - a speciality of Sirius', that caused the receiver's nose to grow uncontrollably long. Flapping his arms wildly, the boy bolted towards the doors, though this process was somewhat hindered by the still-growing nose flung over his shoulder and dragging heavily across the stone floor.

Laughing victoriously, Sirius directed a satisfied look at Remus, who smiled warily back. He wasn't sure what to think. Why had Sirius reacted so violently? Was he defending his reputation? No, Sirius didn't give a damn about his reputation. In fact, he took quite a bit of pleasure in having his name tainted with all sorts of outrageous rumours that provided him with endless amusement. Was he simply defending his friend, or was there more to it?

"That was a perfect example of the Nosustreccan hex Mr. Black," a crisp voice suddenly said behind them. "Indeed, I don't think I've seen such a perfect result in many years."

The boys turned somewhat apprehensively to face their Head of House and Transfiguration teacher, Professor McGonagall.

"However," she continued, "ten points will be taken from Gryffindor for the use of magic against another student out of lessons."

"He deserved it," muttered Sirius.

"That may be so Mr. Black, but you must learn to control your temper and not lash out on fellow students, despite what insults they may throw at you."

Sirius nodded sullenly, but McGonagall added quietly, "however I shall award you five points for defending yourself so readily against such prejudice." She sighed. "There's far too much discrimination in this world, even in a place that tries to teach acceptance." Shaking her head, the Transfiguration teacher walked off.

His mind whirring, Remus raised his eyebrows at Sirius whose face mirrored his surprised expression.

"Well," said James, yawning widely, though Remus suspected it was a fake yawn, "I'm off to bed."

"Me too," said Peter, scurrying off.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," said Lily, waving at Remus and Sirius, before gesturing at two girls sat beside her to follow. The girls exchanged glances, and, linking arms with Lily, made their way up towards Gryffindor tower.

"Sirius?" Remus asked gently.

Sirius turned to face Remus abruptly, as if thrown out of a deep reverie.

"Let's go."

Sirius allowed himself to be led through the Great Hall, ignoring the frenzy of whispers following him as he passed. Neither boy said a word as they made their way up the stone steps. The silence remained as both of them clambered through the Portrait of the Fat Lady and stood awkwardly in the middle of the Common Room. Just when Remus thought he couldn't stand the silence any longer it was broken by Sirius' voice.

"You know I didn't mean to get so angry."

Remus nodded. He wasn't sure whether Sirius' statement required a response or not.

"It just... really got to me. I don't usually pick fights like that..."

Remus couldn't help raising an eyebrow sceptically.

Sirius smiled slightly. "Ok, sometimes I do, but only with the Slytherins that deserve it. It's just today... well I couldn't stand all that narrow-minded, prejudiced shit from Barrows."

Remus didn't say anything, but sat down on the sofa by the fire and gestured for Sirius to do the same.

There was a slight pause before Sirius continued. "It wasn't just the Slytherins though. There were plenty of horrified faces among the Gryffindors when I... when I kissed you."

Remus suddenly found the process of breathing inexplicably difficult. He swallowed hard. "About that..." he said, his voice cracking slightly, "why did you... why did..."

"Why did I kiss you?" finished Sirius abruptly. Remus nodded, not trusting himself to speak. "Shit, Moony, I hope you didn't freak out or anything, it's just I got a bit carried away... you know what I'm like, I just had to prove James wrong. Don't think about it... it was only a joke."

Only a joke. Great, thought Remus bitterly. But then, what had he expected?

"James looked so disgusted though," Sirius was saying, a hint of annoyance in his voice. "It's hypocritical, and that goes for so many people around here. They go on about acceptance for Muggle-Borns, Half-Bloods, all of them, but then turn around and are disgusted by this whole homosexuality thing. It's just wrong, y'know?"

Remus nodded again and wished he could find something more constructive to say.

"I think I wanted to see how far people's reactions would go today. I guess I was kind of provocative."

Sirius paused thoughtfully, then grinned at Remus.

"It wasn't all bad though. You happen to have very kissable lips."

Remus truly didn't know what to say. Suddenly Sirius let out a shout of laughter that was so like a bark.

"I'm sorry, Moony," said Sirius smiling sheepishly and laughing some more. "I couldn't help it."

Remus allowed himself a small smile and found that his voice had come back. "It's fine," he said waving a hand dismissively. "I hate this prejudice just as much as you and I happen to be sadistically happy that Robert Barrows is probably hiding in some dark, cold, rat-infested corner of the dungeons with a fourteen-foot long nose."

Sirius laughed good-naturedly and grinned as he pictured the scene. "I am pretty good at those hexes aren't I?"

"The best," said Remus affirmatively.

The two boys sat in comfortable silence, staring into the dimly glowing embers that were occasionally shifting around in the stony fireplace.

"You know," Remus found himself saying, unable to stop, "I really admire that Simon from Ravenclaw, and anyone else who actually has the courage to stand up for what they are regardless of all the prejudice they risk."

"Yeah," said Sirius thoughtfully. "That's got to take a lot of guts." He looked at Remus. "It's a bit like the werewolf thing you know?"

"What is?"

"The prejudice. I know it's really hard on you, and you have to face the same sort of discrimination, but you manage okay when we're here to support you."

"I know," Remus said.

"You know we'd never drop you... and you know I'm always here if you want to talk," he added with such a straightforward sincerity that Remus was touched.

He wasn't quite sure, however, why Sirius added the last part of his sentence, nor was he sure if the swift, searching glance Sirius gave him was part of his imagination or not, but all he could do was nod gratefully.

Sirius yawned. "Well I'm off to bed."

"I'll be up in a minute," Remus said gesturing for Sirius to go on ahead.

"G'night then." Sirius yawned again and trudged towards the Dormitory stairs, his footsteps thudding heavily on the stone steps, reverberating off the empty walls of the Common Room.

Staring into the dying embers of the fire, Remus struggled to process the jumbled thoughts racing through his mind. Shaking his head slightly he decided a more suitable option was to get some sleep and then analyse his confused brain in the morning. Clambering into bed some time later, Remus finally fell asleep more peacefully than he had in weeks.