- Rating:
- PG
- House:
- Astronomy Tower
- Characters:
- Hermione Granger Ron Weasley
- Genres:
- Humor Romance
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Stats:
-
Published: 10/19/2004Updated: 10/19/2004Words: 2,904Chapters: 1Hits: 460
The Epicly Bad Tale of Ron and Hermione, Part Two - Fatal Engagement
The Love-Struck Ferrets
- Story Summary:
- Vicious Garden Gnomes, Draco's fruity shampoo, and shopping for diamond rings - Ron wants to propose to an increasingly frustrated Hermione. More fun, laughs, and of course, Draco abuse. Continuation of the first EBT of R/Hr.
- Posted:
- 10/19/2004
- Hits:
- 460
Additonal Cast of Characters :
-Seren (author)
-Cedric Diggory
-Fireboltflyer
-Rianna Potter
-Cho Malfoy (Sylvia)
-xx_Butterfly_xx
Act One, Scene One : Ron doesn't like bacon. Really.
Hermione : *frets*
Ron : *dozes*
Hermione : Wake up, you prat!
Ron : No, mummy, I don't like bacon.
Harry : What?
Hermione : I have to give my speech! Oh no!
Harry : I thought the Head Boy was supposed to make the speech.
Seren : He's not important. Sit down and shut up!
Harry : *sits*
Rianna : *sniggers*
Hermione : *begins long and thoughful speech*
Cedric : *pokes Ron* Wake up!
Ron : What? Oh! Go Hermione! Five billion NEWTS and all that.
Scene Two : Tennis and Killers and fbf's hot dates, oh my!
*Trio Enter*
Hermione : Wow, who's that?
Robert Pattison : *walks by with fireboltflyer on his arm*
fireboltflyer : Honey, some of us have it, and some of us don't.
Ron : *scowls*
Hermione : *kisses Ron on the cheek*
Ron : *blushes*
Burning Pumpkins : Hoorah!
Harry : So, for the sake of the audience, what are we doing, now that we've graduated?
Hermione : Well, I've had offers from the The Department of Magical Law Enforcement,
St. Mungo's, The Main Office, and the Department of Mysteries.
Harry : I still have to kill what's-his-face.
Ron : *mumblewumble*
Hermione : What's that, honey?
Ron : My name is NOT honey!
*Ginny, Neville, Dean, and Luna enter*
Harry : What are you guys going to do?
Ginny : I still have a year left.
Neville : I'm going to work at St. Mungo's.
Luna : I'm going to research the indeterminate nexus betwixt Heliopaths and the
truism that left socks seem to go missing every time they go in the dryer. After
I finish this year, of course.
Harry : *pulls out dictionary and begins to search*
Dean : I don't need a job.
Ginny : Why not?
Dean : Dude, I'm a prince, and I'm going to marry a princess.
Ron : Um, sure dude.
Chaffeur : Sir, your limo is here. Orla is awaiting your arrival in your palatial
manor.
HMS Royal Roots : Yay!
Ginny : Hey! What about me?
Seren : I'll find you someone later. Be quiet.
fireboltflyer : Hey, be nicer to Ginny!
Cedric : Yeah!
Seren : Who's writing this?!
Hermione : Anyways. So, Ron, where are you going to work?
Ron : Mimblewimble.
Hermione : *confused* Wimbeldon? I didn't know you liked Tennis!
Ginny, Ron, Neville : Tennis? Is that some new candy?
Ron : *sighs* I haven't gotten any job offers.
Hermione : *is silent*
Harry : *is silent*
Ginny : *is laughing hysterically*
Act Two, Scene One : Questions and Pressure
Ginny : Do I get to be the maid of honour?
Hermione : Who's getting married?
Ginny : You!
Hermione : Was someone planning on informing me about this?
Ginny : You mean you didn't know?
Hermione : No. And this is the sort of thing you want to know ahead of time, you know?
Ginny : I think I can see why...
Ginny : Don't you want to get married?
Hermione : Do you?
Ginny : I don't have a bf!
Seren : Not yet, anyways.
Hermione : *shrugs* I never thought about it before.
Ginny : *dreamily* We can have a seven tier cake, and a gorgeous white dress,
with heels, and the bridemaids will be so beautiful.
Hermione : And the cake will read "Congrats to Ginny and ____"
Ginny : Huh?
Scene Two : Bopping Lions to Horses.
G : What's up, Ron?
R : *dazed* The sky. The bees. The clouds.
G : Retard.
R : What?
G : Nothing! So, I hear you want to pop the question to Hermione.
R : Huh?
G : You heard me!
R : I heard something like, you want to bop a horse to a lion.
G : You need to clean out your ears. When are you and Hermione getting hitched?
R : WHAT?!
G : I know you want to.
R : Says who?
Accio Firebolt Members : Says us, retard.
Scene Three : Someone will pay!
Molly : So, Hermione... do you want it big or small?
Hr : Um...what?
Arthur : You know, lots of stuff, or rather plain?
Hr : Huh?
Ginny : Do you want it fancy or bare?
Hr : I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED!! ARGH! *runs out screaming*
Molly : What? I just wanted to know if she wanted a lot of stuff on her pancakes...
Hr : *runs to the attic, where Harry is*
Hr : *paces around floor *
H : Hermione, are you okay?
Hr : *whirls around and faces Harry* Am I OKAY? I have half of the female population
badgering me about my apparently approximating nuptial rite that I can't get a
decent night's repose! Molly Weasley is picking out the colours for my matrimony,
Ginny is picking up my flowers, and I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT IN BLOODY HELL IS
GOING ON!
H : *flips through dictionary like mad* Okay, approximating... how do you spell
that?
Hr : A-p-p-r-o-x- BLOODY HELL, HARRY! PAY ATTENTION WHILE I OVERDRAMATISE MY LIFE!
H : Do you spell that with a s or a z?
Hr : ARGH!
Act Three, Scene One : Chocolate Security Blankets
H : Dude, just ask her.
R : *eats chocolate frogs*
H : Those things are like your security blanket, aren't they?
R : *shrugs*
H : How hard can it be?
R : You have no idea.
H : Why?
R : Well, she could always say no.
H : *scoffs* Like she's going to do that.
Micheal Phelps : *walks by with fireboltflyer*
G : How does she do it?
H : 'Scuse me, man to man deep-hearted confessional here.
G : Right. Sorry.
R : S'alright.
G : *leaves*
H : so, I heard Draco is coming tonight.
Cedric : Ooo! Plot device!
R : Why?
H : Still has a thing for Hermione, I reckon.
R : WHAT?! *runs out*
L : *peers out from under bed* Well done.
H : *pecks Luna on the cheek* No sweat.
L : At least you didn't lick me like before.
H : What? That wasn't me!
Cedric : *whistles and looks at ceiling* Oh my, look at the time. Must dash,
catch you later.
Scene Two - The Reckoning, part 1 : Wherein Hermione curses and threatens Draco
bodily.
Hr : *putters around the garden aimlessly*
D : Ah, how's my favourite mudblood doing?
Hr/D fans : Aww, how sweet?
Hr : *ignores him*
D : So, I hear you're getting hitched to the Weasel.
Hr : Draco, my particular state of upcoming connubial delectation is none of your affair.
H : Here, you'll need this. *hands Draco a dictionary*
D : Look, I'm offering you a way out. I can give you riches, manors, fancy clothing.
Hr : And a wide array of STD's, if the rumours are true.
D : Well, I never!
Hr : Piss off, ferret boy.
D : You wound me to the quick!
Hr : *loses temper* And I'm going to kick you in the family jewels if you don't BLOODY WELL BUGGER OFF!
D : Meep!
R : That's my girl!
The Reckoning, Part Two - When Garden Gnomes Attack
D : Argh? How could such a thing happen to my aristocratic, lovely self?
Hr : They're attracted to your fruitiness.
Scene Three - Concussed trolls have nothing on them.
R : Harry, I need help.
H : That's nothing new. What's up? Dark Lord on your heels? Escaped Convict after
you? Got another pet that's actually a murderer?
R : I want to ask Hermione to um... umm...
H : To what? Dude, you two have been together for ages, asking her out to dinner
shouldn't be an issue right now.
Sylvia : Are all men this dense?
Seren and fireboltflyer : You have no idea.
Cedric : Hey!
R : No, it's not that... I... *mimblewinble*
H : I thought you didn't like tennis.
R : No, not that!
H : What then? Come on man, we've been through everything together. I'm sure
I can help.
R : I want to ask Hermione to marry me.
H : Oh.
R : Yeah.
H : I think I'm a little out of my league here... well, let's go get her a ring,
and we'll work out the schematics later.
R : Can I borrow your dictionary?
Act Four, Scene One - Bling-Blinging
R : How about this one? *points at ring in window*
*Ron, Ginny, and Harry enter ring store*
G : Nah, the stone is wrong.
H : Huh? Stone?
G : *patiently* You have to get her a decent sized diamond, Ron.
R : *gulps and checks pockets*
G : How about this one?
fireboltflyer : Oo, fabulous!
H : Merlin's Toes, Ginny, that thing could kill a basilisk!
G : It is a bit too big... hmmm
R : How about this one?
G : Ron, that's a toe ring.
R : Oh. So, no go?
G : *rolls eyes* Heaven, give me strength. Look, let's try another store.
R : How about Quality Quidditch Supplies?
G : Yes, Ron, because I'm sure the engagement rings are stocked right between
the snitches and shin guards.
R : Really?
H & G : NO!
R : ....
R : Luna! Just the girl I've been looking for.
L : I thought you'd be looking for Hermione.
R : Later. So, what're you up to?
L : Oh you know. Pondering our existence, thinking deeply about life, wondering about the universe.
R : Really?
L : No.
R : Huh?
L : Just waiting for your mum to finish making supper. She's making potatoes.
R : Luna, I need your help.
L : When do you not?
R : I want to ask Hermione to marry me.
L : I could have told you that.
R : Can you?
L : I don't know, Ronald... the way the planets are aligning, it may portend failure.
R : PLEASE??
L : Make me an offer...
R : I have a butterbeer caps collection.
L : You're on.
Scene Three : Rehearsing the popping of the question - Ron, Luna, Harry
R : Okay. Hermione, I've loved you for as long as I can remember.
L : So you loved me since 5 seconds ago?
R : Yeah.. I mean no!
H : *laughs*
R : Okay... Hermione, I've always thought you were something special.
L : Good start.
R : I mean, you were a nightmare when I first met you -
fireboltflyer : *runs by and smacks Ron upside the head*
H/Hr shippers : But it should be Harry saying all this!
Cedric : *brandishes flame thrower* Back, spawn of darkness, else I shall smite
thee with my mighty weapon of DOOM!
H/Hr shippers : What's with this dude?
R : Hermione, you're a wonderful girl. You make me smile, you make me laugh,
you make me study.
HMS BP : Awww!
R : And even when you drive me mad -
L : Ron, do you want her to say yes?
R : That's the general idea.
L : Then be nice!
R : Why?
Sylvia : *groans*
Meanwhile, in Ginny and Hermione's room :
Hr : My incredibly talented and highly functional brain refuses to accept this irrationality.
H : *from the window* Huh?
G : But I do...
Hr : I know loads of stuff that you don't know.
G : Like what?
Hr : Like what I'm going to do to you if you don't tell me RIGHT NOW.
G : Oh, er, I hear mum calling me! Must go!
-- WARNING! WARNING! Fluff ahead. For fireboltflyer. --Ten Hours Later :
H : For the love of Peaches and Cream, Ron, just bloody ask her!
Seren : Seriously, I'm tired and I want to get to bed soon!
R : I'm scared, Harry.
H : Why?
R : Because....
H : Because of what?
R : That I'll never be good enough for her.
H : What do you mean? You two were made for one another!
Jesus : And I can vouch for that!
R : But... she's so perfect, Harry. She's smart, and fun, and beautiful... I'm not good enough for her.
L : *sits down next to Ron* Even if you weren't good enough for her, Ron, I don't think Hermione would care. She loves you. I know she does.
R : *nods and looks at ring* I'm going to do it.
H : Good.
Seren : Can I get some sleep now?
H : No.
Seren : Damn.
Act Five, Scene One
Hr : *grumps*
G : What's with you?
Hr : SOME people couldn't be quiet last night.
Seren : Dammit, I was writing the bloody story. Get over it.
R : *comes in and sits next to Hermione* Good morning, love.
Hr : *grumps* 'morning.
H : So, Ron, ready for today?
R : *blankly* What?
L : You know... the big event... the whole shebang...
R : Am I missing something?
G : Well, you've been preparing for ages...
R : Oh. Oh! Yeah, I am! *grins*
H : Good.
R : I've been wanting to go back to Quality Quidditch Supplies for ages!
Rianna : *groans*
Scene Two : Yes, we're finally here.
R : Hermione, can I talk to you?
Hr : What were you just doing?
R : I mean privately.
Hr : *shrugs* Whatever. *follows Ron into the garden*
R : There's something we need to discuss.
Hr : If it's about what colour flowers we're going to have at my wedding, I think your sister has already taken it over.
R : *laughs nervously*
Hr : *peers at Ron* Are you okay?
R : No. But I might be.
Hr : So what did you want to talk about?
R : *fishes a note out of his pocket* Well, you know I've never been good with words... or much else... anyways, here goes.
Two cartons of eggs
Some whole milk
Mandrake juice
Beetle eyes
Hr : That's what you brought me out to read?
R : Cripes! I took mum's shopping list! :: sighs ::
--WARNING! EVER MORE FLUFF ALERT!--
Hr : *sits down on bench*
R : *kneels on the ground before her, wraps his arms around her knees and hugs them* Hermione, I've known you since I was eleven. First I thought you were insufferable. Then I thought you were okay. And then I thought you were pretty cool. And then I realised you were beautiful. And then I fell in love with you.
Hr : *stares at Ron* I didn't know you could say that many words at one time!
R : It's been taking me ages to think of a way to tell you this... I had a poem written out, but apparently, right now Fred's looking for lilies and moondew.
Hr : *laughs*
R : *takes a deep breath* You know, I never liked your last name.
Hr : Why not?
R : Because I think Weasley would suit you better.
Seren : *retches from all the fluff* Ugh...
Hr : What?
R : Hermione, will you marry me?
Hr : *bursts into tears*
R : *alarmed* Oh no! Did I squeeze your knees too tight?
Hr : Of course not, you idiot!
R : *indignantly* Oh, I'm here pouring out my heart and soul to you with a decent sized rock, and all you can do is call me -
Hr : *kisses Ron*
Ron : Mimblewimble.
HMS BP : Yay!
Seren : Finally! I need a barf bag.
Ginny : And now... the wedding!