VoldeFest!

1. Live from Scotland

A flare of regal music accompanied a striking aerial view of the Forbidden Forest. Panning the treetops, an occasional owl could be seen gliding toward the forest edge on its way to a massive castle.

"Scotland in August. A lush forest deceptively calm despite the creatures that call it home."

As if on cue, the distant sound of a backfiring Blast-Ended Skrewt interrupted.

"A lake, serene on its surface, yet home to mermaids, a giant squid, and occasionally a toilet-dwelling ghost when the plumbing backs up. An ancient castle, the center of many an historic event in the lives of wizards and witches for over a millennium. And now for the rest of us, too. Yes, this is Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

The music ended. Under a large tent on school grounds, a man and woman in matching orange Muggle blazers sat at a desk surrounded by television cameras, a mass of electronic equipment, and a crew of ten.

"Good afternoon," the man said, looking into a camera. "I'm Jim Brawny, and this is Summer Legsaplenty. Welcome to American MuggleVision! All weekend we'll be here with live coverage of the twenty-fifth annual VoldeFest! Brought to you by Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans--'you pays your money, you takes your chances,' and The Broom Room--'you'll never fly off the handle with us.' Summer, looks like we're in for another spectacular event."

"That's right, Jim," Summer piped in as she adjusted her blazer to better display the AMV logo. "We're on location at this beautiful castle, host to yet another fine festival. For the next three days, we'll bring you extensive coverage of every event: the Hippogriff races, the Animagus Show competition, the Quidditch Tournament, the Whatever Do Muggles Do Without Magic demonstrations, the Magically Enhanced Muggle Contraption competition, and much more."

"So far no one's been able to beat Arthur Weasley in that last contest. Can we expect yet another win from him this year? And you know, Summer, last year there was some controversy when Rita Skeeter took Best in Show in the Animagus competition."

"That's right, Jim. Some still believe to this day that she bribed a judge with a case of Firewhiskey and a bag of Galleons. Let's hope for a clean competition this year. And of course, VoldeFest would not be complete without the climactic big finale!"

"Yes," Jim said, "The epic battle that started it all. The annual match between Harry Potter, wizard hero, and Voldemort, a scaly red rash on the Wizarding world's butt. As always, it promises to be quite entertaining."

"That's right, Jim. Harry Potter has been battling it out with Voldemort since he first defeated the slimy wizard at the astounding age of only one. Makes you wonder, Jim, just how a one-year-old baby could manage to control a wand, let alone yell a curse! Or was it a hex?"

Jim blinked. "Um, yes. Heh heh. Actually, Summer, a curse bounced right off his head."

"That's right, Jim. Babies do bounce." Summer flashed her perfect white teeth.

Jim flinched. "Well, uh, it seems Potter has been facing the red-eyed wizard on a more regular basis since the age of eleven, except a few times when the evil one had trouble scrounging up a new body."

"That's right, Jim. Back when this wonderful world of wizards and witches was still hidden from us Muggles, the wizard now known as the Self-Styled Dark Lord...and why does he insist on calling himself a Dark Lord? I mean how puffed up can one person get?"

"Well, Summer, he did have quite a stranglehold on things back then. That is, until Harry Potter handed him a particularly humiliating defeat when Potter was only seventeen and about to graduate from this very school."

"That's right, Jim. It seems the Self-Styled Dark Lord has always had a penchant for making long-winded speeches before going in for the kill. He had Potter cornered. It was all but over for the young hero. But then something truly amazing happened."

"Indeed it did, Summer. Voldemort took one step toward Potter, no doubt to emphasize some meaningless point he was making, and slipped on a banana peel that Potter had dropped on the ground when he'd been startled by Voldemort's sudden appearance."

"That's right, Jim. Rumor has it that Potter had developed an undying love for bananas while hiding out in the States the summer before this all happened. Some even said he was secretly growing banana trees in the school greenhouses. Well you can imagine how popular bananas became among wizards and witches after that."

Jim stared, feeling the beginnings of a headache as Summer continued.

"Anyway, just as Voldemort was about to throw an Abra Cadabra..."

"Avada Kedavra." Jim sighed.

"That's right, Jim. As I was saying, Voldemort slipped, fell backwards, and hit his head on a rock. Knocked him out but good. All Potter had to do was finish him off."

"After that, Voldemort began to lose respect. People were less afraid of someone who could be outdone by a banana peel. Over the next few years Potter kept winning more and more easily, and more and more of Voldemort's followers, the infamous Death Eaters, skipped out, denying their involvement or claiming they'd been forced to do Voldemort's bidding. Now only a small handful are left, if that many."

"That's right, Jim. In fact, the very first VoldeFest took place the following year. A much more modest affair than it is today, but the celebration had begun. And with all that fear gone, a new era of Wizard-Muggle relations gradually emerged until this magical world was no longer hidden. You know, Jim, it certainly explained a lot of strange occurrences over the years. It's no surprise this great revelation coincided with a sharp drop in alien abduction claims."

Jim stared at her and nodded. "Okay, well. As day one kicks off, we'll get a look at what's going on throughout the day. Right after these messages."

Summer flashed that perfect smile. "That's right, Jim!"