I Just Want You to Know Who I Am

Chapter 1: Return to Hogwarts

Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

-- "Hallelujah", by Rufus Wainwright

Once on the Hogwarts Express, Harry thought of partaking in his two new hobbies; cutting and sighing. Then he realized he couldn't, not without getting into trouble. "Oh, well," he thought out loud, "at least Hogwarts is better than the Dursleys'. If they found out about my cutting, they'd send me to a nice 'mental health clinic.' More like a dodgy detention center. Hogwarts can't do anything about it."

"Hey, Harry," came the all-too-familiar voice of his best friend, Ron Weasley.

"Oh, hi, Ron," Harry said, trying to smile, but more or less wincing. Ron opened his mouth to try and console him, but thought better of it.

"Here," said Ron, handing his best friend a gold and red package. "Happy belated birthday, Harry. Sorry I couldn't send it like always; Dumbledore said that wouldn't be a good idea to draw any attention to you or the Dursleys. Don't want another Dementor attacking you. Though Dudley... "

Harry was surprised; after the prat he'd been last year, he wasn't expecting to get any gifts. Harry opened it and saw a Snitch unlike any he had ever seen. It was like a miniature crystal ball with wings. His melancholy replaced by curiosity, he asked what it was.

"It's a Mood Snitch," said Ron. "It's not really for Quidditch; it's more of a stress-relief kind of thing. You hold it in your hand and it becomes the thing you want most. I'll show you."

Ron grabbed the Snitch and closed his eyes for a moment, and let it go. As the Snitch floated up, it morphed into a miniature Hermione. Ron blushed the famous Weasley red and quickly recaptured the Snitch.

Harry grinned. It had been obvious Ron and Hermione loved each other ever since the Yule Ball incident in fourth year. While thinking about Hermione, he finally noticed she wasn't there.

"Oh, she's off with Ginny," Ron said when Harry asked him about it, "doing Merlin knows what."

As if on cue, Hermione and Ginny entered the car, giggling madly.

"Hey guys," Hermione called, once out of her giddy haze. "Happy birthday, Harry."

She handed him a gift, which ended up being an enchanted diary, much like the one Tom Riddle had. Harry gave it a mildly suspicious look.

"Before I let you take this," said Hermione, "you have to promise that you won't use it to possess anyone."

Hermione had meant it as a joke, but Ginny paled.

"Oh, Ginny," she gasped. "I'm so sorry!"

Ron and Harry went off to find a seat while the girls trailed after them, with Hermione apologizing profusely to Ginny.

A small part of Harry's mind wondered why he was getting all these mood-oriented presents. Maybe his friends thought allowing him to wallow in his misery would make it go away? When on the Express, Ginny handed him the usual Weasley family birthday gift, and then he started to stare out the window, tuning out the babbling teenagers who were now milling around him.

***

A few hours into his doze, Malfoy came into the car for his ritual harassment. Surprisingly, he was alone (The common theory on this was that the witch with the food cart must be in the car with Crabbe and Goyle). While the same "Scarhead" and "orphan" insults were being thrown, Harry just looked Draco over. Draco wore his hair loose now, so you could see how long it really was, and it gave him a slightly effeminate, but still dangerous, appearance. He was leaning against the doorframe, staring expectantly at Harry, waiting for his reaction.

When Harry didn't rise to the bait, he sneered and asked, "Merlin, Potter, what happened to you? You look like your dog died or something. Oh, well, it was probably a mangy mutt who's better off dead."

This was all said in a tone that suggested he knew about Sirius. Harry had forgotten that Bellatrix, Narcissa and Sirius had been cousins; of course Draco would know.

That was the breaking point. Harry leapt up, grabbed Draco's collar, and slammed him against the doorframe, his head making a pleasantly resounding "thunk" on the contact.

"Don't you dare insult Sirius," he hissed. "Even as a convicted murderer, he was ten times the man you could ever dream of being!"

Harry continued on, and Draco tuned him out and examined him instead. Not that he had much else to look at; the other boy was only an inch or two from his face. Potter had gotten rid of those god awful round glasses, and traded them in for more boxy ones that looked like they were from a Mudblood's Muggle "CB" or something. Harry had also let his hair grow out, and it was just past his chin, which drew you into the way his whole face looks, rather than just the scar. A surprisingly tactical move for Potter, who Draco had always thought inept at fashion.

"Malfoy?" Harry growled, drawing Draco out of his musings. "Are you even listening to me? Never mind; most of that would have gone over your head anyway." With a last shove and a small growl, Harry let go of the blonde, at which point they just looked at each other, not even bothering to glare.

This "exchange" took about a minute, during which the girls looked smug and knowing, Ron seemed lost, and Harry and Draco were oblivious, each caught in their own thoughts. No one noticed when Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas slid open the compartment door until the Irish boy cleared his throat, bringing the whole car back to reality. Draco stalked off to a chorus relieved muttering and a loud 'good riddance' from Ron. There was an awkward little silence which ended when Seamus suggested a game of Exploding Snap, which was just what they all did the rest of the train ride to Hogwarts.