In Real Life

Hermione smiled as she read the words on the screen of her laptop. She was in the middle of yet another online Harry Potter fanfic, and this one was more hilarious than most. Barely able to contain her mirth, Hermione turned in her swivel chair to look at Harry and Ron, who were sitting on her bed.

"Oh my god Harry, you have to look at this." Hermione glanced quickly at the screen and tried to suppress another snort.

Harry looked up tiredly from the magazine he was reading. "Who am I shagging senseless this time Herm? You, Draco, Ron, or all three?"

Hermione shook her head. "Wrong on all counts. Ready?"

Harry nodded, visibly steeling himself for the news. "Ready," he said through gritted teeth.

"Snape!" Unable to contain herself any longer, Hermione fell to the floor in a fit of giggles. Harry just looked sick.

"Snape? Why, of all people, would I want to shag Snape? Why would anybody?" Harry looked back to his magazine in disgust. "Seriously, makes me want to Memory Charm the whole Muggle population," he muttered darkly, trying to focus on his article.

Hermione grabbed at her swivel chair and pulled herself up to a sitting position. "It is amusing..." she began, her smile reaching from ear to ear.

"Till it happens to you," said Ron, opening his eyes. He'd been laying on her bed, listening to some CD's. After two months at Hermione's house, Ron had gotten quite used to "Muggle Magic", as he called it. "Remember all those we've found about you and Malfoy?" Ron shuddered, recalling the horrors he'd read. "I thought my mind would never be clean again. I mean, you and Malfoy. Ughh."

Hermione stopped mid laugh. "Yeah..." she said, trailing off. "Pretty nasty stuff. And why is it always me?"

Harry looked up again. "What? Always you? Excuse me, but I think I'm the one that seems to be discovering original sin on a daily basis here."

Hermione sat up straighter. "And what about me? At least they put you in a decent light-"

"Most of the time," interrupted Harry.

"-and don't warp you to where you're unrecognizable. You're still Harry Potter. Me, I'm usually some seductress that has 'grown up over the summer holidays'. Either that, or they just take my name and my relationship with you two and then tweak me this way and that. I don't see a bit of me in there anywhere!"

Ron yawned. "You're both wrong. Harry, Herm gets just as much attention as you do because it's easier to write about her snogging Malfoy senseless. Easier on the stomach." Ron stretched like a cat and sat up, turning the CD player off. "And as to you Herm, Harry's person is tweaked just as much as yours is. Half the time he has the hots for Malfoy or me, and the other half he's this noble, self-sacrificing, Harry Potter that's clueless about everything."

Harry and Hermione looked at each other, then back at Ron. "He has a point," said Hermione, shrugging and getting up.

Harry nodded. "Whatever." Then he laughed in spite of himself. "Still, what they do to us is nothing compared with what they do to them. I mean really. Snape, sensitive? And Malfoy giving a damn about somebody besides himself? You have to hand it to the Muggles, they really are a creative lot."

Hermione smiled. "That's right. Makes me proud to be one." Then she glanced back at the computer screen and smiled even wider. "Mostly."