This Bitter Pill

Walking away.
It's not the same as running.
Is it? Do you know that you've run in this ground.

And you say take this.
This medicine is just what you deserve.
Swallow, choke, and die.

And this bitter pill is leaving you
with such an angry mouth.
One that's void of all discretion
such an awful tearing sound.
With it's measure only equal by the power of my stare
glaring over you and over you this feeling of despair
is never wearing out.

It's wearing off
and it's leaving you with such a heavy heart
and a head to match.

The bottle is waiting
the cap is twisted begging to be used
and so are you.

-Dashboard Confessional, This Bitter Pill

[*]

Remus Lupin was tired. His very bones were screaming with exhaustion, and his right ring finger had had a blister on it for the last three hours. Remus glanced at his watch; a neon light bellowed in bright letters "YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN BED TWO HOURS AGO". Perhaps it was right, Remus thought. Then again, he mused, I'm almost done. Only two more inches of parchment then this Potions essay should be complete... Oh, hell, I'll just finish it tomorrow.

The fifteen-year-old Gryffindor packed his numerous books into his threadbare book bag. The bag itself was worn to the point where the titles of the texts could be easily read through the fabric. His clothes followed the same pattern as the bag. The black robe was torn in more then a few places, and his jumper and trousers underneath belonged to his dorm mate Sirius Black. That could explain why the pants had multiple swear words etched into the fabric. Sirius was one of his best friends, and one of the fellow Marauders. The others that made up the rowdy group of mischief-makers were currently in the Hospital Wing.

Peter Pettigrew was a short, plump boy with short, sandy blonde hair and blue-gray eyes. He was famous throughout the house as being a friendly, sweet boy who could listen to everyone's problem without a fuss. Peter was also absolutely brilliant in Herbology and Divination, two subjects that most of the Gryffindors happened to be abysmal in. He was always willing to lend a hand to anyone who asked, but had a tendency to be very blunt and unaware of certain social situations. Because of that infamous trait, many people had trouble talking in public with him.

James Potter, the second member of the Marauders, was the sort of person whom everyone wanted to be friends with. Everywhere he went, James knew someone and someone knew him. It was incredibly hard to walk in corridors with him if you happened to be in a hurry, as he would stop and talk with just about everyone around him. He was immensely popular and friendly. While he was also quite good in his studies, he was astounding at Quidditch. He played a Chaser on the house team, and was a shoo-in for Captain next year, when the current captain would be leaving Hogwarts. If Peter was known for being the teddy bear of the Marauders, then James was known as the athlete. He could often be seen jogging around the Quidditch pitch to release anger or excess energy. While Peter had a short, plump, and blonde appearance, and Remus a thin, gangly, and reddish exterior, James was tall and broad with muscles. He was the tallest of the group, and also had the most unruly mop of hair on that century. It was jet black and stood up at the oddest angles. One time, James had tried to use Sleekeasy's Hair Potion on the mane. The result was a lustrous, silky bouquet of tresses. That lasted for 15 seconds, and then the potion lost all of its effect on the hair. James' eyes, though, were quite contained. He had hazel eyes that shone brightly, and made girls fall in love with him every time they glanced his way. James, of course, often made it clear to his best mates that he wished to have opposite hair and eyes; He wanted controlled and beautiful hair, topped with wild and unruly eyes. To his mates' amusement, his wish never came true.

Sirius Black, the fourth and final member of the Marauders, was as reckless as can be. He was the kind of person that either you loved or hated. Thankfully, he happened to find three mates who loved him. Sirius was known throughout the school as a prankster and 'bad boy'. He was rumored to have shagged nearly every girl he saw, and these rumors escalated him into a popular figure among his classmates. He flourished in the attention, and was lusted after by many females in Hogwarts, including a few teachers. Sirius was also amazingly talented at Quidditch, and played as a Beater on the house team. This, along with his good looks and the-devil-may-care attitude, made him into one of the most admired people in school. Of course, his best friends knew better. Out of the public's hawk eye, he was a very troubled young man. His family, a long line of Slytherins, was horrible to Sirius after they found out about his placement in the family's rival house, Gryffindor. Sirius had come close to running away the last summer, and had sworn to do it if they were infuriating again. Sirius had deep blue eyes that packed a mighty punch if he was angered. His hair was a dark brown; a shade lighter then James', but much more controlled. It fell down in front of his eyes, making him look mysterious and sexy at the same time.

Remus sighed again. He couldn't believe that he was so lucky to land mates like Peter, James, and Sirius. They were always behind him, helping him, and protecting his biggest secret. Remus let out a shudder when he thought of his alter-personality. Indeed, Remus was a werewolf. He had always been careful around new people, watching himself and making sure they never had any sort of clue as to his monthly 'friend'. That, of course, had rendered impossible when he met his dorm mates. Peter's ability to get anything out of anyone, James's wonderful memory, and Sirius' suspicious nature had screwed up his cycle. In second year, after the February full moon, his friends had marched up to the hospital wing, ready to interrogate until Remus had nothing left. Once they had gotten the secret out of Remus, he had cried and mourned the lost of his friends. To his ultimate and complete surprise, his friends enveloped Remus in a hug big enough to fit even Dolores Umbridge. Soon after the secret was admitted, Remus caught Peter, James, and Sirius studying books dealing with Animagai and werewolves. He, of course, had been horrified when they started checking books out from the library. Remus was convinced that their sudden interest in werewolves might draw the attention of other Hogwarts students. His worry was in vain, though, because it had been three years since that time and nothing whatsoever had come up about his lycanthropy. As of now, Remus' friends had been studying up on becoming Animagai so they would be able to accompany Remus on full moons. So far, Sirius was the farthest ahead. James was quite occupied with trying to win Lily's affections, and Peter had been attending Potions extra help for months now in hopes of getting a passing grade. If everything went as planned, the three would be able to transform any day now. The hardest part of the transformation process was the potion that was the last step before the actual shifting of bodies. It took five illegal ingredients (that James had to smuggle from his house), three months, and a skilled Potions master to brew. Three months, one missing pineapple, and two fights later, the potion was complete. It was only a matter of days in which James and Peter both had to tweak some of the spells before they and Sirius could transform. Luckily for the three, the Animagus Preparation Potion (as was it's formal name) could be stored for up to seven weeks, leaving plenty of time for any problems to be worked out. After that, they could accompany Remus during full moons. Remus was horrified at the idea of possibly putting his friends in danger.

What if something went wrong with any of the transformations? What if I accidentally bit one of them and they are infected? What if I make them like me? The morbid thoughts of his friends' gruesome death haunted him day and night. If anything at all went wrong with the procedures, Remus was to blame and would be sent to Azkaban and/or killed. His friends would be in an astounding amount of legal trouble; it was strictly against the law for anyone to attempt Animagus transformations without proper knowledge and experience, much less legal for three 15-year-old boys. Everything in their carefully balanced world would be pulled apart, and would crumble around him. Yet, he felt something he was ashamed of. He wanted desperately for someone to save him on his full moons. He wanted his friends there to play with and to calm him. He wanted James to plot with, Peter to talk him, and Sirius to race with. He wanted to share a forbidden part of his life, share a shred of what he went through every 30 days. He just wanted to not be alone.

Remus snapped awake and glanced around him. He was on the couch in the Common Room, not far from his bag, half-stuffed with his books. He sighed, looked at his watch again, then trudged upstairs. Sirius was most likely asleep by now; he was a night person, but exhaustion could take its toll on even Sirius. Remus wondered whether or not James and Peter were up there; they had been to the Hospital wing with horns on their heads (Snape's idea of a wonderful curse) after Charms, and had not returned by dinner.

Perhaps they had came while I was sleeping, Remus pondered as he scaled the steps to the Boy's 5^th Year dormitory. Ah, well, in any case, I'm exhausted and I need some sleep if I want to be able to think tomorrow. I wish that werewolves didn't tire so easily..

Remus changed quickly and placed Sirius' clothes in his bureau. As he settled down into bed, he contemplated on his fatigue. There's gotta be something to help me stay awake more.. Then I can get more work done and I won't have so much to do when I get back from the Shrieking Shack.. I'll have to remind myself to ask James..

With that last thought, sleep swallowed his mind and led it through past transformations and images of his best friends.