An Annoyingly Childish Spider-Bat Fic

"Sure," Harry said, and handed Voldemort a Lunchable.

"Thanks," said Voldemort. He put Emma and Cho down and began eating the Lunchable. "You wouldn't believe how long it took me to get here. I'm starved!"

"Um, Voldemort," Spider-Bat said. "Did you by any chance Beta read my last chapter?"

"Matt," Voldemort said, his mouth full of food. "I sfill half to read 'Eye uf da Shnake'"

"That is rude," Emma said. She slapped Voldemort on the back. "Swallow your food!"

"I'm sorry," Voldie said. "I just was so hungry. Hey, you ever realize how beautiful you are?"

"Oh," Emma said, taken aback. "Well, people have told me I have a nice butt."

"But it's more than that," Voldemort said. "You have the most wonderful eyes. You have such a smooth face, and wonderfully large... hands."

"Hey!" yelled Spider-Bat. "That's my girlfriend, bucko!"

"But, Matt," Emma said. "He's so complementary!"

"I don't care!" Spider-Bat said, webbing up Voldemort's hands so he couldn't... you know. "Those are the same complements I used when I proposed! I'm the one who loves your hands!"

"Liar!" Voldemort spat.

"You're the liar!" Spidey returned.

"Liar, liar, pants on fire!"

"Are you three-years old?" Spider-Bat quizzed.

"Shut up!" Voldemort barked.

"You!"

"Stupid!"

"Stupider!"

"Nanny, nanny, boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo!"

"That's it!" Spider-Bat had claws come out of his knuckles, much like Wolverine of the X-Men.

"Hey!" said Wolverine of the X-Men. "That's my power!"

"No it isn't," Spider-Bat said as he chopped of Voldemort's head.

"Yes it is! You are a rip-off superhero ever! I'm going to kill you!"

"I implore you to reconsider," Spidey said.

"Hmm... okay," Wolverine returned.

Voldemort's head grew back. "Man, that feels good. Can you do it again?"

"No!" Spider-Bat said.

"I will!" Harry said, wielding a battle-axe and chopping off Voldemort's head. "Man, this is fun!"

"I'm confused," said Batman. "I thought that Voldemort was the bad guy."

"He is," said Hermione, now playing with her panties. "But Bo-Bob has ADD, so he can't do anything right."

"Who is Bo-Bob?" Thor asked.

"BO-BOB IS HARRY!" Ron yelled. "HERMIONE IS BRA GIRL!"

"Nuh, uh," she said. "I'm Panty Girl now."

"I can't believe I play her in the movie," Emma sighed.

Voldemort's head grew back again. Harry was about to chop it off again when Spider-Bat grabbed the ax.

"Oh, we don't want to do that?" Harry asked. "Okay!" He pulled out a hand grenade.

"I can't believe I play him in the movie," Dan sighed.

Ron farted and three people popped out of the chimney. One was J.K. Rowling, the other John Kerry, and the third was Spider-Bat's cousin, Blight.

"I can't believe I play him in the movie," Rupert sighed.

"Hello," John Kerry said. "I'm John Kerry! Did you vote for me in the 2004 presidential election?"

"I'm too young to vote," Spider-Bat said. "As are all of my friends."

"And we were busy saving people," Spider-Man said.

J.K. Rowling looked at the scene around her. She saw Harry and his ADD about to drop a grenade, Hermione with panties on her head, John Kerry, Adam Sandler, Spider-Bat, and two dozen superheroes surrounding them.

"SPIDER-BAT!" Joanne said. "YOU HAVE RUINED MY CHARACTERS!"

"WHY CAN'T EVERYONE BE AS QUIET AS HER?" Ron asked. The intensity of the two shouts and the weight of around 50 people made the ground shake. Harry checked out Hermione again, who was nude, ADD took over, and he dropped the grenade.

2/12/05