The Dilemma of Lily Evans

Lily Evans waited with bated breath for her N.E.W.T. examination paper. The practical exam would come later, but right now, it was all about essay questions. Professor Flitwick, a small wisp of a man, dropped the paper on her desk.

CHARMS

NASTILY EXHAUSTING WIZARDING TEST

Dipping her quill into a jar of Ministry of Magic Grade A Inspected and Authorized Ink (so read the extremely long label that ran around the bottle), she positioned her hand under the first question.

'What is the proper incantation and wand motion to dim moon and starlight?'

She began to write, but paused after one sentence. Marcia Simmons, a pretty Ravenclaw girl with flowing blonde hair and cobalt eyes, had already written six inches, and her writing was minuscule.

Lily's eyes flicked hopefully at Sirius Black, who was sitting a row ahead of her. His dark hair fell tantalizingly into his eyes, which were dark and mysterious. 'Just like him,' she thought wearily.

At the very front of the Great Hall sat James Potter, whose hair was mussed, as usual. She shook her head and stared back at her paper. She could almost feel the sand in the hourglass sifting through to the bottom. Her time was running out. She turned her attention back to the exam that would decide her future.

* * * * * * * * * * *

"Lily! Lily! Wait up!" Alice McGeefrey was running down the corridor, robes flapping behind her. Her round face was etched with concern.

"Sorry I forgot to wait for you Alice," said Lily as her friend caught up. "I've got a lot to think about."

"I'll say. I suppose Mr. Sirius Black has really taken up a large part of your mind." Alice feinted swooning and sighed. "Oh, Sirius! You're sooo handsome!"

"Alice!" Lily giggled. "Quit it!" Glancing about the corridors she sighed, "Besides, we both know that Sirius is so out of my reach it's not even funny."

"Especially since Honorable Mr. Black would never go out with the girl his best friend has liked since...what?...second year?"

Lily glared at her friend. "That's not bad. It means that Sirius is...a gentleman." She nodded as though trying to convince herself.

"What do you think the elves in the kitchens will have cooked up for lunch today?" Alice glanced hungrily at a picture of a Lord, who was eating heartily, ripping meat from a chicken leg.

Lily was just about to answer when a deep voice resounded behind them. "Excellent question, McGeefrey. I was just wondering that myself." Her breath caught painfully in her chest as she turned slowly to watch Sirius stride toward them, accompanied, as always, by James Potter and Remus Lupin at his side. Peter Pettigrew was scurrying after them, always the last one of the group.

"Hello, Evans," Sirius smiled politely. He gave away no hint (to Lily's dismay) that he thought of her at all when he wasn't speaking to her.

"Hello, Sirius."

"Ah HEM!" James put his fist to his mouth to stifle a false cough.

"Potter," Lily inclined her head curtly.

" 'Lo, Evans. About ready for lunch?" James' right hand flew smartly to his hair, in his annoying habit of messing it up. However, he seemed to notice the withering look that Lily shot him, and so coolly lowered his hand to his pockets, trying to save face.

"That's normally what one does at around noon each day, isn't it, Potter?" Lily retorted, throwing him a contemptuous look. She didn't much like Potter, with his big head and untidy hair. Now Sirius, he knew how to look after his hair.

James said nothing, and stared determinedly at the floor.

"Hullo, All," said Frank Longbottom as he sidled up to Alice and put his arm around her. Having an interesting conversation?" He smiled at Lily good-naturedly. Longbottom was a glass half-full kind of person who had probably never spoken ill of another witch or wizard in his life.

"We were just discussing lunch, Frank," said Remus quietly. "Isn't that the thing on everybody's minds at this time of the day?"

"Not everyone's mind, Moony." James had stopped looking at the floor and was grinning slyly at Sirius. "Isn't that right, Padfoot?"

"You are obsessive, Prongs." Sirius smiled at his best friend.

"Yes, but not unhealthily so," James replied smugly. "Just enough to get me through the day...and night."

Lily snorted. "You truly are a pig, aren't you, Potter." She rounded quickly and continued down the corridor. "Are you coming, Alice?" she called over her shoulder. "We're going to miss lunch, and we have our Defense Against the Dark Arts practical N.E.W.T. this afternoon. Better get our energy up."

"ER...yeah. Good idea," Alice muttered. "Come on, Frank." She turned to follow Lily, who heard Peter whisper to James in his high squeaky voice, "Don't worry, Prongs. Give her some space. She'll come around, eventually. I mean...she has to. You're...you!"

Hot anger worked its way like acid from Lily's stomach to her throat. How dare they speak of her as if she were a stubborn child? She just didn't like James Potter. Was that so wrong? What if, maybe, she liked someone else instead? Someone like...like Sirius.

She dwelled on this thought angrily all the way to her dormitory to drop off her bag, and all through lunch. (The house elves had prepared a light lunch of 12 different kinds of soup, fresh fruit, and Caesar salad).

* * * * * * * * * * *

Lily and Alice hurried quickly down the moving staircase to the Great Hall.

"Honestly, Alice," Lily huffed as her friend tripped over the hem of her robes. "First, you spend half an hour in our dormitory primping for our N.E.W.T., by doing so making us extremely late. Then you choose your longest robes to wear, because you reckon they make you look taller. So now you are tripping over them, left and right, and will probably fall on your face while trying to conjure a Patronous!"

"Well, Ms. Lily Evans, I happen to know that Frank will be joining us for our N.E.W.T., and I want to look my best."

Lily's eyes rolled to the ceiling in disgust and she sighed heavily. "Alice Jean McGeefrey! If you haven't noticed--FRANK IS HEAD OVER HEELS WITH YOU! I doubt you still need to try to impress him."

"But..."

"I mean honestly! You could walk into the Great Hall right now with the Giant Squid on your head, vomiting slugs, and wearing the same robes you wore when you were five, and Frank would kiss your slimy lips, probably, by so doing, swallow a slug, and still proclaim you the most perfect creature that ever held a wand!"

Alice's face blazed crimson. "D...Do you really think so?" She then smiled and looked away from Lily's Alice-You-Know-I'm-Right-Stop-Being-A-Dolt look.

"Just keep your face and the floor from getting too familiar while we're in there, eh?"

"Oh, Lily," sighed Alice. "You worry too much!" Then, laughing, they stepped into the glowing light of the Great Halls' many candles.

* * * * * * * * * * *

"EXPECTO PATRONOM!" Sirius' booming voice echoed through the Great Hall. Lily took a brief moment from her exam to see what form his Patronous would take. Her examiner, Madame Eathridge narrowed her eyes, making her face more wrinkled (if that was possible. The woman had to be a hundred!)

"Ms. Evans," she screeched. "However interesting you find Mr. Black's magic-making, may I remind you that you are sitting an examinaAAHHH!" The Phoenix-Patronous, as though sensing what was being said, had charged Madame Eathridge and knocked her on her rear.

The entire Hall went deathly silent, holding its breath in anticipation of Madame Eathridge's next move. Abruptly Lily's hand flew to her mouth to suppress silent giggles. The silence was shattered when Frank Longbottom coughed from the smoke that was rising from another's fried monster-rat, and the room exploded with sound. Sirius was being patted on the back by James and Remus, who were both doubled over in peals of laughter, while Peter applauded timidly, as though terrified of even touching Sirius.

Lily suddenly realized that Madame Eathridge was still lying on the floor, and with a gasp of embarrassment offered her hand.

"I don't need your help, you awful girl!" Madame Eathridge shrieked. "I can get up on my own!" She stumbled to her feet, and straightened her sage-colored robes. "EVERYONE WILL PLEASE RETURN TO THEIR EXAMINATIONS!" She yelled hoarsely, totally ignored even by her fellow examiners, who were (if it was possible) laughing harder than the students.

Lily stole a glance at Sirius, who was the only other person who wasn't still laughing. His dark eyes peered at her from behind his raven hair, and Lily felt that he was looking through a transparent window into her soul.

She lowered her eyes nervously to the floor and turned to face Madame Eathridge.

"I am sooo sorry, Madame Eathridge. Really I am!"

"Well," sniffed the old woman, "that's quite all right. May we please continue with the examination?"

"Yes, please," Lily muttered.

"Wonderful. Your next task will be to banish a bogart. It will come," she tapped a large oak trunk, "from here. You have fifteen minutes." She tapped the trunk once more and said, "Begin."

The trunk's lid swung wide open and out stepped Sirius Black. Lily turned around to make sure that the real Sirius was still taking his examination. There he was, battling a large fanged bird with dark red plumage. So red it's almost black, she thought.

Returning to the problem at hand, Lily felt her throat tighten.

"Lily?" Bogart-Sirius smiled, reaching for her hand. "Lily I can't tell you how much I lo..." the sentence was cut short by cough. Sirius was vomiting blood. Rich, gooey, life-giving blood flowed from his mouth, and he fell in a heap to the floor.

Lily gave a tiny scream and stuttered "R...R...Ridikulus!" CRACK! Now Sirius had stopped coughing blood, but rather was lying on the floor having what appeared to be an epileptic fit. His eyes rolled back and his dark hair was matted against his unusually pale face, while his arms and legs jerked to odd angles in an erratic fashion. "R...R...RIDIKULUS!" CRACK! Lily's eyes brimmed with tears. Her worst fear was being realized in front of her very eyes.

Sirius was there, alive and very much healthy. His eyes sparkled with joy, as he gathered Marcia Simmons into his arms. Her waist-length, golden hair fell gracefully over his hands, which had found the small of her back. She giggled softly, and pressed her rosy lips to his.

An angry passion that Lily had never felt before rose to her throat and came out as the triumphant cry, "RIDIKULUS!" CRACK! The vision was gone. Lily's hands were sweating profusely, and she realized suddenly that everyone was staring at her.

Biting her lip she turned around. Sirius was leaning wearily on the side of a steel cage that contained his fowl foe, and he was wearing a puzzled expression.

Shifting her gaze to James, she saw in his eyes the same furious intensity that she had felt just moments before. His jaw was clenched tightly, and his hair, for once, lay almost flat.

Remus Lupin was looking from Lily, to Sirius, to James with what appeared to be mild interest. Peter Pettigrew gnawed his fingernails, nervously glancing around the room, as through trying to pretend he didn't know what all the fuss was about.

"I...Is my exam over, Madame Eathridge?" Lily mumbled.

"Yes, I believe that covers it."

"May I please be excused, then?" Without waiting for an answer Lily ran from the Hall, not stopping until a large hand caught her shoulder.

Whipping around, Lily found herself face to face with James Potter.

"So...that's how it is, is it?" he questioned darkly.

Lily had never seen James this angry before. Not knowing quite how to handle the situation, she decided on the dominating approach.

"Please let go of me, it kind of hurts."

"How could you, Lily?" he asked in quite a different tone. He sounded less angry, and more like a puppy that had been stepped on. "Don't you know how much I...I mean...Why?"

"I don't have to answer to you, Potter," she replied crisply. "It's no business of mine who you like and it's no business of yours who I like."

"But...you knew. You know! How could you not know? I...I really like you, Evans."

"I know, James," she said softly. He sounded too hurt for her to step on him any longer. "I'm sorry, truly I am. I...I can't help it." She shrugged her shoulders at the last sentence, trying to emphasize the hopelessness of it all.

"I...I see." James' eyes lowered to the ground as they had earlier during the day.

"Maybe...Maybe someday, Potter," She smiled wistfully. She didn't mean to get his hopes up, because someday was most likely never going to come. Yet she couldn't leave him looking so distraught.

"Sure," he sighed. Then he looked up with a hopeful smile. "Sure," he said more confidently. "Someday."

* * * * * * * * * * *