Harry Potter Hogwarts Caretaker

Chapter 12: Draco

Harry returned to his office trying hard not to think of his parents and what they were probably thinking about him right now. Twichy once again riding on his shoulder tried to get his attention by tickling his cheek and ear, but Harry ignored him. He wasn't in the mood to play. Actually he wasn't in the mood to do anything. Maybe he was just gonna lie back down on his bed and cry.

But what would that change? He was still a traitor. He had still betrayed all the dreams his parents had had for him. His parents who had died for him. Had died so he had a chance to live up to those dreams. Dreams he had betrayed.

Harry closed his office door behind him and threw himself onto his bed. Twichy seemed nervous almost worried, but Harry didn't feel up to calming the ferret. He only wanted to stop thinking, but the thoughts grew stronger and stronger with every breath he took.

'I betrayed my parents, I betrayed my parents.' Harry covered his ears to block out the sound, but of course it didn't work. He shook his head in denial, but still knew that it was true. Twichy was trying to get to his hands probably intending to lick his fingers again, but the sudden motion threw him off and he landed on the bed with a soft squeak of surprise or dismay.

Somewhere in the back of his mind a calm barely audible voice warned Harry that he was in danger of hurting the ferret if he kept moving so suddenly without giving him any advance warning. Harry ignored it. He had to stop his thoughts, had to stop those memories. But he couldn't stop them. They'd never leave him until he was dead.

Dead. Harry sat up, pushed back his sleeves and stared at the two thin white scars on his wrists. It had been so easy. If only that muggle hadn't found him. Why did he have to call an ambulance? Why couldn't he just have ignored Harry? If he had then Harry wouldn't be tortured by these thoughts right now.

Harry jumped up and ran into the bathroom. He picked up a razor blade and regarded it with detached interest for a while. It had been so easy to cut his own skin with one of those. He'd never expected it to be so simple.

Still holding the razor in his right hand he lifted his left turning it so he could see the scar once again. Was it possible to draw that razor so exactly over the scar that it never left that line? He ought to try.

Harry lowered his right hand slowly trying to put it down in the exact same spot he had started to cut his wrist about two months ago.

A sudden squeak behind him startled him. He hesitated. Something white dashed past him grabbed that razor and pulled with all its strength.

"Twichy?" Harry was so surprised that he let go and the ferret dashed back into his room with the razor in his mouth.

"No Twichy!" Harry jelled alarmed racing after the ferret. "Come back! That's dangerous! Drop it! You'll cut yourself! Please Twichy, razors are very dangerous!"

"Exactly my opinion." responded Draco Malfoy.

Harry stared at him. Draco was sitting on Harry's bed playing lazily with the razor in his hand. Twichy was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he had sought cover in one of Draco's pockets? He had obviously handed over the razor to him without much struggle.

Harry suddenly remembered how Twichy had disappeared in the direction of the dungeons when they'd first met. He had then concluded that the ferret belonged to a Slytherin and that still seemed plausible to him. Draco, he'd noticed, spent a lot of time with Severus Snape and probably could be found in the dungeons quite often. It was only logical that Twichy would know him well and when he'd come out of the bathroom seeking cover and had seen Malfoy in his room ...

Wait a minute! What was Draco Malfoy doing in Harry's room? The door had been locked and he hadn't heard anyone enter. He could have used an Alohomora spell of course, but why would he do that and then sneak in unheard only to sit on the bed and wait for Harry to notice him?

"How did you get in here?"

"You brought me in through the door." Draco said as if Harry was supposed to know that.

"I did what?"

"The ferret, remember?" grinned Draco obviously enjoying his confusion.

"Twichy?" Harry looked around for the ferret once more. "Where'd he go?"

"He's right here, Harry. I am Twichy. He's my animagus." Draco appeared to be fighting down laughter.

Harry stared at him trying to understand what he'd just heard'. Twichy was what? Or better, was who? He remembered how the ferret sometimes seemed almost human. That made sense actually.

No wait, it didn't. Why would Draco Malfoy the war hero want to play catch with Harry Potter traitor and coward? Harry felt totally confused.

"Rememer: me - ferret - Moody?" Draco asked now really laughing. "The animal comes kind of natural to me."

Harry found himself smiling. Draco's laughter was contagious when he wasn't smirking and sneering at people.

"Why're you called Twichy?" he asked before he could stop himself. That wasn't what he wanted to know. He had other more important questions for Draco.

"Well, originally it's not Twichy, it's Twitchy. You might have noticed what a twitchy little fellow a ferret is." Draco explained. "But after the war, when I first learned how to transfigure myself I was working at a wizarding primary school down in Hogsmede and you know what six year olds are like. They had problems with the t sound as most of them had just lost or were about to lose their front teeth and so they kept saying Twichy."

"You? Primary school? Six year olds?" Harry shook his head in confusion. Those were even more questions he hadn't wanted to ask.

"Well, after I killed my father in the war my mother wanted nothing to do with me anymore and she inherited all the money, so I sort of needed a job. Everything was in total chaos and the children were running wild and getting in everyone's way during the rebuilding so they decided they needed to restart school. Kids kind of like me and there weren't enough teachers so they asked me to do it."

"You killed your own father?" Harry asked beginning to understand why people named Draco among the biggest heroes of the war.

Draco seemed very uncomfortable. He stared down at the floor, swallowed hard several times then looked back up at Harry.

"I had to do it. I didn't want to, but he left me no choice. It wasn't easy. He was the leader of the group that attacked the outer walls with the fireball spells. We knew that they were meant to be only a distraction and had our most powerful fighters hidden inside to await Voldemort's arrival, but that meant that the walls weren't as well protected as the death eaters had expected them to be. Father was keeping them well organised and they were about to break through. If they'd gotten into the castle all would have been lost. At first I was just going to lure him away from his troops. I thought I could talk to him, but he'd have killed me. In the end I had to kill him in self defence. I had no choice. Still Mother won't forgive me. We haven't even talked since."

"I'm sorry." Harry said softly. Draco looked so unhappy and suddenly he realised that life wasn't easy even for the heroes of the great war. Even those who had fought bravely and were admired by everyone wore the scars of that time.

"It's not your fault. I'm okay with it, really. I just get a little sad every time I think of it. It was a bad time, you know. You're lucky that you weren't there. It was horrible. You wouldn't have gotten over it. You with your soft heart. It was hard enough for me and you know what a cold bastard I am."

"Yeah, sure." grinned Harry.

"What? You don't believe me?" Draco asked him grinning back.

"No. If you're so bad, why didn't you join the death eaters?" Harry challenged him.

"Simply because I knew Severus was against them and I didn't want to get on his bad side. I still don't. I never had any real friends before Severus, you know. I wasn't going to risk the only friend I had for my father and a club of murderers. I'd rather die with my friends than live with my enemies."

"And I chose the opposite." Harry said staring at the floor again. Draco had proven to be the better man in the end.

"You didn't know Voldemort's little club the way I did. And you never knew what it was like to be friendless. You made a wrong choice, because you didn't have the necessary warning and you changed your mind once you realised the truth. You came back and were on the right side in the end. That's all that matters."

"Some people I helped torture and kill would disagree with you there."

"Probably. But you paid for that. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Its the only thing you can do. Talk to Severus. He knows. He's been there."

"I'm not Snape. He really didn't know any better and he really did make up for all his mistakes. I knew Voldemort. He killed my parents. How could I go and betray them like that? They died to save me from him. Died so I could fight him."

"They died so you would survive. They only wanted you to live. And that's what you chose. Survival. They never wanted you to be a great hero and defeat Voldemort again and again. They just wanted you to stay alive. And if staying alive meant to join Voldemort and I believe at that moment it did, that's what they wanted you to do."

"You really think so?" Harry asked surprised. He'd never thought of it this way.

"That's what normal parents do want the most. It's natural instinct. My parents would have felt different about it, but they wouldn't have died to defend me in the first place."

Harry smiled a little. Natural instinct? Wanting him to survive? He'd have to think about that. But not now. Right now he ought to ask Draco some of the questions that he really needed answered.

"Why did you come to see me when I arrived? I bet you had better things to do."

"I wanted to see you. Believe it or not, but now that we're on the same side I actually like you. I wanted to know if you were okay."

"And why did you come to me as a ferret? We could have talked better if you'd been yourself"

"Really? Do you think, you'd have wanted to talk to me? I thought a cute furry little ferret had a lot better chances to receive a warm welcome than a sarcastic old school rival. Twichy's a lot faster when people try to hit us. And I could cheer you up better that way."

"Okay, but why did you come back again? Why did you go to Sirius with me?"

"I'm sorry about Sirius. I thought Remus was right when he said he'd forgive you. You looked so miserable during dinner that I thought I ought to do something for you. I've never seen Sirius like this. He's normally a really nice guy. And he likes ferrets. ... I thought he'd help you. I'm really sorry about the way this turned out. I thought I was helping you when I encouraged you to go. I guess I should have talked to him first. Tested the water a little."

"It's not your fault how Sirius reacted. It was nice of you to come along. Everything else was up to me and Sirius. You couldn't influence it at all."

"I could have tried to keep you two apart. I've got experience."

"Experience?" Harry looked at Draco doubtfully.

"Oh sure. The Ravenclaws aren't always as peaceful as people believe. Cho was a Ravenclaw, remember."

"Cho? What about Cho?"

"Well, I heard about that little fight you had. She can be very mean and some of the other Ravenclaws can as well. I had to learn to keep them apart. I could have done the same with you and Sirius."

"We're not your students, Draco. And we have to get along to work together. Just avoiding Sirius wouldn't have worked. I had to talk to him and I'm glad you came along. I'm just sorry about this." Harry said pointing at the razor in Draco's hand.

Draco looked down at the razor for a while regarding it intently.

"You gave me a bad fright with that. Please, talk to Severus, Harry. He likes you and he wont blame you for anything. He's been through all this. He knows how to deal with it. As I said friends mean a lot to me. I don't want to lose you."

"It wont happen again, Draco. I promise." Harry smiled and held out his hand to Draco who cast one last look at the razor then placed it gently in Harry's hand.

"Thanks. Say, what do you teach anyway? I know that DADA's already taken."

"Runes." Draco smiled at Harry's incredulous stare. "I'd have preferred potions or as you said DADA, but don't tell anyone. It's unofficial. As I said, Severus is the first and still best friend I ever had. I'm not going to apply for his job or the one he wants. I know I'll get potions, if he ever gets DADA. If not, I'm happy with my current subject. I always liked runes."

"Draco, I think I never really knew you. I never would have guessed." Harry found to his surprise that he liked talking to Draco.

Maybe he wasn't all alone after all. He had Draco, Remus, Neville, the Weasleys ... Actually that was quite a lot of people who still seemed to like him.

In the next chapter: Well there's only one war hero left for Harry to meet. How will Severus react to Harry? and Will Harry finally accept that he still has friends in the wizarding world?