So Close

Harry shook his head in wonderment at his friends and briefly caught Ginny still looking at him warily, but she softened a bit when she caught his eye. "It's ok Hermione; I really wanted to talk about it all summer but couldn't put it in a note." Ron gave her a 'see, I'm not such an idiot' look.

"Ginny, maybe you should go inside," Ron suggested and quickly became the target of the younger girl's wrath.

"Who are you to decide what I should do Ronald?" Ginny menacingly said.

Harry quickly put up his hands. "Stop! Ron, it's ok with me if she hears, I mean she went through what we did last year. I think she has as a right to know." Harry saw the look of pride in her eyes and he quickly added, "Besides, I don't want her yelling at me again, she's too scary."

Ginny smiled brightly for a moment, but became serious when Harry started talking. "Basically the prophecy is that I'm the one who can destroy Voldemort for good and one of us has to kill the other one. It said, 'neither can live while the other survives.' I think this means that my life will continue to suck while he's alive and that he can't get back to full power while I am. So that's why he's trying to kill me so hard."

They all looked stunned but Hermione finally said, "But what about Dumbledore? Why can't he stop him?"

Harry shrugged and said, "Don't know. But Dumbledore didn't try to kill him in the Department of Mysteries and told me it has to be me. So, either I win or die trying."

"But what if you just stay away from him? Don't let him get to you," Ron suggested.

"You mean stay locked up like Sirius?" Harry angrily replied but quickly regained his composure. "That's not for me, and besides that would just leave him out there to keep on killing other people. I don't have a lot of choices here."

"Bloody hell," Ron said in a huff.

"How do you think you can do it?" Ginny asked, not sounding angry at all anymore.

"Wish I knew," Harry replied shrugging his shoulders again.

"Well, we'll figure something out," Hermione said confidently. "I mean we always do."

Harry looked at her and instantly felt better about telling them. "Thanks Hermione," he said gratefully, causing her to smile proudly. "Oh, and before you say anything, I didn't mean any of you or your family when I said that before about only caring about the prophecy and I plan on telling your mom as well."

"We know you didn't Harry, but mum just worries so much lately," Ginny said, giving him comfort.

"It must have been horrible seeing all those attacks," Ron said sheepishly. "They wouldn't let us read them but you could just tell watching the others."

Harry nodded and Hermione asked, "They'd stop if you knew Occlumency wouldn't they?"

"Yeah, Dumbledore already asked me to try and learn again. Not with Snape this time," Harry said spitting out the teacher's name coldly. "I don't trust him at all. He didn't try to teach me anything last year and the visions kept getting worse."

"Yeah, I say he's still working for You-Know-Who," Ron angrily agreed.

"Ron! We've talked about this already," Hermione scolded causing Ron to give her a mean look. The four friends were quiet until Hermione said, "Oh, I almost forgot. Isn't it great that we can continue the D.A. this year?"

"What?" Harry said sounding confused. He had only moments ago told Dumbledore that he would agree to continue. "I told Dumbledore I wasn't going to do it this year! He just convinced me a few minutes ago. What did he tell you?"

"Oh, well I agreed to do it right away and he said he was sure that you and I would help the group make even better progress this year. I just thought you had agreed," Hermione said causing Harry to shake his head. Try as he might, Harry couldn't really stay angry with the Headmaster, the old wizard just exuded compassion and caring.

The group sat around talking until it began to get late and then headed inside. Mrs. Weasley was doing chores in the kitchen when they entered. Ron elbowed his friend and said, "Hermione, can you show me that bit about History of Magic now."

Hermione looked confused but then caught on, "Of course. Ginny, you may find this interesting as well." Grabbing Ginny's arm she pulled her up the stairs with Ron, leaving Harry alone with Mrs. Weasley.

"Um...Mrs. Weasley," Harry said softly.

"Yes dear," she said not turning around.

"Well, I hope you didn't think I meant any of you when I spouted off about only caring about the prophecy. I would never think that about you," he said this last bit with confidence.

Now the woman turned around looking very relieved. "Oh no, of course not Harry. I understand you were upset." She stepped forward and engulfed him in a hug as she added, "All I care about is you dear, just like the rest of my children."

This was a rare time when Harry wasn't anxious for the hug to end, but when it did he said, "Thanks. You know you don't have to worry about me so much, I'll be fine. I should go upstairs now." Mrs. Weasley nodded, wiping a tear from her eye as she turned back around.

When he reached the top of the stairs, he saw Ginny rolling up an Extendable Ear and wiping away a tear. "That was nice. She worries so much anymore. I hate to see her so concerned."

"She wouldn't have to worry so much if it wasn't for me," Harry said hanging his head.

"That's not true! Everyone other than me, Ron and Percy are in the Order. She would worry anyway," Ginny corrected him.

Harry nodded toward Ron's door and said, "Are they in there?" Ginny nodded. "Think we should knock?" Harry joked.

Ginny giggled and said, "You know they fight so much that they might just go from arguing to rolling around in bed one of these times."

Now Harry laughed as he opened the door to Ron's room. He and Ginny were disappointed however to find their friends sitting across from each other, both with books in their hands. "So Harry, are you ready to get back onto the Quidditch team?" Ron asked quickly closing the book.

Harry looked at Ginny and said, "If you still want to be seeker, I can stay out. You were really good last year."

Ginny smiled and said, "Oh no, I don't like seeking much. I want to be a chaser."

"That shouldn't be a problem since all of our chasers are gone this year," Ron added. "If you're back as seeker Harry, we'll only need two more chasers."

"I haven't been told my ban is lifted, but if it is I'll be back," he said feeling a bit of excitement at being able to play again.

"I'm sure Professor McGonagall will get it lifted," Hermione said.

"Speaking of the ban, I heard Umbridge was sacked, what happened to Percy?" Harry asked.

Ginny gave a low hiss. "Booted as well, the stupid git," Ron said.

"Dad took him into his department," Ginny said. "Won't let him move back home but at least gave him a job."

"I can't believe Fudge got off so well. He sacks the others and nothing happens to him," Harry said clearly annoyed.

"Well not nothing," Hermione added. "He's not in very good standing with the Aurors or the Wizengamot. I think if he slips up at all, they'll remove him. Those two groups are very powerful in the Ministry."

Ginny yawned and announced she was going to bed and was quickly followed by Hermione. Ron and Harry decided as well to try and sleep and thankfully Harry had a rare peaceful night.

After a peaceful night's sleep, Harry was woken up early the next morning by the soft voice of Mrs. Weasley, "Harry dear, there's someone here to see you." Shaking his head trying to wake up, Harry rolled out of bed and dressed quietly trying not to wake Ron up.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, he saw a large bald black man with a hoop in one ear standing near the door, "Morning Harry!"

"Mr. Shacklebolt! Good morning, what are you doing here?" Harry asked clearly stunned by the Auror's presence.

"Call me Kingsley and I'm here to teach you Occlumency. We have to do it early in the morning before I go to work. Sorry about that," Kingsley said sounding too cheery for this hour of the morning.

"The morning's good, everyone else will still be asleep. What do I need to do?" Harry asked, actually looking forward to learning this now.

"I need to find out what you know. How far did you get with Snape?"

"Not very far I think," Harry replied.

"Well, what did he tell you to do?"

"All he said was to clear my mind and then he would tell me I hadn't been practicing. That's it," Harry firmly stated.

"That's it? Did he tell you why you were clearing your mind or give you ideas how to do it?" Kingsley asked amazed.

"No! All he ever said was for me to clear my mind and then he'd force his way in," Harry exclaimed.

"That worthless..." Kingsley started to say before catching himself. "Sorry Harry, but that's no way to teach this. Now, you don't actually have to clear your mind but you will need to focus your thoughts. The reason you're doing this is so you can quickly recognize when your thoughts are being directed to something you didn't intend. Now, I give you my word that if I happen to see anything uncomfortable, I won't tell anyone, not even Dumbledore. Do you trust me?"

Already Harry felt better. "Yes, I trust you," Harry said honestly. "So, should I try to clear my mind or focus on something?"

"Well I find that focusing on something works better. I usually think about my wife doing the dishes. It's something familiar and comforting. Some people think about their hands and others about their pet. You have that snowy owl don't you?" Harry nodded. "I'd suggest focusing on her sleeping or something like that. She's very distinctive and probably comforting. Can you picture her sleeping?"

Harry thought and quickly pictured Hedwig sleeping on top of her cage. "Yes, I can see her sleeping."

"Good, now focus on the little things about her. How her ears look, how she breathes. Now, when you're doing this, I'll try to enter your mind. If you recognize your thoughts changing to something you don't intend, then you'll know something is redirecting them."

"What should I do if I recognize it?" Harry asked anxious to get going.

"Well nothing yet, the first step is to consistently recognize when it happens. After you get that down, you'll learn to either stop the intrusion completely or hopefully redirect the intruder to thoughts you choose."

"Really? I could do that?"

"With practice you could. This may not come easily but if you can really throw off the Imperious curse like I've heard, you should be able to. The key is to recognize the intrusion as soon as possible. Now focus," Kingsley stated.

Harry tried to focus on Hedwig and now found it a bit harder than he thought it would be. He could picture her easily enough, but his thoughts kept drifting to his friends and Sirius. Concentrating as hard as he could, he tried to just keep his focus on Hedwig and how her head slowly moved as she slept. Within a few minutes Harry realized he was thinking about chasing Bellatrix out of the Department of Mysteries. As soon as he realized this, he was able to snap himself back to the present.

"I guess I'm not very good at this," he said sounding dejected.

"I wouldn't say that. You didn't recognize when I redirected your thoughts at first, but you were able to shut me down when you did realize it. That's not bad. This time, try to realize your thoughts have changed sooner."

Harry took a minute and focused again, trying to picture every little part of Hedwig's head. It was much quicker this time when Harry realized that Hedwig wasn't a part of his thoughts. Again, he was able to snap back to reality soon after realizing what had happened. "Damn!" Harry exclaimed.

"Don't be disappointed Harry, this is going surprisingly well. You were much quicker at realizing something happened."

"But how will I ever be able to do that when I'm sleeping?"

"With practice, it will become second nature, trust me," Kingsley confidently said, giving Harry some comfort. "We can try a few more times before I leave for the day, but I'll be back each morning until school starts."

"I really appreciate you taking the time to do this," Harry said gratefully.

"Well, I have my personal reasons," Kingsley admitted. "Tonks said you wanted to be an Auror and I'd like to have you but you'll have to be an expert at this as long as Voldemort is still out there. We couldn't have you on the team if he could get into your mind, so the sooner you learn this, the better you'll be when you apply."

"I never thought of that before," Harry admitted. "Now I have a lot of reasons to learn."

"Good. Let's go again," Kingsley announced. Before Kingsley left, Harry had been able to recognize the intrusion instantly on one attempt and very quickly on most. Kingsley seemed pleased but Harry had been disappointed that he couldn't recognize it instantly each time. Still, it was much further than he had ever gotten with Snape.

He saw Hermione leaving the bathroom as he came up the stairs. "Is it open now?" Harry asked feeling happier than he had for a while.

Hermione noticed this and said, "It's all yours. You seem in a better mood."

"I just had and Occlumency lesson and it went pretty good. That just shows me that Snape wasn't trying to teach me anything. One of these days, I'm going to get him back for how mean he's been to me," Harry said as he entered the bathroom for his shower.

Harry took every opportunity over the next week to watch Hedwig sleep, studying her features. He also quietly thanked her for watching over him earlier in the summer. He felt better after a week at the Burrow than he had imagined he could feel after the loss of Sirius. There had been two dreams that woke Harry up, but he didn't bother to record them because he didn't want to remind the others he was still having the visions.

Harry also noticed that many times when the friends were sitting around talking, that Hermione seemed to try to direct the conversation to Sirius or to how Harry was feeling, but each time Ron had interrupted and started talking about something trivial. Harry didn't know if he appreciated this or not. Sometimes he felt like he wanted to talk about what happened, but most of the time he didn't.

At the end of the first week, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were setting outside late one afternoon when Hermione said, "It's weird isn't it?" The others looked at her having no clue what she was talking about. "I mean it's so calm and peaceful right now but he's out there and you're the only one that can destroy him for good."

"Hermione!" Ron exclaimed. "What are you doing making him think of that? And you call me an insensitive twit."

"It's ok Ron, I think of it all the time anyway," Harry added without emotion. "She's right, being here is great but the truth is I'm either going to be killed or become a murderer, I just don't know when."

"You won't be alone Harry," Ginny added forcefully.

"Why you though?" Hermione asked, still trying to make sense of the prophecy. "I mean you're the only person to survive the killing curse but why can't anyone else destroy him?"

"Well, Tonks said she doesn't believe in it and if she gets the chance, she's going to try and kill him. Maybe she'll be right," Harry said not believing what he said.

"If not, we'll figure out some way to beat him," Ron said patting Harry on the back.

"You don't have any idea why you?" Hermione asked.

"No, the prophecy just says I'll have powers he doesn't," Harry said exasperated.

"You didn't tell us that before!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Well it didn't say what powers or anything so I don't see what help it'll be," Harry replied.

"But if we can figure it out, then you'll have a better chance," Hermione said, now sounding anxious at the thought of something to figure out.

Harry and Ron exchanged glances as they both realized what Hermione was doing. She was getting that look like she was on a mission.

That night, Harry had dreamt about Voldemort and Bellatrix entering a home and preparing to kill a very young girl, but before they could do anything he snapped awake. Looking around confused, he didn't know which he liked better, not seeing the attack or at least knowing what Voldemort had done. He attributed this to the Occlumency lessons, but now was thinking only about Voldemort and the pain he has caused. Throwing on his robe, he silently snuck out of Ron's room and went to the kitchen for something to drink.

Sitting at the kitchen table, Harry's thoughts quickly went to the Burrow and how kind the Weasley's were. This caused him to think of Sirius and how it would have been to be able to live with him. After a bit of thinking about Sirius, Harry was hanging his head into the palms of his hands, trying to not cry openly. He didn't realize someone had come up behind him until he felt a soft touch on his shoulder.

"Are you ok Harry?" Hermione asked in a very soothing voice.

Harry snapped his head up and was instantly glad it was still dark, not wanting Hermione to know he had been crying. He didn't look at her as he tried to wipe his eyes as he said, "I'm fine Hermione. What are you doing down here, is everything ok?"

Hermione was torn up inside to see her best friend in so much anguish and know she couldn't directly do anything about it. Harry was indeed her best friend. Oh, Ron was a best friend as well, but there was something different about her relationship with Harry and she knew it. It was like they were a brother and sister that were very close. Her relationship with Ron was...well...complicated. "I woke up and needed something to drink," she said, still standing with her hand on his shoulder. "Are you really ok?"

Hearing the way she asked this and feeling the weight of her hand on his shoulder caused something in Harry to open up a bit. "I really miss him Hermione. He wasn't really family, but he's the closest thing I ever had." Harry was fighting hard to keep the tears back.

Hermione's heart was just crumbling. "You have me Harry, and the Weasleys. We'll be your family."

Harry thought for a moment and said, "Thanks Hermione, but it's not the same. I mean in a couple years, we'll be out of school. And, even if I make it that long, everyone will be off to other things. You and Ron will always have a home and family to go back to and I always thought I'd have Sirius."

"You'll make it Harry. I know it's not logical or anything but I really believe that you can do this. I don't know why, it's just something I believe with all my heart. You'll be able to have your own family."

"Yeah right. If he's still out there any girl would be in too much danger to be with me and if I win, what girl will want to be with a murder?" Harry said sarcastically.

"Harry! There are plenty of girls that want to be with you, even knowing the danger. Remember there are a lot of people that don't know you who are dying right now as well. Dumbledore defeated Grindelwald and everybody still loves him. When you win, no one will consider you a murder, you'll be a hero."

"I don't want to be a hero!" Harry quickly exclaimed. "I just want this," he said pointing around the room. "I just want to be a normal person with a great family, just like Ron."

"Well sorry, but that's never going to happen," Hermione said bluntly causing Harry to look at her, not caring about his watery eyes. "Even if Voldemort never came back, you're still 'The Boy-Who-Lived'. For good or bad, that's you. You'll have to find someone who can see past that and just sees Harry."

The two sat there in silence for a minute until Harry looked directly at her and said, "Hermione, I'm really sorry for what happened last year. I haven't apologized to all of you for nearly getting you killed. I should have listened to you."

"You don't have to apologize Harry. No one blames you. You did listen to me, remember? We used the fireplace, just like I suggested. Other than Sirius, things worked out, we're all fine," Hermione said, resting her hand on his shoulder again. "If it hadn't been for your quick thinking once we got there, we wouldn't have gotten out. I know Ron and Ginny feel the same way; they don't blame you at all. Even knowing the odds up front, they would still have come. I know I would have."

This made Harry feel better and he said, "Is that really you Hermione? You've said two totally illogical things so far." He tried to smile after this.

"Well maybe after five years, you and Ron are rubbing off on me a little. Now if only I was rubbing off on you two," she jokingly replied. Then she added, "You know that after we get out of school, we'll still see each other loads."

"I know you and Ron will," Harry replied causing Hermione to look confused. "I mean you two will probably start having loads of kids right after."

"What?" Hermione exclaimed fairly loudly. "Where do you get the idea that anything like that could happen? You know how much the two of us fight."

"Whatever Hermione," Harry said, now feeling better. "Do me a favor and don't tell the others about this, I don't want Ron to think I'm falling apart or anything."

"Boys," Hermione said shaking her head. "I won't tell, but no one is going to think badly of you for missing Sirius and worrying about what's going to happen."

"Yeah well it wouldn't look good if everyone knew the person who has to defeat Voldemort was missing his godfather and wishing he was someone else. You have to keep my secret Hermione," Harry said looking at her intently.

She sighed and said, "I'd always keep your secrets Harry. I promise."

"Thanks. I guess I should go back upstairs. You never did get your drink."

"I'll just grab one and head up in a minute, you go ahead," Hermione said confidently, but after watching Harry turn the corner of the stairs she sat down and silently wondered how her friend held it together with all the responsibilities placed upon him.

Neither Harry nor Hermione realized most of their conversation was also overheard by the youngest Weasley who had been woken up by Hermione leaving her room and decided a drink was a good idea. She had just shut her door when Harry came by and she wished she could be as close to him as Hermione was, even as just a friend.