This Bitter Pill

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

-Goo Goo Dolls, Iris

[*]

The rest of the day was spent in the dorm room, where James and Peter tweaked small errors in their incantations. Remus and Sirius spent the time sitting on James' bed, the former a little apprehensive about starting conversation with the latter.

Actually, Remus said to himself. Sirius is taking this a lot better then I thought he would. Then again, he's not exactly the type to wallow in his grief. I just hope that he doesn't do something completely stupid in order to get back at Snape. He looked over at Sirius, who was laughing at sometime James had said. He's so strong. I wish I could be like that. I know I'm the weakest one out of the group. Even Peter can stay up longer then I can. I just want to be normal, to be able to run and talk and stay up late all the time, and not be hampered by this goddamn curse. I think I'll ask Simone, she's in Slytherin and I think she'll know some sort of potion to get rid of exhaustion. Though I hope she doesn't ask why I want it so badly... She might find out.

Remus was snatched out of his thoughts when James shook him slightly and gave a small smile.

"What?" Remus snapped. He immediately felt guilty: there was little to none reason to ever snap at James. He wasn't like Peter or Sirius, and didn't do annoying little things that could drive one insane. "Sorry...it's just so close to the full moon, and all..." Remus cursed his lycanthropy again; he hated using it as an excuse, it segregated him even more from the rest of the world.

James gave another small smile. "Just wanted to tell you that we're going to take the potion now, so you might want to get off my bed so I can get it."

Remus blushed slightly. He had forgotten that the potion was stored underneath James' bed, where he had created a little lair to hold all the Marauders' 'projects'. "Sure," he agreed and hopped off the bed and helped James flip it on its hinges that had taken three days to secure. "So, how long does the potion need to take effect?" Remus really knew the answer, he had read and re-read and re-read the Animagus book so many times he probably could recite it by heart. The others knew it too, and Peter smiled.

"An hour, and we have five minutes after the hour's up to recite the incantation and then we're Animagai for as long as we need to be. After that, it's all practice and we're set to join you on full moons." He explained, giving another smile at Remus' attempt to make conversation.

James pulled his head out of the chamber, and passed two glasses filled with a neon fuchsia potion that steamed slightly at the top to Sirius and Peter, and kept one for himself.

Beforehand, the foursome had decided to drink the potion one at a time, with 10 minutes in-between each boy. Sirius was to go first, then Peter, and finally James. That way, they could get used to their animal forms and not have so much commotion as they tried to say the proper incantation, which was extremely hard to do. Half of the wizards that tried this couldn't get past the potion part, and the half that did often killed themselves by saying the wrong words.

"Ready?" James asked Sirius, who grinned in response and then seemed to remember Andromeda, at which point his grin fell slightly.

"Bottoms up," Sirius said, and, still looking slightly deflated by his obvious thoughts of Andie, drank the purple liquid in one gulp. His face immediately distorted, and he started coughing in loud, hacking gasps. James, Peter, and Remus all jumped towards Sirius at the same time, worried expressions marring their features.

"You okay?" James asked, a concered frown on his face as he laid a hand on Sirius' back as the brown-haired boy's coughs changed from hacking to wheezes.

Sirius sat down on James' bed, holding a hand to his esophagus. "Oh man...that was horrible. It burns your mouth, then your throat, then your stomach...and it just won't stop burning. Makes you feel like you're on fire. Plus," he added, his famous grin spreading across his features. "It tastes like shit."

Peter gave a relieved grin, and James clapped a hand on Sirius' shoulder. Only Remus seemed unable to calm down. What if he died or got hurt just then? What if the potion was made wrong and he actually got burned? He would've died doing something for me...oh, I hope it doesn't affect James or Peter like this...that was horrible.

Remus' thoughts only got darker as the coughing process was repeated with Peter and James. James actually had a lot more trouble then either Sirius or Peter, because he was just recovering from a sore throat that he blamed on his last girlfriend, a Ravenclaw with a French accent.

Regardless of his friends' jokes and reassuring words, Remus was absolutely terrified of the nearing transformation. What if something went wrong? What if they say the wrong thing, or we didn't research it fast enough, or if the transformation goes badly? What if one of them ends up with an elephant head? What if one of them transforms into an elephant?! That wouldn't be at all useful on a full moon, and whoever it happened to would've wasted all of his time...What if one of them dies?

Thoughts involving gruesome deaths and painful injuries planted themselves in Remus' brain, and he couldn't rid himself of them. For the rest of the hour, all he could see was Sirius with a snapped neck, Peter with elephant-sized organs, James with an extra arm protruding out of his head, and worst of all, Remus saw himself sobbing at his friends' graves as the wizarding world shut him out forever.

Finally, the Quidditch-themed alarm clock on James' bedside rang loudly. Sirius gulped, then raised his wand.

"Well...I guess this is it, huh?" Sirius said with a small smile. "I'll be seeing the three of you through an animals eyes, the next time I look."

Remus went over to Sirius, and put a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to do this, you know," he whispered. "You could just do the smart thing and put the wand down."

Sirius gave a small laugh, and then shook his head. "No way, man. I'm in this as much as those two idiots are," He said, pointing at James and Peter's nervous faces. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an animal form to change into." Remus took three steps back and gnashed his teeth on his lip.

"Bestia Animus Extrarius!" Sirius hollered, and pointed his wand at his heart. Remus could see the fear and excitement in his eyes, and could smell the slight apprehension. A small cloud appeared and a deafening crack followed it. By the time the cloud disappeared and the three could see Sirius again, he was a dog.

James and Peter burst out laughing; the Marauders' favorite joke was that Sirius was going to take after his namesake and turn into a dog. The fact was the Sirius' personality was truly equivalent to a dog's. He was normally a hyper, excited kid, at least until one of his friend's was insulted. Then he was all offensive, and often aggressive. Sirius had a loyal streak the size of Texas, and loved his friends with all of his heart. Then, there was also the name factor that made his animal personality completely ironic.

The dog even looked somewhat like Sirius. It was a solid brown German Shepherd, with a thin black dorsal stripe. It's hair was about the same color as Sirius, and it's eyes were the same exact shocking blue that Sirius' was.

While James and Peter laughed at the irony, Remus rushed forward. He had noticed that Sirius hadn't moved once since the cloud cleared. Using his sensitive ears, Remus could detect shallow gasps for air coming out of Sirius' mouth. "SHUT UP!" he cried, throwing his hands in the air, then trying to figure out how to check Sirius' pulse when he was in this form. James and Peter stopped laughing immediately after hearing the urgency in Remus' voice. They ran forward and stopped down next to Sirius.

As they began to get terrified, Sirius started to convulse and twitch. Remus hollered and started to pick up the black shuddering dog when it started to turn back into Sirius. The process was very slow and took a few minutes, and at some points Remus was positive that Sirius would be stuck in this form for the rest of his life.

Finally, when Sirius returned to his human form, he yelled once, and lay on the floor panting loudly. Remus, Peter and James immediately bombarded him with questions, asking things like "Are you okay?" and "What happened?". James actually took the liberty of shaking Sirius' shoulders, which resulted in Sirius trying to crawl to the bathroom in order to throw up.

After he had emptied his stomach's contents and was left heaving, Sirius finally said, "That was the most horrible experience in my life. It hurts like hell...you can actually feel your organs changing and bones mutating...Oh god...And you know the sickest part of it all? I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

[*]