Betrayal

Chapter 9

To Harry and Hermione's immense relief, the common room was indeed deserted when they arrived. Harry pulled the invisibility cloak off them and Hermione wrapped her school robed around her tightly, looking up into his eyes.

"Harry..."

"I know, Hermione."

"What we just did..."

"I know, I'm so sor-"

"...was wonderful."

"What?" Harry couldn't be hearing her right. He was sure that in the few minutes it had taken them to get back to the common room she would have developed the same feelings of intense guilt that he had. Maybe even resentment towards him as well, as she was very upset and he had practically taken advantage of the situation.

"Harry, the way you made me feel tonight...the way you always make me feel...it was just so right." She didn't know what else to say.

"Hermione, you are just really upset about Ron, and you're not thinking clearly. I just took advantage of that. You love Ron, and Jesus Hermione, he loves you so much, I am so sorry, I can't..." He broke off, his voice cracking at the thought of Ron. Hermione looked at him, looked into his eyes, not really believing what he was saying.

"Are you saying you regret what just happened? That you didn't want me as much as I wanted you? That you haven't wanted me all year? I've seen the way you look at me sometimes, Harry, I'm not stupid! And don't act like I'm some silly, overly-emotional girl who lets men 'take advantage' of her like she has no will of her own!" Hermione's voice was getting louder and louder and she was advancing upon Harry with a hysterical look of fury in her eyes. Harry stumbled backwards as she came closer. He wasn't expecting this reaction from her at all.

"N-no, I-I-I don't regret it! Well, I do...of course I wanted y-you, but have you really known all y-year? I mean, I know you're not a silly, overly-emotional girl...I'm sorry, I thought you'd be mad! What we just did will kill Ron!" She stopped her advance on him as he fell backwards into a fluffy sofa. She was momentarily struck still by these last words. Harry's voice became stronger at her pause. "Look Hermione, I have wanted you for a long time, but you are, or were, probably still are, Ron's girlfriend. He's my best friend, and you love him. I know you do! I know you could never love me like you do him."

Hermione stared down into Harry's beautiful green eyes, which were filled with painful resignation. "Harry..." Her voice was soft as she gently sat down next to him and tried to brush a lock of his raven hair off of his forehead.

He pushed her hand away slowly. "Don't."

"Harry, why would you say something like that? I love you very much, you know that." Her voice was pleading and her eyes were filling up with tears. Eleven years without the consistent love of family and friends had crippled Harry emotionally. To see him rejecting the thought that she could love him as intensely as she loved Ron was absolutely heartbreaking.

Harry avoided her gaze and stood up. "I know you love me, Hermione, but we both know it's not the same. Let's not make this harder than it has to be, for either of us. We have to decide whether or not we are going to tell Ron." Harry was pacing back and forth in front of her, looking at the floor, and still avoiding her gaze. "Of course he has a right to know, but if we tell him, what good will it do besides ease our conscience at the expense of his feelings?"

"Harry-"

"But would he even want to know? If it were me, I don't know if I would. No, I would definitely want to know. I don't like secrets; I would want to know if-"

"Harry!"

He stopped pacing and looked at her and then quickly shifted his gaze back down to the floor.

"Harry. Look at me." He looked up at her. "I meant what I said before, about being with you feeling so right. Nothing has ever felt more so." Hermione's voice was filled with uncertainty, as if she weren't sure she should be saying this to him. But she continued on, determined to be heard. "As much as I love Ron, I do not want to be with him anymore. It's not working; it hasn't been since long before tonight. I cannot be with someone who makes me feel filthy for wanting to be intimate with him. I simply cannot handle it anymore. I want to be with you; I love you. I love the way you look at me; I love the way you make me feel; I love the way you stick up for your friends and for what you think is right. I even love the fact that your primary concerns right now are Ron's feelings when I can tell by the look in your eyes that you love me too." She said all of this very slowly as if to make sure that he understood all of it, for she had meant every word, even if it meant hurting Ron.

Harry just blinked at her, not knowing what to say to her. She was right. He had wondered about it before, but he was never really sure whether he was in love with her or just deeply attracted to someone he cared very much for. But being with her tonight, looking into her eyes at this very moment, and hearing these words coming from her mouth...he knew he was very much in love with her.

"Hermione..." Harry was making a step towards her when an image of Ron's face flashed in his mind. "Ron." he said weakly, looking down into her eyes.

"I know..." she murmured, wrapping her arms around his waist and putting her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair for a moment and then pulled away.

"We have to tell him before this goes any further."

"Tell me what?" Harry and Hermione looked up to see Ron standing at the top of the staircase looking down upon them.