Without You

Chapter 1: Standing Alone

Without you the world is a dark, cruel place to live. You were my safe haven, anchoring me in this whirlwind. Did you know I'm lying on the floor, sobbing and not knowing how to stop? Of course you don't, because you just walked out on me, on us, and I heard your footsteps fade away. I saw you turn the knob and watched the door click in agonizing slowness. Which leads to my current condition- I collapsed the instant you closed that door.

You say that there are too many problems standing in our way, that it's impossible for us to be together. I don't believe you. What you see as impenetrable walls I see as bumps in the road. I think- no, I know- that we can make it. We can make it because I love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything, and I know you feel the same way about me. I saw it in your eyes, and eyes are windows to the soul, and the soul never lies.

Our love is so huge, so amazingly powerful that it scares the crap out of the both of us. But I embrace it, because I know that there's nothing as good and beautiful as it, while you're too afraid to believe in me. Without you I can't hold onto that love, it deserts me and I'm left standing all alone.

You claim that being a werewolf is too dangerous. I know that this is a load of bull but you insist. I know what you become every full moon, and I still love you. I could care less if you think you're a monster, because to me you're my sweet kind Remus, the man that I would give everything for. Being a werewolf is hard, I realize, but loving me should ease your burden. If only you would let me help you. But you push me away.

Without you I don't know what to do. I've stopped crying, by the way, but I'm aching so badly that I feel like I'm going to fall apart. I'm making my way to what was once our bed, and lay down and wrap up in a million blankets. They don't even begin to produce the warmth that I feel when I'm in your arms. The apartment seems eerily empty, and I know it won't be the same for a long time.

You swear that you don't love me, that what we have was a lie. You looked me in the eye and said this. I know better though. I know you love me, and although you can school you expression very well, I'm not convinced. It's all an act that you won't admit to playing. You insist that it would be better for me to love another man, perhaps somebody like Harry whose closer to my age. They don't know me the way you do, and could never love me the way you do.

I don't know how to bring you back, and where to even start. I'll try to go to sleep, but I know I won't be able to. You'll haunt my dreams and be on the edge of my thoughts. I can't stop loving you, so don't even ask me to try.