All the Loving and the Hurting

All The Loving And The Hurting

Ginny was lying on her four poster bed in her dormitory at Hogwarts, doing nothing in particular. Okay, she was biting her fingernails, but nothing else. Her mind was perfectly blank for once in her life. She couldn't even remember a time when she hadn't been thinking of anything at all. She decided she liked this feeling.

A knock on the door interrupted her train of blankness. Grumbling, she rolled herself off her bed, but before she could hit the floor, she straightened up. Who would knock? she thought. The boys couldn't get into the dormitory, and the girls, well, they could just waltz right in couldn't they? Upon opening the door she saw--

"Hi Hermione," she said dryly, walking back over to her bed and slouching on it. She was not in the mood to see Hermione. Hermione would just remind her of Him. "Why are you here?" she asked bitterly, chewing her fingernails with more force.

Hermione bit her lip and stepped inside the dorm, closing the door softly behind her. She stood stiffly, searching around for the right words to say. None came.

"Hermione, can you please just go? I can't speak to you right now, I need to sulk. You have just ruined my blank moment, my one tiny moment of solitude, and now I'm back at the present surrounded by bitterness, trying to get that--that," she couldn't find any words strong enough so she settled on, "prick out of my mind! Thank you very much!" She slammed her head against the pillow.

"Ginny, I'm sorry," said Hermione, finding her voice, "but I don't think sulking is going to do you any good."

"Well, you don't really don't know how this feels, do you? You haven't even admitted your feelings to Ron yet, have you?" said Ginny, feeling teary.

"I think you should go talk to Harry, listen to his viewpoint on things," Hermione said gently, but this just made Ginny angrier.

She sat straight up in bed. "Everyone always takes Harry's side!" she yelled. "Always! Just because he got rid of the most evil wizard in the world doesn't mean a bloody thing!" She thought about these words for a moment. "Okay, yes it does, but still...everyone treats him like this sad little hero who has so many problems, and maybe he does, but he's not the only one! And I for one, am sick and tired of hearing his viewpoint on things. Someone should listen to me for a change. Me!" Ginny was bitter, and she knew it. She hated it.

"I'm listening to you," said Hermione.

But Ginny was thinking elsewhere. "Wait a minute," she said slowly. "Did he send you up here? To give me a heart to heart? Console me? He did, didn't he? That jackass!"

"Now, Ginny, he didn't and even if he did--"

Ginny flung herself from her bed, ready to stomp down to the common room and give Harry a piece of her mind, but when she reached the third stair, she couldn't do it. He was sitting on the couch with Ron, and they were doing their homework. Ginny gave a tiny snort and stood frozen to the stair and just stared at him, filled with love and pain at the same time.

Do you ever get past the pain you go through

When you give all you can and you still can't understand

Why your dream won't come true?

Ever since she was ten years old, Ginny had been in love with Harry Potter. For six long, long years she had loved him. When she had seen him asking her mum for help, a light had flashed before her eyes, and she had began to understand why people kiss and hug and make such a big deal over love. She hadn't even noticed the scar when she first saw him, she just saw Him. It was only when Fred and George announced who he was that Ginny realized who he was. In her opinion, having a hero for a husband would be an advantage.

She knew how stupid ever thinking that she and Harry could build a life together was. She saw now that loving a hero was worse than anything she could ever have imagined at ten years old. Tom Riddle was right; she was a silly little girl.

She was silly for giving her heart to Harry Potter for all those years. She was silly for trying as hard as she could to get him to notice her. She was silly for even thinking...

But no more, she thought with determination. He had made it perfectly clear that there was no room for her in his life, hadn't he? He didn't need her, and he didn't want her. So why should she want and need her? I shouldn't, she thought to herself. And I won't.

Hermione had reached the stair, and reached out a hand to touch Ginny's shoulder. Just then, Ron looked up from his homework, and said, "Hi Hermione, Hi Ginny," just as bright as the sun as the sky. He didn't know--he would be absolutely furious if he did. No, the only people who knew about what happened was Harry, Ginny, Hermione, and Neville. Then, as he said those words, Harry looked up.

Ginny turned away before she could fall under the spell of his eyes. It was his eyes, his hypnotic, emerald eyes, that always managed to make her feel weak. It was those beautiful eyes that always made her feel a rush of love for him. But Ginny refused to be manipulated by those horrible eyes again. Tears blurring in her own eyes, she ran back up the stairs and into her bedroom and slammed the door.

Downstairs she could hear Ron saying loudly, "What the hell is wrong with her?" so the whole common room could hear.

The door burst open and in walked Ashley and Pam, who shared the room with her. Pam inspected Ginny critically and said, "Gin, what's the matter?" which irritated Ginny to end. Couldn't they just see that she wanted to be left alone? Alone? Privacy; she never got it. Never. Not at home, not at Hogwarts, nowhere. No wonder her feelings were always worn on her sleeves, she never learned to hide them.

Tutting in fury, Ginny stormed past her roommates, and out of the room. Great, she thought. Now I have to go and be in the same room with that bloke. Taking a deep breath, she hurried down the steps as fast as she could so she could just run and be out of there. Unfortunately, Neville blocked her path.

"What do you want?" she said, a lot more coldly than she intended. She could feel everyone watching her, as though trying to read her mind. She felt Harry's eyes looking her up and down, gazing intently, trying to read her soul.

"Are you feeling all right? About what happened?" Ginny tutted. Only Neville would bring it up right in front of everyone, including Harry.

"What did you say?" said Ginny, trying to sound as though she had no idea what he was talking about. "W-What happened?" She fixed a look of burning curiosity onto her face, and Neville was looking extremely confused.

She scuttled past him, walked calmly to the portrait hole (even though her heart was pounding as though it was on fire), and then she ran. Ran as fast as she could from the castle. Ran from her feelings, her thoughts, her worries and troubles. She ran.

When she lost her breath, she looked around to see where she was. Squinting into the darkness, she could make out the lake and a large tree. Panting, she sat underneath the tree, faintly realizing that it was raining.

Normally, she liked the rain. When she was little, she would stomp in the puddles and stick out her tongue to catch the raindrops in her mouth. As she got older, she found that in the rain, she could practice Quidditch better, and she received more inspiration for her writing. She liked poems.

But at this moment, she hated it, along with everything else. It wasn't comforting to her anymore. It wasn't a shield from her petty worries. It was nothing to her now, and like everyone and everything else, it couldn't help her with her problem.

The problem of loving and not being loved in return.

It's a one-sided romance that you can't undo

When you do all the loving

And the hurting too

Ginny shivered in the cold, but she could care less if she froze to death. A part of her was already dead. Harry didn't love her. He didn't care. He was the one person who had lost love when that idiot of a dark wizard had murdered his parents, and yet, whenever someone tried to love him, he pushed them away. Ginny didn't understand it, not at all.

He talked about pain, but Ginny was sure that no pain could measure up to what she was feeling right now. The word 'pain' wasn't strong enough. There wasn't one word in the dictionary that was strong enough. The feeling was indescribable. He talked about being shut out of everything, but at the moment, Ginny couldn't remember ever feeling more alone.

The rain fell hard on her, soaking her to the bone. It stabbed her skin over and over. The rain hated her. And she hated the rain.

Ginny wanted to curl against the tree and just die. She could just imagine the look on Harry's face if he was the one who found her dead. But she shook her head. He really didn't need to feel more guilty, a part of her was saying, but the other part was saying, Yes he does, look at what he's done to you.

But Ginny couldn't help it. She loved Harry Potter, and nothing she could do would undo that. She loved him unwaveringly, and because of that she was hurting inside. Dying. Of a broken heart.

You can't take it back once you give your heart

Trying not to recall how you did it all is the hardest part

It was already done. The contract was signed. Signed at the age of ten, written by a girl with sloppy handwriting, an overblown romantic imagination, and sealed with a spit handshake and a piece of bubblegum. Ginny Margaret Weasley, daughter of Arthur and Molly Weasley, sister to Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, and Ron Weasley, and youngest of the bunch, was destined to love Harry James Potter, Savior of the Wizarding World, for the rest of her life.

No matter how much she hated him, she loved him. It was funny, the irony of the situation. Her mother had always had told her that there was a thin line between love and hate, and Ginny hadn't believed her until now. This second. She knew what that meant now.

Because, she truly hated him for not loving her. All this time, she had done all the loving by herself, day and night, unconditionally, whether in the shadows or out in the open, she was there. Standing by him, supporting him, loving him. It had always been her.

The only time he had stood by her was that time in the Department of Mysteries when the Death Eaters were about to harm her. He had stood in front of her, protecting her. And even then, even then, he didn't really mean it. He hadn't said, 'Don't touch her' or anything, he had just asked a question about that prophecy thing.

It was insulting, that when his life was in danger, she would have done anything for him, but when hers was in danger, he just stood by asking questions about a freaking prophecy! Well, thank you Harry Potter! You have won the award for the most insensitive wart on the planet. Ron, could you pretty please give him the prize?

Well, okay, there was the whole Chamber of Secrets thing...

But you can't change the reason you feel like a fool

Because you did all the loving and the hurting too

Ginny sighed, and a roar of rain whipped the side of her face so hard she wanted to cry. But she refused to cry. Crying showed weakness and she was not weak. She needed to be strong, for if she was senseless or if she wailed, Harry would have broken her. She bowed her head down and stared fiercely at the muddy, soggy, dark ground. She wished it would just swallow her whole and put her out of her misery.

She was such a fool. So naive to think that someone could be in love with her. She could list the reasons off her fingers. She was plain--she wasn't even ugly, just plain. She didn't stand out at all. The only thing that stood out was her hair, and that was a mark of the whole family, it wasn't something that was just hers. Even Hermione was prettier than she was and that was hard because of the bush that she liked to call hair. Tangled wire is more like it, Ginny thought with a chuckle.

Two, she wasn't smart. She was really clueless when it came to class, also a mark of the rest of her family. She tried to study and work hard, she really did, but did that help? No! It was like keeping

*Percy from being pompous

*Ron from beating everyone at chess

*Harry having a scar

*Fred and George from being funny

*Molly from being temperamental

Or, Ginny's personal favorite, Draco Malfoy from being gay.

Three, she had six freaking brothers! What person, in their right mind, would want to date a girl who had six brothers? They would be dead after the second date. When she was twelve, Ginny realized that her family liked Harry enough to be laid back if they ever dated.

She snorted at the thought. Like that would ever happen. The thoughts of a twelve year old...look where they had gotten her. Sitting in the mud, under a tree, in the dark, with the rain coming down like cats and dogs.

That's the price you pay for doing more than your share

When you're loving all for both of you, no one else has to care

She supposed she deserved this. If she hadn't loved him so much, she wouldn't be here, would she? If she hadn't given her heart so foolishly, she would not be sulking in the rain. If she hadn't told him how she felt, he wouldn't have denied her. She could've just gone on pretending that what they had was real and not some fairytale in a Muggle bookstore.

But if she hadn't met him, she wouldn't have loved him, and she wouldn't be in this situation either. Perhaps this was all planned? Perhaps it was her destiny to love, sulk, and then continue loving? Ginny nodded, agreeing. That is what she would do, after all. When she was too wet to think, she'd go back into the castle, and in the morning, she'd still love Harry, wouldn't she?

Ginny sighed and hugged her robes even closer, though this was difficult because they were matted, emblazoned to her skin. Shivering, teeth chattering, her mind wandered, and she tried to think of something other than Harry, but nothing else came to mind. The talk they had had after dinner, her biggest mistake ever, the reason she was here, kept playing over and over in her head. She closed her eyes, trying to shut it out, but it only came in clearer than ever.

"Er, Harry, could I talk to you for a moment?" Ginny said, biting her lip worriedly, wondering if this was such a good idea. She told herself it was--she couldn't hold it inside her forever.

Ginny snorted. She wished she had held it inside her forever.

"Sure," Harry said, looking slightly puzzled. "I'm finished here anyway." He gestured to his empty plate, and stood up. Hermione gave Ginny an encouraging smile while Ron looked like Goyle ready to write lines.

Ginny and Harry went outside, and Ginny breathed in the fresh air. It was raining lightly, and she opened her mouth to catch raindrops on her tongue. Harry was staring at her interestedly. "I love the rain, don't you?" she said.

"Sure," Harry said. "It's okay."

"I bet you were feeling pretty awkward then Harry, weren't you? Wanted to run away as fast as you could, didn't you?" said Ginny, accidentally biting her lip.

Ginny stopped catching raindrops and looked up at Harry seriously. "I have something to tell you," she said.

He stopped walking. "What is it? Anything dodgy going on? Anything about Voldemort?" He looked so anxious Ginny was almost afraid to let him down. A part of her just wanted to say, 'Yes, good old Voldie is lurking behind that tree over there. Turn around and say cheese!' That would have been easier than what she was planning to tell of him.

Ginny sighed, and feeling her defenses breaking down, she let a tear fall from one of her hopelessly alone brown eyes.

"No, Harry," she said, smiling a little. "What I have to tell you is...I--well, you see...ever since I was ten..." She was going on horribly, and Harry was looking down at her in concern, a drop of rain, falling from his hair and onto his cheek. Ginny watched as it slowly rolled down his cheek...

"Ginny? What is it? Are you okay?"

Ginny snapped her head up suddenly as the raindrop made its way down Harry's chin and onto his neck. She snapped her head up so suddenly, the top of her head smacked into his chin and he jumped away, clutching his chin in pain. "I-I'm sorry!" Ginny said, horrified.

"It's fine," said Harry, swiping his hair back because it was dripping in his face, and Ginny was mentally slapping herself for being such an idiot. 'Oh I love you Harry, and I would never hurt you.' Bang! Great going, thickhead, now he's going to get a bruise! A token of your love for sure.

"What is it Ginny?" said Harry, and Ginny knew he wanted to rub his chin more than anything.

She took a deep breath, and it came out jumbled and making no sense at all, not exactly the way she had planned it when she was ten, and pretending that Harry was a flower. Back then, it was so simple. It was just, "Harry I love you." It was much harder when the real Harry, six foot tall with that messy black hair and the gaze that showed you that you had his full attention, was standing right in front of you. It came out in a choked voice, "Iofeweversinsiwasten."

Harry stared at Ginny in puzzlement, as though he hadn't quite heard what she said, and then his face turned from bewildered, to amazed, to astonishment, then it became serious. "Why?" he asked, his eyes not leaving hers as he blinked away rain.

This question had caught Ginny totally off guard and she mouthed soundlessly, because no words came. Her mind was totally blank. "Well," she started slowly, her tongue not maneuvering quite right, "How can I not?" She smiled feebly.

"What do you mean?" said Harry, with an ounce of frustration in his voice.

"You're you," Ginny rambled. "You're Harry. I don't know how to describe it, really. It's just...I don't know, I just do!" She was frustrated now too. She had rehearsed this a thousand times, and things weren't going well at all. Harry was staring at her critically.

"I just...when you walk into a room, I become alive, you know?" she said, knowing she sounded stupid. "It's like nothing else matters to me but you. Not eating, not sleeping--just you. A-a-and I know it sounds crazy, but it's how I feel! I can't put anything into words for you, it's a feeling that you just get a-a-and..." She sighed heavily, and dropped her hands to her sides, because she knew that gesturing wildly had probably made him more confused. Even she was getting confused. She whipped around her head to avoid his stare and looked at a tree, as though pleading for help.

"What if I said I didn't feel the same way?" said Harry, and Ginny could hear the caution in his voice. Her heart stopped fluttering, froze, and dropped to the bottom of her stomach with such force Ginny felt she was going to be sick. She could feel the bile rising in her throat.

"What do you mean?" she said defensively. She held back her tears. "Stop this game! If you don't feel the same way about me, just say so! Don't patronize me!" Her voice was loud and uncontrolled, and Harry looked quite taken aback.

"Yeah, Ginny, yelling at him certainly would have made him fall head over heels," she said sarcastically, pulling her legs up and hugging them to her kitchen as the rain poured down, harder than ever. In the distance, she heard the sky rumbling. She sighed.

"Just tell me what you think of me Harry," she said, more quietly.

The rain had began to pour a little harder now, and Ginny was squinting at him, studying him, waiting for him to answer. "I-I don't know," he said, and he looked confused. "I don't know," he repeated firmly. "I can't love you Ginny."

"Why?" Ginny croaked, her heart pounding, her head pounding, her whole body pounding. She could feel the blood rushing in her ears like the rain falling to the ground.

He stiffened, and his eyes grew hard. "Leave me alone, please," he said softly.

"What's wrong?" Ginny asked immediately.

"Just leave me alone," he said, and he turned and walked away, shivering slightly.

What just happened? Ginny found herself thinking, as she stared at Harry's disappearing frame. Someone rushed over to him, and Ginny saw that it was Hermione. She appeared to be talking to him. "Just drop it! I don't love her! She's just Ron's kid sister!" he bellowed at Hermione, who jumped back, looking terrified.

She looked at Ginny, but Ginny couldn't move. Harry's harsh words were ringing painfully in her ears. She let out a sound that was part sigh, part laugh, and part sob, and she felt her legs give way, as she collapsed to the ground. Harry was walking toward the Forbidden Forest, she was dimly aware.

Hermione rushed over to her and helped her to stand. Ginny felt Hermione lead her into the castle and to the common room, where Ginny sat on the couch, feeling totally blank. She was in existence, but she didn't feel like a person. Just a being. She felt dry all of a sudden and warm and she figured Hermione had just put charms on her.

Someone entered the common room. "What's wrong with Ginny?" the person said, and Ginny didn't look to see if it was Neville, because she knew it was. She just stared into the crackling fire, wishing that it would burn her to death.

"Don't tell Ron," she whispered, and she stood up and walked up to her dormitory.

Ginny choked on the memory and sobbed like she never had before. She knew she was being weak, Harry had won, he was the hero--but she didn't care much. She was only vaguely aware that she was crying anyway.

And though it's all over, you look back on the truth

That you did all the loving and the hurting too

No one had even come to see if she was allright. Ginny didn't know how much time had passed, but it was so dark she could only see the dim outlines of trees and a tiny shimmer that was the lake. But it was so obvious that nobody cared.

She loved every single one of them--Harry, Hermione, and even Ron, though she never admitted that. They had given her something that could never be replaced. She didn't know exactly what it was, but it was there. But they didn't care about her. They were the Trio. She was just there.

She was hurting, but they weren't. She could see it now--in the common room, Harry and Ron would be playing chess excitedly. Hermione would be cheering them both on, looking up every so often from her book.

Ginny opened her mouth to scream, because screaming was a way of ridding yourself of pain and misery, but her throat was so dry and sore that she couldn't even get one word out anymore.

She felt more tears escape her eyes, burning her cheeks as they escaped. She wanted to get up now. She had cried enough, but her legs were locked in place. She was frozen, broken, shattered. She was unable to move. A wave of panic swirled over her like the rain, and she closed her eyes. She wanted to sleep...she was freezing...she wanted love...she wanted Harry...

"Ginny?" came a voice. It took every muscle in her body to raise her head from its frozen position and when she did, pain shot through her spine down to her toes. She stared around for the speaker, but could only see three dim outlines. She knew it was Harry, Ron, and Hermione. She couldn't tell who had spoken.

"Come on," said another voice. "Stand up...out here in the bloody rain...what the hell were you thinking...you're going to get pneumonia...mum's going to kill me..." She knew that was Ron. She could feel the three of them staring down at her, waiting for her to tell them she was alive, to make some kind of movement, but she couldn't.

"You two are going to have to pick her up," said an anxious voice. Hermione. Ginny realized that she was standing between Harry and Ron. Ron, the tallest, was closet to Ginny, but Harry was the farthest away.

She could feel Harry and Ron lift her from the ground, and her muscles relaxed so she wasn't in a crouching position, but she felt dead. She felt herself being shifted into Ron's arms, but she didn't mind. She didn't think she could bear being in Harry's.

The next thing Ginny knew, it was morning, and sunlight was streaming through the hospital wing. She was only distantly aware of why she was in the hospital wing and she felt foolish. She let out a moan, turned over in bed and buried her head in her pillow. "Why?" she said, only it came out as a rasp. "I am so stupid...so dumb...so idiotic...so thick...ugh!" She sobbed into her pillow, glad that no one was watching her cry.

"Well, I think she's awake," said a voice, and Ginny pulled away from her pillow so fast it fell to the ground and she felt her back cramp. Ron had just entered the room, followed by Harry and Hermione. Ginny wanted nothing more than to die.

"And yes, you were stupid and dumb and idiotic and thick," said Hermione. "And now you're ill."

"I am not ill," Ginny snapped angrily, but as she did so, bile came out of her mouth and she coughed so forcefully she was sure she was going to cough up blood soon. "Well, this is just fantastic!" she said loudly to no one in particular. She glared at the Trio, but stared at Harry as she spoke her next words. "Could you three please get out? I would like to throw something and it would be most a pity if something smashed into your heads." She could not believe how bitter she was!

Hermione looked shocked, Harry looked shocked, but Ron looked confused and he took a step closer to his sister. "What's wrong with you? We saved you!"

Ginny laughed, but it turned into a cough. She coughed for awhile into her arm and when she lifted her mouth, she saw blood on her sleeve. It was dripping down her mouth. "Ginny!" said Hermione worriedly, and Ginny scrambled out bed, ran to the sink, and washed her mouth out.

"So it takes my falling ill to be noticed?" Ginny muttered, as she climbed back into her bed.

"What do you mean?" demanded Ron. "What is wrong with you?"

Ginny rolled her eyes. "You are so thick Ron!" she rasped. "All my life, I've never been noticed. I've never been accepted for me, you know? All I am is your kid sister." She looked down at the ground, tears welling in her eyes, and the room was silent.

"Ginny, what are you talking about?" said Ron, sounding impatient and concerned at the same time.

"Ask Harry," she said simply, feeling the color rise to her cheeks as she said his name. Ron looked at Harry, and he looked properly ashamed. Ginny thought it served him right.

"Well?" Ron said. "What's wrong with my sister?"

Harry appeared to be at a loss of words. Her hands were dug firmly in his pockets and he looked as though he had trouble sleeping. Ginny felt a wave of love wash over her as she just watched him, standing there, and she scolded herself. "Last night Ginny told me something and I...didn't react the way she planned."

Ginny heard a snort in the room, but when she saw three heads looking at her, she realized that it had come from her. Harry looked beyond hurt as he looked her, but he shifted his gaze back to Ron. "That's why she's upset."

"Why? What happened?" said Ron.

"Ron, I'll tell you outside," said Hermione, and giving Ginny a meaningful look, she left the room, leaving her alone with Harry.

They were silent for several seconds, avoiding staring at each other, and they could hear Hermione whispering to Ron. Then, "He said what? Harry!" he yelled, furiously.

"Ron, stop that! Not now," they heard Hermione whisper urgently. Ginny stared down at her fingernails, and refused to look at Harry, but she knew that he was staring at the floor, feeling very nervous.

Ron was still fuming outside, but calmed down, and they heard footsteps fading away. Hermione and Ron had left.

There was more silence. "Ginny, look..." Harry started, breaking the very uncomfortable silence.

"Yes Harry?" she said, not knowing what to expect, but prepared for the worst. She looked up slowly from her fingers and allowed herself to be swept away by his eyes like she had done so many times before.

"I had a note," he said suddenly. "To give to you, but Hermione said words would be better." He looked around the room nervously, eyes searching, and then he pulled up a chair. "What I said last night...I didn't mean it. I was lying to myself. See, the thing is, I love you Ginny, at least I think so--"

"What?" said Ginny, completely surprised.

"Just--let me get this out, okay?" he said hurriedly. She nodded and he went on. "It's like you said, I can't describe it...but like I said, I can't love you Ginny." He had been leaning forward in his chair, and now he jerked himself away and sat straight in his chair.

Ginny was a little confused. He loved her, but he couldn't love her. "What?" she repeated again, her eyes searching his face.

"I can't," he repeated. "Voldemort--"

"No, don't do that," said Ginny, cutting him off and placing a hand over his mouth. She was now halfway out of her bed. "Don't do that," she repeated firmly, shaking her head. "Don't give me that dung about you not being with me because Voldemort's after you and he'll go after the ones you love." Harry looked thoroughly bewildered. "I am not accepting that, Harry and if you do that to me, I'll hate you for life."

She removed her hand from his mouth and he adjusted his glasses. "I'm not changing my mind Ginny," he said stubbornly, but he looked sad. Ginny's shoulders slumped as her heart sank.

"Why?" she asked, and she knew she sounded like a little girl begging for candy. "Why, Harry?"

"Because I love you too much," he said, looking away from her.

Ginny choked on a sob as he said this. She had wanted to hear those words since she was ten, but she didn't want him to say it, and then just leave her. She couldn't handle that. Her sob immediately turned into a hacking cough, and she spurted blood on the sheets of her bed.

"Ginny, are you sure that this is because of the rain?" said Harry, concerned, and he ran to get her a cup to cough blood into, and rubbed her back smoothly as she hacked away, feeling as though her throat was being ripped out. "Ginny?"

She stopped, exhausted and in pain, and slumped against him. "It's not the rain..." she managed, "it's an illness...new or something...doctors..." She breathed heavily. "The doctors are trying to come up with a cure or some medicine. I'm fine, really."

All was silent. "Does Ron know about your illness?" Harry asked.

"No," Ginny said hoarsely, rubbing her throat. "Just mum and dad and Bill...Harry I don't want Voldemort to come between us," she said, changing the subject. She pulled away from him and looked at him directly. "I've waited too long for us to be together, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let him ruin this for us."

"Ginny, that's the way it's going to have to be. When I walk out of this hospital room, we're going to have to pretend like this never happened. We're going to have to make people believe that I only think of you as Ron's kid sister, do you understand?" He spoke fiercely, but his voice quivered. Ginny nodded, tears running down her face. "No one knows, not even Ron and Hermione," he added quietly. "Until Voldemort's gone..."

Ginny sniffed and grabbed his hand, bringing it to her cheek. She didn't want to let him go now that he was here. In a swift movement, Ginny felt Harry rise from his chair and join her on the bed, hugging her tightly.

Ginny was sinking...sinking into darkness. She had Harry, but she didn't. Last night, she had wanted him to herself, but now she was sharing him with the darkest wizard in the world. Nothing was fair. Life wasn't fair. Love wasn't fair.

Ginny felt soft lips touch hers, but she broke the kiss quickly. It was more pain, more sorrow...

Harry left the room and she watched him go, her heart truly breaking.

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Five years later, Voldemort was destroyed.

Unfortunately, Harry died too.

And though it's all over, it's not over for you

You look back on the truth

That you did all the loving and the hurting too

Or so she thought.