Love Potion HP

Chapter Twenty-Two: Severus Decides

"Severus." Sirius rushed to kneel beside his hunched form. "Severus, you're safe. It's alright."

Severus slowly uncoiled his arms from around his body, then raised his head. Sirius saw no clear emotion in his eyes, only pain. He raised his hand to stroke his cheek. Severus gave a start and pushed it aside.

"Don't. Please don't."

He offered Severus his arm, which he accepted, leaning against it to rise. Sirius embraced him, but he did not respond. His body stood rigid and Sirius stepped away. Before he could say anything else, Harry approached Severus.

"Your wand, Professor Snape," he said, holding the thin wooden rod out to him.

Severus accepted it. "Thank you, Harry."

"Professor..." Harry began, "When you were unconscious, Voldemort said that you were the one who told Dumbledore he was after my parents."

Severus hesitated, then brushed the matter aside casually. "Oh. Well... I wasn't sure if he knew that."

Liar, Sirius thought sadly. You knew all along that's why Voldemort's after you.

"Well..." Harry was at first awkward, but then spoke genuinely. "Thank you."

Severus scowled. "Don't. I was only doing my job. It had nothing to do with you." He added with a note of bitterness, "I was only saving my own neck from Azkaban."

Harry responded with a sad smile. Sirius knew that nothing of what Severus had said, even if he had meant it, devalued his deed in his godson's eyes.

After a few moments, Sirius cleared his throat and spoke, "Severus, about the-"

He cut him off. "No, not here. Let's... We need to take it to Dumbledore." He aimed his wand at the Aphrodilus. "Wingardium Leviosa!"

Despite its weight, the strange fountain rose into the air and floated to him.

"Gather around me," he commanded. Sirius and Harry stepped beside him. He raised his wand into the air and uttered a single word- the same as had been Voldemort's last- and the world snuffed out like smoke.

* * *

When Harry rematerialized, he was once again in the open field from which Voldemort had snatched him. All traces of Pettigrew, save the tufts of grass he had uprooted while writhing under the power of Snape's curses, were gone and his Firebolt lay discarded on the ground. Snape and Sirius were still at his side; the Aphrodilus remained hovering in mid-air.

Snape was the first to speak. "Sirius, change and pass through the forest," he ordered brusquely. "I will keep the Aphrodilus floating while I ride on the Firebolt with Potter."

"You're taking this very calmly," Sirius remarked with a hollow note in his voice.

"What do you want me to do!" he snapped. "Break down and cry?"

"Why are you being so hostile?"

"If you don't know..." Snape began angrily, then stopped. Something in his eyes looked broken. He finished quietly, "It's been a long night."

Sirius bit his lip. He seemed to wish to say something, but instead, he changed into his canine form, leaving Harry and Snape alone in the open field. Snape watched him depart with a blank stare.

"Professor..." Harry began timidly. He did not know what to say and even if he did, he was not certain he would want to do so. Snape would probably curse him or- even worse and completely unimaginable- cry.

"Well then, let's go," said Snape sharply. "I'll be turned around so I can keep the fountain levitated."

Harry nodded and reached towards the Firebolt. "Up," he commanded and it rose into the air. He positioned himself on the broomstick, giving Snape enough room to sit.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yes," Snape answered from behind. "Don't go to fast. If I lose contact and this falls..."

Snape's back was pressed against Harry's and he felt him shudder.

Slowly, Harry guided his broomstick to rise above the trees. "Is this pace good?" he asked halfway up.

"Mm-hmm," was all Snape mumbled.

Slowly, they flew above the forest. Harry periodically glanced over his shoulder to ascertain that the Aphrodilus was still there. If it broke, it would mean death for both Snape and Sirius. Snape must be incredibly confident in his levitating charm to suggest such a method of transporting.

Harry was not reassured at all. His scar still hurt, the mark on his arm was a raw burn, and now that the reality of what the Aphrodilus meant had finally set in, he felt like he had been punched in the stomach.

He had been right about Snape and Sirius from the very start. Never before had he wished so fervently that fate had proven him wrong.

* * *

Outside the castle, Severus touched the Slytherin quadrant of the Hogwarts emblem upon the doors and muttered a password. Instantly, they opened inward and the trio entered with the fountain floating beside them. They encountered no one; the ghosts were at other haunts and the portraits were asleep in nightgowns and caps.

As they approached Dumbledore's gargoyle, Severus heard a gasp and the figure of Minerva McGonagall, still dressed in her green robes, rushed at him.

"Where have you and Harry been?" she asked. "Dumbledore instructed me not to tell anyone until morning that the boy was missing..."

"Yes, another hunch of his, I suppose?" Severus asked bitterly.

"What happened? You look so pale. Should I get Poppy-?"

"No," he interrupted hastily. "We need to see Dumbledore right now."

McGonagall nodded. "He's awake. You can proceed."

* * *

Outside the office, Sirius reverted to a human. He glanced at Severus, who immediately turned away.

"Severus," he pleaded. "Please, tell me what you're feeling..."

He did not answer. He simply opened the door.

Inside, Dumbledore stood with four empty chairs waiting. His face was painted with anxiety, which began to fade into relief, but before he could speak, Severus guided the Aphrodilus to land roughly on his desk with a thud.

"There!" he snapped.

For several minutes, Dumbledore said nothing. He simply stared at the Aphrodilus, absolutely stunned. Then, quietly, he said, "I'm sorry."

"That's not good enough."

"I know," he said, bowing his head.

Severus was trembling, but Sirius was not certain if it was in anger. "Why didn't you think it was Dark magic? Whatever made you not believe it was Dark magic?"

"Severus!" Sirius protested.

Dumbledore raised his hand. "No, Sirius, let him. I had my reasons for believing otherwise. I see I was wrong. I... I have never been such a fool."

Such words from the mouth of Albus Dumbledore were like a cold wind on the back of Sirius's neck. They were the most frightening thing he could conceive.

Dumbledore continued, "I will perform the necessary countercharms to destroy this without hurting either of you. It is the least- and I fear the most- I can do. I... I cannot express my regret. I should have seen to spare you this."

Severus was not nearly pacified, but he said nothing.

"Please," gestured Dumbledore, "sit. All three of you must have been though a lot."

Sirius nodded as they each took a seat. "The equivalent of ten Cruciatus Curses apiece and then some."

"Sirius," a small voice whispered in his ear. He glanced at Harry, who pointing at his left arm and shaking his head, mouthed "no." Sirius nodded in silent ascent. Neither would speak a word of the Dark Mark and jeopardize Severus's position.

"Begin wherever you are comfortable," Dumbledore offered. "We'll start there and get the whole story out somehow."

Sirius looked to his other side. "Severus?"

Severus ignored him. He simply sat staring at his hands, which were folded in his lap.

"Harry decided to stay with us after the Quidditch match," Sirius volunteered. "We went to sleep and a few hours later... I woke up and found Pettigrew cutting Severus's hair."

Sirius hated to lie to Dumbledore, but he had to select the details he revealed carefully. He said nothing of attempting the Killing Curse, nor of Severus chanting the Dark Tongue, but the moment he mentioned the spell which had forced Pettigrew into human form, Dumbledore knew.

"The Dark Arts, Severus?" he remarked sternly.

Severus looked briefly into his eyes, but said nothing.

Next, Sirius spoke of the teleport spell cast by Voldemort, their arrival at the dilapidated castle, and the Mirror of Erised. Here in his narrative he stopped and asked, "How did Voldemort get the mirror? I thought you had it."

Dumbledore gave a troubled frown. "I did, but I turned it over to the Ministry of Magic shortly after the death of Professor Quirrell."

There was a pause, then Severus suggested, "Perhaps you should talk to Minister Fudge. Perhaps you should do a little more than talk."

"Severus, I'd much appreciate it if you refrained from reading my mind," answered Dumbledore. "Please, Sirius, continue."

"No, I will continued," Severus suddenly insisted. "We followed the corridor into another chamber, a courtyard. It- it held eleven Aphrodiluses. Only one- that one-" he gestured "-was active."

"There were others? Who were they for?"

"I didn't recognize most of the names," he said. "There was one for you and one for Potter, and one for, well, of course."

He lapsed back into silence, forcing Sirius to take up the thread of the story. "We smashed the other ten Aphrodiluses. Then Voldemort appeared."

Again, he was selective and brief. He mentioned the use of the Imperius Curse, the screaming match in Parseltongue, but spoke nothing of the Dark Mark. Dumbledore was impressed by the double Priori Incantatem and Severus's bluff.

"Yes, I do recall making that offer to you, Severus," he remarked. "Though before, not after, Quirrell sought the stone."

"So, you understand now why I refused," Severus replied.

"No. I would still trust you with the secret."

For several moments, the room was silent. Then Severus confessed, "I used the Dark Arts to teleport us home. I didn't think another spell would hurt."

"Severus," Dumbledore warned, "if it becomes a habit-"

"It won't. I know the price."

"You two should return to your cabin. You need to rest and, after that, you two need to discuss your future," he instructed. "I afraid things will not be the same."

Sirius rose, apprehensively requesting, "So, it's true then. Once the Aphrodilus is gone... we'll... will we really hate...?"

Dumbledore bowed his head. "Try to remember what you feel right now, Sirius. Try to remember... and in the future, try to get along."

It was all the confirmation he needed.

"I'm sorry," the headmaster repeated.

He only nodded, then tapped Severus on the shoulder. "Come on," he said dully.

Severus glared. "Aren't you going to tell Albus why Harry was at our home?" he coldly demanded.

Both Sirius and Harry gave a start.

"But-" Sirius began to protest.

"It was my scar," Harry hastily blurted. "It started burning during the Quidditch match-"

"Don't lie!" Severus hissed. "Tell the headmaster the truth!"

Harry froze and Severus lost patience. He stood up, grabbed the boy's left arm, and shoved back his sleeve, unveiling the Dark Mark.

Albus Dumbledore's face became as Sirius had never before seen it: horrified. "How did this happen?"

"It was my fault," said Sirius. "It was my idea- not Severus's- to give Harry the Polyjuice-"

"Polyjuice for what?" he asked sharply.

Sirius took a deep breath and hastily told of the February excursion into Hogsmeade. When he had concluded, Severus added, "I had no idea the Dark Mark had that effect on Polyjuice. I didn't know until Voldemort confirmed it tonight."

Dumbledore said nothing, but he appeared very pensive.

"Can you do something about it?" Harry asked. "Can you make it go away?"

Sadly, he shook his head. "No. I am afraid that this, like your scar, you will bear for the rest of your life. But for you, Harry, this is not a mark of what you are or what you were. It is what you must overcome- and what you must not become."

He continued, "It buys us another year of time. Voldemort bound himself not to harm you, and as activating the Mark would cause you pain, he will not be able to conduct a mass summons."

He turned to Severus. "I'm not going to punish you. You have been through enough."

"Headmaster-" Severus protested.

"Yes?"

"Headmaster," he said, "tonight I cast two of the Unforgivable Curses. I spoke in the Dark Tongue. I performed spells of the Dark Arts. Weeks before this, I illegally used Polyjuice and invoked the Dark Mark twice. I should... I should be sent to Azkaban."

A jolt of horror electrified Sirius.

"No," said Dumbledore firmly. "I will not entertain such a foolish notion."

"Headmaster, I insist-"

"Severus, what you feel will pass."

Severus's eyes went dull and he bowed his head.

"Return home and get some sleep," the headmaster instructed. "It's been far too long a night."

* * *

The procession to the cabin was somber. Neither spoke; Sirius, as a dog, could not and Severus refused to communicate. Inside the cabin and human again, Sirius affectionately touched Severus's shoulder. He shrugged his hand away.

Look at me! Sirius wanted to scream. How can you be so cold? I love you! I love you!

At the stairwell, they paused. Sirius began, "Should I...?"

Severus shook his head. "No. I think we should each sleep alone tonight."

"I understand." He really did- and that made it worse.

I love you. How can you tell me this isn't real? I love you.

"Well then... goodnight," said Severus.

"Goodnight," he answered dully.

Severus turned his back and walked up the stairs.

* * *

Severus could not sleep. That was unusual. He knew the reason why... and that the reason why was curled up on the sofa downstairs.

He lay in bed, physically and emotionally drained, numb and unthinking, except for one thought.

I want to die.

Dawn came without note. The hours passed. Finally, Severus left his bed and crept downstairs. In the living room, Sirius was still asleep. Severus did not stop, but proceeded to the kitchen. He unlocked his ingredient cabinet and snatched a cauldron from the side of the stove. Anguish bubbled in his heart as he realized it was the one Sirius had given him for Christmas. He bowed his head a moment, then replaced the cauldron on the floor and searched for another. He found an old, dented pewter one inside a cabinet and began mixing ingredients.

Sirius awoke sometime after noon, just as Severus finished preparing breakfast. As he entered the kitchen, he began, "Severus-"

"No," Severus interrupted, setting a plate of eggs at Sirius's seat. "Yes, I know we need to talk and we will- but I think we should eat first."

Reluctantly, Sirius agreed. He waited for Severus to serve himself and walk over to the table before he sat. He cut his eggs, took a bite- then dropped forward into his breakfast. Severus lifted up his head, pushed away the plate, and wiped the egg from his face. He went to the bedroom, leaving Sirius snoozing on the kitchen table.

* * *

Wha- where am I? Sirius wondered as he awoke. His neck felt sore from sleeping in an awkward position quite unlike the others in which he and Severus usually found themselves entangled. With a start, he realized he was not in the bedroom, or even the living room, but the kitchen.

He shook his head, clearing the cobwebs from his brain. He remembered something about eggs... eggs and Severus...

He drugged my food, Sirius realized. Why would he do that?

He pushed his chair back and stood up. Rubbing his eyes, he entered the living room, shouting irritably, "Severus, where are you? What the hell was that for?"

He need not have raised his voice. Severus stood by the front door. He was shrinking several large trunks, which he gingerly placed in a black suitcase.

"Severus, what are you doing?" he asked.

Severus did not answer.

"Severus, you're not-" A lump choked his throat. "Severus, don't you think we should talk?"

Again, he did not reply. He placed the last trunk in the suitcase.

"GODDAMN IT!" Sirius screamed at him. "Look at me! LOOK AT ME! What are you going to do? Aren't you going to say anything? Are you just going to walk away? DON'T YOU THINK I CARE?!"

Severus turned, opened the door, and walked out of Sirius's life without ever uttering a word.