The Seduction Of Doubt

Chapter 5 – Revelation

The three snakes had been most willing to help them. All three were highly in awe of Harry and his friends, and had a burning urge to repay someone – anyone – for their years of torture. Harry had warned them not to hurt Draco in any way, though – an incident like this could easily be construed as an attack. “This is the most vicious thing we’ve ever done.” Hermione said to them as they walked back to the castle, Harry under the cloak again. “I feel… god, I feel lower than Malfoy.”

“You are lower than me, Mudblood.” A familiar, cold voice said from behind them all. Harry immediately fell silent and stood stock still under the cloak. “Well, well… this is a curious development.”

“Shove off, Malfoy, it’s almost dinnertime, and you wouldn’t want your newts and spiders to get cold.” Ron spat. Malfoy looked mildly amused.

“You know, I had no idea that the oaf’s cabin was now available for conjugal visits.” Draco oozed over to them, eyeing Hermione in a way that made her shudder and shrink backwards. “Can’t you do any better that this thing, though, Weasley?” Then he paused. “No, I don’t suppose you can. How foolish of me.” Harry couldn’t resist. He knelt down and tied Draco’s shoelaces together quickly, then immediately stepped out of the way. As Draco finished spouting insults at them in his expressionless voice, he spun to leave and ended up flat on his face in the mud. Ron and Hermione doubled over with laughter as they walked away.

“That was bloody brilliant, Harry!” Ron exclaimed, gasping as though he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to draw breath again from laughing so hard. Hermione agreed, thought she still looked shaken.

“I’ve never been looked at like that… god, he’s revolting.” She said. “Get him good. We have to get him back for this – for everything.”

* * * * *

Draco lay face down for a few moments, listening to their steps receding. The same tears of humiliation that had streamed down his face after the unpleasant ferret incident last year came rushing back. He held his breath and bit his lip as he pushed himself back up and rolled over to undo the knot in his shoelaces, not even thinking about where it could have come from. All that crossed his mind was what had come over him just now, talking to the two of them. He’d been cruel before. He’d been crude. But he’d never been so… lecherous, so threatening. He had been acting like a predator. He’d been acting like he’d seen his father treat his mother, that little collection of assuming mannerisms that always turned his stomach on a level he chose to ignore a great deal of the time. At the thought of becoming his father, he suddenly had an incredible urge to retch. What the hell is wrong with me? He asked himself. All I’ve ever wanted was to be like my father. To make him proud. There’s nothing better than that. But as he stood and brushed himself off, he couldn’t silence that little voice in his head that kept asking, “Are you sure?”

* * * * *

Harry and Ron staged a confrontation in the dining hall that evening. They both threw dignity to the wind and, sitting on opposite sides of Hermione, started to spit insults at each other. The volume of their voice grew as the argument escalated. “You don’t care about either of us! All you care about is your goddamned FAME!” Ron had shouted.

“I think you’re mixing the two of us up, Weasley.” Harry had responded coldly. “We both know you’ve only ever hung around me to get noticed. I’m not a trophy friend.”

“That’s all you’ve ever been! Actually, that’s a lie. You’ve been a TOKEN friend. You’re only ever around me and Hermione to show off how fabulous you are compared to me.”

“We both know that’s not hard.” At that, Ron had moved to launch himself at Harry but Hermione caught him. She was looking at Dumbledore, whose face was lined with concern. Ron had looked at Hermione, and then turned back to Harry.

“You’re a worse person than Malfoy. Never speak to me again, Potter.” And with that, he stalked out of the dining hall with her trailing. Harry, his face red with the exertion of yelling, sat back down. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw Draco’s face lined with an emotion he’d never seen there before. As he turned to look, he caught a glimpse of it – that was pain. That wasn’t mock offense… he was hurt. However, quick as it had appeared, it was gone, and the usual mask of cruel indifference was there. Harry stood up after a few minutes and left, mumbling apologies to everyone at the table and quickly patting Neville’s shoulder in a reassuring manner.

“Trust me.” He whispered, and left. Dumbledore caught his eye as he moved towards the door, and Harry was sure he caught a twinkle as he passed. Shaking his head slightly, he moved out of the door, carrying his bag over his shoulder. As soon as he was around the corner, he opened the sack and onto the floor poured its one occupant in a silvery, fluid heap. Tossing the cloak over himself, he stood poised in the hall. He didn’t have to wait long. Draco came out a few minutes later, moving immediately in the direction that Ron had gone. Harry followed silently.

* * * * *

Ron sat in the corner of the darkened Astronomy Tower with Hermione next to him. They heard footsteps near the door and nodded to each other. Hermione wrapped her arms around Ron and let him rest his head against her shoulder, as though she were comforting him after the long ordeal with Harry. The door opened and, as they looked up, Draco stood silhouetted in the doorframe. “Well, isn’t this adorable?” he said, his voice dripping with malice. “Little Weasel getting comforted by his pet Mudblood.” Hermione’s arms tightened around Ron as he stiffened.

“Leave us alone, Malfoy.” Hermione said, not looking at him. “This isn’t your business.”

“Oh, but I think it is, Granger.” He answered. “Any time I can rub salt in a wound, you both know I’ll be there. And the break-up of the three best friends in our year? Well, that’s just something I couldn’t bear to ignore.”

“No…” said Ron slowly. “We didn’t think so.” He stood at that. Draco heard a soft hissing noise from behind him, and spun around. No one was there. He turned back to the two people in front of him, slowly withdrawing his wand.

“I don’t know what the two of you are trying to pull, but I promise you, I’m ready.” He said, looking slightly nervous. Suddenly, from behind him came a very familiar voice.

“Expelliarmus!” he heard Harry Potter shout, and his wand flew out of his hand. He didn’t see where it landed because he’d spun around to where the voice had come from. Harry threw off the invisibility cloak and stood, his wand hand outstretched. Draco shook with rage.

“You… you’re not supposed to be here.”

“Yes, well, terribly sorry about that. Seems your father’s little toys aren’t as devoted as they seem once you let them go.” Harry said, watching Draco’s face morph from shock to rage to pure horror.

“You… and all three of you… you KNEW.” Draco said, shaking again.

“Yeah.” Said Harry angrily. “Let’s see if you have any idea what it’s like.” He held out his other hand and spoke again in Parseltongue. “Show me. Show me what he refuses to see.” He said. Percy and Godric flew out of his hand towards Draco, landing on his chest and latching on. Before he could pry either snake off, he’d fallen into unconsciousness. Harry let Dobby slither up and latch onto his own chest, and he suddenly found himself falling into fog, into darkness… he was in Draco’s dream.

* * * * *

“You’re a worse person than Malfoy.” Draco heard the words over and over. “You’re a worse person, and that’s saying something.” He could do nothing but sit and watch. “I wouldn’t touch Malfoy with a ten foot pole. Why in the world was I ever friends with you?” And then…

“We knew all along. We did this just to make a fool out of you.” The voice of Harry Potter was ringing in his ears. ”We know what you want, Malfoy, more than anything. But you’ll never get it.”

“What do I want, Potter?” Malfoy spat into the darkness.

“You want what we have.” Suddenly, all three voices spoke to him. “You want to know what’s it’s like to not have to fear every person around you. What it’s like not to hate everyone who you see until they prove their worth. You don’t ever want to think about worth again.”

“You want to see people as they are, not as what they aren’t.” Ron Weasley.

“You want to never have to judge people just because it’s been burned into you like a brand.” Hermione Granger.

“You want to fight what you know is happening – what you know you can’t stop.” Harry Potter.

“Shut up, all of you. None of you matter to me at all!!!” Draco screamed into the darkness.

“That’s your father talking, Draco.” Suddenly, a new voice came at him from out of the darkness. One he could barely bear to hear. “You’re becoming your father, just like him, and we both know it. That’s why I’ve never been able to bear to touch you, to love you. I can see him inside you. Do you have any idea how hard it is for a mother to not be able to love her son?” Narcissa Malfoy’s voice came at him like knives tearing his soul. “Your father and I will never love you. To him, you’re just a tool, like those necklaces. And to me… you’re the manifestation of my prison.”

“No… no… you’re lying.” Draco protested weakly. The fog thinned before him, and suddenly he saw before him the group of friends he’d detested constantly for the past four years. He saw them laughing, joking… saw Hermione squeeze Ron’s hand, and he felt a shadow of it on his own. He saw Harry and Hermione hugging, and remembered with a pang what it was like to, for once in his life, feel loving arms around him. He saw Harry catching the Golden Snitch in every last one of their opposing Quidditch matches, and saw the entire Gryffindor team run up to him, crying and embracing him, when he’d won the Quidditch cup in their third year.

“You know this is what you want, Draco. You hide it all behind a guise of indifference and loathing, but it’s all jealousy. You want to be safe. You want to be on the side that you can’t even touch. You don’t want to become your father. None of us (and at this point the voice changed back to just Harry Potter’s) have to worry about that. We protect each other. We care about each other. Who cares about you? No one.” Draco fell to his knees now, willing himself not to cry. “You’re cruel to everyone you meet, you’re snobbish and lecherous… you’ve come so close to destroying the self-esteem of my two best friends, and you shake it off without a second thought. What makes you think anyone would ever want you after that?”

“Potter… Harry… I’m so sorry. Ron… Hermione… Mother…”

“It’s too late, Draco.” His mother spoke quietly to him. “You can’t make up for everything you’ve done. You’ll never be able to do enough, apologize enough, love anyone enough to make up for fifteen years of hatred. The only way left, Draco, is all the way down to hell. It’s where you belong.”

“NO!” Draco shouted. “Ron, Hermione, please don’t leave me… Harry… please…” As the world around him faded into blackness again, he felt a hand grasp his own.

* * * * *

“Holy shit.” Ron said quietly, watching Draco’s shivering and convulsions on the floor. Hermione looked at him disapprovingly, but couldn’t help but agree. They could see that Draco wasn’t physically hurting himself, but this… this was almost worse. Ron almost ran to stop it himself before Harry stood up. He immediately began speaking in Parseltongue.

“Leave him. I’ve seen enough.” He hissed, and Percy and Godric withdrew. Dobby dislodged himself from Harry’s chest and all three brothers sat, waiting in his hand. “Thank you… I guess you can go now.” The snakes looked at him happily, then slithered away. Dobby paused, however, and spoke one last time.

“You are sympathetic, Sir Harry… truly wise. We all thank you for everything you’ve done for us. Don’t hesitate to call on us if you ever need anything, we will answer only to you now.” And with that, the three snakes slithered under the door and out of sight. Harry then turned back to Draco, who was shivering on the floor, sweating madly. As Ron and Hermione watched, he knelt beside him and pushed a few sweaty strands of silvery blond hair off of his forehead.

“I can’t tell you both what I saw.” Harry said softly. Ron looked indignant, but Harry silenced him. “Trust me. It’s too complicated. Someday, I’ll make myself a Pensieve and put everything I saw in there. You can see it then. But only when he trusts us enough.”

“HIM?” Ron said, but Hermione grabbed his hand.

“Come on, Ron…” she said softly.

“No… we deserve to know. After everything he’s said to us, you can’t just let this go!”

“I am, Ron.” Hermione said, looking at Draco’s quivering form. “I don’t want to be cruel. I won’t be cruel. I won’t go so low as that, and I know you won’t either. You’re better than that.” She took Ron’s hand silently and led him out of the room. Before they left, she turned and tossed Draco’s wand, which she’d caught, back to Harry, then closed the door, leaving the two boys alone together.