Love Potion HP

Chapter Four: The Agreement

"Why are we doing this?" Sirius moaned. "Oh, why, why, why- Would you please stop that?"

With agonizing slowness, Severus dislodged his nails from Sirius's back. How could they be so much longer- and sharper- than yesterday? Undoubtedly, Severus had brewed a special potion to make them grow.

"We need to talk," he said.

Severus grimaced. "Oh, I hate the sound of your voice."

"Well, you seem to like other parts of me."

"It's easy- there isn't much of it."

"Very funny," he retorted. Then he became serious. "Severus, why are we doing this? I mean, you- I- ugh..."

Severus yawned and mumbled, "Dumbledore said to."

"Now who's looking for an excuse?"

Severus glared.

"This isn't healthy," Sirius said. "And I don't mean because I'm your personal scratching post. We can't just keep randomly popping into bed-"

"It hasn't been random. This is the third night in a row."

"Gah!" he shouted. "You know what I mean! Look, every night we confront each other, insult each other, tell each other how much we hate each other and are disgusted by each other and what we are doing- and then we go and do it again! Why?"

Severus was thoughtful for several moments before replying softly, "I can't resist you."

"Oh, isn't that sweet," Sirius retorted sarcastically.

"I am serious!" he bellowed. "I CAN'T! I try and the Dark Mark starts to burn and my brain is on fire and I can't think of anything but getting close enough to tear you to bits- and always close in the wrong way! IT'S A SPELL!"

Sirius was quiet for a minute before whispering, "The Dark Mark?"

He had not thought of that, but he realized now that that thing was pressed against his skin... He shuddered and shoved Severus away.

"So it's dark magic then?"

"I believe so."

"But Dumbledore said it wasn't."

"I don't know."

"Then are we going to keep doing this?"

Severus did not answer.

"Well?" Sirius demanded. "ARE WE?"

He glanced over at Severus' face. The Potions Master looked like he wanted to vomit. "I think so."

Neither of them said anything for several minutes until Sirius spoke. "I don't get it. I'm attracted to you, but I don't find you attractive. I mean...gah, it's not even like you're good looking!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Severus answered silkily. "Would you like me to wear lipstick and a red dress? Would that make it better?"

"GAH!" Sirius screamed and nearly fell out of bed.

"You really like that word, don't you?" he dryly remarked.

"Don't ever give me that mental picture again!"

An awkward silence captured the room, broken when Sirius finally said, "I'm sorry."

"Oh, what for this time?" he snapped in exasperation.

"Insulting your appearance."

"I really don't care," he answered frankly.

Sirius gave him a funny look. "Why are you being so amicable?"

"I'm not being amicable," Severus retorted as if he were insulted.

"By your standards you are."

"It's because I'm tired. Goodnight."

Severus closed his eyes and seemed to doze off. Sirius squirmed away from him and lay in the darkness, pondering. Why was he here? In Severus's room- with Severus? The thought of what he had done tonight and the two previous nights made him nauseous- and yet he knew he would do it again.

Severus said it was the Dark Arts. Dumbledore said it wasn't. Sirius trusted Dumbledore far more than Severus. If it was true...

Sirius was never one to deny the truth. He shuddered to think what else might have occurred had he hesitated upon discovering Peter Pettigrew was a Death Eater. It was the last thing he wanted to believe fourteen years ago, just like his attraction to Severus was the last thing he wanted to believe now. It was disgusting, but that did not change the fact that it was. It was the truth, whether he accepted it or not.

"Severus!"

Severus sat straight up and screamed, "WHAT?"

"We need to talk."

Severus's hands clenched and he flailed his arms exclaiming, "How many times are you going to say that!"

"Damn it, listen! If we are going to keep on doing this- and don't give me that look, because you know we're going to keep on doing this- we should agree to do it. I mean be open about it to each other. No more denying we aren't attracted because we are attracted. Now, I still hate you and I'm sure that you still hate me, but do we really find each other so disgusting?"

"Well..." Severus fidgeted. "I did a few a weeks ago..."

"Severus."

"Fine!" he spat. "Fine! I don't think you're disgusting anymore, alright!"

Sirius nodded. "Alright. And we agree- we're going to do this willingly."

"Might as well," Severus grumbled, but he did not sound like he believed it.

"You realize what this means..."

"Yes," he replied with a mixture of dread and disgust. "We're a bloody couple. Oh, God. I'm going to be sick."

"Going?"

"Oh, shut up!" Severus snapped and hit Sirius in the face with a pillow.

* * *

Sirius never lingered long after Severus had fallen asleep. A wise decision on his part, Severus reflected the next morning, because he would probably tear him limb from limb if he ever found him unconscious. He rubbed his nose. Sirius had bit him there again. What was his fixation with his nose?

Severus felt a roar of revulsion rise from his stomach. What had he just agreed to last night? To willingly accept a relationship with Sirius? A relationship based on what? A mutual desire to mutilate, if not kill, each other?

How could Severus agree to that? How could one agree to something if one did not have a choice? Whatever spell he was under was not simply going to stop working because he did not like it. To agree was pointless. To agree- simply because he had no control- was cowardly. It was a cop-out method of coping rather than fixing the problem.

Severus felt even more disgusted with Sirius. Forget their so-called agreement- he had said yes just to make Sirius shut up. He was not going to play along so Sirius could have a buffer for his fragile ego. He was going to resist and he was going to fight whatever this thing was.

But when the Dark Mark burned...

Severus shook his head. No, he was in control, and he was going to break the spell.

* * *

Sirius did not return to Severus's room the next evening. Instead, he lay curled as a dog before the fire of the Gryffindor common room. Hermione Granger sat beside him, absentmindedly petting his head, as she studied her spell book. A few moments later, she glanced at her watch.

"It's midnight. I'll go get Harry."

Sirius whimpered a small note of acknowledgement and she left him. Five minutes later, he heard footsteps from the boys' dormitory. He glanced up and, spying his godson, changed into his human self.

Harry smiled broadly as he looked upon his godfather, yet Sirius caught a glimmer of anxiety in his eyes. He naturally returned his gesture and they embraced warmly.

"Hello, Harry."

"Hello, Sirius," he replied. "I missed you."

They each took a seat in an armchair by the fire.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner," Sirius apologized with a tinge of guilt. Whatever the matter was with Severus, it was no reason to neglect his godson. "I was... busy."

Harry accepted his words readily. "It's alright. I understand."

They began to talk, mostly of Harry's daily routine; Sirius inquired about classes, Quidditch, Hogsmeade, and- most important of all- his scar. He was relieved when Harry assured him that he had felt nothing, but he still sensed that something was amiss. "Harry, what's wrong?" he asked gently. "Please tell me. It could be important."

Harry bit his lip. "It's not anything about me, it's just... your face. It's all scratched up and I- I worry."

Sirius' mouth went dry. How could he explain the reason to Harry? He did not understand it himself. "I'm afraid I can't tell you," he answered hesitantly. "But I'm alright. I'm safe. Don't worry about me. Just take care of yourself."

Harry nodded, but did not seem satisfied. "If there's anything I can do-"

"Keep up with your schoolwork. And Quidditch, of course," he added. "Good luck with your game next week. I wish I could be there."

"But you can! You could morph and go with Ron and Hermione," suggested Harry.

He shook his head. "No, I'm afraid I can't. I just found out that I have to leave tomorrow. I'll be back in a week. I promise, I'll try to make it to one of your games this year. Now, you should go to bed."

"Alright. Goodnight, Sirius."

"Goodnight," he replied, watching Harry leave the common room with a soft smile.

* * *

Severus was setting up the ingredients for his next class when Sirius trotted into the room. What was that dog doing here? Didn't he realize that it was much more dangerous than simply meeting him after class?

Well, if he gets caught, it's not my problem, Severus decided.

He continued to work, ignoring Sirius until he was human again and spoke, "I'm leaving in an hour for another mission, Severus. Dumbledore is sending me to check on Remus's end of things. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner."

"Good," Severus remarked coolly without looking up. "Then I can concentrate on finding a cure."

"Cure?"

Severus set down the rest of the powder bottles on the nearest desk and turned around to face him. "I don't believe Dumbledore. This is Dark Magic. Why else would I have anything to do with you?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "We agreed..."

"Oh please," he sneered. "Agreed to what? Nothing- we said it just to comfort ourselves. We couldn't stop if we tried. That's what Dark Magic does. I still hate-"

Much to his disgust, Sirius seized him by the arms and drew him into a passionate kiss. Severus jerked away.

"What was that for!"

"I... I don't know." Sirius's eyes were distant. "It's like I can't control myself."

"That's because you can't!"

Sirius kissed him again and this time he found himself giving in. His mind seemed to melt, but then his brain registered one last thought. Two minutes to the bell. In a panic, he pawed at Sirius, trying to push him away.

"We can't do this now- Sirius, I have a class coming-"

"Not for another minute."

"But they're Gryffindor fifth-years!"

Sirius was so shocked he almost dropped him. "Harry."

"Exactly!" Severus declared, breaking away from his arms. "Do you want your godson to know-"

He did not seem to hear him. He murmured to himself, "How will I explain this to Harry?"

Severus violently seized him by the collar. "You'll tell him nothing! Nothing!"

"But, Severus-"

"That brat has no reason to know there's anything between us-"

Sirius glared at him sharply. Angrily, he spoke, "Would you kindly refrain-"

"From calling Potter a brat?" he finished for him. "He is one! And you ought to recognize-"

Sirius swallowed Severus's words with another kiss. Severus shoved him away.

"Stop doing that!" he snapped.

"Sometimes," Sirius yelled, "it's the only way to make you SHUT UP!"

He turned on his heel to leave. Halfway to the door, he paused and called over his shoulder, "I hope you find a cure, Severus. Because I can't live with myself if I have to live with you."