Too Slick to be True

"Dehydrating agents such as Devil's rain, known to Muggles as sulphuric acid, have, among other things, been refined by dark wizards into highly potent poisons."

Snape paused and scrawled the title Dehydrating Agents across the blackboard before turning back to his students.

Snape's eyes flickered over the class. He looked like he wanted nothing better than to force feed every one of them a beaker or two of it. His eyes met with Neville Longbottom's who quickly looked away. Smirking nastily, Snape continued, "Should any of these substances *accidentally* come into contact with, for example, your eyes or skin or-"

Neville let out a high pitched 'eeep' sound, then clamped his hand over his mouth. Snape strode noiselessly towards him.

"Or even, Longbottom, something as harmless as common sugar, it would immediately remove all the water - reducing the afflicted area into a black carbon sludge. The heat given off by this reaction would cause the sludge to rise, and form a cinder like substances with a particularly strong smell."

Harry, who had been scribbling away industriously whilst Snape was talking, was sitting slack-jawed, watching Snape bend over Neville's desk.

Seeing Snape was suitably distracted, Ron whisked the parchment Harry had been writing on off Harry's desk. Reading it, he hastily turned his laugh into a muffled cough and folded it in half.

"Psst, Hermione," he whispered. Hermione looked up as Ron slid a folded slip of parchment onto her desk. Looking pointedly at Harry, who was busy gawping at Snape's arse, he sniggered and pointed to the parchment again.

Curiously, Hermione picked up the note which was, in fact, the first page of Harry's potions notes, thoughtfully filched from his desk by Ron. Carefully unfolding the parchment, she was about to read it when it was plucked out of her hands by the long, potion-stained fingers of Severus Snape.

"Passing notes in class Miss Granger?" he enquired silkily. "Five points from Gryffindor. Each."

Ron's head hit the desk. Repeatedly. "Oh god," he whispered, "we are completely screwed."

"How very astute," murmured Snape. "I wonder what has you so...flustered Mr. Weasley," he purred.

His movements slow and deliberate, Snape shook out the letter and examined it. "This tantalizing missive appears to be from Mr Potter. I wonder what he has to say that could possibly be so fascinating."

Harry, jerked out of his reverie on hearing his name, was frantically searching his desk for his notes. Seeing them in Snape's hands, he tried to escape by discreetly creeping under the table.

Savouring Potter's embarrassment, Snape held the parchment up to the light.

Harry Potter

Snape choked and bit back the biting comments rolling on the tip of his tongue.

Wait, I'm getting to the chorus first. The rest of the song should go like this: