Somewhere I Belong

There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There's secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away...
Maybe I'm just blind...
- "When I'm Gone" by 3 Doors Down

Draco wasn't in a very good mood the next day. He spent most of his time in class in a daze, and Quidditch practice was even worse. He couldn't pay attention to anything. He couldn't stop thinking about the things he'd said to her. Why did she make him feel so horrible? He'd gone there to apologize to her, and he ended up making things worse. Alex didn't want to see him. He'd hurt her feelings, and made her feel bad for suspecting some big practical joke was causing him to even relate with her. The thing that was worse about it was that she didn't understand him. One minute he was tormenting her, calling her a Mudblood, and the next he was being social. It made no sense, and that was one of the main reasons she didn't trust him.

"Ok class, I'm going to need you to get partners to do this project," came the voice of Professor Sprout. Alexandra hated that word. Nobody ever wanted to be her partner. She ended up with a boy named Kevin from her house. They got working quickly, and without and talking.

Kevin broke the silence when he asked, "Hey Alex, can you hand me that empty pot?" Alex stared at him incredulously. She was surprised anyone knew her name. He looked at her, perplexed with her behavior. She quickly snapped out of her daze and handed it to him.

"Are you ok?" he asked her, noting the way she was acting.

Alex smiled and said, "I'm just fine, thanks." He gave her an hesitant look before continuing with their project. After classes, Draco went out to the Quidditch pitch with his Sky Rocket 3000. He pushed off into the air, and did his drills a few times. He attempted a few feints, and then he just flew. He went higher and higher letting his thoughts and problems be swept away by the swift air passing over him. A few minutes later, he touched back down to the ground. His thoughts, and stress, and problems came back to him. He walked back to the school extremely confused about all the things that had happened since he'd found her that night. Everyone thought he was so heartless, and Alexandra seemed to agree with them. But why should he care what they all thought? It wasn't all of them who controlled his future, and for the most part, every aspect of his life. The role pertained to a certain Lucius Malfoy.

"Are you coming down to dinner or not?" Ron asked Harry who seemed to have been a bit preoccupied.

"I'll be right there," Harry said, while hurrying to finish his Herbology homework.

"That's what you said three minutes ago," Hermione said, standing by the portrait hole looking impatiently at Harry.

"All right, I'm coming," Harry said closing his book, relieved that he was done with his homework. They entered the hall, which was bustling with the usual noise and disarray. The students took their seats and waited for their food to appear. They looked at each other inquiringly when it still hadn't. Dumbledore entered the hall and stood at the Head Table.

"Now, now, settle down. If you're wondering where your dinner is, and why it hasn't appeared yet, fear not. I assure you, you'll have it. I have an announcement to make about an important upcoming event. As you know, it is almost December, and the holidays will be here soon. Needless to say, after a meeting with the rest of the staff, and our Head Boy and Girl, we've come to a decision. This year, we will have our first ever New Year's Masquerade Ball. All years are invited to attend. Now this ball isn't to interfere with the Yule Ball which only takes place during the Triwizard Tournaments. This is merely a celebration of the new year to come. It will be a ball, so dress appropriately. You may wear a costume, or a mask of some sort if you wish. It will be held on the last day of December, during the Christmas holiday. If you have any questions, you may ask either the Head Girl or Boy, or myself. Now, on with your dinner," Dumbledore finished. With that, the plates were filled. As to be expected the hall was filled with uproarious talk of the new celebration.

Across the Great Hall, Draco was gloating as to his cronies about who he would take.

"There's tons of girls who would want to go with me," he said, his nose in the air.

"But I thought you were taking me like before," Pansy piped up, while squeezing the arm that she usually hung on to.

"Well you thought wrong. I might want to take someone...else," he said, trailing off while his eyes traveled across the room to where Alex was sitting. He couldn't explain this, but he could explain the strange looks he was getting from his fellow Slytherins. Alex was dolefully hanging over her food, poking it impassively with her fork. Just then, she looked up, directly at him. Draco's eyes darted quickly away, but long enough to see her shake her head, and return to her sullen state. Alex had heard all the talk about the Masquerade Ball, and frankly, she thought it was ridiculous and pointless. Everyone got so excited about it, and she was still unconcerned. It might have been because she knew she didn't have an ice cube's chance in hell of being asked to go. She hated all the balls because as much as she'd have liked to go, she couldn't. She knew people didn't understand her, so she was mostly afraid of what they would think. She shrugged to herself and stood from the table. She decided she wasn't as hungry as she'd thought.

The excitement of the news eventually faded a bit because there was still some time before it actually took place. Draco dropped onto a chair in the Slytherin Common room. He had told Crabbe and Goyle that he was going to meet them in the library. He decided to be alone instead. He thought while he sat. He thought about the Masquerade Ball, and about his upcoming quidditch match against Gryffindor, and about Alex. He didn't know how to explain what he felt, growing up with a father who basically told him how and what to feel. Empathy was not an option, and neither was love. Especially not love with her. He didn't love her though, at least he didn't think he did. It was something deeper rooted than that. It was almost a connection of some sort. He forced the thoughts out of his head, mostly because they made him even more stressed. He just wanted her to understand. He just wanted himself to understand. He wanted to know why.

Alex crossed the field. She needed another walk. If she didn't run away from her problems occasionally, they would eat her alive. She breathed the icy air that wrapped around her like a freezing blanket. She shivered in the night air. It had been so much warmer out on her first walk. She forced the events of that night from her mind. They reminded her of how it all started. She walked to the lake where the water was like black glass. She stared at it long and hard, as if expecting it to give her the answers she needed. She stared at her reflection in the black mirror, watching herself. She looked at herself carefully, taking in the details. She then saw a face beside her. She whirled around and came face to face with Draco.

"What's the matter with you? Do you want to give me a heart attack or something?" she asked, frightened after being startled.

"My mission in life. To cause you to have heart failure. I know I'm good looking, but I never knew I was that good looking," he said, wearing his smirk.

"You shouldn't sneak up on people is what I meant," she said, putting her hands in her pockets to warm them.

"I know what you meant, I was being sarcastic. Where's your sense of humor?" he asked, the smirk fading. She didn't answer, she just stared at him.

"Why do you keep popping up where I am?" she asked, breaking a moment of silence.

"Well your not exactly hard follow," he said, kicking some rocks into the water, rippling it smooth surface.

"So now you're stalking me?" she asked him, giving him a grin.

"No, I just wanted to apologize again. Is that ok with you?" he said defensively.

"I was being sarcastic. Where's your sense of humor?" she asked, laughing. He smiled shortly, then his face returned to it's serious state.

Alex noticed the change and said, "You don't have to apologize again. Just forget about all of it."

"That's not the only reason I came here," Draco said, looking at the ground. Alex stared at him, searching for something. She could see that there was something really bothering him. He looked up and before she knew what was happening, she felt a pair of icy lips on hers. Her eyes went wide because of the situation, and her body was completely rigid. She couldn't hold back from him. There was a warmth between them that was unexplainable, but Alex gave in to what was happening. The kiss felt like it lasted forever, but it had ended too soon. Alex tried not to look up at him. Her face was burning red, and her mouth was stinging. Draco couldn't grasp what had just happened. He was going to tell her something, but he found himself kissing her instead.

"What did you think you were doing?" he asked harshly without thinking about his words. He was staring at her with a disgusted look on his face. Alex's eyes went wide.

"What was I doing? What's your problem?" she asked, her voice louder than she'd meant. She never waited for a response, she took off to the school, and didn't look back. Draco stared blankly out over the lake. He'd let his father succeed in ruining him. He couldn't think for himself, or act as he wished without hurting someone in the process. He shook his head, and plunged into the water.