My Summer Vacation,

Chapter 4

"Morning," a voice whispered into her ear. Mae shivered in delight. She was lying curled up against Roger in Cedric's bed. His skin was against hers. Her nerves were on fire.

"Morning," she said, turning her head to look at him. His dark hair was sticking up in all directions. She smiled, taking a mental picture of him. His blue eyes smiled back at her.

"We should get up," he said, lying his head back down on the pillow and closing his eyes.

"Yeah," Mae said, resting her head back down as well. "We probably should."

Mae was just dozing back to sleep when there was a knock at the door.

"You two up yet?" Amos called through the door. Mae jumped, sitting up quickly. Roger did the same. They stared at each other, realizing for the first time that they were both in bed together.

"Er," Roger said, still staring at Mae. "We're up."

The two jumped off the bed at the same time, Roger fumbling around for his shirt. When he couldn't find one he opened Cedric's closet, grabbing one of his shirts. He paused, but pulled the T-shirt on over his head. He stared at it, blinking slowly. He bit his lip, looking up at Mae. "It still smells like him--like Quidditch."

"What does Quidditch smell like?" Mae asked, pulling a T-shirt on over her tank top. She pulled jeans on over her shorts. "Like football?"

"Like grass and sweat and leather," Roger said thoughtfully. "And excitement."

"Like football," Mae repeated. Roger nodded.

"Just like football," he said.

"We should head down to breakfast," Mae said with a sigh. "They'll probably be wondering about us."

"Why?" Roger asked, looking sideways at her. "We've always had sleepovers."

"Well," Mae said cautiously. She knew Sylvia and Donna had probably been giggling together all night about their little 'sleepover'. "We've probably just slept in a bit late."

Roger was still looking at her strangely when they went down to breakfast, where Donna and Sylvia were having coffee. They greeted them with smug smiles. This did nothing to lessen Roger's searching glances.

"Sleep well?" Amos asked as he passed them each a plate of breakfast.

"Yeah," Roger said, diving right in. He passed Mae the milk before she had to ask for it. Sylvia raised her eyebrows at Mae over the table. Mae stuck her tongue out at her. "I couldn't find my shirt though," he said, looking down at his clothes. "So I borrowed one. That's okay?"

"Of course," Donna said. "It looks good on you." Mae looked at him. It did look good on him. He looked a lot like Cedric in it. She smiled down at her breakfast softly, drawing a happy face on her eggs with her fork.

"I should be heading in soon," Amos said. "I've missed a lot of work, I should start pulling my weight again."

"Where's George?" Mae asked, looking around.

"He's sleeping in," Sylvia said, rolling her eyes. "He doesn't have to be in to work today until eleven."

"Lucky," Amos scoffed, fiddling with the collar of his robes. Mae realized she had never seen him get ready for work before, and now she knew why. Most Muggles didn't wear robes to work every day. She'd always known he'd had a job in the government, but now she knew he worked for the Ministry of Magic. He'd promised to take her to work with him one day this summer. Mae couldn't wait. Donna had also promised to take them all to spend a week in the Leaky Cauldron, so Roger could show her Diagon Alley. Mae had already asked her mum, just being a bit sketchy on the details. She needed to come up with a good cover story.

"Alright then," Donna said, kissing him lightly. "Have a good day darling." Mae, Roger and Sylvia called their farewells to him, before he grabbed some powder from a leather sack attached to his belt. He threw some into the fireplace, and a bright green flame burst forth. Mae jumped. Roger grinned at her.

"The Ministry of Magic!" Amos called into the fire before stepping into it. With a whirl, he was gone. Mae gaped at the spot where he had been just a moment before.

"Floo Powder," Donna said, smiling at her. "It's how we can jump from one fireplace to another."

"Most wizards use it," Roger said with a grimace. "Though it can get a bit painful."

"I'll head home," Mae said, shaking her head and standing up. "My mum's trying to patch things up with us. Thought I'd give it a shot." She grinned. "She even suggested she start working a bit more around the house."

"That's wonderful, Mae," Donna said softly. "I knew you two would work it out."

"You want to do something later?" Roger asked as the two were walking over to Mae's home. Roger had offered to walk with her. "Play some football maybe?"

"Sure," Mae said. "You could come over now if you want. Say hi to my mum."

"Nah," Roger said with a shrug. "I'll come by after supper though. Alright?"

Mae had nearly expected him to say cool instead of alright. Tristan's use of the word cool had really grown on her. She needed to stop confusing Roger and Tristan with each other. That could be bad.

"Yeah," she said, smiling. "That's cool." She turned to say goodbye to him, but he leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

"See you later," he called as he walked away. Mae leaned heavily on the door. God, she thought, entering the house. Why couldn't you have gotten my stupid letter?

* * *

"Roger's such a nice boy," Merelie said that night at dinner. Mae had cooked it, in terms of their new agreement. "He really seems to like you."

"We've been friends forever," Mae said stiffly. "Of course he likes me."

"You know what I mean," Merelie said. "But if you're insisting upon being stubborn, which you usually are, then I'll have to spell it out for you. He's obviously in love with you."

"You're the expert now, huh?" Mae asked. "How many times have you actually seen us together?"

"Just now," Merelie said. "When he was walking you home. It's obvious. About as obvious as it is that you're in love with him."

"God," Mae said. "Why does it all have to be so obvious to everybody but me? Sure, I may like Roger as a bit more than a friend. But he doesn't love me. Period."

"Fine," Merelie said with a shrug. Suddenly a thought struck Mae.

"I didn't scare Sean off, did I?" she asked nervously. "He was nice."

"He said it'll take a bit more than that to scare him off," Merelie said, her eyes glazing over. "I think he really likes me."

"Good," Mae said. "It'd be good to get a man around here."

"You think so?" Merelie said. "I've always assumed you were fine with just having George and Amos around."

"Yeah," Mae said. "They've been great. They're like fathers to me. I still think it'd be good for you to have a boyfriend though. Or a husband," she added as an afterthought.

"Okay," Merelie said, regarding Mae warily. "Slow down. We've only been dating a few weeks."

"Still," Mae said with a shrug. "I'm just saying that if you and him ever got married, it'd be fine with me."

There was a knock at the door, and Mae jumped. "Oh right," she said, rinsing her plate off quickly. "That'll be for me."

"You're going out?" Merelie asked as Mae ran upstairs to get her cleats. Roger had agreed to bring the ball.

"Just to the park with Roger," Mae said. "I'll be back in an hour or two."

"Alright," Merelie said. "I'll do the dishes."

Mae called her goodbyes to her mother, and then joined Roger on the front step. They walked in silence to the park.

"So," Roger said. "What exactly have you been up to since I last saw you?"

"Not much," Mae said with a shrug as they neared the park. "Football mostly. Exams. I spent a lot of time with Tristan too."

"Ah," Roger said. He didn't say anything else, ignoring Mae's glares.

"Ah, what?" she snapped. "There's nothing between me and Tristan."

"You sure about that?" Roger asked.

"I should think I would know," Mae said. "At least I've met him!"

"I'm not saying anything," Roger said. "Just that it's rather off you made a new best friend just after Cedric died."

Mae stared at him. "You honestly think," she said. "That I'm the one here trying to replace Cedric? That's what you think?"

"You think I'm trying to replace him?" Roger hissed. "You're the one who's suddenly so buddy-buddy with Tristan."

"And you're the one who's suddenly best friends with Cho!" Mae yelled. "Look," she said, grabbing the football from him. "Let's just play, alright?"

"I don't want you to be mad at me," Roger said as Mae and him began running up and down the field, passing back and forth.

"And I don't want to talk about it," Mae said. "I thought you would be happy for me, finally having a friend around here I can talk to. He's not too distracted by some pretty girl to talk to me," she said. "Like you."

"There is nothing romantic between me and Cho," Roger snapped, passing the ball to her angrily. She took off down the field, and he chased after her.

"I don't believe you!" she yelled, abandoning the ball and racing full-speed down the field.

"You should!" he yelled as he careened after her. Mae turned around to look where he was, and he took the opportunity to tackle her. They rolled onto the grass, Roger on top of Mae. "It's the truth," he breathed, resting on his arms, pinning her down. He sat up, rolling off her. "Come on," he said, standing and holding a hand out to her. "Let's swing."

* * *

"Morning," Merelie said the next morning. Breakfast, consisting of oatmeal and muffins, was out on the table. "Sleep well?"

"I guess," Mae said, diving into her oatmeal. "Pass the milk?"

"I was just wondering how your little football game went last night," Merelie said suggestively.

"It was fine," Mae said distractedly. "Hey mom," she began. "You never played football, did you?"

"Oh no," Merelie said. "I was terrible at sports."

"So my dad played then?" Mae asked. "I need to have gotten it from somewhere."

"He played, yes," Merelie said. "He was quite good if I remember correctly. Oh!" she cried. "Speaking of football, you got some mail today."

"Mail?" Mae asked as she watched her mother rummage frantically through the kitchen. "What does that have to do with football?"

"Stirling Football Academy," Merelie said with triumph, waving a letter at Mae. "I just got it this morning when the post arrived. It's for you," she said, handing it to Mae. "I've been dying to read it."

Mae ripped the letter open. "Oh," she said, scanning it quickly. "They want me to go."

"Do they?" Merelie squealed. "Are you going to?"

"Maybe," Mae said. "I just have to let them know by the beginning of August. July's barely underway." She shrugged. "I've got plenty of time to think about it."

"I think you should go," Merelie said. "I'll miss you terribly, but don't you think it would fabulous for your football career? Think of it. You could play for England some day!"

"They want me to go next year and the year after," Mae said. "That's not enough time. They should have asked me years ago."

"Oh don't be silly," Merelie said. "I bet they do that with everyone. Is it an all girls school?" she asked. Mae nodded.

"Yeah," she said, and then frowned. "I'll have to leave Tristan behind," she said. "And Amos and George and Sylvia and Donna. I'll have to leave them all behind."

"Well it won't be too different," Merelie said breezily. "You do see Amos, Donna, George and Sylvia quite a bit, but you'll be able to keep in touch. And you won't see Roger any less than you already do."

"I should see if they allow pets," Mae said, thinking of Bernie. She ran up to her room with a bit of toast for his breakfast. She'd started letting him out at night, since he didn't really have any letters to deliver and was getting restless. She considered what it would be like to go to Stirling. She knew she would never figure it out unless she talked to Roger or Tristan. She thought she should see what Tristan was up to first, since she hadn't spoken to him in ages. It hasn't been ages, she realized. I saw him the day before yesterday. She blushed as she picked up the phone to call him. It had only seemed like forever since Roger had gotten back. She wondered if that was a bad or a good thing.

* * *

"We're not going to another movie, are we?" Mae asked Tristan, fumbling with the radio dial before switching it off altogether. They were in Tristan's car, driving into London. "I hate movies."

"Cool," Tristan said, rolling his eyes at the road. He honked impatiently as a taxi swerved violently in front of them. "We could go into Piccadilly or something, get a bite to eat. Cool?"

"Cool," Mae agreed, smiling at the window. She found it endearing how Tristan obviously adored the use of the word 'cool'. She glanced at him, wondering if she would ever get to go into London with Roger, him driving with her in the passenger seat. They could laugh and smile, and then maybe even have a serious discussion. He would reach over and hold her hand while keeping his eyes on the road. He would smile without even looking at her, just because he knew she was there.

"You alright?" Tristan asked, glancing at her. Mae shook her head.

"Just thinking about Roger," Mae said, bringing her legs up and hugging them to her chest. "But when am I not?"

"How are things with him?" Tristan asked. He grinned. "Did he kiss you, or did you have to settle for the all-purpose hug?"

"Hug," Mae said with a smile. "But it was a nice hug. Definitely not all-purpose."

"Did he mention the letter?" Tristan asked grimly. Mae paled.

"No," she grumbled, burying her face in her knees. "He didn't mention it at all. He mentioned you though," she said. "He wanted to know how you were. Thankfully I didn't have to answer."

"I'm not sure how to take that," Tristan said lightly, going around a roundabout for the third time. "But it sounded vaguely insulting."

"It wasn't meant to be," Mae said, looking up and resting her chin on her knees. "Cho's coming to stay with him in a few weeks too. It's going to be dreadful." A horrible thought struck her. "Oh God," she breathed. "She's a pretty girl, who'll be sleeping only a room away from him. What if they had sex?"

"Now don't panic," Tristan said warningly. "I don't want to have to deal with a panicking teenage girl right now. I've got this bloody roundabout to deal with. How do I get off this thing?" he asked, checking frantically in his mirrors.

"I mean, what if they've already had sex?" Mae continued, ignoring him. "I'm a virgin," she breathed, turning in her seat to look at Tristan. "But what if Roger's not? It's not like we ever talk about it or anything. Maybe he and Cedric talked about their sex lives, I don't know," she said, shaking her head. "He could be some stud or something, and I wouldn't even know about it." Her voice pitched up an octave. "Now that I think about it, he's probably the studliest boy in his whole school! Just look at him! He's gorgeous!" She dropped her head in her hands and groaned. "I'm doomed," she moaned.

"Don't make me pull over," Tristan said, trying to sound threatening. He reminded Mae of how Amos would sound during a particularly long drive with the three children in the back. She smiled despite herself. "Look, first of all, it's not very fair to say that just because he'll be under the same roof as a pretty girl means he'll try to sleep with her. That's so stereotypical. If he's half as amazing as how you describe him, then he's probably a virgin a thousand times over." He paused, studying her. "I mean, has he ever even mentioned having a girlfriend before?"

"Well, never anyone serious," Mae said, thinking back. There had been that foreign exchange student that he'd taken to some ball, and then there was some blonde... Sally-Anne? Yes, that was it. There was a girl named Tabitha, another named Sarah, another named Katie... and who was that other one? Alisha? Oh yes, Alicia. He'd dated her in his fifth year. "Okay," she said, feeling faint. "There have been quite a few. He's probably had sex with at least one of them."

"Don't go jumping to conclusions," Tristan said, sounding resigned. "Sure, he might have had sex. But maybe he hasn't. And so what if he has? I never thought of you as the type to make a big deal out of it."

"I didn't think I was either," Mae said, resting her chin in her hands. "It just kills me to think of him with anybody but..." she trailed off. "Is it weird to be telling you that I don't want him to be having sex with anyone but me?" she asked boldly. Tristan made a strangled sort of noise.

"If you don't mind," he said, pulling over into a space. "Could we not think of you having sex with anyone?"

Mae laughed. "But that's the best part of our friendship, right?" she asked, following him up the street toward Piccadilly Circus. "We can tell each other everything."

"I'm a boy, Mae," Tristan said with a groan, going into to Yo! Sushi, where they were led to two empty stools by the sushi bar, where plates of sushi were floating past on little boats. "There are probably some things you can't tell me."

"Fine," Mae said with a sigh, ordering a coke from their waiter. She poked a piece of sushi floating by her that looked like a piece of sherbet. "You know," she said conversationally. "These sushi things are really kind of groovy." She grabbed the plate with the candy-sushi, and after picking it up with her chopsticks, shoved it into her mouth. She swallowed, and grinned at Tristan. "Very good," she said, reaching for another plate.

"This one looks cool," he said, taking a piece of sushi that was wrapped in seaweed and was filled with large, jiggly-looking red balls. He ate it, chewing thoughtfully. "Not cool," he said, after swallowing. Mae grimaced.

"Too bad," she said, sipping her coke. She studied the menu, not really reading it. "I got invited to attend this Football Academy," she said bluntly, still looking at the menu. Tristan stared at her.

"Wow," he breathed. He sounded genuinely excited. "That's amazing."

"I guess," she said with a shrug, folding the menu up and looking up at the ceiling. "I'd have to leave everyone behind though."

"You wouldn't see Roger any less," Tristan pointed out. Mae nodded, trying not to cry.

"I know," she said, her voice shaking. "But I'd still have to leave Donna and Amos and Sylvia and George and...." She looked at him, letting her eyes fill. "You, stupid," she said with a grin. "I'd miss you."

"Hey," Tristan said gently, obviously uncomfortable. "You don't have to worry about me. I'd be fine." He smiled at her, a genuine, true smile. "And Donna and Amos and Sylvia and George, well, they're adults. They can take care of themselves. You don't have to."

"But," Mae stuttered, swiping at her flowing eyes with her napkin. "They've already lost Cedric. And Roger's always away at school and now...." She gasped for air. "Now I'd be leaving too."

"They'd be sad," Tristan said. "And so would I. But if you really want to go, then you can't let that hold you back. It's an opportunity," he insisted. "Look, I get that you want things to go back to the way they used to, but they can't. I mean, maybe this is a time for new beginnings, not just endings."

"Yeah," she said, blinking rapidly to clear her eyes. "I know. I know. I just--it's going to be hard."

"Who said it wouldn't be?" Tristan asked, cocking his head slightly. "I mean, leaving, even if it just for a few months, that's never easy."

"Yeah," Mae said, shaking her head quickly to clear her head. "I just feel guilty, because I want to go."

"Of course," Tristan said, eating another piece of sushi. He swallowed before answering, for which Mae was grateful. "That's reasonable." He shook his head. "I really don't know what to tell you. But," he added before Mae could say anything. "I will tell you that I'd be disappointed if you didn't go. I really would." He stood up, pulling his wallet out of his corduroys. Tristan always dressed nicely, usually in corduroys and button-downs with a slightly sloppy look to them. Very beach-preppy. "I'll pay this time," he said, counting up her sushi plates. "You can next time." Mae watched him pay at the counter, wondering why on earth she couldn't have spared herself a lot of pain by falling in love with Tristan instead of Roger. But she wasn't one to ask questions that couldn't be answered--well, she tried not to--and she didn't want to make things uncomfortable between them. She was grateful for Tristan, and she wasn't about to mess that up.

* * *

"I think I'm going to go to Stirling," Mae said, staring over the treetops at the sinking sun. She'd been sitting next to Roger in silence for the past ten minutes, trying to think of a way to say what she wanted. Then she realized that she really didn't care how it sounded to Roger. He wouldn't be the one she'd be leaving behind.

"What?" he asked, blinking at her and bringing a hand up to shade his eyes. "What's in Stirling?"

"The Stirling Football Academy," Mae said, hugging her knees and biting her lip in thought. "They want me to go there."

"Oh," Roger said, leaning back and putting his weight on his hands. "You want to go?"

"Yes," Mae said, meaning it. "I really want to go. I just don't want to leave everything behind."

"Everything?" Roger asked, kicking her leg gently. "You mean your annoying friends? Your exciting schoolwork? Your fascinating love life?"

"Shut up," Mae grumbled. "You know what I mean. Your parents. Ced's parents. And I guess my mum too. I just want things to be normal again." She turned to look at him, studying him. "Please tell me you understand that. I thought you would be the only person who could understand that."

"I do," Roger insisted, sitting up and dropping his head onto her shoulder. "I want things to be normal too. But Ced's gone. Things can never go back to the way they were. And frankly," he said, dropping his voice slightly and making her shiver and lean in closer to hear what he was saying, "things can only get better from here."

Turning her head slightly, Mae let herself study Roger's face, the face that she'd be saying goodbye to once again at the end of the summer. The tanned skin with faint freckles across the bridge of the nose, the chapped lips that he moistened with a flick of his tongue, the square jaw, the sloping nose, and the dark eyes that gave her the sensation of looking in a mirror. They were the surprising colour that one often saw in babies but rarely in anyone else; that dark and deep blue that seemed to go on forever. Mae loved his eyes. They were so like hers.

Dropping her head onto his shoulder, she let herself breath in the heavy boy smell that surrounded him. Feeling brave and afraid at the same time, she wondered what it would be like to kiss him. To really kiss him.

"This is strange," Mae said, closing her eyes softly. "The two of us, sitting still for more than thirty seconds." She felt him nod against her.

"Then let's go do something," he whispered, and she felt her body tingling with sudden excitement. She did want to do something. Anything.

"Yes," she whispered back. "Let's do something."

Which was why, ten minutes later, she could feel the pavement beneath her feet and a steady rhythm in her bones. Roger was next to her, eyes on the road ahead of them. His face was flushed, his forehead beaded with sweat, but his mouth was stretched into a grin. He wasn't saying anything, just grinning as he ran. Mae felt herself grinning too, turning her head to look away from him.

It was just getting dark, the stars beginning to show and the shadows growing until the street was covered in a dusty mist. Mae wanted to say something to let Roger know that she loved him, that she loved Cedric, and that it was moments like that that kept her going.

Then she realized that he already knew.

Put your hands on the wheel

Let the golden age begin

Let the window down, feel the moonlight on your skin

Let the desert wind cool your aching head

Let the weight of the world drift away instead

These days I barely get by

I don't even try

It's a treacherous road with a desolated view

There's distant lights but here they're far and few

And the sun don't shine even when it's day

You got to drive all night just to feel like you're okay

These days I barely get by

I don't even try

I don't even try...

* * *