The Distraction

*Alright, so maybe it wasn*t exactly what I'd had in mind for those two and a half years of my life, but I can't say that I regret it. I have a few scars that will never go away, no matter how many potions or charms I try. They are not meant to be banished. When the Dark Lord leaves his Mark, it's there forever.

*Listen to me. I'm getting sentimental. No, of course I didn't love him. You can't love something that is no longer human. I sympathize with him. Every once in a while, I would get a cold, hollow ache, and have the atrocious urge to comfort the monster. When I lay in his bed at night, my mind slipped, and I wondered if he could be saved.

I guess it was because I way young, and rather stupid. After all, the two go hand in hand.

*The Order protested when they first heard my idea, although I could see that trade mark gleam in Albus's eyes as I spoke. I knew he was thinking the same thing that I was. Harry is failing. So much has happened to him in such a short life. He needed time to recover, concentrate on building his powers for one last battle. A distraction was necessary. That's where I came in.

*Really, I was the only choice. My father had been a Death Eater when the Dark Lord first came to power. I was hardly more than an infant when he died. The only thing I remember about him is that he would let me play with his wand, and chuckle when I set the living room furniture on fire.

*I remember mother a little more clearly. She herself was never a Death Eater, but after father died, she stuck close by them for protection. After Harry seemingly vanquished the Dark Lord, the Aurors were out for blood. She was with my two Death Eater uncles during a raid, and they killed her on the spot, assuming she too bore the Dark Mark. Albus himself saved me from the clutches of the rabid Aurors, who were bent on slaying a helpless child because of her affiliation with Darkness.

*Dumbledore sent me to Russia, arranged for me to be adopted by a loving, wonderful family. On the outside, my life was perfect. I was an obedient daughter, I excelled at my studies, and never caused any trouble. But my soul was torn apart, haunted by my earliest memories of death and despair. I grew up knowing that I owed my life to one person, and only one person, and swore to myself that no matter what, I would repay the debt.

*It was the perfect excuse. Albus knew it and in the end, the rest of the Order had to agree. I had my family torn from me, I was taken away from all I had ever know or loved, an orphaned child. I grew up bitter, smiling outwardly, but deep inside, determined to exact revenge on those Muggle-loving fools who had destroyed my life.

*Severus, more than anyone, was violently opposed to this. He'd been leading two different lives for so long, he was so guilty about his past. In his own harsh way, I think he wanted to spare me the pain of self-betrayl.

*"You are far too young and inexperienced!" he spat. "The Dark Lord will see through your facade in an instant, and he will kill you!"

*"So what, Severus?" I asked, trying to stay calm. "Either I do this or I don't. Either way, there's a very good chance I'll end up dead, by Voldemort's hand, or someone else's."

*I stared right back at him, trying not to flinch under his furious gaze. Severus was the most imposing man I had ever met, next to Albus, of course. But I had to test myself. If I couldn't steel myself against his wrath, how would I ever face Voldemort?

*"I grant that there will be much... destruction in this war. Maybe even worse than the last. Having your life taken away by an Avada Kadavra would be a blessing compared to... destroying your soul by becoming... becoming..."