All's Fair

Chapter One- The Trouble with 'Romantic Moments'

I wonder what they will do if I throw this book at them?

Harry was musing over the possible ways that he could disrupt the blissful happiness that was Ron and Hermione.

If I throw the book, Ron will probably have an allergic reaction to any intelligent words in it, and Hermione will be unable to resist the allure of more knowledge.

And they will try to kill me as soon as they realise who threw it.

Harry did not exactly have a problem with the blissful coupley happiness of his two best friends. He thought it was wonderful that Ron had finally removed his head from his ass and asked Hermione out.

It was just that everything was so boring.

When Voldemort had been around, Harry had been an angsty wreck, and had needed people around him constantly to look after him and make everything better.

And then the Dark Lord had managed to actually kill himself. Nobody had even been hurt in the process (not, Harry added to himself, that he had wanted anyone to get hurt).

It had been possibly the most ridiculous victory in wizarding history.

Flashback

"Potter, we meet again," hissed the voice from Harry's worst nightmare.

Voldemort stood, swirled his long robes in what he assumed to be a very threatening way, and moved towards Harry, his wand outstretched.

The most evil wizard in history had then tripped on the hem of his robe. As he flew yelping with shock towards Harry, the boy had in turn jumped back, dropping his wand in the process.

Harry had looked down a moment later to find the wizard impaled on his wand, glowing a strange blue colour.

"Potter," the wizard had rasped, "you have to do something about this. This is just too pathetic to-" and then exploded.

The saviour of the wizarding world had looked around to find the Death Eaters looking at him in complete disbelief.

"Uh," he had started. "You should all be warned, I'm a... a very dangerous wizard and I'll hurt you if you don't take yourself to the Ministry right now and hand yourselves in."

Unable to think of anything better to do, Harry had proceeded to nod and smile encouragingly at them.

The Death Eaters had paused for a moment, still completely confused, then shrugged and apparated.

End flashback

Looking back on the memory of the defeat of the man, Harry decided that it was almost disappointing.

On the other hand, it was a rather interesting memory to look back on while Ron and Hermione were occupied in one of their numerous 'romantic moments'.

Harry hefted the book in his hands. Not a bad weight, he mused, but can I really bothered to interrupt them? Besides, Ron can't really afford to lose any more brain cells.

Finally giving up, he eventually decided that the whole throwing-book-at-best-friends thing was a waste of time.

He lobbed the book at Crookshanks instead, then fled the Gryffindor common room as the cat and Hermione began to yowl at him in excruciating harmony.

Half way down the corridor, Harry realised that he truly did have no idea at all where he was going.

The library was not a good place to head; Pince would seek him out and pickle his ears simply because she did not like him for some strange reason.

He could go to the owlery and see Hedwig.

Yes. That was a good idea. Hedwig.

Harry arrived in the owlery. Hedwig was there.

And she was not pleased to see him.

As she and the owl that she was having her own version of a 'romantic moment' with flew over his head and away, she hooted at him indignantly.

Harry felt something wet trickle down the back of his neck.

Muttering angrily about birds, friends and 'romantic bloody moments', Harry performed a cleaning charm that he had learnt from Molly Weasley when preparing for the war ("Nothing lowers morale like bloodstains on your robes.") and stormed out of the owlery.

As he headed out towards the grounds to sit in the rain so that he could appear suitably upset and show everyone how deeply unhappy with life he was, he turned around a corner and collided with the one person in the world that he would not have been happy to see.

"Aww, is ickle Potty having a temper tantrum?"

Harry turned to glare at a very smug looking Draco Malfoy.

"Yes," he said shortly. "I am having a temper tantrum. I am a powerful wizard with a wand having a temper tantrum. Bugger off before I curse you."

Malfoy looked shocked for a moment. It was obviously not the response that he had been expecting.

"Where are Granger and Weasel? Have they left you all on your lonesome? Poor ickle Potty."

Harry turned to frown at his blond nemesis.

"Is that the best you can do?" he asked.

He hadn't even meant to mock the boy. The insults were just not up to their normal standard.

"Best I can do?" spluttered Malfoy indignantly. "I can do much better than that, you... you... ugly person!"

Realising what he had just said, the youth proceeded to put his head in his hands.

"Face it, Malfoy," said Harry almost kindly, "its seventh year and you are out of insults."

"I know," moaned boy through his fingers. "Its just not worth it any more."

"Not worth it any more?" asked Harry.

"The war is over, and I'm bored. My evilness is decreasing, but that doesn't matter because now everyone has decided that they don't like it anyway! I have nothing to do," whined Malfoy, before removing his hands from his face and looking at Harry in shock.

"Malfoy," said he black haired boy softly, "did you just confide in me?"

"I- I think so."

There was a loaded silence as both boys contemplated the awful state of the world nowadays.

"We have to do something about this," said Harry finally.

"Yes, this isn't healthy."

There was another silence as they realised that they had agreed with each other.

"We- uh," Harry looked at Malfoy for a moment. Then he made what he came to call The Decision. "Malfoy, I hereby declare war on you."

Malfoy looked confused for a moment.

"Why?"

"Because I'm bored and I feel like it and I don't want to agree with you again."

"But if you don't want me to agree with you, how can I agree to starting the war?"

It was Harry's turn to look confused.

Suddenly, Malfoy grinned and whipped out his wand. Before Harry had time to react, he called, "Engorgio!"

As Harry's nose swelled up and sagged down to cover his mouth, Malfoy gave the shocked boy a huge grin and ran off down the corridor.

Harry lifted his still growing nose so that he was able to talk, and shrieked, "Malfoy. You will pay for that!"

As he turned and made his way slowly to the infirmary for his first of what were to be many visits to Madam Pomfrey, he heard a muffled call echoing through the corridors.

"That was the idea!"

Harry continued to walk, his wide smile showing even past his nose.

I know this is a short chapter, but nyah. They will get longer.