We Wasted Years

After thanking Levee, Ginny quietly entered her bedroom suite, almost as though nothing at all had happened. She crossed the room, in no real direction; too numb to think. By chance, Ginny stopped and stood completely still in front of the mirror at the vanity. The vision of herself that she saw was unnerving, keeping her lulling in the numbness until it snapped her back harshly into grim reality. She leapt into the air falling onto the bed, her head connecting luckily with the softness of the pillows. Stiffly she froze with her face pushed into the fluffiness so that it was consumed entirely. Then she let it all out. Holding nothing back, her voice rang out in panic and shock; disbelief and then self-pity all embodied her scream in their own turn, as well.

After a time, Ginny rolled off the bed and landed on her suitcase that she had placed on the side of the bed out of the way. Well now, it was precisely in the way of her falling form, but no matter; after her collision with the suitcase, she just rolled off of that too, only a little less gracefully. She yelped when she felt a sharp pain in her back from connecting with the suitcase and she cursed aloud.

"Fuck!" She threw her hands over her eyes as she lay there on her back, staring up under the desk in their suite, where she had landed. "I'm a fucking mess!"

She sat up quickly, but she miscalculated the distance she had between the ground and the underneath side of desk, and by quite a lot. "Fuck, fuck...what the fuck is my problem?" She scooted out from under the desk and noticed that the telephone had fallen off the desk from the force of her head butt. The receiver had fallen away leaving the dial tone blaring non-stop.

"Shit," Ginny mumbled as she reached for the phone to put it back up on the desk. She was too pissed off to worry about the throbbing in her head, and she didn't care if she got a welt from it either, not even if it swelled to the size of a quaffle. Something had dawned on her, as she grabbed for that phone, and suddenly she was beaming, all thoughts of a concussion had slipped her mind. She scurried off the floor and into the armchair and in under a minute the phone was ringing on the other end of the line.

"Please be there...please pick up..." She exhaled her breath and closed her eyes. She couldn't believe it had taken her this long to realize that this was what she needed. Everything would be better once she had a chance to talk to-

"Hello?"

"Val?"

"Oh, hi-hi Ginny, how are the States?"

"He's here." Ginny moaned in agony as she threw her head back onto the couch and exhaled once again. Thank Merlin she had picked up the phone, Ginny needed to talk to her badly.

"Who?"

"Him, Val, the only he there is!"

"Merlin, Ginny, how, why?" Val sounded utterly stunned.

"I have no fucking clue! I just found out today, hell, I've only been here a day. We had lunch together, oh Merlin, I must have looked like such an idiot!"

"You two had lunch together?" Val was confused.

"Not just the two of us, everyone. Shit!" Ginny shouted.

"What you need to do is calm down, you're not making sense! Help me out!"

"Val he's married. He's married, and...and she's pregnant with his child! I think I'm going to be sick!"

"Hun, calm down. Explain to me, what's going on!" Val commanded her through the phone.

"Thank Merlin you're here, Val, I don't know what I would have done if you weren't here," Ginny sighed. Val was the only one who knew about Draco, about Ginny and Draco as an item. At first, that wasn't really by choice, but now Ginny was glad that she had told Val all about it, even if she were drunk at the time. After everything had happened she had needed to tell someone, she felt like she was going to burst.

Right after Ginny graduated she didn't really know what to do or how to get to the next step. She got herself an apartment in London, far enough away from her mum to really feel like she had left home, unlike Ron. He'd moved out after he graduated too, but he hardly moved ten miles away from home. Mum sent him dinner every night for three months, and she would still be doing it to this day if Hermione had not interfered. Ginny hadn't wanted that; she'd wanted to be alone, but that was all that she knew about what she wanted.

"Just tell me what's going on, I'm sure you're just overreacting. It's not like he's going to be there the whole time. Actually though, where exactly are you? Are you staying in a hotel or something?" Ginny was calmer, now that she could hear Val's take-charge voice, but now she just felt tired. There was a lot she was going to have to explain.

"No," she sighed, "No, we're staying in this mansion. The guy that Caleb has been talking to, Gerard Kingsley, the one who is endorsing the whole thing, paying for the school; we're staying in his house."

"Yeah," Val persisted.

"His daughter, Elena is Draco's wife and they're staying here too." Ginny sighed.

"So, maybe they're just visiting the Jerome guy," Val opted.

"Jerome? No, Gerard...and no, Draco's like second in command for the whole thing, or something like that. I really don't know much about it; I'm not really involved in all of the actual building stuff, Val."

"Why not? You didn't go to design school for nothing," Val argued and it made Ginny laugh. Val was right, and it was a tiny bit ironic that Ginny actually knew what she was doing.

Ginny was an interior designer, but that wasn't all she was limited too. She attended a muggle design school right after she had graduated from Hogwarts. It had been a tiny bit of a spur of the moment decision, but it was the only way to convince her mother that she would need to move out because her classes were held in London and she needed to be able to make it to them on time. Her mother had given in and she had been freed.

"I don't know, Val, but I would rather not be a part of it now. I don't know what I'm going to do. Can I just lock myself in this room for the next six months?" Ginny pleaded.

"Certainly not, now I want to know what happened at the lunch that got you so riled up. I want details," Val persisted once again.

"I had to sit across from him and he was eyeing me the whole time. It was so unnerving, Val. He didn't pay any attention to his wife, it's like she wasn't even there. She hardly spoke to him, hardly spoke to anyone, actually," Ginny rambled.

"That's strange," Val admitted.

"I was going crazy, Val. It was like how we used to be back at Hogwarts during meals when he wouldn't take his eyes off me. Everything is coming back." Ginny knew she sounded desperate but she couldn't help it.

"Coming back?" Val was uneasy.

"Everything," Ginny sighed.

"Ginny you're scaring me." Val was implying something, but she couldn't voice it aloud. Ginny knew what Val was alluding to.

"Not just that, but I won't deny that I don't have those kinds of feelings at all. But, Val, everything came back from that last night, remember?"

"Yes, I remember Ginny," Val confessed. Ginny was the only person Val had told about Draco because Val was her best friend. The two of them had met while Ginny was working in a bar. She wouldn't have ever gotten a job in such a wretched place, but she needed money for the design school she was attending. It wasn't a strip club, but Ginny had to do a lot of dancing if she wanted any tips. That was where they met, because Val worked in the bar, too. They had become friends instantly, both of them worked in the bar for quite a long time, after awhile the only reason they stayed was so that they could still see each other as frequently as they liked.

At the time, Ginny was shy and quiet and reserved, still wounded from the aftermath of her breakup with Draco and she didn't have very many friends. Still today, Val is one of her only friends outside of regular acquaintances. Ginny hadn't meant to tell Val all about her turmoil, but they had had a girl's night out on the town and were completely drunk. It just came out of her mouth, everything the whole story all the way up until that fateful night at the end of her sixth year. Ginny hadn't even remembered telling Val a word about it, but the next morning, after they had crashed in Val's apartment for the night, Val it seemed had remembered everything from the night before. Ginny had been shocked when Val had suddenly said his name, she was in disbelief until Val reminded her of the night before and all that she had revealed. She was angry with herself for letting her troubles slip out for other people to hear, but now she was so glad that she had told Val because she could use Val's wits to give her advice she knew she would continually need.

"So what does Caleb think?" Val questioned.

"Caleb?"

"Yes Caleb, you're husband," Val shrieked.

"I knew that, you idiot...I did," Ginny convinced both Val and herself. Suddenly she felt low.

"What does he think about all of this?" Val continued, overlooking her worries.

"What does he think, he doesn't have a clue what's going on. Are you kidding? I never told him about Draco. I tried to forget Draco. No, Caleb doesn't know a thing!" Ginny was getting worked up again, and panicky. She glanced toward the door to their room as though Caleb would burst through it at any moment demanding what was going on.

"Val? Are you there?"

"Of course I'm here you oaf!"

"Val, I've got to go. Caleb will be back soon, anytime. I don't want him to see me on the phone with you; he'll think something is wrong. I'll call you later-"

"Keep me updated!" Val interrupted her, but Ginny clicked down the receiver before anything else could be said. She started thinking about Caleb and she was scared and confused with what everything else her brain was thinking, too. She thought she had rid herself of this turmoil after she'd agreed to marry Caleb, about a year ago and now it was coming back full throttle. She didn't know what she was going to do.

She felt filthy; she was completely disgusted with herself for the way she had handled the lunch. She had blabbed to Val about how Draco had ignored his wife around her, but hadn't she done the same to Caleb? She had thought it was such a big deal that Draco disregarded his wife, as much as it hurt to admit; she even felt hope. Hope for what, she had no clue, but she couldn't deny it was there. What was Draco thinking about her right now, about the way she had acted after seeing her with her husband; he probably had the same reaction.

She needed to be careful and to pay more attention to what she was doing. She couldn't let anything like that slip again; she couldn't show Draco how vulnerable she was to him. It was like everything fell down when she was around him again. Everything that she had built up in his absence just slips away when he comes back. This just pissed her off, but right now, she felt more of disappointment than anger. Disappointment in herself, for how she had treated Caleb.

Their marriage was still so new and fresh. They'd only spent one Christmas together so far. Hell, she could still remember how they met. It had been quite an eventful evening already by the time she got around to meeting him. It had been an evening in middle Spring and Ginny had looked gorgeous in her little black dress. Val had looked stunning too; Ginny had invited her to the banquet as her guest. The banquet was in honor of young designers trying to make a break into the mainstream design world. A contest had been recently held the last fall through the winter wherein a successful architect had allowed one of his homes to be designed by amateur designers. The architect who had sacrificed one of his own floor plans to the contest was of course, Caleb O'Brien, but Ginny hadn't known him at the time, at least not personally.

Ginny really hadn't even wanted to enter the contest. The idea was that each of the designers eligible for the contest got one of the rooms in the house, for example the kitchen or the master bathroom, and they were to put their own creative juices into the design; to make it their own. Then Caleb O'Brien, himself would choose whichever room he liked best, and the designer would be declared the winner. The winner would then be hired into O'Brien Homes as the official Head Designer.

It was quite a big commitment, and Ginny didn't really take herself serious enough to actually believe that she had a chance to win. She didn't want to do all of that work for nothing, either. See, back when she applied and got into the muggle design school, it wasn't as though she were fulfilling a life long dream of becoming a well sought after interior designer. In fact, she had applied to many different kinds of vocational schools, even a beauty school for cutting hair, but Hanes Design School of London, was the only school to accept her, so she just went. Anything to get away from her home and her family; they knew that something had been bothering her from Hogwarts and she could never tell them truly what it was; it was time to get out. Attending some kind of school was the only way to convince her mother that she really needed to move out and closer to London. Somehow, Ginny's plan had worked without a single setback, and in the process, Ginny discovered that she actually had taken a liking to interior design and that she even had that creative and inventive side to herself that would help her to succeed.

Val had actually been the one to pick up and even fill out the application to the contest for Ginny. Really, Ginny had nothing to do with it; and how angry she had been when she realized what Val had done. In the end, though, Ginny had to thank Val for once again knowing what was best for her best friend. She always did.

It had almost been a fantasy, it sounded like some kind of fairytale whenever she told the story, but she couldn't help. They were at the banquet and Caleb was about to announce his decision. All of the designers were sitting at the table across from this stage in the middle of the dining hall; it was one of those dinner parties. There was a podium on the stage and as he gave his speech before his announcement, even though he studied each of them, his eyes kept returning to Ginny. She had felt an instant attraction to him as well, but didn't want to get her hopes up and so she didn't think much of it.

It got to the time of his decision and Caleb called out the winner, who was then supposed to stand up and come greet him at the podium to be awarded in front of the crowd,

"And now to the moment we've all been waiting for, when I announce who has won my competition. First of all, I would like to just say that each room was spectacular, and actually all the rooms complemented each other quite nicely too, I'm not sure if that was planned, but it had quite a good effect, let me tell you," the crowd laughed at this, and Ginny smiled at his charm, "Okay, here we go. The winner with the most inventive room, and also with the new position as Head Designer of O'Brien Homes is contestant number five, the designer of the master bedroom."

Ginny almost didn't stand up at first; she was in shock. When she finally rose to her feet, the crowd roared its applause and Ginny's mouth cracked into a giant and beautiful smile. Caleb was grinning too, like he thought it was too good to be true. He had the prettiest blue eyes, was all Ginny could think as she walked up to the stairs and onto the stage where he was standing. She thought she heard Val making catcalls in the crowd, but she didn't dare look to see if what she heard was real.

Caleb O'Brien took her hand and introduced himself to her. He had to lean in close to her ear, and she to him, so that they could hear each other. It was instant attraction. Caleb had later told her that he knew she was the one right then and there, and Ginny had been completely smitten as well.

After the contest, Ginny got the job in O'Brien Homes like she'd been promised as the winner of his contest. The home was sold for quite a large sum of money, which the contest partly donated to a fund going to schools all over Britain. Not very long after Ginny had started working under Caleb, had they started dating. Ginny was quite aware of how it all looked, and the London press had no problem pointing it all out to her rather harshly, but Ginny had to admit that it did look shady. Many London publications had made claims that they had been sleeping together throughout the entire contest, but everyone on the inside knew it wasn't true. She'd never met him until the night, when she won, and Caleb never knew or came in contact with any of the designers or even any of their designs all throughout the contest. It seemed that Caleb O'Brien and Ginny Weasley were quite famous, but that was never the kind of fame Ginny wanted. She just wanted to make a name for herself.

She quit the job she had won from Caleb only a couple months after she'd had it, but Caleb agreed that it was for the best. They had talked about all of the publicity they'd been getting and Ginny had told him that she wanted to make a true name for herself. The only way she could do that and still be with him was get a job on her own. So they continued dating and they even moved in together and Ginny got a job with another top architect in London, one of O'Brien Homes' competitors. She still had the job to this day, and the fact that O'Brien Homes and Daman Contractors were the two top dogs in the architectural world never ceased to make her laugh.

Ginny rose from the chair she had been lounging in while she'd been lost in thought, once again. She looked down at the phone, which was lying, in her lap and she placed it back on top of the desk. She looked at the clock as she walked toward the bathroom. It was close to four o'clock in the afternoon. She hadn't even been here yet for a full day, and already everything was falling apart. She needed a bath.

The bathroom was beautiful. She'd already seen it this morning, but it still was able to take her breath away. The tile all over the walls was black, but there was a tan accent all over the room and a hint of a peach color in some place, which lightened it up a little. Sadly though, there was no Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom. This actually surprised her, since the place was such a beefy mansion, but what was she going to do about it? She turned on the shower and got in moments later letting the scalding water cleanse her skin.

It didn't seem like even a minute later when she saw Caleb's frame in the doorway. She blushed a little, at how seductive she knew she looked; the shower had a glass door that a person could see right through. Ginny didn't really like to show off what she had very much, it made her feel cheap, after her bar experience, which was ridiculous, but she always got shy in moments like this when she saw the look in Caleb's eyes.

"Hey, baby, cooling off?" he asked her as he too stripped down. He opened the shower door and felt the first sprays of the scalding water.

"Not exactly," she laughed when she saw his shock.

"Damn Ginny, are you trying to kill yourself?"

"Oh, don't be such a big baby. It feels good," Ginny said in as close to a purr as she would ever get.

"You feel good too," he growled as he grabbed her around the waist and brought his lips down to hers.

She obliged willingly. It felt so good to satisfy her body after all of the turmoil it had been through today. She wanted a release from all the passion, even if it was from years ago that had put on such a high. He picked her up in his arms so that her back was on the cool tiles and her legs were around his waist. She moaned at the feelings, but it caught in her throat and she jerked down from the cradle his arms had held her up on. The floor of the shower was slippery from the soap and she almost fell, but Caleb's strong arms held her up.

"Honey, what's wrong with you?" Caleb questioned lovingly, but the question he asked was dreaded above all.

"Nothing," she called back defensively, and she pulled away from his arms.

"Are you okay?" He continued with the questions, but when she turned to him to give him an answer, she saw the admiration and the love in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" It was a test, she knew, but she needed to know what he knew.

"You're all jerky, like something has spooked you or you saw a ghost. I know about ghosts, but I hardly believe there are any here," he laughed and Ginny gawked at him. He was clueless, and Merlin was she thankful.

"I'm fine, love, I just slipped," she shrugged as she rinsed out her hair.

He grabbed for her waist again, and pulled her back up into his arms but she resisted him, "Caleb, it doesn't feel right, doing it here. We're guests in your employer's home, how does that make us look?"

He pondered it for a second and then he seemed to agree. He put her back down on her feet gently and he kissed her lightly on the lips.

"You're right, we have to at least pretend we're mature adults," Caleb smiled and Ginny smiled back apprehensively. He got out of the shower and gestured back toward her, "You'd better get that shampoo out of your hair."

He grabbed a towel and dried himself off as he walked back into their bedroom. Ginny stood still under the showerhead, taking deep breaths. She let the water pour down and didn't even stop it from running down her face, but she did close her eyes at least.

It was childish of them to go at it while they were guests in someone else's home, and especially if they were staying at his boss's home, right? Why else would she refuse Caleb, and when she had wanted it from him all along for that damned release. Something must be wrong with me for turning him down, she thought but maybe it was him that was the problem. It hadn't seemed right, she continued to herself, but she couldn't face her idea of why; it was impossible. Draco is the past; he isn't in my life anymore she screamed to herself. He isn't the reason why I told Caleb to stop; I won't believe it. Harshly, Ginny turned off the spouting water; she was done with thinking for a while.

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