The Night Snape Heard About Lupin

The night that Sirius told Snape about Lupin:

One foggy night, Snape is walking down one of the corridors and spots Sirius looking out onto the field, under a full moon. Lupin is running across the field towards the Whomping Willow. Snape spots Lupin out a nearby window and runs to Sirius, grabbing him by the robes.

Snape: Where is he going?

Sirius: You know I just washed these robes. (Sirius says not looking at Snape)

Snape: I don't care.

Sirius: Shame, but the house elves won't mind cleaning it again.

Snape: Goddamn it, stay on subject.

Sirius: These really were my nice robes.

Snape: Not that topic.

Sirius: Oh, Snape, how nice to see you.

Snape: WHERE IS LUPIN GOING?

Sirius: Well, he didn't want me to tell you, but...

Snape: But, what?!

Sirius: Seeing as how you're a close personal friend of ours, I'll let you in on a little secret.

Snape: REALLY? I mean, really, what can that secret be?

Sirius: Okay, Lupin is really a candy pirate, he breaks into the sweet shop every full moon disguised as a werewolf and takes all the Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. Hurry and you can stop him! Hey! I bet they'll let you into the order of Merlin early if you catch him.

Snape: Wow, order of Merlin. How do I get there?

Sirius: Take a stick and poke the second knot from the bottom on the mossy side of the Whomping Willow.

Snape: Order of Merlin, wow...

Sirius: Hurry and catch him! He's probably already in costume! Don't let the costume fool you.

Snape walks off to the Whomping Willow and a grin slowly grows on Sirius's face. Sirius casually walks up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room.

Sirius: Dingbat.

The portrait of the Fat Lady swung open. Sirius walks in, many of the Gryffindors are studying, James and Peter were sitting by the fireplace, playing Wizard's Chess. James hadn't lost any pieces; Peter had a bishop, 2 pawns and the king. Sirius nearly skipped towards James and Peter with an enormous grin on his face and a song in his heart.

Sirius: Hehehehehehehe...

James: Checkmate. (Looking up at Sirius) Sirius, what did you do? (Suddenly looking at him very sternly.)

Sirius: heheheheheehe...Nothing...hehehehehehe

James: No, seriously what did you do? Sirius, what are you laughing at? (A growing tone of concern in his voice, coming to his feet)

Sirius: (stifling laughter) Nothin'...

James: Yes, you did, I know you did.

Sirius: How do you know?

James: Because you have that stupid grin on your face.

Sirius: (feeling his face) So I do.

James: You didn't tell...

Sirius: Snape that Lupin was a candy pirate in a werewolf suit? In those words...yes.

James: (Trying to remain serious at the thought of Lupin being a candy pirate) Idiot...

Sirius: Funny, huh?

James: No! (He lied) We have to save him or else Snape will die!

Sirius: I know. But, where's the bad part?

James: Idiot. (He runs out of the common room)

Sirius: (Turning to Peter) Game of Chess?