The Seduction Of Doubt

Chapter 6 – The End

Draco lay on the ground for an immeasurable length of time. It could have been hours or seconds, he wasn’t entirely sure. All he knew was that Harry hadn’t moved from beside him the entire time. “You saw, then, Potter.” He said softly, unable to look him in the eye.

“I saw.” Harry said, watching the blond boy in front of him. “I didn’t tell Ron or Hermione.” Draco nodded.

“I heard that.” He laughed bitterly. “I suppose I should thank you, then.”

“You could, but I don’t expect you will.” Harry mused. Draco finally lifted his head, eyes narrowed in anger.

“Of course not. I’m too stubborn for that. I’m not as open-minded as the almighty Harry Potter.” Draco stood. “I can’t have true friends because I’m not as good as you, well, that’s FINE.” His knees shook slightly. “I can stand on… my own…” and his legs gave out from under him. Harry stood to catch him and lowered him back down to the ground. Draco struggled out of his arms, tucking his knees under his chin and staring out the window. “You always have to be the hero, Potter.”

“I don’t!” Harry said defensively.

“You do. You always are. You hide it under some show of duty and goodness, but you’re really just in it for the attention.”

“Shut up, Malfoy.” Harry said, shaking slightly. “Don’t you turn this on me.”

“How do you explain everything, then? The stone, that Weasley girl, Sirius Black… the Triwizard cup! Everything happens to you, you just go looking for trouble!” Draco sneered. “Famous Harry Potter.”

“SHUT UP!”

“You think you’re the only person who can fight Voldemort, just because you did it when you were a baby…”

“I DON’T WANT FAME!” Harry shouted, then immediately turned to hide the tears blossoming in his eyes. “Don’t you understand, Malfoy, I don’t want ANY of it! I’d give it all up, every second of recognition, every person who has ever whispered when they saw my scar, every battle I’ve had to fight…” Harry stopped. He could hear Draco breathing softly behind him. “Everything I have… my fame… my scar… it wouldn’t be here if my parents hadn’t died.” He wiped his face. “I’d give it all back. Everything. I don’t want this. I hate being famous Harry Potter. I hate having to fight all the time. I’d trade it all in to change that one night, Malfoy. I’d rather have my parents than some stupid goddamned scar.” He put one hand over his face, breathing heavily to calm himself. “Never mind. It was stupid of me to think you’d even be willing to change just because of some vision.” He moved towards the door, flinging Draco’s wand over his shoulder. He paused, just as his hand reached for the doorknob. “If you ever want anything to change, Draco,” he said, not noticing the look of surprise in the grey eyes behind him at the use of his first name, “it has to start now. I don’t want to see your dream come true any more than you do. But if I walk out of here… it’ll all go back to the way it was. The way we’re both used to, and the way neither of us particularly enjoy. I’ll never speak about your dream again, I promise. Not to anyone. If you keep going the way you are… I know the truth, and I can forgive a LOT of things, but I can’t speak for everyone else. I can’t speak for Ron or Hermione… or Neville or anyone. You’ve done a lot wrong, but you could do a lot right, I know it. It just has to start now or it never will.” And Harry waited for a few seconds. When no response came, he sighed and reached his hand out again to leave.

“Wait.” Draco’s voice was timid and small. “I… um…” Harry turned, looking expectantly at him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that about your parents.” He stared at the floor. “God knows I know what it’s like to be alone in a family that doesn’t love you.” Harry thought back to the house on 4 Privet Drive. “To be parentless… or close enough.”

“I don’t…” Harry started. “I don’t really think you’re parentless.” Draco looked up, slightly offended. “What I mean is,” Harry continued hurriedly, “I doubt your mother really thinks that.” Draco laughed bitterly.

“Come on, Potter, you heard what she said…”

“She didn’t say that. You did. Everything that happened… everything that you heard was your own mind, not hers, not ours, not mine.” Harry grinned, though not with his eyes. “If you think I’m so heroic you should have known I wouldn’t attack you like that.” Draco didn’t look up. “I’m serious, Draco. Those doubts, those fears, they’re all your own.” He paused, unsure whether he wanted to continue. “And we have some of them in common.”

“We… no we don’t.” Draco said.

“In a way, we do.” Harry continued. “I saw everyone I loved telling me I’d never be good enough to be loved back. I’ve been alone all my life, and they said… Ron said… everyone would leave me because I couldn’t become anything other than The Boy Who Lived.” He sighed. “They left out a word. I’m the boy who lived alone.”

“You’re not.” Draco said, finally standing up. His legs shook slightly but he seemed to have regained his strength. “You have Weasl- you have Ron. You have Hermione. You’re in a house where you’re taught to rely on each other, not to undermine everyone you meet at every possible turn. You have so many places you could be welcome.” An icy look invaded his eyes momentarily. “You have everything I want, and you complain.”

“But I stopped complaining. I learned from it. Everyone’s scared, Malfoy, and you have as much reason as all of us. I’ve met your father far more times than I’d prefer. My mind aches at the possibility of living with him, frankly… you’re a lot stronger that we give you credit for.” Harry mused. A very slight pink tinge touched Draco’s cheek. “You’ve got a lot to make up for and a lot MORE to apologize for. I’m willing to trust you because you couldn’t have lied in that dream. Ron and Hermione trust me, and I hope they’ll listen to me, if you want them to. I’m not asking for you to renounce Slytherin, or your father, or your reputation and role in the school. Just… don’t be such a prat all the time.” Harry grinned, and Draco couldn’t help chuckling in spite of himself, but then he sobered for a moment.

“My father… if he finds out this doesn’t work… if You-know-who-”

“You can call him Voldemort… he’s back now, we can’t keep pretending he doesn’t exist.”

“Fine… if Voldemort finds out about this, my father won’t think twice before listing me as one of the enemies. He won’t try to protect me.” Draco shivered. “As far as he’s concerned, I’m either an asset or a weakness – a tool that’s kept when it works and gets thrown out when it doesn’t.” Harry looked into Draco’s eyes, almost expecting to see tears, but instead they were flat and empty, stagnant grey pools of water.

“Dumbledore’s protected me more times than I can count. I’d be dead right now if he hadn’t figured out Moody wasn’t Moody, last year.” He paused. “Come to think of it, I’d have been dead first year if he hadn’t come to save me. Or second year, because of Fawkes.”

“Fawkes?”

“Dumbledore’s phoenix. Super bird, really. Tail feather’s in my wand. Voldemort’s got the other one, it’s why he couldn’t kill me…” Harry trailed off. An image of his parents, grey and smoky and barely there, telling him how to survive… sacrificing themselves for him the way they had when he was a baby… Harry lost his train of thought. He stared out the window before Draco shook his shoulder.

“Harry?” Harry jolted, pulled out of his reverie. “Are you okay?” Harry stared at him for a second, unsure of where his mind had gone.

“Yes… no, I’m fine. Sorry about that.” Harry spoke tonelessly, a sound that sent shivers up Draco’s spine.

“What were you thinking about?” Draco asked gently, a sound that send shivers of an altogether different sort up Harry’s spine. Harry shook his head, shooting Draco a look that said, clearly and concisely, Not now. “Don’t tell me, then.” He fought to keep annoyance out of his voice. Harry gave him a quizzical look, then smiled a soft grin.

“You have no idea how strange it is to hear you speak without sarcasm, you know.” Harry laughed.

“Okay, I’m not always a total ass.” Draco said, but Harry just rolled his eyes. “Well, maybe a little.” Harry raised an eyebrow. “Oh, shut up, Potter.”

“What was I saying? Wait, I remember. Dumbledore. He’ll help you, Draco, he honestly will.” Harry paused. “I don’t know where you could stay for the summer, though…” Draco seemed to have an idea, but apparently couldn’t wrap his lips around the words.

“Well, maybe… I… maybe…”

“What?”

“You’re the only person who trusts me. D’you think maybe… I could stay with you?” Harry stared at him like he had gone mad. Draco looked down at the floor, waiting for Harry to laugh at him for the idea. “Of course, you don’t think so, I’m sure you don’t want to spend the summer with me anyway…” Harry did, in fact, burst out laughing. Draco seemed hurt.

“Draco, even if I still HATED you I wouldn’t ask you to spend more than thirty seconds with the Dursleys. They’re hell in a household, honestly. No, you can’t stay with me… I’m going to have to go back to that hellhole at the end of the term… makes me sick to think about it. I can’t even imagine you in a household of Muggles anyway. They wouldn’t let any of my wizarding friends within a mile of Privet Drive, if they could help it. Anyway… we’ll figure something out. Dumbledore will.” Draco looked mildly relieved. Then he paused and looked disturbed.

“We don’t have to hug or anything, do we?”

“No, that’s doesn’t come along until week five of the ‘How to love your fellow man’ seminar series.” Harry rolled his eyes. “You’re going to have to come up with a damn good way of apologizing to Hermione and Ron, I hope you know.”

“I know. I’m working on it.”

“Don’t try to start right away.” Harry advised as he opened the door. “I guess the first step is to stop going in the wrong direction. I’m pretty sure you can find your way back up again.” He grabbed the Invisibility cloak from off of the floor and tossed it over the both of them. As they shuffled down towards the dungeon, Draco smiled to himself. This finally felt right.