All's Fair

Chapter Two- Sing a Merry Song

The next morning, Harry was allowed to leave the infirmary and go to the Great Hall for breakfast before heading upstairs to get his bag and prepare for classes.

He walked down the stairs, rubbing his now normal-sized nose thoughtfully, his mind whirling with plans.

Harry arrived in the Great Hall, strode confidently towards Ron and Hermione, and sat down next to them.

"Don't worry about me, guys, I'm fine."

"Why would we have been worrying about you?"

Harry looked at Ron in shock.

"Well, I didn't come back to the common room last night. Anything could have happened to me!"

"But," said Hermione, "you just told us it didn't."

"But it could have. Weren't you worried at all?"

"Not really. You defeated the Dark Lord, why should we worry about you?"

Harry's mouth was opening and closing, but no sound was coming out.

"And you threw a book at my cat," added Hermione.

Harry gaped. He could have been dying out in the halls, but they had not cared a bit.

"Ron," he whined, "you would have let me die cold and alone because I threw a book at Crookshanks?"

Ron shrugged.

"But you hate Crookshanks!"

Immediately, a sweet and really rather sickening expression appeared on Ron's face.

"I don't care, really. Crookshanks is Hermione's cat, and..."

"No, please, Ron," begged Harry immediately. "Stop, now. Just stop."

Ron then had the nerve to look offended!

"You know what, Harry," he started, frowning, "I don't know you any more. After you defeated He Who Shall Not Be Named, you have got so conceited."

The red haired youth then had the nerve to turn away from him.

Harry opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to tell him that he was not the one that had changed.

Eventually, after deciding that all he was capable of saying was, "Squeak! Meep! Erk!" and these noises were making him get a few very funny looks, Harry sighed gustily and stormed out of the hall.

Harry slammed the wooden doors of the hall in an attempt to make himself heard.

Apart from a very nervous first year Hufflepuff who promptly fainted in shock upon hearing the 'loud, scary noise', nobody appeared to notice.

Care of Magical Creatures was one of Harry's favourite classes. Hagrid was the only person (well, sort of person) that had not changed a single bit since the war. He was as friendly, hairy and oblivious to danger as ever.

Unfortunately, this did not help Harry, because he was in Potions.

Hermione had always told Harry and Ron that once the war was over (and provided the man did not sacrifice himself nobly for the greater good), Severus Snape was going to become a lot nicer.

She said that the whole 'I-hate-everyone-especially-nice-and-happy-people' thing was just an act to make sure Voldemort did not suspect anything.

Ron and Harry had decided that the girl was just attempting to justify a schoolgirl crush.

Either way, she was proven wrong. It appeared that Snape really was a mean and evil git that enjoyed making people's lives a misery.

The 'act' was that he hated Slytherins too.

As a result, Potions was nobody's favourite class any more.

A rumour flying around the school was that Snape was trying to take away every single house pointed earned this year. It was definitely true that the number of points in the hourglasses were significantly lower than normal, even at this fairly early stage of the year.

"Good morning, class," drawled the only man whose nose size could have rivalled that of Harry's the previous night.

There was immediately complete silence in the classroom.

It smelt like somebody (probably Neville, who Snape allowed into the class simply so that he could torment him) had lost control of certain bodily functions.

"This year," continued the man, "I am going to be pairing each of you up with the person that you dislike the most so that you will all be miserable. If any of you look remotely happy with your situation, or are not feeling irresistible urges to kill one another, I will happily change your partner."

The class was silent.

Snape smiled evilly.

"Now, then. The partners are Granger and Parkinson, Weasley and Zabini, Potter and Malfoy, Brown and Goyle, Patil and Crabbe, Longbottom and Nott...."

As Snape continued to list incompatible pairs, Harry had to bite his tongue to stop himself smiling.

After all, if Snape switched Malfoy with someone, then he would not be able to make the most of this brilliant opportunity.

Sneaking a quick glance at Malfoy, Harry noticed that the boy had a faraway look that indicated that he was not the only one engaged in some plotting.

Harry started when grey eyes swivelled in their sockets to meet his own.

Malfoy smirked.

"Take your seats now. Come on Malfoy, stop making eyes at Potter. Have I made a mistake with all of this 'incompatible' pairing? Good. Now hurry up."

Draco scowled at his ex-favourite teacher, and put his stuff down on the bench next to Harry's.

"Today we are going to be making vanishing potion no Granger this is not on the syllabus it is a very difficult potion that I do not expect any of you to successfully brew yes I did only choose it because it is potentially harmful if it goes wrong yes that was exactly what I intended now stop staring and start brewing," said Snape very quickly in one long sentence.

The class stood looking at their teacher in shock. Hermione put down her hand slowly, frowning so deeply that her face fell into shadows.

As everyone took out the ingredients and started to brew the potion, Snape moved around the room, looking over people's shoulders and doing his utmost to distract them so that they would make mistakes.

Harry and Draco carefully added ingredients to the potion.

Apart from the odd attempt to shove the slimier ingredients down the back of the other boy's robes, they were generally working quite well together.

At the end of the lesson, most people had finished their potions. Very few, however, had made anything that looked even vaguely like a vanishing potion.

Neville was working frantically on the potion, as Nott looked worriedly on. The only time when anyone was really frightened of Neville was when he was in possession of potions ingredients; anything could and normally did go wrong, endangering everyone in the area.

Snape walked slowly to the front of the classroom and leant on his desk.

"Longbottom," he drawled, "add a handful of gillyweed to the potion. That should complete it."

Neville, forgetting that Snape meant him only harm and therefore trusting the man, immediately added the named ingredients.

The cauldron immediately exploded, showing half of the class with burning black blobs.

Above the screams of pain, Snape called, "Longbottom appears to have botched his potion yet again. Anyone affected can go to the infirmary."

The entire class immediately stormed out of the room, injured or not.

Harry paused at the door of the classroom, looking at the uninjured Malfoy that was leaning casually on the wall only metres away from him.

Drawing out his wand, he slowly snuck up behind him.

"Potter, I know you're there."

Harry froze.

Malfoy turned around, pointing his wand at Harry.

Harry, however, was faster.

"Carmen hilaris!"

Malfoy immediately opened his mouth to ask what on earth Harry had done to him.

"I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight.

I feel charming,
Oh, so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel!
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real."

Harry was interested to note that Malfoy had an extremely good singing voice.

"It's the cheerful tune charm, Malfoy! Well, I must be off now. It will wear off soon, I'm sure."

Harry turned to run off, not at all worried about Malfoy cursing him.

Draco raised his wand, ready to perform the most humiliating hex that he could remember.

"See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!

I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!"

Finally managing to close his mouth, Draco began to hit his head against the wall of the dungeon. He then stormed back to the Slytherin common room, muttering angrily about the injustice of the world and people in it with faster reactions than him.