Hermione's Hope

I sit in the Common Room, peering over the top of my library book. It's no use trying to read in here. Noisy, laughing Gryffindors are all around, but they don't bother me. I'm quite used to their antics by now. No, it's a very quiet twosome who captivates my attention. How can I stand to watch them there, by the fire? I see her, so cute and tiny, her hair the most beautiful shade of red. How can I compete with her twinkling brown eyes, her button nose? I am always so heavy of form, so clod-footed. My hair does not fall smoothly down my back like russet silk. My laugh does not sound like Angel wings.

And him--oh him! So perfect, so loving towards her. Ginny told me in confidence the other day how he fetched her pumpkin juice for her dry throat when she was in bed with a cold. Even then she looked beautiful. When I am sick, I look like a goblin. But not Ginny. Her feverish eyes gave her expression an unearthly glow; her button nose became even cuter while it was red at the tip. And Harry, how he sat beside her, bewitching her quills into beautiful hair ribbons. I long to be on the other side of his loving stares.

Sometimes Ron sits beside me and stumbles over his words. I'm not sure if he himself realizes his feelings for me that are written all over his face. And I just want to scream in frustration. Ron and his awkwardness! It isn't the least bit flattering.

They are sitting close by the fire, gazing into each other's eyes.

"Hermione," someone hisses my name.

"Hi Ron."

"Oy, what do you make of those two?" he asks, nodding his head at Harry and Ginny.

I shrug.

"As if I care," I mutter. But Ron continues to stare at me. I think my eyes give something away.

"Well," I say in what I hope is a brighter tone. "Let's get started on our potions homework. We've still got two feet left!" I look up. Ron is still staring. Figuring.

*

"Hermione, you look so sad," Ron said to me the other day. I was impressed with his insight. It's so unlike Ron to interpret anyone else's feelings. But what could I say to him? Yes, Ron, I'm downright miserable. I'm deeply, madly, thoroughly in love with the world's biggest sod? My heart belongs only to one, effing Harry Potter, who happens to be in love with your sister? Ron stood there, waiting for a response. I smiled at him, but even I knew it was weak.

"I'm fine, Ron, really."

*

He's so lovely, really, with his green eyes and that tragic, orphaned look about him. What is it about the poor, pathetic ones that get the girls swooning? Why is it that we girls need to nurture everything around us? Ginny doesn't suffocate Harry in concern and pity. Maybe that's why he loves her.

When I see her in the Great Hall, I am so jealous. Everything seems to come easy for her. I notice friends always surround her. Girls far less talented and beautiful make up her circle. They laugh that sycophantic laughter of the lemmings.

"Oh Ginny! You're too funny!"

She's bright and beautiful. Guys flock to her. They all flock to her. If Ginny is the sun, than I am a storm cloud. Gray and obtuse. Maybe I'll eat in the Common Room tonight.

*

Professor McGonagall's class is the one part of my day I really look forward to. I love the feel of my wand as I transfigure something. The idea of changing something into something else thrills me. A teacup to a rat. Jewel encrusted mirrors into turtles.

Today when I walk into her classroom, Professor McGonagall smiles at me.

"Miss Granger, I have good news for you. Your O.W.L's were so impressive, the Ministry of Magic wants to set up a meeting with you. They have a Junior Wizard Division and they think you're perfect for it. It's quite an honor, Miss Granger." I smile all the way back to my seat. Ron raises an eyebrow at me.

"What's that about? Win a prestigious award or something?"

"Lay off, Ron," Harry says from my left. I do not want to meet his eyes because when I do, I'll find them kind and curious.

"I've been asked to be a part of the Ministry's Junior Wizard Division. I have no idea what that is, but I plan on looking it up, of course," I say as I begin to flush. Who am I kidding? I am really pleased with myself.

"Hermione, that's really something!" Ron says. "That division is only for the best students. It's kind of like a panel, and they make suggestions to the Minister and stuff."

"That's great!" Harry says, and I know he means it.

*

This morning I decide to eat breakfast in the Great Hall. I mean, even Ginny hasn't been called to the Junior Wizard Division. That is something.

"Hi, Hermione," Ginny calls out. She smiles at me and waves a hand over so that I will sit next to her. "You look so happy!"

"Thanks, Gin. I feel happy," I say. And it's true.

*

It's dark out now. I see the stars up in the blackness that will be a breathtaking sky come morning. Everyone in my dormitory sleeps on as though they can't hear my heart breaking. Tonight at dinner...oh Harry.

Ginny had flounced over; her hair swung forward over one shoulder.

"Hi Harry," she said. They leaned over the Shepherd's Pie to kiss. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ron pretend to gag. I choked a bit on my pumpkin juice. Oh, if you'd have seen the way he stared at her. As though his lovely heart might burst. As though he'd do anything for her.

"Ginny," he said, his green eyes smiling. "I got you something." She leaned forward in her chair, excitement all over her face.

"What is it, Harry?" He reached deep into his robes and pulled out something gold and glittery. Oh no.

"Oh Harry! It's a necklace! It's beautiful!" Ginny gasped. Somehow she managed to look all the more pretty, instead of greedy. I could sense Ron trying to shoot me a look. Suddenly, though, I was very absorbed in my History of Ancient Runes textbook.

Harry had gotten up to fasten the gold clasp around her neck.

"Do you like it?" he asked, knowing full well she did. She answered him with a kiss.

It was a gold heart, studded with tiny rubies and even smaller diamonds. It lay glittering against the hollow of her pale throat.

"Now they're linked together," Ron had muttered later, well after dinner was ended. "When a guy gets a girl diamonds, it's serious."

Suddenly, I rose to my fullest height, and with as much dignity as I could muster, said goodnight.

Now I sit in my dormitory. All is dark. I think about Harry and Ginny. I'm too tired to cry anymore. I know that when I sleep, I will dream about his eyes. Eyes green as sea glass. Eyes that may never look at me the way I want them to. But still I have hope. *