Deer to Me

"And you told me
Everything I wanted to hear
And you sold me
Now I don't know how I should deal
I should know me
And, baby, you'd think I'd know better."
-Find My Way Back, Michelle Branch

Chapter Twenty

Lily opened her eyes slowly; she felt like she'd been sleeping for a century. But she wasn't in her bed, nor was she in any place she recognized at first glance. Of course, her brain wasn't exactly working up to par because it took her a few moments to realize that she was laying in a bed.

She wanted to push herself into a sitting position, but her brain was ordering her body in such a feeble voice that it wasn't listening. So she lay there, thinking about what had just happened to her. With a jolt of fear, she remembered the horrifying feeling that she was dying.

But she was all right, how was she all right?

"Good, erm...good afternoon," a cautious voice said to her right. She turned her head slowly and saw James sitting there, looking down, and trying to look innocent. Lily blinked, why would Potter be wanting to look innocent?

"What happened?"

"Somebody tried to....kill you...using the Trifalsus potion," James said, rubbing his hair. "And I...erm...saved you-"

"You did..." Lily tried to clear the fog out of her head. She was slowly remembering things. Walking to the forest, feeling dizzy, her throat collapsing on her. As the memories played through her eyes, James watched and waited for the inevitable.

And then her eyes widened and she sat up, remembering James transform before her very eyes. James noticed her sitting up and seemed to shrink into himself. She continued to stare at him, not sure what think of first; that he'd broken serious wizarding laws, or that he'd been spying on her using them.

"Now, before you say anything," he said, quietly, "I did save your life-"

"You bloody prick!" Lily said, very shrilly for someone who just woke up from a deep sleep.

"Life-saving prick!" James reminded her, laughing lightly.

"How dare you....in the first place," Lily said, sputtering. "You could go to Azkaban for this...illegal Animagus-"

"Life-saving, illegal...Animagus-" James said, a bit less lightly.

"I thought you were intelligent enough to draw the line between school rules and major wizarding laws, but apparently, you're too much of an idiot to tell the difference!"

"Life-saving.....idiot," James protested, frowning a bit.

"And then! You bloody have used this stupid skill to spy on me, only to land me into bed!" She seemed the most offended by this, because her cheeks were blotching red.

"Hey," James said, frowning. "I did not learn to be an Animagus to land you into bed."

"Really? Just like you haven't been asking me out every bloody day to land me into bed, huh? I can't believe you would sink this low, Potter."

"I also just saved your bloody life," James said, getting a tad angry at her. "That's gratitude for you. You could be dead right now, but no, you're using your precious wind pipes to yell at the person who saved your life-"

"You learned my deepest secrets!" Lily cried. "I told you some things that I didn't want to you know! And you just...!"

"You're the one who opened your mouth," James replied, snarkily.

"What kind of an argument is that?!" Lily asked. "I thought you were a harmless animal!"

"You know, you're being very self-centered about this-"

SLAP.

Lily was so aghast that all she could do was slap him hard across his face. "How dare you call me self-centered, Potter?"

"I did, and I'll do it again!" James said, standing up. "You have to be the most self-centered girl I think I've ever met in my life! I thought you'd at least be grateful to me for saving your life, but no, you have to focus on what I did in the past and-"

"Get out, Potter," Lily said, dangerously.

"I'm not finished-"

"OUT!" she yelled, pointing to the door.

"Fine!" James said, pulling on his backpack. "Fine! I can't believe I even liked you in the first place!"

And with that, he shrugged on his backpack and stormed out of the hospital wing.

If James thought that Remus and Sirius would be warmer to him after Lily's incident, he was sorely mistaken in the weeks that followed. Remus only spoke to him once, asking how Lily was and when James told him what happened, Remus replied simply "I told you so" and walked away. Sirius wouldn't even look at James long enough for James to tell him what had happened with Lily.

Lily had been trying to avoid James as much as possible, and James the same. Deep down, he knew that she was right, and that he was a horrible person for spying on her the way that he did, but his stubborn side maintained that had he not been there, she would have died, and she was being a brat to not see that.

Of course, the two of them had to be together for more often than either of them admitted to liking. Lily's attempted murderer was no where to be found, and Dumbledore had called them in several times for long sessions to find those in the school with probable cause to kill her.

"Snape," James had said one afternoon.

Lily snorted and James glared at her. This was going to be one of those sessions.

"Severus Snape, James?" Dumbledore asked, looking at him oddly. "I highly doubt it-"

"You'll have to excuse Potter, Professor," Lily said, sighing melodramatically. "He's still very immature."

"At least I'm not a self-centered-"

"Self-centered?!" Lily said, gasping.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. Lily blushed slightly and sat back, looking the other way. She refused to let Potter make a fool out of her in front of Professor Dumbledore.

"In any case, James," Dumbledore said, eying the two of them. "I highly doubt Severus Snape had the intention to kill Lily."

"Yes, actually, I have a quite amiable relationship with him," she said, sweetly.

"Slimy greaseball," James said, folding his arms in front of his chest and huffing.

"Child," Lily hissed back.

"I think that's all for today," Dumbledore sighed. Lily and James stood up at the same time, said their goodbye, and turned to storm out of the office at the same time. Of course, they both reached the door at the same time.

"Ladies first, Potter," Lily glared at him.

"I don't see a lady," James sneered, and while Lily was agape at him, he slipped through the door.

After walking a bit down the hall, James paused to press his forehead against the cold stone. It must be a reflex. Hurting him in the soft spot of his ego caused him to be horribly nasty to her. If he continued on this vein, the chances of her dating him were at zero.

To add to his misery, his paper on Animagi was due tomorrow. With a sigh, he drug his head away from the stone and sluggishly walked to the library.

Speaking of the little "greaseball," Snape had been trailing James for some time now, trying to catch him alone to speak with. He finally cornered James while he was in the library finishing up research on his Animagi report. Snape approached him, and, with a furtive look around, slid into a seat next to James.

"What do you want, Snivellus?" James asked, his voice hollow.

"There is a little matter of the other night to discuss," Snape hissed. James rolled his eyes and gave him a dry look.

"You've already ruined my friendships, so why don't you just leave it alone?" James asked.

"I am not here to get anything from you, Potter," Snape looked around to see if anyone was watching them. "I'm sure, even with your besmirched bloodline that you've heard of a life-debt, correct?"

"Yeah, so?"

"I am...in your life-debt," Snape growled. "So go ahead and tell me what you want and we'll get this over with."

"I don't want anything from you, Snape," James turned the page. "Just...forget it every happened."

"I can't, don't you understand?" Snape growled. "It can't just be forgotten like that. The code of my family decrees that I have to repay your life-debt."

"Snape, this isn't the time," James sighed. He felt the back of his neck burn as if someone was watching him and turned around. Lily was on the other side of the library, watching him. She blushed and went back to her work. James sunk lower in his seat.

"Well then, I suppose I can appease it some other way," Snape shrugged, eyeing the connection between the two. James looked at him, disgusted.

"No way-"

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Potter!" Snape spat, looking as if he had a foul taste in his mouth. "As your girlfriend doesn't like you hexing me, I'll...resist baiting you around her," Snape finished, and it was apparent that it was hard to do.

"What?" James asked.

"I won't bait you when she's around, all right?"

James shook his head. "Do what you want, but she isn't going to be my girlfriend." Snape resisted the urge to roll his eyes when he followed James' line of sight.

He suddenly was struck with an idea and said slowly, "I bet you are most unhappy with what Black did to her, aren't you?"

"Sirius..." James started, then blinked. "She? Bellatrix?" His face contorted into a snarl. "What do you mean? Was she the one who-?" Anger surged through his body, and his face flushed.

"Poisoned her?" Snape filled in. "Yes, and she's most proud of it, I'd say. She doesn't stop blathering about it."

Anger surged through James' body and he balled up his fists. "Where is the bitch? I'll rip her head off-"

"It wouldn't be wise," Snape said, cutting James off before he could do anything stupid. "As her father is quite influential and would be able to do much worse if you went after her."

"So what the hell am I supposed to do?"

Snape rolled his eyes. "Potter, sometimes your ignorance is deafening. Let me explain it to you, and I'll use small words so that you understand."

James' glared daggers at him.

"I happen to know that the Slytherin Common Room has a trapdoor to hide any evidence that could incriminate." Snape looked around more now, because he was telling a Gryffindor all of this valued information.

"Really?" James was interested. "So you mean that if me and Pa-" He trailed off and looked down at his paper. "He and Padfoot" weren't speaking to each other. "So you think that she hid her stuff down there?"

"I'm almost positive. It's not like a Slytherin to destroy evidence. It prevents bragging at parties," Snape sneered. "But, if I procure this evidence, you are not to use this information I have given you in any way. Or else, I might just....let slip a little bit of evidence about your friend, Mr. Lupin."

"You wouldn't!" James growled. "Dumbledore-"

"It won't matter. If any Slytherin gets wind of what I've told you, I'll be dead faster than Dumbledore can expell me."

James stared at him. "So why are you telling me this stuff?"

"Because I am in your life-debt. While this isn't quite the most fulfilling of payments, it will have to do, I suppose."

"Yeah," James nodded.

"So is this our agreement?" Snape held out his hand. James stared at it blankly. "We have to shake on it, or else it's not a true agreement."

"I am not touching you."

"Potter, be an adult."

James looked at Snape's thin, white hand and took it and let go as quick as he could. They both mirrored each's movement to wipe their hand on their robes as thoroughly as possible.