Harry Potter and the Order of Nudism

"I still can't believe you talked me into coming along to this thing, Harry. I must be off my nut."

"Just give it a try, Ron. You might enjoy it."

"That's what you said about bike riding. Bloody death machines, if you ask me. So do we undress here or is there a changing room?"

"Changing room? Think about it, Ron, it's the Naturism Society. We get naked and stay naked for at least an hour. Do you really think that if any of us were squeamish about getting undressed in front of each other we would be here at all?

"Point taken. Can you help me with this button? I think it's got stuck."

"There you go."

"Cheers."

"Good evening, Mr. Potter."

"Hello Professor McGonagall."

"Has no one else arrived yet?"

"Not yet, no. I brought Ron along to see if he'd like to join us. I hope that's OK."

"Certainly. The more the merrier."

"How many people usually come to these meetings, Harry?"

"Well, altogether we have sixteen official members but we're hoping that people will be bringing guests today. We're in the middle of a huge recruitment drive. You've been working out, having you?"

"Yeah, a bit."

~|~

"Good evening, Minerva."

"Ah, Severus, I'm glad you could make it tonight."

"I'm just sorry I could not attend last week."

"Yes, young Mr. Creevey passed on your apologies. How is the rash now?"

"Oh, better. Much better thank you. That ointment you recommended worked wonders."

~|~

"Blimey, Harry, you didn't say Snape came along to these things!"

"Of course he does. If anything, he's not so much of a git at these meetings."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. He may act like a slimy, evil bastard in class, but get his clothes off and he's a pussycat."

"Right. Hey, there's a load of people arriving now. Isn't ...isn't that Cho coming in?"

"Yep. She's been a member for some time."

"Before you dated her?"

"Uh huh. Not even the fact that I'd already seen her naked made asking her out any easier."

~|~

"I'm starting to have second thoughts about this, Seamus."

"You've got nothing to be shy about, Dean. You've got a lovely body; I can vouch for that."

"What I mean is that I'm considerably put off by the sight of McGonagall, Snape and Flitwick without any clothes on."

"And Professor Sprout."

"What?"

"Sprout should be along later on. She never misses a meeting. She always has to come straight from working in the greenhouses so she tends to be a bit dirty and sweaty."

"Oh sweet merciful Merlin."

~|~

"Harry, just how many people from our dorm come to these meetings?"

"Well, Seamus started coming soon after I did and Neville ..."

"Neville's here?"

"Sure, he's standing in the corner over there, talking to Colin Creevey."

"Bloody hell!"

"I know."

"So ...does Dean normally come to these things?"

"Oh no, this is his first time. It was Seamus' job to try and persuade him. He and I had a bet going, actually. He bet me ten Galleons that he could get Dean to come to a meeting before I could get you to come. Seeing as you both came to this one for the first time, technically neither of us wins."

"What? You ...I ...you ...bet ...ten Galleons ...Dean ..."

"Hey little bro!"

"Fred? You come to these meetings too?"

"Of course. Just don't tell Mum."

"Where's George?"

"He's not into naturism. You know, Ron, just because George and I are identical twins doesn't mean we don't have separate interests! I have my own life! I am my OWN PERSON!"

"Okay, okay, I was just asking ..."

"Well, now you know."

~|~

"Good evening, Crabbe."

"Hullo Zacharias."

"Draco not joining you tonight?"

"No, he still won't come. Says he doesn't like this sort of thing. I tried my best ..."

"Well, you'll just have to try harder, won't you Crabbe?"

"I ...I'm sorry, Zacharias ..."

"Sorry won't get Draco here in all his naked splendour, now will it? Get Goyle to help you, drag him here if you have to, drug his pumpkin juice, do anything to get him to these meetings!"

"Yes sir."

~|~

"Hello Harry. Am I late?"

"No, we haven't started yet."

"Oh good. I'll just start getting undressed then."

"Ginny!"

"Hello Ron."

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing? Put your clothes back on right now!"

"Ron, please don't make a fuss. I've been a member of the Naturism society as long as Harry has."

"You knew about this? You never told me that my little sister was making an exhibition of herself once a week?"

"Ron, nobody here is making an exhibition of themselves. That's the whole point. What we're doing is natural and free. Nobody here comes just to ogle naked people ...well, Smith does, he hopes Malfoy will show up one of these days ...and I can't honestly say I've never had a good long stare at Neville, though can you blame me? ...and I've never been too sure about why Crabbe comes ..."

"The point is, Ron, no one here is going to try anything 'fresh'. The Naturism society has very strict rules about that kind of thing. Now calm down and let me finish undressing."

"I ...you ...my sister ...Smith ...rules ...ogle ..."

"Just sit him down, Harry. He'll be fine in a moment."

"Can I have everyone's attention please? If you'd all like to take a seat and form a circle, we can begin the meeting. One person to a chair, Mr. Smith. Now then, all the committee members are present. I have apologies from Miss Bulstrode and Mr. Finch-Fletchley. Professor Snape, if you'd like to call the general register?"

"Certainly. Professor Sprout?"

"Present."

"Colin Creevey."

"Here."

"Cho Chang."

"Here."

"George Weasley."

"FRED WEASLEY!"

"Just joking. Seamus Finnigan."

"Here."

"Zacharias Smith."

" ...Oh ...sorry, here."

"Vincent Crabbe."

"Hullo."

"Neville Longbottom."

"Here ...sir."

"Ginny Weasley."

"Here."

"Dobby."

"Dobby is here, sir."

"Excellent. Now, Professor Snape, if you'd care to read over the minutes from last week's meeting."

"Ahem. A motion was passed to officially change the society's logo to Mr. Finch-Fletchley's sketch of a wizard and witch with the wizard wearing only a bowler hat and the witch carrying only a handbag. It was also decided that we should up our recruitment drive a little and that each member should try to bring a guest to the next meeting."

"Exactly, which brings us to item one on today's agenda: the recruitment drive. I can see that Mr. Finnigan and Mr. Potter have brought along guests today. Would you two care to stand up and say a little about yourselves?"

"Not really."

"No bloody way."

"We understand. You're a little shy. That's to be expected, this being your first time and all. I know I was nervous my first time, but after about a week or so I felt confident enough to walk around my whole office with no clothes on."

"An inspiration to us all, Professor Flitwick."

"Thank you, Professor McGonagall."

"There's no pressure to join us officially, boys, but if by the end of this meeting you feel you would like to, just see Mr. Potter, our treasurer, and he'll help you out. All in all, we really need to try harder to get more members. The more members we have, the easier it will be to raise the money for our annual outing."

"There's an outing?"

"There certainly is, Ron. Usually towards the end of last term we go to this nudist colony in Dorset. We make a real day out of it."

"I bet you do."

"Professor McGonagall, what about asking Professor Dumbledore to mention our society in one of his addresses to the school? That would raise awareness and get us some new members."

"A very good point, Miss Chang. I've already asked if the Headmaster would be good enough to ..."

"STOP STARING AT MY SISTER, CREEVEY!"

"I never ..."

"Mr. Weasley, kindly control yourself."

"Now, as I was saying, I have asked Professor Dumbledore if he could possibly mention our recruitment drive, but he has declined."

"What? How come?"

"Eccentric as the good Professor is, it seems even he is freaked out by naturism."

"I know how he feels."

"No one's forcing you to stay, Mr. Thomas."

"Then why did Professor Snape lock the door just before the meeting started?"

"Anyway, moving on ...item two ...gaining the support of the house elves. Dobby, you have the floor."

"Dobby thanks you, Professor McGonagall. Dobby has got the support of twelve of the kitchen house elves. They says they is happy to walk around naked, as they is hating the idea of clothes."

"Just as we expected. Good work, Dobby. Item three ...I've had a letter from the Naturism Society at the Beauxbatons Academy of Magic and they are very interested in an exchange program with us. We shall send two of our members to stay there for two months and in exchange they will send two students here. Have we any volunteers?"

"Me!

"No, me!"

"I'll go!"

"Yes, I thought this might be how some of you would respond. I should mention that their society is chaired by Madam Maxine."

"Um ...forget it."

"Same here."

"I'll still go!"

"I didn't know you were into that kind of thing, Fred."

"What, just because George isn't into 'that kind of thing'? I am an individual! I have my own dreams, hopes and fetishes!"

"Very well, Mr. Weasley will be one of our exchanged members, and I shall have a word with Mr. Finch-Fletchley and Miss Bulstrode to see if they are interested."

"Millicent would probably jump at the chance to see all those naked French boo..."

"All right, Miss Weasley, that will do. Now, unless there is any other business, we meet again in a week."

~|~

"Oh, hi guys. You're back. How did your first 'naturism' meeting go, Ron?"

"Hermione ...I ...you ...Harry ...Ginny ...Professor Sprout ...you know what? I really don't want to talk about it."