The Complications of Falling in Love with your Best Friend

Chapter 2 - Never Again: A Disastrous Homework Session

I'm on the hunt; I'm after you.

~ ~ ~

"Re-mus!" Sirius whined, giving his friend a plaintive look.

Remus sighed and looked up from his book reluctantly. He eyed Sirius warily, trying to assess what it was Sirius wanted from him. He had to be careful. Remus was so inclined to give in to anything Sirius asked of him that people would start getting suspicious of his willingness to please him. Or they would think Remus was particularly submissive, and neither scenario pleased him.

"What is it?" he finally replied.

"It's this Transfiguration work." Sirius pouted and pushed his piece of parchment, on which were scribbled three untidy lines, towards Remus. "It's really difficult..."

Remus raised an eyebrow sceptically, turned back to his book and said, without looking up, "Sirius, you know that you're intelligent enough to do this Transfiguration essay. I've leant you my notes and you know perfectly well that even if you put the minimum amount of effort into this work you will still end up getting at least an E."

Sirius gave a tragic sigh and stretched before slouching across the desk, grinning mischievously. "Well what can I say Moony? I'm just a genius."

Remus rolled his eyes, but fought to hide a smile.

"However," Sirius continued, brandishing his almost-blank parchment under Remus' nose, "my wondrous intelligence does not remove the fact that I still need you."

That made Remus look up.

"For the essay, I mean."

He looked back down, sighing almost inaudibly. He stared at the line he had re-read at least four times. This was getting stupid. Every time he was near Sirius, which happened to be a substantial amount of the morning, afternoon, and evening, he would go to pieces. Every single gesture, every single word... he always looked desperately for some sort of sign that Sirius felt the same way he did. And every time he ended up being bitterly disappointed. Because how could Sirius feel the same way? It was true that Remus would never know unless he took action to find out. But what was he expecting? For Sirius to say, "Sure, I'm gay too, and coincidentally, I fancy you. Wanna snog passionately for hours?" Even in his mind the words sounded ridiculous. It was just too unlikely that the one person he'd ever had real feelings for would happily return these feelings. He wanted more than anything to discover if there was a possible relationship between them, but there was too great a risk. Remus bit his lip, thinking. He risked loosing Sirius forever. He would scare him off, and all he wanted was to keep Sirius near him. So Remus would take him any way he could, even if it meant sacrificing all his other feelings.

It was however, very difficult to rid himself of these feelings when Sirius was currently about two centimetres away from his face.

"Hello? Anybody in there?" joked Sirius, knocking on Remus' head.

Remus blinked. "Er..." It was impossible for him to process any coherent thoughts with Sirius so close he could feel a warm breath on his face. Minutes seemed to pass and still Remus just sat there staring unblinkingly into Sirius' dark eyes. Subconsciously he licked his cracked lips, which had begun to feel unnecessarily dry, and swallowed, trying to control his increasingly laboured breathing. If only Sirius would look away! But Sirius seemed to show no signs of looking anywhere else but straight into his eyes. Panicking for a second, Remus wondered if Sirius was at all skilled at Occlumency, and could read every single hopeful thought racing through his mind at that moment. At least that way would be easier than telling him to his face. Sirius seemed to be thinking deeply. He cocked his head to one side and reached one hand towards Remus' face. Panic, fright, desire and overwhelming hope flashed through Remus in an instant. What was Sirius doing? Placing one hand on Remus' shoulder, Sirius inched closer to Remus, their knees touching slightly. Holding his breath, an excruciating pulsation in his brain, Remus vainly tried to slow his racing heart as the tension in the air reached an overpowering climax. Remus closed his eyes, not daring to hope, but hoping all the same.

"You've got something on your robes."

The voice sliced through the air and stunned Remus who was brutally hurled out of his dream-like state. Opening his eyes he stared unbelievingly at Sirius who was now crouching towards him, flicking some fluff off his shoulder. Standing up abruptly Remus flung Sirius' hand off him. Feeling horrified he turned and ran for the stairs, ignoring Sirius' confused expression and startled cry of, "Hey! Where are you going?"

Remus bolted into the dormitory and slammed the door shut. He flung himself on his four-poster bed and wrenched the hangings shut before sinking his face into the crimson material of his pillows. Why, why, why did he ever think anything could happen between them? It was impossible, it was ludicrous, it was a notion too ridiculous to contemplate. Yet he had contemplated. He had hoped. He had even believed for one small moment that it was possible. Groaning, Remus buried his face further into the pillow. He had utterly humiliated himself and had been bitterly disappointed. This was it. He was never, ever going to think about Sirius that way again.

It was a long time before Remus finally fell asleep.