Fellytone Lessons

It was summer, and Hermione and Harry were staying at Ron's for the rest of the holidays; therefore they were witness to the morning that Mr. Weasley burst into the kitchen with a box under each arm and one of the biggest smiles Harry had ever seen on his face.

"I've done it!" he announced triumphantly to the kitchen at large.

The three exchanged a glance. They were all in their dressing gowns, eating breakfast, despite the fact that it was 10 in the morning. Harry had been sitting next to Hermione and playing with the idea of stealing her toast and taking a bite, while Ron munched his way through several plates of sausages and eggs.

"Er- Dad- what is that you've...done?" Ron inquired, his mouth full of egg, with a slightly apprehensive look on his face. "...Nothing illegal, right?"

"Oh, no!" Mr. Weasley set his boxes down on the table and beamed at them. "I've bought a pair of fellytones."

Hermione choked on her toast.

"Mr. Weasley?" Harry asked gently. "Do you mean...er...what do you mean?"

Mr. Weasley frowned at them and waved his arms about. "Fellytones...you know...muggles use them to communicate."

"Telephones?"

"Ahah! That's it!" The huge smile returned to Mr. Weasley's face; it was, in fact, starting to make him look a little crazy. "I went into this muggle shop...and they had so many interesting things there! Eklectic things, you see, that's what I wanted. Those little brown batteries and plugs..." his face glowed. "It was amazing!"

Ron whacked Hermione on the back to stop her choking on her toast.

"So...er...Mr. Weasley, what did you do?" Harry said tentatively.

"I went to Gringotts, and I exchanged some money for muggle money- flimsy little pieces of paper. Then I went to the muggle store..." his eyes widened. "...and I bought two fellytones!" A slightly puzzled look came onto his face. "She kept on trying to give me more paper back...but I said no, no, it was hers to keep in exchange for these wondrous fellytones."

Harry tried to keep the smile off his lips. "Telephones, Mr. Weasley," he murmured. Meanwhile, Hermione was coughing quietly, and Ron was looking bewildered.

"I bought two, you see, so you kids can have one and your mum and I can have one," Mr. Weasley explained.

"Mr. Weasley..." Hermione finally managed to speak. "You need somebody to telephone with."

Mr. Weasley looked thoroughly alarmed, like he hadn't thought of that idea.

"Dad, excuse my language, but what the hell are you going to do with a felly- telephone?" Ron demanded, staring at the boxes.

"Oh...you know...use it..." Mr. Weasley said vaguely. "I'll find somebody to telephone with. But look, you two," he said to Hermione and Harry. "You must show me how to work it! It's....eklectic, d'you think you know how to use it?"

"Oh, I think we can manage," Hermione sputtered.

"Good, good!" Mr. Weasley ripped open the boxes like a child opening a Christmas present. He pulled out two gleaming black cord phones, and stared at them like they were his newborn children.

"They're so...beautiful," he whispered in awe.

Ron got up and poured a glass of water for Hermione, who had a red face and was now snorting with suppressed laughter.

"Now...Mr. Weasley...do you have a telephone jack?" Harry asked him.

"Jack? Jack Gripher? No, I only see him at work."

"No, not Jack, a telephone jack. Something you plug a telephone into. Into the wall, you know?"

"No." Mr. Weasley's face crinkled with anxiety. "Does that mean I can't use it?"

Harry looked to Hermione for help.

Hermione said rather briskly, "I'm sure we can manage to make it work, Mr. Weasley. Do you have a plug?"

"Ah, yes! I have an eklectic plug."

Ron looked at his father like he was fearful for his mental state of mind.

"Good, good. Why don't you put this cord into the plug?" Hermione held up the phone cord.

"Right, right." Mr. Weasley took the end of the cord and began to look around, muttering to himself, "...plug...plug...where did I put it again? I have a fellytone that must be plugged in...plug...where is it?"

This took about fifteen minutes, which gave Hermione and Harry the time to silently break into laughter and Ron to stare at his father as he bent over, searching for the plug he had inserted into the wall.

Finally, Mr. Weasley straightened up, slightly breathless but triumphant. "I have it plugged in!" he announced.

"That's good." Hermione stood up from where she had been leaning on Harry, breathless with laughter. "I suppose you need someone to phone. Why don't you plug your other telephone in now?"

"Right, right." Mr. Weasley's face was shining with enthusiasm. He bustled around, and soon had the second telephone plugged in.

"Okay..." Hermione looked at Harry for what they should do next. Harry picked up the phone, and listened for the dial tone. There wasn't anything but a small buzzing noise. Ron, having lost interest, returned to his eggs.

Harry handed the phone to Hermione, who shrugged and continued with the lesson. "Okay, Mr. Weasley. Now, you need a telephone number."

"A...telephone number?"

Harry said quietly to Hermione, "How will he get a telephone number?"

Hermione shrugged. "This thing probably works on magic anyways, since I'm certain his plugs don't work."

"I have it! My telephone number is WEASLEY." Mr. Weasley broke in.

"Very good, Mr. Weasley," Harry said encouragingly. "Now, you see these little buttons with numbers on them? Dial your number in."

Mr. Weasley's face screwed up with concentration as he pushed the buttons. There was a loud ring from the other telephone, and Mr. Weasley jumped before breaking into another smile.

"My fellytones work!" he cried, dancing around the kitchen with one of the telephones in his hand. "Oh, isn't it amazing?"

"Amazing," Ron said thickly.

"Pick up the fellytone!" Mr. Weasley thrust the other, ringing telephone at Harry.

Harry picked up the receiver and said into it, "Congratulations, Mr. Weasley."

"MY FELLYTONES WORK!" Mr. Weasley yelled happily into the phone.

Harry's ears rung. Hermione hastily explained to Mr. Weasley that he didn't need to shout.

Mr. Weasley spent the rest of the morning phoning up random people and informing them that he had a new fellytone. Hermione, Harry and Ron left him to it; when they came back in the evening he was still there, crouched over his shiny black telephone, pressing buttons and holding the receiver excitedly to his ear. And then would come the "conversation":

"Hello? Hello? My name is Arthur Weasley and I am the proud owner of two new fellytones!"