Somewhere I Belong

It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What's on my mind
If it ain't coming out
We're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care
- "Things I'll Never Say" by Avril Lavigne

Draco stared blankly out the window to this dorm. It overlooked the vast deep lake, into which he'd jumped for reasons unknown to him. Remembering the lake made him think. Alex meant a lot to him, though he couldn't quite identify why. He knew it had been planned. All of it. His father planned the first meeting and just about all the time that Draco had ever spent with Alex. There were though, some things that weren't planned. One of which was the kiss. That was unpredictable to even Draco, who both times, had initiated it. Another was the ball. He never expected her to be there, nor had he expected to dance with her. His father couldn't find out about these unexpected things or Draco would face more danger than he ever thought possible.

After she'd returned from the lake, Alex went to her dorm and had herself a good, long cry. It wasn't all provoked by her mother though. There were many mixed emotions as Alex bawled into her pillow. She ceased after a few moments and she spread out on her bed. Her thoughts, as if she couldn't control them, shifted immediately to Draco. He was so strange, so different from what she would have ever expected, but she had to admit, she still didn't quite know him. She was beginning to believe now that him being a civilized, and good natured person wasn't entirely absurd.

The weekend had at last come, and there was word of another Hogsmeade visit. Alex thought she just might go this time. She had a collection of money since she first arrived back at school, having not gone to Hogsmeade at all yet. She took some of her money, and followed the other students who were heading there also.

"Will you two hurry up?" Draco snapped at Crabbe and Goyle who were taking a considerably long time walking to the Entrance Hall. They sauntered along a fair distance behind Draco, who seemed to be in a bit of a rush.

Once in Hogsmeade, Alex stopped in Glad Rags and got a few new pairs of school robes. She had been needing some new ones when she began to notice the length had decreased. After all, she was wearing the same robes she had from the previous year. After that, she headed over to Three Broomsticks since it had been an awful long time since she'd had one of their famous Butterbeers. She entered, noticing it was rather busy. People were bustling around, and a low hum of chatter buzzed through the tiny place. She found one of the last tables, right by the window, and sat down. She set her purchases on the chair opposite her, and waited for her Butterbeer. She watched out the window, sipping the steaming liquid. The other students, most of them familiar looking, bustled about the streets, their cheeks rosy from the chilly air. Draco and his cronies entered shortly after.

"There's no where left to sit," Goyle whined. Draco rolled his eyes, and caught sight of Alex sitting alone by the window. His face suddenly felt hot. Again, he didn't expect her to be there. As if reading his mind, Crabbe and Goyle strolled over to where she was sitting.

"We're going to need this table," Crabbe said, his tone slightly rude. Over the years, they had started to pick up on Draco's attitude. Alex stared up at them blankly, then looked to Draco, his eyes cast to the floor and a guilty look occupying his face. Goyle suddenly grabbed Alex's bag and threw it across the floor.

Alex jumped up and said, "What's your problem? I was here first," Draco still remained silent. Alex stared at him shocked and then retrieved her things. Giving him one last disappointed and questionable glare, exited. Crabbe and Goyle laughed scornfully while Draco turned to leave.

"I'll be right back," he said shortly, running after her.

"Alex, stop," Draco said, panting slightly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you sure I'm good enough to be in your presence?" Alex asked sardonically.

"I'm sorry, Crabbe and Goyle are morons," Draco said, trying to make light of the situation.

"Yeah, what morons. Don't worry, I get it. You have a reputation to protect," Alex said before storming off.

"Why do I always screw everything up?" Draco said under his breath before returning to Three Broomsticks.

"Alex, please don't be mad at me," Draco whispered in Herbology the next day.

"We seem to have these type of conversations a lot, don't we?" Alex whispered back.

"I know, but please," Draco started, but she interrupted him.

"I'm not mad, ok. It's fine really," Alex said before Professor Sprout began the lesson. Draco stared at her in awe the entire class. Wasn't she offended? Didn't he hurt her feelings or at least piss her off? He wasn't trying to, but he certainly hadn't expected to have been forgiven so quickly.

The library, later that night was virtually empty despite Harry, Ron and Hermione. They sat together quietly working. Hermione and Ron had made up, thanks to Harry, and were now talking.

"Done," Ron said laying down his quill. "Ten inches. Piece of cake," he said gloating, having finished his essay first.

"Ron, Snape said we had to do fifteen inches," Hermione said. Ron slumped, and continued his essay angrily. Hermione laughed slightly and shook her head.

Draco entered, looking cautiously around. He knew Alex was going to be there that night, and he wanted to talk to her. He was pleased to see that the library was empty regardless of Harry and the gang. He walked over to their table wearing his Malfoy smirk.

"What do you want Malfoy?" Ron asked, spitting his name.

"Nothing that has to do with you, of course. I'm just doing some studying," he said, innocently.

"You? Study?" Ron asked laughing in his face. Draco didn't have a chance to retaliate because Alex had entered. and began to make her way to the table she normally sat at.

"Sorry Weasel, but I have more important things to attend to. But you must hear that a lot," Draco said, walking away with his sneer still on.

"I knew you were coming back here," Alex said, not looking up from her homework, and stopping Draco in his tracks.

"Well, I was still wondering if you're mad," Draco said, trailing off slightly.

Alex looked up saying, "I'm not. Really, I got over it. I was just a little frustrated, but I understand." Draco was silent for a few minutes, just looking at her until she noticed.

"What?" she said, blushing slightly from his attention.

"Well, I wanted to ask you why you're so forgiving," Draco said, pretending to be interested in a book.

"Well, it's simple. I don't let little things get to me," she said, looking at him curiously.

"Yes, but it had to have hurt your feelings," Draco said sitting up straight, and waiting for her reply.

"Well it did, but it's not the end of world. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?" she asked. He always cared so much, but then he'd do something that would change her mind about him completely.

"I don't know," he said, sitting quietly now. A silence fell over them for a few minutes until Draco acted. He placed his hand on top of hers, sending chills through her. She blushed, and forced her eyes to remain on the paper. He swept her hair out of the way of her face with his fingertips, making her redder still. She couldn't fight it anymore. She looked up into his deep, piercing eyes. There was a need, a desire in his eyes that she'd never seen. Before she could seize reality, she found herself kissing him. She hadn't kissed him back those other two times, but she was now. They were caught up in each other for several minutes until she pulled away. Her face was flushed deep scarlet as she stood, and began to leave.

"I...I'm sorry. I...can't. I'm really sorry," she said, looking past him, not being able to look into those eyes again. He stared after her, not knowing how to react. Hermione replaced the book from the shelf where she'd taken it. Had she really just seen what she thought? She had only been browsing for a potions book, but she ended up with a lot more than she'd anticipated.