Diaries of the Four Founders

Thursday

Apparently Salazar Slytherin is very experienced when it comes to the Dark Arts. He comes from Russia, and everybody knows that Crucio and Avada Kedavra originate from there. So obviously he needed to protect himself. If only everybody knew how to protect themselves from the Dark Arts, then there would be much fewer deaths.

Of course I don't believe all of Salazar's stories. For instance the Basilisk incident. I know about men and the way they will fabricate stories of their own bravery and daring to impress other people. I expect Hellie's been showered with more tales about battling evil wizards, giant killing snakes and probably inventing a load of spells.

I'm sure Helga has a bit of a soft spot for our Salazar. She moons around him quite a bit. She seems to want to come across as chatty and friendly but she just babbles on about nothing in particular. This almost always happens to her. Poor Hellie. She wants to talk but has nothing to say. As I've told her, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and confirm it," but she doesn't listen.

"People will think I'm unsociable if I don't talk," she said. "I have to make an effort."

"But people will think you're insane if you go rambling on about nothing," I explained, privately thinking they'd be right.

"Oh RoRo, you don't understand," said Helga, shaking her head so her hair shook. "I'm a people person. I have to talk to people. I'm not content with books like you are. I need to talk to people because it makes me happy."

I rolled my eyes at the time, but now I can quite see what she's talking about. She is a sociable person. Personally I don't like people who need to talk about everything. Helga doesn't ramble on at me. Maybe it's just people she's nervous around or doesn't know very well.

Look at me writing all this rubbish. I should be writing interesting, useful things, not all these stupid feelings and random nonsense that pops into my head. Something useful, like my ideas for the future. I'm twenty-two. I need to decide what I want to do for a career. I can't like in this castle and sponge off my parents all my life (although Hellie and Godric seem perfectly fine with the idea). I want to make something of my life.

---

Dear diary,

Rowena came running into my chambers in a state of utter excitement - she hadn't even done her hair - saying something about "a brilliant idea" and "we can use the castle" and "each have a house" and other incomprehensible stuff. I sent her back to her room to lie down. She was obviously over-excited about it. How can we live in the castle and each live in a different house at the same time? I think she may have had a little too much of that mulled wine. I know she liked it. Even if I do say so myself, it's my best yet.

Salazar liked my cooking until I told him it was beef casserole. It turns out he's a vegetarian. Just my luck. He didn't seem over-keen to eat after that, even when I made a quick fruit salad. I was ashamed of it. It was too hurried and quick. And he was very suspicious of it too, like I'd put buffalo in instead of pineapple or something like that.

I went downstairs and found Godric had made breakfast. Rowena was there (she'd done her hair now, thank goodness) but Salazar wasn't.

"Grapefruit, Hufflepluff?" asked Godric, waving a fork with a grapefruit half stuck on it at me. I ignored him and sat down on Rowena's left - as far away from Godric as possible.

"Hello, Hellie," she said, after swallowing a mouthful of sausage. Rowena is the opposite of Salazar. She adores meat. If she had her way the human race would be carnivores. "So have you thought about it?"

"Thought about what?"

"My idea, of course," she said, raising her eyebrows. "What do you think?"

"Well, I think we should stay here," I told her. "There's no point in everyone moving into separate houses, expect maybe Godric." I scowled down the table at him. He scowled back. "What about Salazar? He has nowhere to go. And what would we use the castle for?"

Rowena looked at me as if I was mad.

"What on Earth are you talking about, Hellie?" she said. "I didn't suggest moving to different houses!"

"What did you say then?"

Rowena sighed exasperatedly.

"Honestly, Helga, don't you ever listen? What I actually suggested was why don't we set up a school? We can use the castle and me, you, Godric and Salazar can each have our own house."

"Oh."

A school? Why did she want to set up a school here? I'd heard her mention it before but I'd just thought it was an idle dream. But she actually wants to set up a school? With Godric the pretty airhead? And me? I'm no teacher!

"So what d'you think?"

Rowena was eager for an answer.

"I...RoRo, I think it's a bit risky. How are we going to do it?"

"We hire some teachers, find out some where some wizarding children live, invite them to enrol here and teach them!" she said, excitedly. "I have dibs on Transfiguration, by the way."

It was amazing at the change in her. One "brilliant" idea and she'd changed from the dignified, shrewd woman she had always been to an excitable child who had "dibs" on things. She had that gleam in her blue eyes that I have only seen once before. And that was when she came up with whole moving staircase idea.

Incidentally, I don't see the point in the moving staircases. Ok, it's a laugh for the first week, but then it just gets annoying. You're trying to get to your chamber and suddenly the stairs you're on swing round and you're at the other end of the castle (with Godric sniggering at you from a window or something). It's incredibly annoying. But Rowena likes it. I think she thinks it's her best idea yet. I have to say it's comparing favourably with setting up a school with Godric.

"I don't know," I said, slowly. "I don't...I'm not a teacher."

"Don't be silly," said Rowena confidently. "You're brainy enough. And you're an excellent cook. You can do Potions."

"But I don't want to do Potions; I want to do Ch..."

"Shush, Hellie, I'm thinking."

She was thinking for about half a nanosecond and then said, "I know! Let's ask Godric what he wants to do. GODRIC!"

Looking slightly deafened, Godric turned his head.

"What?" he asked. "If it's about those bats, it wasn't me that put them in Hufflepluff's room."

"That was you?"

I was furious. He knows I hate bats.

"No," he said, with that irritating smile of his. "I just said it wasn't. So what d'you want, Rowena?"

"Well, we..."

"You," I put in.

"Ok, I was thinking of setting up a school here. We would hire teachers, obviously, but we could all teach a subject ourselves. I've got bagsies on Transfiguration, by the way, but you can teach something else."

Godric looked at her, not with concern, but with thought. (And I didn't actually know he could physically think.)

"Cool," he said. "Sounds like fun. I want to teach...Charms."

I scowled. I wanted Charms. But I guess I'm lumbered with Potions now.

I wonder what Salazar will chose to teach?

---

Thursday 10/4

Rowena came into my chambers looking quite excited whilst I was finishing unpacking my belongings. I tried to shield my tatty old clothes from her view - she always dresses very nicely - and attempted to bestow upon her a look of delighted surprise.

"Oh, hello, Lady Ravenclaw," I said, trying my best to be nonchalant. "What is it you want?"

"First of all, Salazar, please don't bother with the Lady Ravenclaw business, it's much too formal," she said, waving a hand impatiently. "My name is Rowena, call me that. Anyway, I came to ask you if you are interested in the idea of being a teacher of defence."

"Defence? Against what?" I asked, hoping I didn't sound too ignorant.

"Defence Against the Dark Arts," said Rowena. "I guessed as you came from an area full of dark magic you'd have to be able to defend yourself if you don't mind me making unfair generalisations."

"Not at all," I muttered before she went on.

"Anyway, I was thinking of turning this castle into a school and we could all have our own house in it because we all have different ideas on how to run things and we'd employ teachers to teach most subjects but we could all teach one of our own and then we'll all be happy," said Rowena in a rush.

"Whoa, slow down," I said, leaning on my bedpost. "Firstly, who's 'we'?"

"Me, Hellie, Godric and you of course," said Rowena. "I'm doing Transfiguration, Godric's doing Charms and Helga's doing Potions. If you don't want to teach defence you don't have to but as you have the most experience I thought that would make a lot of sense."

I nodded.

"Ok," I said. "But where would we find the funding? I haven't got any money."

"I have," said Rowena matter-of-factly. "So's Godric. And Hellie's family are pretty well-off too. You don't have to fund anything, we've got the building here and all we need are the teachers and probably some more appropriate furniture."

"Why?"

Rowena rolled her eyes to the heavens.

"Look," she said. "I'm not going to explain everything three times. I'm holding a conference in about half an hour to discuss things. It's in the largest room in my tower; Helga will show you to it. Make sure you're there."

Then she left. I cursed myself for not being very attentive.

---

April 10^th 820

Conference called in the biggest room in Rowena's tower. Hufflepluff escorted Salazar. She was simpering like crazy. Soppy bitch. It's so obvious she fancies him, it's really quite pathetic. Well he's welcome to her if you ask me.

Obviously Rowena had gone into mad-organising mode. She had her hair in that tight bun. She only wears that when she's going into taking-over mode. Apparently she has had an idea to set up a school. I know she mentioned it but she actually is serious. With Hufflepluff as a teacher! Hufflepluff who went to a Muggle school for seven years. And managed to flunk it. How can you fail art?

"Right then," said Rowena, and it struck me that she would make an excellent teacher. "I have had a great idea of what to do with this castle. It's a big one as you know, so would hold a lot of people. I think I know exactly what sort of people we want."

"Women?" I said dryly.

Rowena frowned at me slightly. She never glares at me like she does at Helga. I take this as a good sign. "No," she said. "Don't be silly, Godric. I mean students. We can teach children about magic!"

"Children?" said Salazar, not very enthusiastically. "I don't like children. They're irritating."

Rowena looked at him darkly.

"Not too young. Eleven upwards I think," she said. "And as we all have different ideas on how it should be run, I should think, I think we should have a house each."

"That sounds ok," I said. "Can I call my house Deborah?"

Rowena gave me that small frown again.

"I don't think so, Godric," she said, composedly.

"What about Katrina then?"

"I don't think that would be appropriate," she said. "Hellie, can you think of something a bit more interesting?"

"How about an animal?" she asked. "Like...Badger."

I snorted. Hufflepluff glared at me.

"What about our surnames?" asked Salazar. "We could name the houses after our surnames."

"Now that's a much better idea!" said Rowena enthusiastically. "Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor and Slytherin. That has a ring to it, doesn't it?"

"Yes," I agreed, disappointed. I wanted Deborah. "Can we have our own emblem thing?"

"Yes, I want an emblem," said Salazar, suddenly.

"And colours," put in Hufflepluff.

"Fine," said Rowena, obviously not too bothered. "I'll have blue and bronze if nobody objects."

That was no surprise to anyone. Her family go way back so they've got the family crest and colours and the like. The colours just happen to be blue and bronze.

"Well," said Salazar, slowly. "I'd quite like red."

"You can't have red!" I said indignantly. "I have red! It's my colour!"

"Oh," said Salazar, simply. "Well then I get silver."

"I wanted gold anyway," I said. "You have yellow."

"No thanks!" said Salazar. "I want green. Yellow and silver is a disgusting combination.

"What are you, gay?" I muttered, but nobody heard over Hufflepluff's usual moaning.

"Does that mean I can have pink?" she asked.

"Err...Hellie, I think you'd better go with yellow," said Rowena, tentatively. "You know, primary colours and the like. And besides, pink is too much like red. We want it to be varied."

"Well what other colour am I having?" she whined. "You've got all the metallic ones!"

"Have black," I said, wanting to end the incessant moaning.

"That's an idea!" said Rowena, brightly. "Have black."

"I don't want black!" protested Hufflepluff. "It's a boring colour and it's all...dark."

"You think?" I said, ironically. Rowena ignored me and said, "Well, Hellie, it's not a bad colour. Look, you can have first choice of which animal you would like on your insignia."

"Badger," she said, instantly cheering up.

"Oh no!" I said, in mock disappointment. "Badgers! And I so wanted them!" She gave me what I think was supposed to be a contemptuous glare so I said, "I'll have a lion."

"Snake," said, Salazar. Just one word. No reason why. Just a snake. Weird. They're not particularly endearing creatures, and they always symbolised evil to me. But it's his choice.

"Well, I think I'm going to go for an eagle," said Rowena. "I like eagles."

"I know," said Hufflepluff. "I can't get any post from you because of Volatus clawing my hands off. Why can't you get an owl like everybody else?"

"Volatus is a misunderstood animal," said Rowena, serenely.

"The eagle likes me," I said, smirking.

Hufflepluff scowled at me and sat back in her chair, muttering, "Damned wildlife, it all hates me."

"Ok, about these houses," said Salazar. "Do we have different types of people in them or what?"

"Well, ok," shrugged Rowena. "I call the clever ones."

"I want mine to be brave," said Godric.

"Unlike you, you chicken," snapped Hufflepluff. "You're scared of Minty."

"That house elf has seriously freaky eyes!" I said indignantly. It's true! She's bloody possessed. "I suppose you'll have the stupid ones, will you Hufflepluff?"

"No, actually," said Hufflepluff, trying and failing to look superior. "I'm going to have loyal and hard-working students in my house."

I snorted. Hufflepluff gave me that hilarious scowl again as Salazar said, "Well, I'll have the ambitious ones, as I always thought ambition was a valuable quality in a young sorcerer."

"Errr...yes," said Rowena, not sure what to make of that. "Ok, so we're all sorted on that front. So we've got the houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. We've got our emblems and our colours. But now we need to name the actual school."

"Ground rules here," I said, raising my voice. "We're not naming it after ourselves. No 'Hufflepluff's School of Constant Whining', thank you very much."

"Or 'Gryffindor's Academy of Arsing Around'," snapped Hufflepluff.

"Very good, Hufflepluff," I said, nodding. "You're getting better at this insulting malarkey."

"Nobody need insult anybody," said Rowena, as Hufflepluff and I glowered at each other. "Look, if we're going to found this school, we need to get along. And we need a decent name."

"Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus," said Salazar instantly. "It's Latin."

"What does it mean?" I asked.

"Never poke a sleeping dragon in the eye," answered Rowena instantly. (She's fluent in Latin. Her eagle's name is Latin. Volatus. Latin for flight, I think. I don't know. When tutored I tended to skip that particular lesson in favour of actually flying.) I sniggered. Even Rowena smiled appreciatively. But she forced a straight face and said, "I don't think so, somehow. It's a bit of a mouthful."

"It could be the motto," I suggested.

"Well, I guess..."

Silliness fought with sensibility, and won.

"Ok then!" she said, brightly. "It will be. But we need a name."

"How about Pig Warts?" I said dryly.

"No."

"Oh come on! Just consider it."

Rowena considered it for at least a couple of nanoseconds before saying, "No chance."

"Ok. Hog Warts."

"N...actually, Hogwarts has quite a ring to it," she said. I grinned. I couldn't believe my luck.

"But that's such a stupid name!" said Hufflepluff. Whinging cow. Does she do anything but moan?

"I don't think it should just be Hogwarts," said Salazar. "I quite like Hogwarts Academy of Wizardry."

"And Witchcraft," added Rowena.

Salazar looked surprised.

"What, it's not going to be an all-boys school?" he said. "You're going to put adolescent females in with pubescent males and make them sleep in the same bedrooms?"

Put like that it did seem pretty stupid. Rowena went a bit red as she said, "Well, I...I think...we'll put them in different dormitories, obviously."

Hufflepluff then piped up, "So Hogwarts College of Witchcraft and Wizardry it is then!"

"What about just Hogwarts Academy of Magic?" Rowena suggested.

"Well, that sounds a bit..." began Hufflepluff, but I cut her off before the bleating recommenced.

"That's fine," I said. "Salazar?"

"Perfect," he said, not listening. He's a strange bloke, he really is.

"Ok!" said Rowena, looking very happy. "How are we going to decide which student goes into which house? We're not mind readers. We need to know who has what qualities."

"You're a Legilimense," said Hufflepluff. "Read their minds."

"That's an invasion of privacy," said Rowena sternly. "And besides, it's not very reliable. I think we need a better way."

"How about a test?" suggested Salazar.

"Yes, let's put the innocent little kids through gruelling trials!" I said enthusiastically. I've got a slight sadistic streak, it's true. "We could have troll-wrestling, and the ones that are courageous I have, the ones that are smart enough to elude it Rowena has, the ones that are cunning enough to kill it Salazar have and the ones that chicken out Hufflepluff can have."

"Shut up," said Hufflepluff crossly. Rowena and Salazar were looking at me like I was insane or something.

"I don't think so," was all Rowena could say.

"How about we sort of transfer our own knowledge into something that the students could put on their heads that can sense their inner qualities and decide on where they should be?" said Salazar.

Rowena took a few seconds to work out what he meant before saying, "Well it won't be easy, I can say. But it seems to be the only solution to the problem. So we'll do that."

"What should we use?" said Hufflepluff.

There was about two second's silence before I came up with the frankly obvious thing.

"A hat," I shrugged. "Easy."

Rowena ignored Hufflepluff - who began her bleating again - and said, "Right. We'll get started on sorting out the furnishings and the like tomorrow. Godric, Salazar, you'll be going down to a village to try and see if they have any suitable furniture."

"Such as?" I said.

"Well, in a nutshell a lot of chairs and beds," said Rowena. "Hellie, you'll be helping me locate students and find teachers. I also need to get on with making the hat. Has anybody got a hat they could lend me?"

"Oh, I do!" said Salazar, standing up heroically and legging it. He came back about five minutes later with a very ragged-looking hat.

Rowena took it and gave it a slightly disgusted and contemptuous look.

"This is ripped," she said, wrinkling her nose as she slipped her finger inside a large rip near the brim and widened it so we could all see.

"That can be a mouth," said Salazar.

"Fine," said Rowena. "I'll fix that at some point."

Hufflepluff yawned.

"I'm tired, RoRo," she said.

"Shut your whining you stupid little blonde who does nothing but sit on her arse all day and mope and moan and wallow in her own bloody pointless self pity!"...

...I managed to heroically refrain from shouting. Rowena was more sympathetic.

"Ok, ok. We're all a bit sleepy. You can go now."

We didn't need to be told twice.

Illustration: Rowena's Idea