Everything You Are

Chapter Fifteen

"And how long does it take for the charm to fully wear off?" Sirena asked, tapping the parchment with the tip of her wand gently.

"Mr. Moony thinks that, in the situation described, it could take anywhere from one year to ten, as the balance of innate magic between the curse and the two charms is uncertain."

Sirena sighed and threw down the parchment, frustrated. Damn her father for setting her mind ablaze. Damn the Marauders for not being able to answer her. Damn the world for moving so slowly.

She considered swallowing her pride and going to talk to Sirius. Despite his loyalties to Harry and her father, he always did know what to say. In the time that she spent thinking and consulting the Marauders, the heat of the afternoon sun faded gradually as it began to set, Sirena's features seeming to glow in the soft orange light. Once she saw the faded shadow of the crescent moon overhead, she decided it was time to find her way back to the castle for dinner.

She took her time getting back up, looking at the grounds that surrounded her. While she was sorely tempted by the solitude that lay under the Whomping Willow, she made it up to the castle all the same, finding her boots before going to dinner.

"Cooled off?" Draco remarked, raising an eyebrow cockily.

She snorted. "Yesterday was quite a miserable day. If I took it out on you, it's only because you got in my warpath," she said calmly. After a pause, her lips curled into a smirk. "By the way, if you think that was bad, you should see me on a TRULY terrible day..."

"Oh, I thank the gods every day that I haven't had to witness that so far."

Sirena raised an eyebrow. "So does everyone who cares for you, I'd imagine, because if you'd tried any of your funny business when my mood was any worse than it was yesterday, you wouldn't be around to witness another one."

Draco looked at her curiously. "What is eating you? I know you've always had a temper, but really..."

'Eating me. It really is eating away at me, isn't it? That was his goal. You're giving up that easily? You should be ashamed... and they say you're cunning. You HAVE to find a way out of this. You can't let them get the best of you, you know... Sirius always says that. Sirius...'

Sirena picked at the food on her plate. "It's nothing, Draco. I'd advise you not to pry," she said, standing up and meeting his eyes again. She cast a quick glance up to the staff table and saw Severus, watching her in the most discreet of ways. "I have business to take care of," she said, in a very final way before leaving the table and walking out into the foyer. Just as she began her mental debate on whether to try and meet Severus in his office, or attempt for some time in the empty common room, someone stepped out to make up her mind for her.

"Why the abrupt departure, Ms. Lupin? Something wrong with the roast?" Severus said mockingly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Though slightly startled, she turned to face him with a smile. "I suppose not, though I must confess, I've recently developed a preference toward tongue," she said, her expression turning utterly cheeky.

Severus bit down hard on the part of his anatomy in question to stop himself from saying anything he'd regret in public. "Well, then..."

"I have a small favor to ask of you," she said quietly, still smirking.

"I suppose it might be better to chat over a cup of tea? I have some... in my office?" he said, trying not to look suspicious to the small but steady numbers of students trickling out the doors of the Great Hall.

"That would be great," she said.

"Excellent, then. Follow me."

Once they were out of earshot, he looked to her. "Would you prefer we went somewhere else? I know my office isn't exactly comfortable."

"Where do you have in mind?"

"Perhaps my quarters?" he paused, realizing the possible implications of what he'd said and hastened to correct himself. "I have a sitting room that's completely devoid of all the things I use to scare students in my office."

Sirena nodded, after erasing the image that had popped into her mind. 'You have other things to worry about.' "Sure. Lead the way."

They reached what appeared to be a solid stone wall on the North side of the dungeons. Sirena stood back until Severus ushered her up, muttering the words "Rara avis." The wall seemed to step aside gracefully. "A rare or unique person," he offered, by way of definition.

A gentle hand on Sirena's back guided her in. Severus followed afterwards and closed the passageway. Severus walked her over to a sitting area. "Sit back, relax. Make yourself at home."

She smiled and chose a spot on an oversized armchair that was nice for curling up alone, but seemingly made specifically for a cozy duo. Though she had difficulty picturing Severus as a 'curl up by the fire'-type, Sirena glanced at him, as though daring him to join her.

Deciding to keep things slow, Severus chose a spot on the couch next to her chair. "What did you want to talk about?"

She sighed. "Well, I had a... a small conversation with my father today."

"Was there any bloodshed?" he asked, raising an eyebrow mischievously. Sirena could have sworn it was almost hopeful, but shook her head with a bit of a laugh all the same.

"No. Close, but no."

"Aw, for Merlin's sake, already..." he affected frustration quite well before smiling wryly. "I mean, that's good..." he joked.

"Anyway, he brought up some topics that really got my mind racing and I decided I had to explore them better."

"Where do I come in?"

"Well," she said, artfully dangling her arm over the edge of the armrest in her chair so that her fingertips met his. "I had a question for you about a potion that might be able to help with a... small problem I've been having, but beyond that I wanted to know if you could cover me going to the Shrieking Shack for a couple nights this week."

He raised an eyebrow. "And why would you need the Shrieking Shack? I know the full moon's a way off..."

"So it is, but I have some rather important conversations to have with some people that might not be appreciated when seen in the fireplace in the common room."

"Ah," he sighed thoughtfully. "Well, I have a fireplace here. I think that may be a better bet for you if you'll need a cover. Exactly who do you need to talk to?" he asked, letting his fingers lace into hers and taking her hand.

"Some of my mom's family and... erm..." she bit her lip, thinking of his reaction to her next words, "...well..."

"Your godfather?" he said, his eyes rolling but his lips remaining in a small smile.

"Yes," she said quietly. "I think Sirius could have some good advice on this."

He sighed. "You know you can always come talk to me if you need to. I do believe I promised you I would 'interfere' with you..."

"As you see fair, Severus," she said, smiling at him.

"Ah, and would it be fair of me to ask to join you?"

'Chivalry comes in unexpected ways,' she noted to herself. "Of course," she said, moving over slightly. He sat down and she nestled herself against him comfortably.

"You wanted to know about a potion?" asked Severus, wrapping his arms around her tentatively.

"I wanted to know if one existed to cure a certain problem of mine and where I could procure another without looking suspicious."

"Which problem do you need to cure?"

"It involves the memory charms that I told you about," said Sirena, leaning into his embrace. "I wanted to know if, maybe, there's a memory restorative potion. Perhaps something that could speed along the process of everything resurfacing?" Her tone remained remarkable unemotional.

Severus drew in a long breath. He hugged her for a moment and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Sirena, I don't mean any disrespect by this, but I have to question your motives. Are you sure you really want to do that? I know it seems like the easiest way to take care of things, but it might not be the best way. Finding out everything at once could really hurt you."

She crawled into his lap and looked up at his face, tracing her fingers over his jaw. "I love it when you talk like you're worried about me. It's very sweet."

"Sirena..."

"I know," she said, moving her fingers over his lips gently. "It's probably not safe. It's probably not healthy. Severus, answer me this one question?"

"Anything," he mumbled, entranced. 'You shouldn't feel like this. This shouldn't happen'.

"Is anything we do safe? Is how we live our lives healthy? My father lectured me about my dangerous habits just today," she mused, looking into the melted pools of black ice that made up his eyes.

'She's the Dark Lady. You shouldn't be attaching yourself. If Dumbledore knew...' "I suppose not, but..."

Something in Severus' quiet reverie snapped. "Maybe we can change that."

Sirena tensed up. A flash of something unrecognizable appeared in her eyes, until Severus realized what it must have been. Fear.

The words were unspoken, but they didn't need a voice. They were already hanging in the air.

"I don't know how."

"There's no way I can."

"Where would I go?"

Severus' mind kept racing as his gentle, strong hands stroked her face. He kissed her in reassurance, the tender flesh of her lips giving way to his like crushed velvet.

'You shouldn't feel like this. She's a student. She's innocent and young... so young. Fifteen... you can't take this innocence from her. For all of your dignity, just pull away. Pull AWAY.'

Sirena's head filled with his voice, the words of her innocence echoing off the walls of her mind. She shut his thoughts out then, only having listened for a second.

She pulled away first, having recovered from her moment of lost balance. Her resolve was clear in her face. "I want to know, Severus. I don't want to wait forever for memories from dreams that may never come."