Happiness Is an Angry Weasley

In trying times, I tend to look for a scapegoat. If I get bad grades, then it is obviously Potter's fault for making me want to practice so much more at Quidditch. If I get into a fight, it was obviously the other person who started it. If I start liking men, then it is obviously the fault of all the women at Hogwarts for being so substandard.

Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

You see, only recently I've discovered that most of the women here don't... interest me. Not even the slightest. It's not that they're all ugly. There are quite a few that are Witch Weekly cover material. And it's not like they're awful people. Honestly, am I one to judge anyway?

It's just that they don't have that certain something I want in a partner. I've only recently realized that the "something" is a Y chromosome.

So I've been debating for the past few days as to how to break it to my father.

My father isn't a bad man. Sure, he sometimes indulges in a mass torture or two, but when it comes to me, his son, he's a pretty good father. He buys me things, gives me advice, promises me a place of power should the Dark Lord take over, and generally accepts me for who I am. As long as I'm a miniature version of him.

I swear I'm not as brainwashed as I sound. I know that You-Know-Who is a bad guy. I may agree with his ideals in some sense, but his method is just too messy. If I were to go for what he's attempting, I'd do it in a much more subtle way. Try to get in with the ministry and change some stuff from within, or something equally sneaky.

So I know my father is doing some bad stuff. And I know that he likes me when I'm acting like him. What I don't know is how he'd react if he knew that I'm not quite the man that he wants me to be.

He expects me to graduate, get the Dark Mark, and marry some nice, pureblooded witch and start having some nice, pureblooded babies. Which is not going to happen.

How do I squash the hopes of the man whom I've looked to as a role-model for my future for 17 years?

That's my problem. I don't know the best way. The way that won't get me a Howler announcing to the school that I'm a flaming homosexual.

The way I see it, there are a few options.

The first option: Just tell him. This one scares the hell out of me. If I tell him in person, I have to be there for the initial reaction, which I'm sure will be anger. There's no telling if he'd just yell at me, or throw a hex or two. I don't want to risk it. I'd rather be a closeted gay man than an out gay man with no "equipment".

The second option: Write him a letter. I don't really like this one because it seems too... poetic. A heartfelt letter from a son to a father, begging for acceptance. Ha. Right. Plus that'd most definitely get me a Howler. Which is almost as scary as getting hexed.

The third option: Let him hear it from someone else. If I get into a relationship with a nice bloke here at school, it's guaranteed that it'll be passed around like wildfire. The legendary sex-god, Draco Malfoy, gay! The cries of the broken-hearted women will be heard across all of England.

A man can dream, right?

Anyway, the only other option I can think of is just being in the closet. And I can't have that. I'm a young, attractive, gay man in his sexual prime, and abstinence is not an option.

Afterall, Slytherins need love too.

So far, I'm thinking of going with the third option. The only problem with that is... I'll need an eager young man to assist me in informing the world of the new, openly gay Draco Malfoy. But I want someone unexpected, someone challenging. Someone who will be just as much of a surprise. Someone gullible.

Out of all the men here at Hogwarts, I've narrowed my choices down to one person: Ronald Weasley.

Now I know he isn't the portrait of manliness that I am, but for some reason women seem to like him. The goofy boy-next-door persona, I guess. I'll admit the red hair is nice, but the fact that he has six siblings with the same exact shade of red sort of ruins the effect. It's not nearly as unique as one would hope.

Physically, I suppose he could be attractive. He's tall and has a skinny physique. He used to be very gangly and seemingly disproportional, but he's grown into it nicely. He's pale, but the freckles make up for it. They're everywhere it seems, and perhaps in my endeavors I can find out for sure. I also want to know the same thing about the red hair.

...damn. Years of no male attention have left me less than picky. I'll try not to slip again.

Weasley's personality is similar to a firecracker. He's got the temper of a hornet. Honestly, you crack one joke about the lad's mum and he takes it personally. I suppose that could be used to my advantage. If he's passionate about hating me, it could be manipulated into him thinking he's passionate about liking me. And being a teenage boy, if he isn't gay then he's probably at least sexually-confused. I'm rather lucky to know for sure.

Anyway, he does have a sense of humor. Perhaps it isn't the same sarcastic, insulting sense of humor I have, but if I want I can appeal to the "goofy/pun" sense of humor. I may despise it, but I'll do anything for the cause.

I'm determined to win Weasley over. And then I'm determined to make sure it's spread all across the school, finally making it's way to my father through some random resource he's using to keep tabs on me.

Where shall my plan start? Well, my next class is with him. Maybe Professor McGonagall will find a reason to give us both a detention. Not that I would try to give her any such notion. I'd never be that sneaky. Unless I was a Slytherin.

Oh, that's right. Then let the battle begin.