Love Potion HP

Chapter Thirteen: The Polyjuice Plot

February came and as Valentine's Day drew near Sirius, in spite of himself, grew restless.

"I wish we could do something," he confided wistfully over breakfast. "It gets boring in the cabin all day."

"It's better than Azkaban," Severus remarked, scraping scrambled eggs off the pan which hovered in midair.

Sirius narrowed his eyes and growled with a note of exasperated disgust. "I know it's better than Azkaban!" he snapped. "What sort of a comment is that?"

Severus glared at him over his shoulder. "I'm just putting things in perspective!" he retorted. "Calm down, Sirius! You're starting to sound like me."

He dropped his head onto the table. Mimicking Severus was definitely not a good sign.

"Eat your eggs," Severus ordered, setting a plate by his ear. "And pick your head up. You didn't wash your hair last night."

"It's still a lot less greasy than yours," he mumbled, as Severus returned to the stove.

"Oh, shut up."

Sirius raised his head. "Why is it so greasy?"

Severus slammed the still-levitating pan down on the counter and whirled around. "Why do you care?"

"Well, it's kind of a turn-off."

Severus gave him a very deadpan look. "I have never turned you off."

"Oh, yes, you have," he said. "Before October-"

"Before October doesn't count."

Sirius sighed. He supposed he was right. What happened in October? he wondered. Who kissed whom? The question still nagged him. He deeply cared for Severus, yet he had no idea why or what their relationship was based upon. The fact that we don't know doesn't seem to affect anything we do, but shouldn't it? Shouldn't the answer to something like that be important?

As Severus carried his own plate to the table, regarding his eggs with mild disgust, Sirius inquired, "When is Pomfrey going to take you off that diet?"

"Probably after I start following it."

"Severus," he reprimanded.

"So I don't eat properly, alright? I really don't care," Severus snapped, taking a seat. "Enough of me. Why do you have cabin fever so suddenly?"

Sirius smiled. "Was that meant to be a pun?"

"No," he answered crossly.

"Oh." He never knew quite what would set Severus off. "I guess... it's six days until Valentine's and I wish we could do something special."

Severus groaned. "You are so mushy."

"You like mushy."

"No, I don't."

"Then why was my letter under your pillow?"

"Shut up."

"You already said that today," Sirius pointed out. "You need a new comeback."

Severus rolled his eyes, then continued, "I assume by doing 'something special' you mean go some place?"

"Yeah," he said. "But it's not really possible. Dumbledore's restricted you to Hogwarts and Hogsmeade... I wouldn't mind Hogsmeade, but I'd have to be a dog."

"True," Severus agreed. He lifted up a forkful of egg, grimaced at it, then swallowed it. "You know, there's always Polyjuice."

Sirius gave him a funny look. "Polyjuice?"

He nodded. "Polyjuice."

"Are you serious?" he asked dubiously.

Severus hesitated, then answered dryly, "Oh, why not?"

"I don't think that's legal."

"I don't think you're legal."

Sirius inquired, "But doesn't Polyjuice take awhile to brew?"

"Well, actually..." Severus's voice trailed off and he became very quiet. "I always have some on hand."

"What for?" he asked suspiciously.

"Emergencies."

"Such as?"

"I don't know!"

"How much?"

"Uh..." Severus again became timid. "Enough for one person for forty-eight hours."

Sirius dropped his fork. "Are you crazy?" he demanded. "What are you doing with caldrons full of Polyjuice lying around? What if somebody found it?"

"I have precautions in place," Severus answered in a tone which suggested something foul.

Sirius tossed the idea about for several moments, then asked, "Who will it turn me into?"

"Anyone. That ingredient hasn't been added yet."

"Okay," he replied. "So... who would logically be seen in Hogsmeade with you?"

Severus bit his lip. "Um... no one. I don't really go to Hogsmeade. Another teacher I suppose, which means we ought to wait for a student weekend."

"When's the next one?"

"Four days after Valentine's."

"Ten days from now..." Sirius mused. "Ten days to figure out who I want to be. Though I can't imagine anyone would allow us to be romantic."

"Oh, God, Sirius!" Severus exclaimed, utterly disgusted. "In public?"

This time it was Sirius's turn to say, "Oh, shut up."

* * *

The more Sirius pondered the Polyjuice, the more aware he became of the plot's vital flaw: there really was no one would spend an entire day with Severus. The Potions Master would have to undergo the transformation as well.

Finding a pair was an easier, yet decidedly more risky, task. The effects of Polyjuice, unless taken at regular intervals, only lasted an hour. Sirius had to obtain enough hair to supply several doses of the juice and while hair-growth potions were the obvious solution, how would he convince someone to drink them? In fact, how could he keep his and Severus's temporary doppelgangers out of sight?

Unquestionably, whomever Sirius chose for himself and Severus to become would have to be in on the plot. It was the sort of idea Prongs and Moony would have loved, but neither James nor Remus was here. Who did he know at Hogwarts who shared their mischievous, and sometimes miscreant, sense of adventure?

Sirius suddenly had a brilliant idea.

* * *

The morning of the eighteenth found Severus in the kitchen stirring a small vat of Polyjuice.

"Will we really need all that?" asked Sirius apprehensively.

Severus shook his head and held up a flask. "No. This will contain enough to last you five hours. I just need the cauldron to mix it. There will be excess, so we can do this again sometime. But," he added with slight irritation, "you still haven't told me who you've chosen to become."

Sirius eyed him nervously. If his plan were to fail at any time, it would be now. "Actually, I couldn't think of anyone. I picked two- for both of us."

Severus's eyes narrowed. His mouth twitched for several seconds until he coldly demanded, "Why didn't you tell me this?"

"I...thought you'd say no?" he answered timidly.

"And you're right." Severus sighed with angry frustration, then snapped acridly, "Fine! Far be it from me to burst your little bubble!"

He stormed from the room.

* * *

Severus's thoughts were foul as he negated the curses guarding his personal supply of Polyjuice. He picked up another cauldron and began to drag it downstairs into the kitchen.

How could Sirius spring something like this on him? Did he have any concept of what a Polyjuice transformation was like?

It was your idea to use Polyjuice, chided a little voice in his head that he usually ignored. Sirius knows what he's doing. He has more reason than you to be cautious.

Fine. Whatever! he snapped back at his conscience, then took a breath to calm himself before entering the kitchen.

He found Sirius adjusting the full-length mirror he had conjured from the bedroom. The cauldron of Polyjuice was bubbling again; it had changed from mud brown to an orange-red.

"I already added the final ingredient of mine," Sirius explained.

Severus nodded and set the second cauldron next to it. From a small pouch, Sirius removed several strands of long black hair. He placed them in the potion. It hissed and frothed, changing to a bright green. Severus went to the cabinets and removed the goblets Dumbledore had given them for Christmas. He handed one to Sirius and they both dipped them into their respective vats.

Severus eyed the verdant liquid in his goblet suspiciously. "Just who is this going to turn me into?"

Sirius grinned. "It's a surprise."

Severus gave him a dubious glare.

"Come on, don't you trust me?"

"Not really," he muttered, and then together they drank the juice.

Severus knew what would happen next, but he still was not completely prepared when his insides began to writhe and invert themselves. Fire burned throughout his body as his skin melted and reformed. He was becoming shorter, his nose was shrinking, and suddenly a jagged pain slashed across his forehead and the world became a blur.

"Sirius!" he croaked in a voice he barely recognized. "Something's wrong! I can't see!"

"You're fine," a voice he knew but could not place assured him. "You just need these."

Sirius shoved something- glasses?- into his hands. Severus turned in the direction of the mirror and lifted them to his face.

* * *

Sirius would never forget Severus's expression when he saw who he had become and screamed.

* * *

"You're not funny," Severus whispered sharply as they walked past the Three Broomsticks. It was strange to see his glare coming from those green eyes. "You're really, really not funny."

"Oh, cheer up!" Sirius said with Ron Weasley's mischievous tone and grin. "That grimace doesn't become Harry."

Severus forced a smile across his borrowed face and adjusted his glasses. "I still can't believe you did this."

"But Ron and Harry were a perfect choice!" Sirius declared. "With the invisibility cloak, they can both keep out of sight, so no one will suspect a thing- assuming you keep in character."

Severus scowled.

"Come on, this could be more fun than we thought," Sirius prodded. "We can pretend to be schoolboys again."

"I didn't like being a schoolboy," Severus said. "I believe you had a lot to do with that."

Sirius winced at a small stab of guilt, then sighed. "Listen, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Are you going to waste it over petty details like this?"

Severus bit his lip. "Alright. I suppose you have a point."

Sirius smiled. "Think happy," he said, then, unable to resist, added, "Think Harry."

Severus swung his bag at his head.

* * *

Hermione wound her way through the crowds of Hogsmeade cautiously, well aware of the unseen person beside her.

"Which one do you suppose is Harry?" Ron whispered from beneath the invisibility cloak.

"Judging from the sneer, I'd say it's Snape."

"Ha!" Ron laughed.

"Listen," Hermione hissed. "We're going to follow them for only ten more minutes and then we are going to leave them alone. Alright?"

Ron sighed. "Alright. But Hermione, what if...?"

"What if what?" she asked.

"What if Snape and Sirius decide to...you know... while they're still..."

Hermione glared at him sternly. "Oh, grow up!"

* * *

The first shop Sirius and Severus entered was Zonko's. Within a few minutes, it became clear that Severus was not enjoying himself, so they left and went to Honeydukes. They ate a ridiculous amount of candy, then ventured to the Three Broomsticks to see if butterbeer could cure a sugar buzz. It did not, but it did make Severus turn slightly green and Sirius burp.

Back at Hogwarts, they stealthy dodged McGonagall's efforts to herd everyone into the Gryffindor common room, detouring down a little used corridor to detransform in Severus's office. They were almost to the dungeon when Severus suddenly stopped short.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked.

"Dumbledore," he said. "Oh no, Dumbledore! He said to let him know where I am at all times and now it's been almost five hours-"

"Don't worry," Sirius assured him. "I took care-"

A voice behind them suddenly spoke with vicious satisfaction. "Well, well, well. Potter and Weasley. What might you two be doing here on a Saturday?"

They turned. Severus's eyes became wide and his jaw dropped. He pointed and demanded, "Who is that? Who is that?"

"A precaution," Sirius whispered.

Towering before them in all-too-familiar billowy black robes was a perfect mirror image of Severus Snape.

Severus's double sneered. "You two are in serious need of an explaina-"

The doppelganger suddenly stopped, put his face in his hands, and began laughing hysterically. The cackle was horrible.

"Ugh," Severus grimaced. "Do I really sound like that?"

"Yeah," Sirius answered. "And you do it all the time in bed."

He dashed down the hall. Severus ran after him screaming, "I do NOT!"

* * *

Ron and Hermione entered the abandoned classroom near Professor Sinistra's observatory. A dark figure stood in shadow. From the hooked nose of its silhouette, they recognized it immediately.

"Professor Snape?" Hermione asked nervously.

Snape stepped forward into the half-light of the window. "No, Hermione, it's me. How much longer do I have?"

Hermione glanced at her watch. "Less than a minute. In fact-"

Everything about Snape began changing rapidly. His hair shortened and became messy, his nose shrunk, his fingers became less spindly- until in robes that were much too long and bit too tight stood Harry Potter.

Harry flexed his fingers and rubbed his face, then fished through Snape's robes for his glasses. "Thank goodness!" he exclaimed, sounding much relieved. "I'm so glad to be me again!"

Ron grinned. "Didn't like being Snape?"

"No, it was dreadful. But I did get to scare some first-years. And I gave out some detentions."

"To who?"

"Random Slytherins," he said. "Too bad Draco was at Hogsmeade."

"But won't you get in trouble when Snape finds out?" Hermione inquired apprehensively.

"I don't think so," said Harry. "I differed them to McGonagall- plus it will be difficult for Snape to cancel the detentions without admitting he wasn't the one who gave them."

"That's it!" Ron declared. "Next time, I get to be Snape!"