Love, Logic, and Hermione

Why is it that the older I get, the more useless my brains become? It seems that every year, I discover some new dilemma that cannot be answered by reading a book or utilizing a formula.

Point in case: Love.

This is my current problem. And I've been over the facts again and again, but I must be missing something, because they just don't add up. At first I tried to analyze the personalities of every boy I thought had potential to be a good match. But something must have been wrong in my analysis, because my perfect personality match was Percy Weasley. Not that I have anything against Percy, but... well, honestly! Anyone with brains can see that Percy and I would make a horrible couple -- complimentary personalities or not. But as I am never wrong in my calculations, I decided to give us a chance. I spent time with him, attempting to get to know him and to start thinking of him as a potential boyfriend. Two weeks into the project, I was thoroughly tired of his endless chatter and dominating personality. He is a fine friend, but nothing more thank you very much!

After that rather frustrating incident, I changed my strategy. Perhaps the one for me is not the one most like me, but the one who is most unlike me. This theory was quickly discarded, as Draco Malfoy had about as much chance of dating me as did a Chimaera. I went through a rather disturbing phase in which I stooped so low as to consult star charts and birth signs, but I refused to believe that I was destined to marry Colin Creevy!

During this time, I read something that indicated that a girl is most likely to marry a man who is like her father. Time for a strategy change. I made a list of the qualities I admired about my dad and began to look for them in the boys at Hogwarts. May I just say that either my father is one extraordinary man or the young wizards at Hogwarts have quite a bit of maturing to do! There was not one who could hold a wand to my 'dear old dad'. But then I had a breakthrough -- brilliant it was, if I do say so myself. I was most likely to date someone I spent a lot of time with! So which of the boys I knew did I find myself with time and again?

Quite obviously Harry and Ron, but since I couldn't bring myself to choose between them, I crossed them off of my list. Bad idea on my part. Rather unfortunately, the next name was Neville Longbottom. Hmm... either my theory was incorrect, or I really needed to stop helping him so much with his assignments.

Must be the theory.

To make a long story very short (as I seem incapable of ever doing), I eventually decided to list every boy I knew and cross them off as I discarded them, beginning with the least likely (ie Malfoy). Much to my dismay, I managed to find a reason to cross of every one on the list. There must have been someone out there that I would be willing to date!

At long last, I was able to reinstate three of the names to the list out of sheer desperation: Victor, Ron, and Harry. This I could work with. I would simply make a list of the pros and cons of dating each of them, weighing the results logically and voila! I would have my answer.

Sadly, Victor had too many cons (I never was one for long-distance relationships) and had to be crossed off the list. And then there were two.

How in the world was I supposed to choose between my two best friends? Well, the choice seemed obvious enough. After all, the hero does always get the girl. And all Ron and I ever do is fight... Still, there had to be more to this decision than a simple list of pros and cons. Attraction, for example.

On second thought, scrap that. I needed to stick to the basics: observation, analysis, logic, and conclusion. Hmm.. sounds a bit like a Muggle science project, doesn't it? Statement of Purpose: To determine which of Herminoe Granger's best friends is most suited to be her boyfriend. Hypothesis: erm... think I'll skip that one for now. Procedure: Yet to be determined, but sure to be effective and logical. After all, what important decision is made sans logic?

Apparently this one, because - as you will soon see - love, logic, and Hermione make a strangely volatile solution. It all began one day in Transfiguration class...