The Wicked Cry Alone

Two

Several months flew by before Remus could stop and take stock of things. Tom liked Sirius's carefree attitude; he often suggested that Remus should spend more time with him and the brother he'd only heard stories about.

'Imagine what good it could do you, Remus. You need to talk with more people. Don't become a wrinkled old hermit like me. Go, be young, associate with boys your age.'

Good advice that it was, Remus still resisted. Not that he hated the idea or was trying to be difficult, but because he was still afraid to open himself up, even if Sirius didn't seem to hold any malice towards him. Regulus had proved to be like-minded, although considerably more controlled than Sirius. Sometimes he thought the younger boy was much older when he sensed some of the muted demons that haunted him. In that, they had something in common. Remus found himself talking with Regulus in hushed tones whenever Sirius was occupied with Faela.

He had finally allowed them both to visit him at the cabin more often after Tom's repeated advice. Eventually Remus admitted to himself that being around them was as easy as breathing. Without realising it, he'd come to rely on their friendship, and they in turn had revealed more of their lives to him.

Walburga Black, stern woman that she was, definitely warranted avoidance. She sounded too much like the old villagers from his prior life, before he found a home here. Some of their other relatives were prone to insipid gossip, but Remus had luckily evaded most of their attention by living so far on the outskirts with Tom. Sirius and Regulus seemed like the only decent Blacks to emerge from that entire family. Remus counted himself lucky to be their friend.

As months turned into a year, Remus had turned fourteen and was still seeing the Black brothers on a fairly regular basis. His stammering had all but disappeared around them, unless Sirius caught him off guard by invading his personal space. He still wasn't accustomed to how tactile the other boy was, but the more Sirius touched him, the more intense his reactions had been.

If he spent too much time analysing those reactions, his mind would wander into unknown territory that made him flush to the tips of his hair. There wasn't a common precedence forthat sort of behaviour, but he heard stories. He often wondered why he didn't think about anyone as much as Sirius; eventually he managed to convince himself that he considered Sirius his best friend, outside of Regulus and Faela. So naturally, he would occupy his thoughts more. He conveniently disregarded how weak that explanation sounded, even to him.

The three boys started to go on hunting trips together every other week when Tom was away trading animal goods with neighbouring villages. They told stories around the fire over a freshly cooked kill, laughing and taking turns with the gorier bits. Whenever the small group came across a stream or river, Remus let himself relax and played splash wars with the other two, often emerging the winner. He felt completely liberated at night, sleeping under the moon and stars like he was born to be free.

The closer they all got, the more Walburga Black stuck her nose in their business. Eventually, Regulus fell under her tight control and he couldn't break free. On the other hand, Sirius made a point of always blowing her off and disrespecting her wishes.

Remus missed having Regulus with them on their hunting trips, but Sirius insisted that they still go.

'If she thinks she's got her hooks in me, she's got another thing coming,' he said firmly. 'Fuck her and her tightarsed rules.'

As they grew closer, Sirius never noticed that he was leaving his brother behind.

Hardly a day passed without them being together. Sirius made him feel better about himself. His optimistic -- if occasionally brusque -- way of looking at the world was having a positive effect on Remus. He spent less time in the cabin and more of his days venturing into the forests and even to town.

Tom took over most of the hunting on his own, but he didn't have the heart to interfere. Remus was finally growing into himself. He had a bright future if he let himself take it.

Their gold was slowly depleting, so Tom went out more frequently, bringing in double the load to sell to other villages. He was gone more and for longer periods, leaving Remus alone in the cabin with Faela.

Sirius kept them both company whenever he could.

Before he knew it, Remus was already fifteen, with Sirius just a few months ahead. Birthdays didn't really matter to either of them, but Tom remembered to give Remus a small token of affection. He gave Sirius a hunting knife that rivalled even his own and Remus's, while Remus received a bundle of the latest stories Tom had acquired going from village to village. Both boys gave him equally warm hugs. Sirius felt like he belonged somewhere. His blood family hardly mattered to him anymore, not when he had Remus, and his small family. Regulus was turning traitor anyway. He would learn the hard way.

The hunting trips gradually shifted from twice monthly to every week, and they drew each trip out to two days at a time. Without even realising it, they were spending exclusive time with each other, wrapped up in their stories and the hunts. Just as Remus had felt freedom, Sirius thrived on this lifestyle. Being able to fend for himself, without anyone telling him what to do or how to think, was utterly amazing. Even though he returned to his mother's house a few times a week, he rarely saw Walburga or any other Black more than he had to.

Remus was his world now; he was just along for the ride.

During one of their trips, they each occupied themselves with their birthday gifts when Remus spoke up.

'Sirius, do you ever think that maybe we're... maybe we...' Remus faltered, his cheeks growing pink in the faint light of the dying sun.

His friend looked up from one of the rolls of parchment, his eyebrows raised in question. 'What? Maybe we what?'

He tried to gather his thoughts, but the direction they were heading in was new territory. He'd come down this path before only to shut it down before he could make sense of it. Now that he was fifteen, he realised what most of those stories meant when they described passion. Tom had started asking if he was developing any interest in things besides hunting and his friendship, to which Remus didn't have an immediate reply. He thought long and hard about what he might've meant when one evening, after awakening from a particularly vivid and heated dream, it dawned on him.

'It-it's hard to put into words. We spend a lot of time together, don't we?'

Laughter was his only reply, as if he hadn't just asked a Very Serious Question.

'That wasn't meant to be a joke, Sirius!' he huffed, cheeks going darker.

'Oh, wasn't it? I think it's an obvious answer,' Sirius retorted. He hadn't looked up from his parchment until just then. The laughter died in his throat when he noticed how uncomfortable Remus looked.

'Mate, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to -- look how about you just come right out and say it? No boundaries, remember?' Back when their friendship was first starting out, Sirius had said those exact words, demanding that Remus and Regulus shake on it.

Remus nodded but dropped his gaze to the canvas mat beneath him. His finger picked idly at a frayed edge before he steadied his breathing and ploughed ahead.

'I've been having these... dreams. Since we spend a lot of time together, I didn't really think anything of it. Until... they... well, they took a strange turn.' His face felt like he was burning up. The sun was nearly down for the evening, so at least the night's cover would help to hide his embarrassment.

A crease appeared on Sirius's brow while he mulled over what he'd heard. Remus couldn't mean what he thought; it must've been his imagination. But the colour of his face was reminiscent of a tomato, so maybe he was on to something.

His hands smoothed out the parchment before he rolled it back up, buying a little time. He caught the tail end of Remus's uncomfortable squirm when he faced him after putting the roll away. 'So, what you're saying is: I'm the man of your dreams?' His grin flashed in the dying light.

Remus sighed in exasperation before his head fell back with a thunk. 'Gods, you are impossible.'

One of Sirius's hands caught Remus's, turning it so his palm faced up. The fingers of his other hand traced the lines and grooves, noting how the skin felt smoother than his own. Long fingers tapered out to a soft curve, perfect for writing or playing music, not hunting. They flexed involuntarily as Remus sat up, watching Sirius's fingers progress down his palm.

'Maybe I've had dreams like those, too,' he said so softly, Remus had to strain to hear.

Finally Remus found the courage to look Sirius in the eyes. He looked just as apprehensive, if only slightly more confident about himself. Remus reasoned that it was because he was a few months older. Whatever helped him come to terms with his dreams about Sirius.Fantasies, more like, he reminded himself. Images of a naked and wanton Sirius flickered behind his eyelids and he had to suck in his breath, dropping his gaze again out of embarrassment.

'Hey,' Sirius said, tilting Remus's chin up to face him, 'it's normal to have dreams like that. We're not little boys anymore, y'know? I mean, I always thought I'd be dreaming of tits, but I'm not really complaining if it's your naked arse instead.' His grin practically oozed self-confidence.

Whatever else Remus expected, it wasn't that. Unbeknownst to him, something akin to wantflickered in his brown eyes for a moment.

In a much bolder move than he'd intended, Remus reached out and grabbed hold of Sirius's neck, tugging him down for a kiss that was all chapped lips, no finesse, and absolutely the best thing he'd ever done.

Sirius was caught mid-gasp, the rest of the sound muffled by Remus's mouth. His hands rested on Remus's shoulders to steady himself, but he didn't pull away from the awkward kiss. What it lacked in technique, it made up for in delicious tension. He hadn't realised until that moment how much he'd wanted to do this very thing.

Remus was the first to pull away with just a tilt of his head. Their nosed bumps and they both snickered.

'Probably not the best first kiss in the world but...' Before he could elaborate, Sirius had swooped down for another, much more refined kiss.

This one was wet and humid. Sirius caught his mouth slightly open so puffs of warm air passed between them, bringing a jolt to Remus's stomach. He let out a surprised gasp at the sensation, only to discover that he could taste Sirius on his tongue. He shut his eyes tightly when the dream images resurfaced, moaning involuntarily at the reactions they evoked.

Sirius responded in kind while his hands pushed into Remus's hair, burying at his nape as he dipped his tongue into the other boy's mouth. The kiss deepened in the waning light, their soft moans greeting the moon as it rose.

Their hips met and it was all over in the blink of an eye, before either of them knew what had happened. Twin looks of mortification crossed their faces, but they managed to fall asleep with sated smiles and arms wrapped around one another.

Gradually, they learned about one another's most intimate dreams, whispers in the night the only way they could talk about it at first. It wasn't too long before they weren't simply talking about their dreams, they were starting to explore the meaning behind them, trying to figure out if it they were just products of puberty or if there was something more. Their bodies complemented each other better than either of them had expected, but what they least expected was how attached they had become.

Tom had started to notice their closeness. He worried over their future together, if they continued down this path.

And still he said nothing, continuing to watch the gold run out while working extra hard to make up for it. He didn't tell Remus how dire their situation was becoming; that local village economies were undergoing shifts and dips. Their animal skins were only worth half the original price now, yet Tom shouldered the majority of the burden, hoping that by doing so, Remus would be able to have the carefree life he'd always been denied.

He may not have fully understood the reasoning behind this new closeness with Sirius, but he couldn't begrudge either of them a meaningful friendship that had grown deeper with the passing of time.

It was only when tragedy struck again that their blossoming relationship would be put to the test.