My Apology

Chapter 3

I don't ask for your forgiveness

I don't care much for your actress

That's just you though, shallow and selfish

So I go now, oh my shallow one, today.

Something was terribly wrong. The darkness surrounded her, suffocated her. She didn't know where she was or what was going on, she only knew that this feeling of dread seemed to be squeezing her so that she couldn't breathe. She turned around in circles looking for something that would tell her where she was, but everything was black. Suddenly, a voice sounded from the abyss.

"Lily, Run!"

She heard a dull thump and the cackling of evil laughter. She didn't know who the voice belonged to, but she knew that its owner was dead. And for some reason, that knowledge broke her heart. She felt like she was being torn in two. Tears streamed down her cheeks for the loss of the man that she loved. And then she heard another sound. Somewhere in the distance, a baby was crying.

More laughter, and her surroundings suddenly became clearer. A dim light illuminated the room softly as the wailing of the baby became gradually louder, and louder until she had to put her hands to her ears to block out the sound. Her heart was breaking and she was going to die. She had to save the baby, and the man that she loved was dead. Her eyes searched the room frantically looking for a baby or a body. The man that she found lying on the floor had unruly black hair. She choked. James Potter.

James looked up from his charms text book. He could have sworn that he'd heard a noise. Like someone moaning in their sleep. He stood up and let his tired eyes wander around the Gryffindor common room. His brown gaze fell on a sleeping figure lying on one of the plush, red couches beside the fire. As he came closer, he noted the figure's red hair. Lily Evans.

James had been under the impression that he was the only one left in the common room. His friends had left hours before, muttering about how James was no fun. The fact of the matter was that he had an exam in Charms the next day and was terrified that he was going to fail. Charms was by far his worst subject.

He came to stand above Lily. A frown furrowed her brow as she slept. She was dreaming. Lying across her chest was the book that James had thrown at her head. "The Works of Shakespeare" was etched across the worn leather cover in a golden script. He picked it up and looked at it, flipping through the thin tissue paper-like pages. He stopped to read a small passage in the chapter marked "Sonnets."

Those lips that Love's own hand did make

Breath'd forth the sound that said, 'I hate,'

To me that languish'd for her sake:

But when she saw my woeful state,

Straight in her heart did mercy come,

Chiding that tongue, that ever sweet

Was used in giving gentle doom;

And taught it thus anew to greet:

'I hate' she alter'd with an end,

That follow'd it as gentle day

Doth follow night, who like a fiend

From heaven to hell is flown away.

'I hate' from hate away she threw,

And sav'd my life, saying--'not you.'

James furrowed his brow in confusion. Who was this guy, and where did he learn to spell?

His thought process was interrupted as Lily let out another small sound. James peered at her curiously. Was she having a nightmare? Should he wake her up?

He shrugged. What the hell? He reached down and shook her in a not-so-gentle manner. "Hey Evans, wake up."

Lily started, and her eyes fluttered open suddenly. When her gaze fell on James, her eyes widened and she stared at him, mortified. Her breathing was extremely labored, she couldn't seem to catch her breath. "You..." was all she could manage to get out.

James frowned at her. "Were you having a nightmare?"

Lily, realizing that she was safely in Hogwarts and that she most certainly was not in love with James Potter, allowed herself to relax a little. "Absolutely."

[~**~] [~**~]

"Potter, I'll be honest with you. You're a very smart young man. I just don't think you're living up to your potential. Maybe if you spent as much time on studying as you did playing pranks and getting into trouble your grades wouldn't be suffering."

James sighed. It annoyed him to no end that everyone just assumed that all he ever did was joke around. Well...They were mostly right, but not in this case. James had stayed up half the night studying for the charms test but Remus hadn't shed a single tear when James used the weeping charm on him.

"I recommend a tutor, Potter," Professor Flitwick continued seriously.

James heard a stifled snicker behind him and he spun around to glare at Lily Evans. She raised her eyebrow at him mockingly. Charms was her best subject. Prudence had cried rivers and hadn't stopped until well into lunch.

"Can I help you, Miss Evans?" the Professor asked, looking around James.

"I just came to return the book you let me borrow, Professor," Lily piped up, presenting a huge volume to the tiny Flitwick. James rolled his eyes. Only Evans would find pleasure in reading about schoolwork.

"Did you find it to your liking?" Professor Flitwick asked her.

Lily nodded vigorously. "Oh yes, I found out everything I needed to know. Thank you for letting me borrow it."

"You're most welcome," the Professor beamed at his best student. "I have another on the subject if you'd like to..." he trailed off, his gaze flitting back and forth between the two students. He peered at each of them musingly. "Potter," he said slowly. "I think I have just the tutor for you."

James and Lily both stared at the professor in shock. This could not be happening. The pair couldn't be within 50 feet of each other without bickering or throwing things at each other.

Professor Flitwick looked at each of them in turn. He knew about their little rivalry and thought that perhaps this would be the perfect opportunity to resolve their differences. "I have no doubt that with Lily's help, Potter, you'll be an expert at charms in no time."

Lily and James walked silently out of the classroom. "When do you want to meet?" asked Lily, through gritted teeth.

"Tonight at ten."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Jerk."

"Brown-noser."

"At least I get good marks!" Lily stopped in her tracks, outraged.

James stopped as well, and turned to look at her. "At least I have a life."

She stared at him disgustedly and rolled her eyes. "Someone needs to get their priorities straight."

"Oh, get of your high horse, Evans!" James spat. "I'm just as smart as you and you know it. The big difference is that I manage to be intelligent and have a social life."

Lily's fists clenched at her sides. "If having a social life means having a swarm of immature, giggling girls following you around and swooning at your every word, then NO, THANK YOU!" She started to storm off angrily.

"You're just jealous," James said in a low tone. "You couldn't get anything on two legs to follow you around if you tried."

Lily turned around very slowly, her form positively shaking with anger. "You arrogant son of a bitch," she spat, her voice barely above a whisper. "Who's on the high horse, now?"

James watched her hurry away, fists still clenched at her sides. He let out a sigh. He really hadn't meant to be that mean, but that girl was just so infuriating sometimes!

After she was a safe distance away, he headed to Gryffindor tower himself. He couldn't believe that he had to work with that hellcat. This just wasn't his day.

He almost felt bad about what he had said. He knew it wasn't entirely true...Lily could get guys to notice her if she tried. But that was the problem. She didn't. She always wore her hair in the same modest bun at the nape of her neck. She wore very little make-up, if any at all. Of course, it didn't help that she was entirely too moody.

"Billywig," he said upon reaching the Fat Lady's portrait. The painting swung open and James climbed into the cozy common room. It wasn't as noisy as usual; everyone seemed to be listening intently for something. James, curious as to what was going on, approached Sirius, who's head was tilted upwards. He was peering interestedly toward the girls' dormitories.

"What's going on?" James questioned.

"Someone's up there, crying," his friend explained. "Wonder who it is..."

James grimaced.

Sirius looked at him. "What'd you do?"