The Wicked Cry Alone

One

Cold shivers running down his spine was the first thing he noticed. The chill was bone-deep, leeching the warmth from his body and greedily storing it in the ground.

His groan of discontentment was lost in the stillness of the forest. Day three in the woods had left his body worn and hungry, the majority of his food having run out what seemed like ages ago. His hand -- numb from the damp cold of the bushes that had served as his makeshift cot -- felt along the limp fabric of his bag. Just a tin and what felt like biscuits, probably gone stale.

Shaky fingers reached inside for a biscuit as he dragged himself to a sitting position.

Since he'd found himself in the wood a few days back, eight-year-old Remus Lupin had calmly accepted the fact that he was irrevocably alone. It had been difficult coming to terms with that last day in the house he'd known since birth, but the forest had a way of teaching lessons in the harshest manner possible.

Already Remus had avoided a couple of predators by keeping all-day watch, wide eyes and ears alert for any sound or movement. His heartbeat had been one frantic rattle for the first two days, until eventually, his growing body needed to recharge. Finding a place to sleep was a struggle, but at least he was safe from them. Perhaps it was paranoia, but he was sure he'd heard men shouting and dogs barking along the edges of the wood after they'd burned down his house. Like clockwork, the flurry of sounds had returned the second day, so Remus ventured deeper into the forest to try and keep well-hidden. He'd been so successful that he found himself thoroughly lost.

As though he had anything left to go back to.

The biscuit was hard and barely edible in his mouth as he thought, but it was food. His worries returned with a vengeance as he forced the pulp of stale biscuit down his throat.

What about when my food's gone? I finished the water yesterday... what'll I do?

And then the panic set in, starting his heart pounding anew. His head whipped around as he shot up, frantically searching for any sign of movement in the meantime. Fingers convulsively gripped at the bag he'd dragged close to his body, an aching awareness of his depleting rations settling into his gut.

That tin and biscuits were all he had left. He didn't have any means of opening the tin and those biscuits would be just enough for lunch that day; but what about tomorrow, and the next day, and the next? Having grown up near a forest, he wasn't unfamiliar with having to rough it. Da used to take him into the wood to teach him how to hunt and it wasn't unusual for them to camp the night; had done so since he was six. But this was different, now he wasalone and he needed to live by his wits. Besides the fact, he didn't think to bring a tool or weapon.

Cursing his lack of foresight, he slumped back to the ground dejectedly and crossed his legs. An unwitting tear of frustration slipped down his cheeks, brushed roughly away with still-cold fingers. That he hadn't succumbed to pneumonia or any number of illnesses by now was nothing short of a miracle. The damp should've been enough, yet somehow, he was still healthy.

Not forever, he thought darkly to himself as he picked at the clothing hanging off of him.

Unwashed and covered in dirt and who-knows-what, Remus looked like a waif swallowed up by the massive trees. Light brown hair that used to fall softly against his forehead now clung wetly to his skin. He was thin before, but soon enough he'd be nothing more than a skeleton. A poor, homeless, lost skeleton.

Resolved not to sit here and die of cold, Remus sat up, much calmer this time, and looked around. Picking a direction opposite of where he thought he'd come yesterday, he set out in search of water and maybe if he got lucky, some food.

***

Just as daylight was quickly extinguished by the thick treetops, Remus was settling his back against the frigid surface of a tall rock. He'd struck gold when he found this little pool, nestled in a thicket of trees and bushes that no longer looked familiar. He couldn't be sure, but it felt like he was moving from one forest to another; as though he might soon hit some unfamiliar land.

Maybe I'll find a new home, he thought half-heartedly, his mind absolutely refusing to let him think about the one he'd left behind. The forest may have forced him to accept his new situation, but his heart wasn't ready to find closure.

The journey to this spot was oddly noiseless. Usually, a big forest like this was filled with life. Birds singing, small animals scurrying around, even the trees themselves swaying or their falling leaves catching the wind and crunching under his feet. He kept his usual watch and hadn't seen or heard anything, but he hadn't let his guard down. Even when sudden elation filled him at the sight of water, his stomach clenched tightly in muted caution.

Now with night falling, he didn't know what to expect. The rock surrounding the area was thankfully thick and high, bearing a few dents in its surface that provided shelter for his small body. He was clean and his stomach full of the last of his biscuits, although the stench of dirty clothing still drifted up to his nose with each movement. At least he'd found some respite to his wandering.

Right before giving in to the strong urge to sleep, he faintly hoped that he could stay here for a few days.

***

Poor lost thing, a gentle voice said, faraway and echoing.

Remus felt his heart leap into his throat as his eyes caught sight of booted feet a mere hairsbreadth from his face. Terror settled in the pit of his stomach; the immediate urge to runsuddenly overwhelming.

'I won't hurt you,' came that voice again, this time just above him.

Whoever it was took a step back, coming into full view. For a split second, Remus was tempted to feign sleep, but he knew it wouldn't do any good. Not when the man had his searching gaze locked on his face.

Instead, he moved slowly, his own frightened brown eyes meeting the intense stare. It was already bright out. Mid-morning. His body was still exhausted, yet even with the heavy feeling in his arms, he could feel the blood rushing through his veins. Preparing for fight or flight. Judging by the huntsman attire, it would definitely be the latter.

'It's all right, I won't hurt you.' Firmer this time. The man held a hand out in a peaceful gesture, stilling Remus's slow shift.

'Wh-who are you?' he asked cautiously, feeling utterly foolish for talking to someone just as likely to kill him as talk with him. The memories of four days ago flooded the backs of his eyelids, but he wouldn't let himself shut his eyes.

'I'm Tom,' the man said, slowly indicating himself. As though pacifying a caged animal.

Trembling from head to toe, Remus could only stare at the man, the painful images still sharp.

'Please... please leave me alone. Mummy and Da... they... they're...' His voice broke before he could finish. The man's eyes crinkled slightly in confusion, before it seemed to dawn on him.

'There was a fire a few days ago in a small village a ways down. It was all the talk in my town. Was that...?' Remus nodded miserably, his gaze dropping to the ground.

'I see.' A hand came up to rub thoughtfully against his jaw. 'Well, whatever the cause, I don't get in the habit of burning down houses. If you need anything -- food, a place to sleep -- you're welcome with me. My wife and I... we never had children.' There was a note of sadness in his tone. Kindness.

Remus looked back up at the man and studied him for a few moments. He took in the huntsman attire, his pack filled with supplies, the boots on his feet. On second glance, everything seemed worn, well-used, humble, even. And he was so very hungry.

Finally Remus nodded his acceptance and loosened his grip on his legs. He wasn't convinced of the man's sincerity yet, but the strong desire to run was slowly ebbing away, gradually turning into curiosity. His hand hovered in the air before him, halfway reaching for the man. To his surprise, a larger hand surrounded his and pulled up, bringing Remus to his feet. The soft smile playing about Tom's lips brought a pang of loneliness to Remus, a hint of a memory: his father's face, just after a successful hunt. His mother, arms wide and forehead creased with the force of her welcoming smile.

'Mummy,' he whispered, his voice catching on the second syllable, 'she was.. she always smiled. And Da, he was a hunter...'

With all of the wonder of a small child, Remus leaned forward and his other hand found its way around the man's middle. His eyes squeezed shut as images of his mother's face flooded his mind. The hitch of his breathing gave way to a broken sob, and before he knew it, Tom's arms surrounded him and Remus was clinging to his back through his tears.

It wasn't much later that they found their way out of the forest. The cabin that greeted them warmly was the guiding light pulling him away from the darkness threatening to engulf him.

***

Sharp brown eyes watched its prey as the animal passed the bush, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. Its ears lay relaxed, tail flitting from side to side as it grazed on the patches of moss and grass at the base of a tree, unaware of the danger that awaited.

In a flash, his trap was surrounding it. His sudden leap from around the tree herded the deer's body deeper into the trap before its chest was speared cleanly through. A pair of triumphant cries echoed through the wood that morning.

The deer had provided the hunting duo with plenty of excess meat that Remus dried over the open fire. Tom skinned it and prepared the best pieces for tanning.

The life of a hunter was mostly self-sustainable. Fulfilling. Remus enjoyed the simple pleasures of fending for himself with a little guidance. After meeting Tom in the wood five years ago, he'd poured his heart out to the man who had become like a second father. A lonely child orphaned and without a home, he cried and cried while Tom provided him with a sympathetic ear, and then welcomed him into his home.

His once childish body had lengthened and filled out over the years. At thirteen, he had shot up in height, standing probably in the vicinity of 5'6". He still couldn't reach Tom in height; a fact that he would occasionally, teasingly, bring up.

They were nearly always successful in their hunts, a product of the unspoken teamwork between them, cultivated and nurtured in those first few months of acquaintance. Remus quickly learned the ways of the forest with Tom's help. So many things his father had taught him were reinforced and built upon. Over time, he came to terms with his family's death. He built a new life in a place that saw little interaction with the other villagers, and, thankfully, none at all with the smaller village several dozen kilometres deep through the forest. His own private hell that he never wanted to revisit.

He still woke up sometimes to the faint memory of a dream, of his mother's face smiling down at him before he fell asleep. Although it was all but gone before her features could solidify. He was starting to forget how she looked, how she sounded, but he would never forget the warmth that her presence brought him.

Remus spent most of his days tracking prey or collecting nuts and berries along the banks of streams and rivers whenever he ventured a little farther from the cabin. It was built towards the outskirts of the village, forest lining its yard and providing ample room to hunt and prepare their catches. They only needed to go into town to stock up supplies, and usually Tom handled that. Remus had become weary of other villagers, even a little socially awkward, so Tom came home with a greyish, cheery-eyed pup one morning. Remus faintly remembered that he used to celebrate his day of birth around this time of year, musing that she must be several years' worth of birthday wishes.

She looked like a wolf, but the sweetness of her temperament quickly grew on Remus. He named her Faela after some of the stories his mother had told him. With the wolf-like Faela by his side, he gradually began to come out of his shell, even venturing to town on the rare occasion.

***

One day in early spring, Remus was heading into town with Faela trotting happily ahead. Tom was out on a hunt, leaving Remus responsible for restocking the cabin's supplies.

Minimal small talk with the shop owner and a pack full of supplies later, he turned onto the road leading back to the cabin. When he passed by a row of houses that opened up on a small clearing, his eyes settled on a boy he'd never seen before.

Slinking back towards the side of one of the houses, Remus shrunk down to watch the boy shout something at someone else. A smaller boy who looked a lot like him from this distance. His brother, maybe? They looked happy, roughhousing and grinning from ear to ear. Faela barked loudly and her tail wagged as she started to run towards them.

'Faela, no!' Remus hissed out, his heart pounding a steady beat in his ears. He was becoming more comfortable talking with others, but this boy caused a frisson of fear to shoot up and down his spine. She stopped running, but her barks had drawn the attention of both boys, who curiously came over.

The older boy's laughing eyes took in Remus's crouching position before he nudged the younger one in the side.

'I think he was hoping to creep up on us, the sneaky little git.' Remus felt his cheeks flush at the suggestion, ready to bolt up and defend himself.

The younger boy was busy stroking Faela's head for a moment, his expression composed and thoughtful. 'Or maybe he was hiding because of your loud shouting,' he retorted, giving the other boy a smug look.

A grin settled on the first boy's lips. 'Yeah, that's me, Sirius the Screecher.' His chest puffed out proudly, the self-satisfied look on his face faltering only when the younger boy covered his mouth to hold in a snort of laughter.

Remus watched the interaction between the two with unabashed interest. He hadn't had much opportunity to talk with anyone his age, much less joke around with them. Faela seemed to be enjoying the attention the younger boy was still giving her, so he thought it might be okay to stick around for a little longer. If only to satisfy his curiosity about their identities.

'You're... Sirius?' he questioned, his voice polite but interested.

The dark-haired boy turned to Remus with a wide smile. 'That's me! And this here is my ridiculous brother, Regulus.' A hand around Regulus's shoulder dragged the boy close, pulling him ungracefully against Sirius's side.

Remus couldn't help grinning a little at their antics. Faela barked her approval and circled the two brothers before returning to Remus's side. He idly ran his fingers over the soft fur of her ears and chewed on his lip in thought.

'So, you have a name, right? Or should I call you Sneaky Git?' Sirius's sharp grey eyes were unnerving.

'I-I do,' Remus stammered. He mentally cursed himself before building up his courage, physically standing a little taller. He felt a little better when he noticed that he was a bit taller than Sirius. Confidence slowly seeped into his voice. 'My name is Remus.'

For a minute, Sirius was silent, watching Remus thoughtfully. He felt like Sirius could see completely through him.

Just when Remus was about to say something else, Sirius's face lit up and he stuck out his hand.

'Nice to meet you. Reckon we'll see you around more, yeah?'

Remus hesitated only a moment before he took the other boy's hand. It was warm, slightly calloused, comforting. His uneasiness melted away when he heard the voice reassuring him, telling him to trust this boy. It hadn't guided him astray yet, so he let himself smile while giving the hand a brief shake.

Regulus offered his next, considerably more composed than his brother was; a shorter, perfunctory shake. But his lips quirked in a smile before he dropped Remus's hand and tugged on his brother's arm.

'Come on, Mum is waiting.'

Sirius rolled his eyes and gave an inelegant snort. He shook his brother's hand off and stood defiantly. 'You can tell Walburga to get stuffed, for all I care.'

The clear tension surrounding their mother made Remus raise his eyebrows in surprise, but he held his tongue. This was between them. Maybe an internal family feud. At least... at least he has a family to feud with, he thought darkly, just before realising the direction of his thoughts and feeling chagrined. He had Tom, who was a wonderful, caring person -- like a father would be.

'Sirius, come on... please?' That got his brother's attention. Remus watched as Sirius visibly loosened up, ready to give in just like that. He wondered at their dynamic, mentally noting that he needed to find out more about them.

But that meant having to come into town more. The thought made him cringe. He still wasn't comfortable around people, not for long periods of time. These two, though, they seemed different. Maybe he would try, if it meant feeling less like a scared little boy and more like a normal person. If it would help to pull him away from his haunted demons.

If it means being closer to Sirius, the voice added, making Remus flush. He finally noticed Sirius's hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly.

'Oi, you there? I've gotta go, but sneak around again tomorrow!' A flash of teeth and he was off, a few steps behind Regulus.

Faela's tail whipped against his leg in her excitement, breaking him further out of his thoughts. 'You like them, do you?' Remus asked, crouching next to her and pulling her into his chest.

'Yeah... I do, too.'

***

A few weeks later found Remus picking up supplies again. This time, he wasn't so reluctant. Not when he knew two boys who made him feel better about himself without even trying. They didn't know his story. They couldn't possibly hate him like the other villagers had -- enough to kill. Faint memories started to resurface and Remus drew into himself, distracted and sullen.

Several steps behind him, Faela padded along, unusually silent. She always seemed to know when Remus was having a bad day. Whether it was her canine senses or something deeper, she had proved herself an invaluable friend and companion. It seemed like longer than six months, but she was still a growing pup and she kept him on his toes; or, like today, respected his boundaries.

'Oi there!' shouted a voice behind him. Remus whipped around, eyes darting around for the source. When they landed on a grinning face, he felt himself smile in return. Just like that, the bulk of the dark cloud hanging over him vanished.

Sirius joined him in the blink of an eye, his shoulder bumping into Remus's. He mock-frowned and addressed him with a gravelly tone. 'You never crept back around. Did we scare ickle Remus off?'

The complete disregard for personal space threw him off a little, but he took it in stride and gave Sirius a sideways glance.

'I don't-don't normally come out to town,' he said softly. His nose unconsciously scrunched up at his stammer. At least it wasn't fear that drove it this time. Sirius was intimidating in a different way, one which he still couldn't pin down.

'Oh, so your desperate need to see me again was the driving force!' Sirius had a bad habit of puffing his chest out when he was proud. Remus promised himself he'd deflate it one day. But not today.

Shaking his head mildly, he remembered to straighten his shoulders so he'd be taller. Just that little advantage did wonders for his confidence.

'No, I was hoping you would be Regulus.' The barest hint of a mocking smile and it was gone as soon as Sirius looked at him disbelievingly.

'You're having me on!' Sirius invaded Remus's personal space again by pushing a daring finger into his chest, stopping him in his tracks.

He stopped for a moment, collected himself so he wouldn't shake at the touch, and then looked Sirius in the eye, trying to match him in sheer gall. 'If that's what you want to think, I won't stop you. I have a lot to do today, so if I might --'

Remus made to walk around Sirius, but the boy fell right into step beside him, a smug look on his face. 'Then I'll just help you, won't I? Maybe then I can find out what you do and where you go. I've only gotten so much from the villagers.'

The blatant declaration nearly made Remus stop in his tracks, if he hadn't been quick on his feet and schooled his features. Anxiety singed along his nerves, threatening to spill over onto his face. He would never be able to explain. No one could possibly understand.

But... why is he trying to find out about me?

The rest of the walk was shrouded in silence. Sirius didn't once try to break it, only offered to help when Remus needed to pick up some heavy supplies he'd normally strap to Faela's flank.

Hard as he tried, he couldn't get the other boy's intentions out of his mind. Each possibility was turned over, more ridiculous than the last. I don't think he knows, he hoped. Despite the boy's propensity for cockiness and getting into his personal space, Remus quite liked his carefree attitude. It made him feel like he could take on the world, too.

Small talk was shared between them as they made their way off of the town's main road. At a crossroads, one leading towards the cabin, and another up into the more populated part of the village, Remus stopped.

'So Regulus said she -- what, why are we stopping?' Sirius questioned. He shifted the supplies in his arms, story forgotten.

Remus shifted his weight and fiddled with a loose thread on his shirt, muttering practically into his chest, 'Thanks for the help.'

'Hang on; we're not there yet! C'mon, you can't carry all of this alone, skinny little git like you.' Sirius's grin threatened to drag a smile from Remus, but he relented.

The other boy couldn't see the cabin. It was his safe haven, away from the rest of the world. Faela circled his legs before butting into one, whining for his attention. His hand rested on her head, drawing strength from her.

'I'm sorry... you can't. It's my -- I mean, no one's ever been there besides Tom and myself. I'm sorry.' It sounded lame to his own ears.

Sirius gave him a questioning look for a moment before shrugging. 'Suit yourself. Don't come crying to me when your arms're sore, though.' There was no malice to his tone, but Remus didn't miss the flash of hurt he saw on the boy's face. A second later, it was gone, shifting into a nonchalance that came so easily for Sirius. He envied the ability.

'I'm sure,' he replied, giving Sirius a faint smile to reassure. 'Thank you for helping me this far. See you around, then?' He dutifully ignored the hope that rose within him at the idea of seeing Sirius again. It was unavoidable, living in the same village, and all. Unless you hide away like you have done for five years, the voice reminded him. He pushed it away irritably.

Faela ran figure eights between them with a sudden burst of energy, making it difficult to pin her down. Bloody dog, stop being difficult!

She seemed to grin at him, her tongue lolling happily and her tail wagging madly, flitting between Sirius's legs just as Remus dropped his load and reached for her.

The dark-haired boy grinned triumphantly. 'Looks like she's got other ideas,' he quipped, an insufferable air of triumph in his tone. 'So, lead the way!'

Remus started to protest, but Faela ran off ahead, yipping and barking the whole way. He muttered under his breath and retrieved his supplies, grudgingly following. He looked over his shoulder with a mock-scowl.

'Come on then, before I change my mind.'

Sirius's barking laughter trailed them down to the cabin.